tagReviews & EssaysOn Bulls, Submissives and Men

On Bulls, Submissives and Men

bydeborahsue©

DISCLAIMER: First of all, let me start by stating the obvious; I am not a psychologist, nor a sexuality researcher. I am just a woman who has had various experiences in my life and choose to share them with my readers. So this being said, the reader should take any information provided in these pages as being anecdotal to my experiences and not an exhaustive study in human psychology.

It may have come to your attention that I am a woman, and that I write from the perspective of a woman. This perspective of mine comes with its own biases, tastes, preferences and desires. It is these biases, tastes and such that make me unique from all other women, that and the experiences I have enjoyed throughout the years. Therefore, please accept this manuscript in the spirit it was given. Please also keep in mind that what I write here are merely my opinions on the subject at hand. And without further ado, here we go.

Before I begin in earnest, let's get some definitions out of the way. For the purposes of this paper I will use the Urban Dictionary except in my definition of a man, that I will define in my own terms.

BULL: A sexually dominant male who, for fun or financial gain, cuckolds and humiliates husbands while servicing their wives. This type of male can also be called an 'Alpha' male.

SUBMISSIVE: Characterizes the acceptable play within the SM community: players adhere to safety precautions within their activities, do not participate in practices that will injure their partners (mentally or physically), and obtain consent by negotiating scenes and scene related activities before carrying them out.

Man: The typical male personae in the bedroom, being neither submissive nor dominant, but under certain circumstances can be either submissive or dominant. Characterized by their desire to please and to be pleased.

When it comes to bulls, submissives and the average male women differ in their response to them. Each has their strong attractiveness to women, and also there detraction's. For example, some women love it when a man takes control over the sexual encounter but hate it when they try to take control of other aspects of their lives, like the finances, or the TV. Conversely, a woman may love a man to be submissive in bed, but hate it if it continues outside the bedroom. For me, I prefer the average, everyday kind of male. One who can be dominant or submissive, both in the bedroom and outside the bedroom, a man who can adapt to the situation at hand and seeks out his own desires under the circumstances.

A very close friend of mine who is also in the cuckold lifestyle has a strong sexual desire for the Alpha male in the bedroom. She wants to be man-handled, put on her knees so-to-speak, and dominated by her bull. Conversely, she wants her husband to be docile and submissive during the encounter. She tells me that the juxtaposition between the two gives her a sexual thrill unmatched and that her orgasms equal the thrill. Good for her, I do not judge. But for me, such would be a turn off. And isn't this the point? Each woman is different, wonderfully so, in her desires and the things that excite and turn her on.

A common misconception of the differences between Bulls and submissives is in cock size. The size of a man's cock has little to do with their 'position' as Bull or submissive. A Bull can have a small dick and the submissive a large cock. The relative difference here is in the state of being. A man who is submissive in their relationship is submissive in their minds, it is in their nature, and thus the size of their dick is irrelevant. Same is true of the Bull, he is dominant because it is in his nature to be dominant, the size of his dick is superfluous to his nature.

The size of a man's dick is also largely irrelevant to the discussion of cuckolding. The cuckold could have a small, average or large cock and the lover the same. My tastes lean to the large cock when choosing a lover, but you shouldn't take that as being anything more than my personal taste. Just like my friend whose tastes lie with having a Bull as a lover, her preference is not necessarily commonplace. While the porn industry almost exclusively caters to the Dom/sub genre when it comes to the cuckold lifestyle, this isn't the only way the lifestyle is lived out, not by a long shot.

For many women, the whole idea of a Bull is intoxicating. Think about it from her perspective, here is this lovely, exciting and desirable woman, married to a man who may be submissive or an average male, and she is being 'taken' by a man who is not her husband. The Bull 'takes' her according to his own whims and desires and the wife is allowing herself to be 'taken.' Such can be very erotic to both the wife and the husband. Can you see the enticement? But don't make the mistake in thinking that if there is a Bull then there must also be a submissive, this is not true. There will be a problem if the lover is a Bull and so is the husband. This is true in the animal kingdom as well, there can be only one Bull in a relationship like this, but while the lover is the Bull that does not force the husband into being a submissive.

This can be a problem, especially so when you consider the expectations of the Bull. Many Bulls have an expectancy that the husband will be submissive. It is my opinion that this expectation comes from the porn industry. A Bull will watch porn like any man, and attempt to extrapolate what he sees and think that this is what is expected of him in a cuckolding relationship. An excellent way to handle something like this is through discussing with the Bull what the couple is looking for in the relationship, and if the Bull agrees then everybody involved can have a wonderful time.

