Probably going to the bathroom, I thought to myself. The most recent karaoke singer finished up. I turned to watch the next victim embarrass themself, and was shocked to find Becky up there. She glanced over at me and saw me looking. She shot me a wink.
After choosing her song, she took hold of the mic and moved to the front of the stage. The crowd grew silent, a first for this bar. Then again, I wasn't surprised. Becky looked absolutely stunning. She tapped the mic.
"This is for a friend of mine," she said. "He's going through a hard time right now. I want him to know that... just because some doors close... that doesn't mean there's not a cute blond with a fetish for pink who thinks about him, and maybe this song... or at least the subject matter, shall we say, waiting behind the next door."
Becky winked at me and started the song. I couldn't suppress the enormous grin when I heard the opening notes of the Divinyls' "I Touch Myself." I turned my chair completely around and watched in amazement as Becky began singing. Not only did she have a gorgeous voice, she had a tremendous stage presence as well. I didn't know if it was natural or just the alcohol - I suspected the former - but she was as comfortable up on stage as she was in the computer lab.
She worked her down to me, grabbed my arm, and pulled me up to the stage with her. I fought her initially, but the crowd was actually clamoring for it. She grabbed a vacant chair from nearby and put it in the middle of the stage. She danced around me and sang, very much at home in front of the crowd. She caressed herself and posed suggestively as the lyrics progressed and changed.
I was completely enraptured, watching her lithe form sway, glide, and jiggle all over the stage and, at times, all over me. She was so incredibly graceful. She owned every inch of her body and used it to its stunning, full effect. My cares and concerns drifted away, consumed instead with an intense desire to be closer to Becky.
As the song wound down, Becky slid up along my right side. She placed her right foot squarely in my lap. She had slipped it out of her shoe and ran it up and down my thigh. Her skirt, which was fairly high to begin with, slid up even further. She slid her foot across my lap, apparently well pleased with the rather obvious reaction she had created. She slid down into my lap, using the back of the chair. She brushed her lips against my cheek. When the song finished, our lips were inches apart.
My heart was practically in my throat. I wanted nothing more than to kiss her. But something inside of me hesitated, and our moment was gone. Becky smiled graciously as she rose off of me. The crowd applauded her emphatically as she used my shoulder as balance to get her shoe back on.
**********
The night air was warm as I walked out of the bar. It was almost 2:00 AM, and the last vestiges of life in the city were finally closing down. The stars were out in force, surprisingly vivid despite the light pollution of the inner city.
Becky and I wandered aimlessly down the sidewalk and stopped only after a few paces. An awkward silence hung between us as our buzzes began to wane. I don't know what was going through her mind. Mine was busy trying to find a reason for this night not to end. I didn't want to go home, didn't want to face reality.
"Well," I began uncertainly. "Today was definitely not what I was expecting."
"Me neither," she agreed.
"You never told me you could sing," I offered, lamely grasping for small talk to keep things alive.
"I can't. You were just so blitzed in there you thought it sounded good."
"No, no, no. I used to be something of a karaoke celebrity back home. Trust me - that was pure talent."
"Uh-huh," Becky said. Were her cheeks turning red? "Somehow I don't think my singing was foremost on your mind. Judging from what I saw anyway."
She looked away, still smiling.
"That doesn't mean I can't appreciate it, does it?" I asked. "I mean, every day at work you come in and I admire how beautiful you are. But I still appreciate your technical skills and your management skills."
Becky's smile grew wider. "Did you just call me beautiful?"
I offered a hesitant nod. "I, uh... I guess so. Is that okay?"
"Yeah - I mean of course it is. I just wasn't expecting it. Usually it's "hot" or "sexy" or something stupid. Never beautiful. I kind of like that."
I stepped closer to her. "It suits you."
She smiled - a wide smile of adoration and gratitude. I became lost in the darkness of her eyes, and the fading bustle of the city dimmed and faded away. I felt my self-control gradually slipping away. I pressed my lips against Becky's. She responded immediately to my tentative move. I felt her hands on my face as she pulled me closer to her. Within moments, I could taste the strawberry daiquiri's on her tongue.
