On the Road Away From Her

"I can't! She hurt me too bad! I'm sorry she's in the shape she's in, but she caused all of this when she cheated on me. I'll not come home for her. I'm sorry Glenda, but I don't care enough to try and help her. I only called to let her know I was going to pay off the double wide so the bank would leave her alone. Tell her to get the divorce so we both can move on. It's been over a year since I've had sex and until she divorces me, I won't have sex. I took my marriage vows seriously! Glenda, I miss you and my other family, but I'm going to continue to hide until we're divorced and I'm free and clear without any other obligations to her. She cheated and I'll not pay her so she can have a good life while I struggle. Good bye, Glenda."

I drive back to Lubbock and get my boss to take my money to Western Union for the balance on the double wide. That is the mistake that allows the private detective that my brother Dave hired to find me. Two months after the money transfer, he confronts me outside my boss's office.

"Darryl Glazer, I'm Tom Sullivan. Your brother Dave hired me to find you. I've been looking for you for the last year. You did a good job of disappearing. You shouldn't have let your boss send that money though. That's how I found you. I can't force you to go back to Tennessee, but you need to know Elaine passed away two days after you talked to her mom. When her mom told her you didn't care enough to come back and help her, she locked herself in her bedroom and wouldn't eat or drink. The doctors say she died from heart failure brought on by severe dehydration. Your brother faxed this to me to give to you. Elaine was cremated and after the bank was paid all the debts the two of you had are gone. Your brother would like for you to come home and see your family. You weren't the only one that was hurt by your wife's infidelity. Your brother has lost weight worrying about you, Dr. Carter lost his marriage and position at the hospital, Glenda has lost her life savings trying to care for Elaine, and Elaine lost her life. I don't know what you were trying to accomplish by dropping off the face of the earth, but I'd say you went far beyond what you set out to do."

"I was trying to get away from a cheating wife without getting raped by the legal system to do it. I didn't do anything wrong, but if I'd stayed I'd have ended up paying for her cheating on me and I didn't think that was right and I wasn't going to do it. I'm sorry she's dead and I'm sorry everyone worried about my business to the point it affected them the way it did, but I didn't ask any of them to worry about me or to try and take up the slack from my leaving. I'll see that Glenda gets her life savings back and my brother knew I was alive and well so it's his fault he worried too much. If I had it to do over again, I'd do the same thing. You can go back to Tennessee and tell my brother I'll see him and his family in a few weeks."

I walk to my truck and drive to my RV. I open the envelope Mr. Sullivan gave me and start to read.

"Darryl,

I'm so sorry I hurt you the way I did. The day you saw me with Dr. Carter was going to be the last day I saw him. We only had sex twice and I was feeling guilty the entire time. I let my curiosity lead me astray. I'd never been with a black man and wanted to experience sex with a black man at least once. Dar, he wasn't that much bigger than you and the sex wasn't as good as it was with you. He just fucked me while you made love to me and there is a big difference between the two. I never stopped loving you and I would have been the best wife you could have ever wanted if you'd have given me a chance. I would've aborted the baby before I began to show just to remove any chance of it being his. After you left, I couldn't abort it on the chance it was yours. I gave it up when it came out black and prayed you'd forgive me and take me back. If you're reading this then I'm dead. I didn't want to live if you weren't going to be in my life. I hope you find someone to love and who will love you, but know that nobody will ever love you as much as I did even after you ran away. Goodbye my true love. I hope we meet again someday in another life.

Your loving wife to the end, Lanie."

I thought I had cried all the tears I was going to cry over Elaine, but after reading the letter, I break down and cry for I don't know how long. I go to bed and run my choices through my head. Should I have left the way I did? Could we have worked through her infidelity? Should I have gone home when Glenda begged me to? Then the next wave of questions begin. Can I find another woman to love? Will I love her as much as I did Elaine? Can I even trust a woman after what Elaine did? How screwed up am I anyway?

I finally dose off to sleep and sleep through my alarm. I hook up my RV, drive to my workplace, and tell the boss I'm headed to Tennessee. I drive until dusk and find a camp ground for the night. I drive the rest of the way to East Tennessee the next day and pull up outside Dave's house right at dark. Dave's family sweeps me into the house like I'm the long lost sheep of the family which I guess in a way I am. I eat the first home cooked meal since before I left. The food in those places that advertise home cooking is okay, but nothing beats real home cooked food.

After I count the cash I've been paid over the last 12 months and minus the cost of the truck and RV and the loan payoff, I have $38,000.00 when I get to Tennessee. Elaine had taken care of the income taxes for the year previous and I didn't know what I'd do about this year's, but I still had some time to think about it. I give Glenda $10,000.00 and would have given her more, but she refused anymore. I take the urn with Elaine's ashes to our favorite hunting and fishing places and scatter some of the ashes in these places until they are gone. It is the only thing I can do to try and ease the guilt I feel over her death. I never imagined my plan of getting her to divorce me by running away would lead to her death.

I get laid the week of Christmas. I'm still living in my RV and meet a woman in the camp ground I'm staying in. She resembles Elaine in a lot of ways and I know that is what attracted me to her. The sex is good and we both enjoy it, but she isn't Elaine and I finally understand what Elaine was telling me in her letter. When you're making love to the woman you truly love, it's the greatest sex in the world, and everything else is just fucking. I hope I find another woman to make love to that equals the sex that I had with Elaine.

I'm alone without anyone that I love or who loves me. I keep asking myself if I did the right thing or did I over react. Would Elaine's affair with Dr. Carter have been her one and only time cheating on me? If I hadn't seen them together and she had just told me about her affair, could I have forgiven her? I knew I could never have sex with her again after having seen them together. Those images and the memory of hearing her come for another man wouldn't have allowed me to get an erection let alone have sex with her. I ask you reader; did I do the right thing?