The same is true in reverse, if you have a husband that is submissive in the bedroom, this does not necessarily mean that the lover must be a Bull. The lover could easily be just an average male, enjoying sexual relations with another man's wife. Since I have little experience dealing with the psychology of a submissive man, I will let others handle the subject. But suffice it to say having two submissive males, the lover and the husband, seems to me to be a bit of problem, unless it is the wife that enjoys taking on the role of the Alpha male. I suppose I can see the interest in that (evil grin).

While I gave the subject of the submissive male short shrift, please allow me a little more room to talk about those situations that I am much more familiar with, that of two men of average demeanor, one husband and one lover. For me, being man-handled isn't very enticing, so a Bull is not for me. However, there are times that I enjoy being submissive to my lover or husband. I suppose I am like most women in this regard, sometimes I am in the mood to be submissive and sometimes I am in the mood to take control. But most of the time I just want to have fun in the bedroom, frolic around and mess up the sheets. Sometimes I want my hair pulled, other times to have my toes or fingers sucked on. Most of the time I just want to have an orgasm and am perfectly satisfied with that. If my husband or lover seems to be being more aggressive than usual I will go with the flow and see what fun might arise from the encounter. This is the beauty of the average male, he can be all three, in the same night and in the same encounter. Dominant, submissive, pleasing and being pleased, all within 30 minutes of steamy, sweaty pleasure. Fun!

Where I seem to differ a bit from my sisters in the cuckold lifestyle is in my need to have my lover's cock being larger than my husbands. This is something that my husband and I discussed at length before we delved too deep into the lifestyle. It is also something that my husband insisted on. For him, he gets jazzed with the whole mental aspect of his wife being with a man who has a bigger cock. And if you were to listen to him, he would tell you that there is nothing more stimulating for him than to watch his wife getting plowed by a big cock. He would also tell you that it was important to him that my lover have a big cock, and I must admit that I prefer it that way as well.

Now for some there are other considerations as well. For me personally, I need my lover to be a gentleman, intelligent, and most of all not wanting any attachments. Problems arise when your lover starts to have feelings for you that are unwelcome.

Another preference of mine is for black males. While this is off-putting for some, I really enjoy the contrast. My pale whiteness to his ebony, very sexy to me. Especially so when I look down my body to my open legs and can see his big, black cock thrusting in and out of me. And this brings me to another subject, black men and big cocks.

Most black men have average sized cocks, six inches or so. They are no different in this regard than to any other man. The stereotype of the hung black male is damaging to the millions of black men who have average, or below average sized dicks. How would you like to be an average black man and then start a relationship with a new woman and have to deal with that stereotype? Does this woman expect a big cock from me? Will she be disappointed? Will she make fun of me? No, I know I wouldn't want to deal with that at all.

Same would be true of any man with a small dick I would suppose. Many men have a tendency to associate the size of his dick with his masculinity, and this is unfortunate. I have said this before but I think it bears repeating, if a man can get a woman off with his finger, then the size of his dick is largely irrelevant. That said, yes, I do have a preference for big cocks, much like many men have a preference for big tits. But that is all it is, a preference.

So what does all this mean? For the ladies who are reading this you must decide which style of man appeals to you when it comes to cuckolding your husband. Do you want a 'take-charge' kind of guy, one who will make you submit to his whims, or would you be more turned on by a man who is masculine, yet not aggressive? Heck, you may even prefer to have two submissives, which might be interesting in its own way. For me, I want just your average, every-day kind of guy. One who is passionate, patient, a man who cares about my pleasure as much as he wants to be pleasured. I don't want a man who feels it is his duty to emasculate my husband, nor put me in my place.

To the men who may be reading this and want their wives to cuckold them, this is what I would have to say. Picking a man for your wife will most assuredly end in disaster. What if he is not attractive to her? What if the man you chose has a style (Bull, submissive, man) which doesn't suit her tastes? What if she prefers men of average dick size and you find her the biggest cock in the state? It will destroy the experience. If your wife has agreed to the concept of cuckolding, then listen very carefully to what she wants, it most likely will be different from what you would choose. Don't be upset at this, after all, she is the one who will be getting fucked, not you.

As I wrap this up please allow me a moment to tell you what to expect from me in the future. Since I have written a few things, and received many comments from readers, something has come to my notice. While there are plenty of negative comments about the subject of my musings from people who readily post with their Literotica username, most of the most abusive ones come from anonymous posters. Therefore, I will now longer allow comments on my work from those unwilling to at least give their username. If you expect me to be honest about who I am, should I not also expect the same from my readers? Also, as I have gotten many emails and posts from men asking me about how to approach their wives with the subject of cuckolding I would like to say that my next posting will deal with that subject, hopefully with enough depth to please the most desperate of men. Until next time...

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