I pressed into her and she slid against the bar's outside wall. The feeling of her tongue against mine was potent and dizzying. I gently withdrew, but remained just inches away. All I knew in that moment was Becky, and how badly I wanted to be closer to her.
"Do you know how long I've wanted that?" she asked breathlessly.
"Maybe we should find someplace we could do it again," I offered, just as breathless.
She nodded and pulled me in for another kiss. This time there was no pretense - our tongues intertwined immediately. The dizziness returned as Becky grabbed hold of my shoulders and turned, shoving me against the wall.After several desperate moments, she broke away.
"This way," she said. She grabbed my shirt and pulled.
**********
I managed to keep my hands and lips to myself long enough to get to Becky's apartment building, but once those elevator doors closed, all bets were off. We were so ferociously wrapped up in each other, I barely noticed the passing of the floors. It was late enough that there were no other passengers; we shot straight to her floor - the number of which escapes me to this day, since I hadn't bothered paying any attention. With kisses that desperate, I couldn't be bothered with such details.
Becky clumsily fumbled with her keys, finally getting the right one and jamming it into the door. She deftly pulled it out and dragged me into the room. I found myself flung against the wall of the small entrance hallway. Becky pressed into me, her breath hot against my mouth.
"Welcome to my place," she said between kisses. "This is the hallway."
I was again pulled, this time down the hall and into the wider opening of her kitchen. I tried to take stock of the room, but Becky's lips had other ideas. "Kitchen," she said as she pulled me through a small door and against another wall. She untucked my shirt, then undid the buttons in just a few swift strokes. Had I been more cognizant at that time, I surely would have been impressed.
"Living room," she whispered as her lips practically bit into my neck. I grabbed her gently by the shoulders and switched places, so that she was against the wall.
"Design it yourself?"
"Most of it."
"It's nice."
We kissed again as I pulled her shirt over her head. I pinned her raised hands against the wall with one of mine, and slid the other down the length of her flawless body. Her breasts were screaming to be released from the pink and white front-clasp bra, and I gladly obliged them. I caressed her form, from her cheek down her neck and over her breasts. My lips soon followed, blazing a wet trail down between her breasts and down her abs.
I stopped for a moment to unclasp her skirt and let it fall to the floor. A thin piece of fabric - pink and white, of course - remained in my way. I kissed Becky's stomach again, making a slow path downward. My hands found the sides of her panties and just as my lips would have touched them, I pulled them down.
I paused then, as I finally admitted to myself the number of times I had dreamed about this moment. I looked up at Becky, whose eyes were full of desperation and desire, and then I took the plunge.
Almost immediately, I felt her fingernails digging into the back of my skull. I lifted her left leg and placed it over my shoulder to permit myself a better angle. Her hips began to grind against me, and her hands urged me onwards. Yet it was her sighs - breathy, high-pitched, sensual gasps - that drove me mad. My inebriation had taken flight, replaced with a lustful drunkenness issuing forth from the sweetness that flowed from between Becky's legs.
I don't know how much time had passed, but I felt Becky's hands wrap around me and pull me up to her. She drove her tongue between my lips as her hands unclasped my belt and pants. They fell to the floor. Becky leapt onto me, wrapping her legs around my waist.
"That way," she gasped.
We tumbled into her bedroom and within seconds Becky had slid my boxers to the floor. Her hands wrapped around me and I felt her lips curl up into a smile as I kissed her.
"All right then," she said.
She turned around and took my hands in hers. She kissed me, then gently stepped forward, pulling me behind her. She crawled up on the bed, still facing away from me, and got up on all fours. She smiled and motioned me forward. I was happy to oblige.
The first moments inside of Becky sent waves of electricity through me. I took it slow at first, relished every second. Becky met my thrusts, throwing herself backwards as I pushed forwards. I braced my legs, held on to her hips, and soon enough we developed a powerful, steady rhythm.
It was at that point that I happened to look forward. There was a vanity directly across the room from us, and we were positioned at just the right angle to see the mirror. The sharp beams of moonlight that cut in through the curtains gave off just enough light to see Becky's face in the mirror. Her eyes seemed to light up when she saw me looking at her. I watched as she gazed lustfully at me through her reflection, and it occurred to me that our location on her bed wasn't accidental.
Eventually, Becky slid herself forward and turned. I was prepared to climb up on the bed, but she had other ideas. She slid down to the floor and took me into her mouth. My knees buckled almost at once as she repeatedly slid her lips around me. My head spun. Wherever her lips weren't, her hands were, and vice-versa. The sensation was so intense I had to grab hold of the footboard of Becky's bed.
After a few minutes of this matchless pleasure, Becky rose to her feet. She pushed me against the bed and I slid up onto it. She crawled on top of me and kissed me all the way back. Seconds later, she impaled herself on top of me. She groaned and stayed low at first. Our lips roamed freely across the others' exposed flesh. I could taste the sweat forming on her bare skin as my tongue sought out her breasts and everything else it could reach.
Finally, Becky's groaning intensified. She sat straight up and began to grind harder into me. She clawed at my stomach, and I could feel the flesh tearing under her nails. With another desperate moan she brought her hands to her breasts and squeezed. Our eyes met briefly and she smiled - I think it was a smile - before she looked behind us, right at the mirror.
I felt her tighten around me and she screamed my name, then collapsed forward and pressed her lips against mine. Her breathing was erratic as her hips ground into me. Finally, the tightening abated and her breathing returned to normal.
"Oh god, Nick," she gasped. "That was... oh god."
She kissed me again, pressed her tongue into my mouth. I felt her slide off of me as her tongue slid out of my mouth, down my neck, chest, and stomach. It slithered around me twice before her lips closed around me. Her hands gripped me firmly, steadily moving up and down in time with her bobbing head. She seemed to so thoroughly enjoy herself, it didn't take long before I couldn't hold back.
I whispered a warning, but Becky didn't care. I exploded in her mouth three times - yet when she finally removed her lips, there was no trace. She finished her work, then sat up and smiled.
"Wow," she said.
"You did say you wanted to help me start the weekend off right," I replied with a grin.
We slid up to her pillows and Becky snuggled up under my arm. I held her close, gently stroking her bare arm. It was at that moment when, somewhere between the state of drunken bliss and sobering reality, between contentedly asleep and unhappily awake, somewhere in those moments before my eyelids finally closed for the night, that I realized... this can't be. This isn't right!
**********
The distant rumble of thunder stirred me from my slumber. In those first few blissful moments, I was back in my bed. Tina was curled up next to me. I was whole. Complete.
The next moments brought with them a room that was vaguely unfamiliar, a bed that didn't feel right, and a body that did not belong to Tina.
I sat up slowly and looked to my left. Becky was wrapped up in a satin sheet that covered most of her torso. Her shoulders and legs were bare. Her lips were curled up in a slight grin, as though she were keeping some secret from the rest of the world. She looked almost angelic.
I staggered to my feet and stumbled out into the darkness of Becky's apartment. The open window shades in the kitchen permitted enough ambient light in to allow me to find the fridge. I helped myself to a beer and looked around the place. It was meticulously organized - everything had its place and was arranged to perfection. Becky had always taken great pride in appearances - a fact I now knew extended into her personal life as well as her work life.
Work life.
What did those words even mean anymore? My work life was over. All the struggling and effort I had put into my job, gone. My home life was over, too. There's no way I could go back to Tina. No way I could trust her again. Kyle had been right earlier: Tina could have come to me and talked out our problems. She didn't. She went elsewhere to get the attention and affection she craved, instead of coming to me. And my work ethic certainly wasn't going to change. Wherever I ended up, if I ended up anywhere, I was going to give my all, just as I always had. We'd be back in the same boat in no time.
So many things had gone wrong. In the course of a single day, my entire world had changed. There would be no easy fix. I didn't even know where to start.
I saw a door in the living room that led out onto a balcony. I opened it carefully, stepped out into the damp night air and found myself quite at home, at least twenty stories high. The balcony provided a stunning view of the city. It was an unfamiliar part, at least from this perspective. Wherever we were, my former office was obviously on the other side of town. Yet I immediately felt the same sense of peace that washed over me every time I looked out of my office window. My life was in shambles, but up here, I was removed from it all. I was outside of it all. And that's how I would figure out where to begin.
The lighting streaked across the sky. The storm was almost upon us. For a split second, I saw the lighting bolt reflected perfectly in the water below.
The water. The river. I followed its winding course until it disappeared into the darkness of the horizon. I knew the river well. As a child, I had lived in a house along its banks. I had swam in it, taken girlfriends down next to it. As far from my home as I had moved, it still seemed very close whenever I would look at the river.
Home.
Was that the answer? Could that be what I was looking for?
I didn't think so. I hadn't left my hometown on the best of terms. There were too many ghosts there. Too many spectres waiting for me.
Besides, what about Becky? Tonight had surely meant something, right? We both had felt it. She had even told me after our first kiss that she'd wanted that for a long time. So had I, I just didn't have the luxury of letting those thoughts in. But now I could. Now, we could have something together.
But what? Workplace flirting and one night of passionate - and quite frankly, incredible - sex didn't mean we were heading for a meaningful relationship. As beautiful as she was, and as much as I cared about her, I didn't know her that well. We usually kept our personal lives to ourselves. We were friends who were closer to acquaintances and as much as I hated to admit it, there wasn't likely to be a future there.
For that matter, as far as I could tell, I didn't have a future anywhere. Not anymore. That had been stolen from me. My faith in the industry had been shaken to its core, and I did not embrace the idea of rushing back into it only to have my job pulled out from under me.
No - I needed time away from all of this. I needed to find out who I was, and what I was really made of. In my heart of hearts, I knew that meant going home.
Maybe it was time to deal with those ghosts.
The storm finally reached the city. The skies opened up and the rain began to fall. I looked out over the sleeping, soaked landscape and bade my city a silent farewell.
It was time to go home.
**********
I looked around my bedroom - well, what was once my bedroom - and felt a tremendous emptiness inside. All of the things that had made that room mine were gone. The computer desk. The pile of laundry I never bothered to put away. A great empty space in the walk-in closet. The lamp from my side of the bed. My trinkets that adorned (Tina would use the words "cluttered up") my night stand. It felt like it was only half a room. Which was fine, I suppose, since I felt like half a person.
I closed the final box. The packing tape made a godawful racket as it was ripped away from the dispenser.
I knew the feeling. I was making the same noise inside my mind at being ripped away from the life I had known.
I felt a presence in the room, and turned to find Kyle.
"Living room's done," he said.
I nodded. "This is the last box, then."
I stared at it for a few moments. I didn't want to move it. Didn't want it to be over. And Kyle, bless his heart... he knew it.
"You want me to take it?" he offered.
"No. I'll do it."
But I didn't. I just stood there.
"You sure, man?"
I nodded, and I heard the floor shift as Kyle departed. I took a look around the room that had been my home. I remembered every moment I spent there: from our first night back from honeymoon to the wild night of passion from 48 hours ago, and every moment in between. Every anniversary. Every Christmas morning. I remembered it all, and each memory sent a sharp pain through my chest.
When I left home to move to the city, I had set out to build a life for myself. To climb the corporate ladder, settle down with a wife, and eventually have a family. For a long time, I felt like I was on my way to success. But I had only been kidding myself.
I had failed. And it was time to put that failure behind me.
I reached down and lifted the box. Turned. Walked out of the room.
The living room was haunted by the ghosts of happier times. Trimming the Christmas tree with Tina. Passionate, spontaneous lovemaking on the couch. And the floor. And my recliner. Quiet nights in with a DVD and a bowl of popcorn. And every one of those moments brought with them the same accusation: failure.
You're a failure. Get out. You don't deserve to keep us.
Broken, I choked down the rising lump in my throat and, through laborious and exhausted footsteps, I finally passed through the door.
I found Kyle waiting behind my car. I put the last box in my trunk and closed it. An awkward silence hung in the air between us.
"Not going to be the same without you," he said.
"I'm sure they'll replace me soon enough," I said glibly.
"I wasn't talking about at work.," he said.
I smiled, but it was forced and painful. "I know."
Share the love
English
