On Thin Ice Ch. 03

"See what?"

"How much Zane loves you. I mean, come on! Jeez, you guys went to prom together, you were practically joined at the hip until he left for New Jersey, even though he went to a different high school. He's also never had a serious girlfriend and you're the first person he calls for everything, never mind that he probably had dozens of women who were closer before you moved."

That was all true. Meg hung her head in her hands. She'd really messed up big this time.

"Don't worry, sweetheart." Joanne leaned down and planted a kiss on Meg's forehead. "Whatever happened between you two, I'm sure you can sort it out."

A loud holler from the living room startled the three of them. They exchanged identical looks of exasperation just as the man of the house walked into the kitchen.

"It smells fantastic in here," Gerald boomed, a broad grin on his face. "Does that mean dinner's ready?"

The women laughed and they all gathered in the dining room a few minutes later for Thanksgiving dinner.

Later that night, after eating way too much food, Meg lay on her bed and stared at the ceiling. She glanced at her clock and sighed. It was only an hour later in New Jersey and she guessed that Zane would probably still be out for the night.

Still, she knew she wouldn't be able to sleep until she spoke to him. Squeezing her eyes shut, she reached for her cell and dialled his number.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Zane."

A silence.

"Zane?"

"I'm here."

Meg winced at his tone. "Happy Thanksgiving."

He gave a short laugh. "Is that what you called for? To wish me a happy Thanksgiving?"

"No. Well, yeah, that and I wanted to...I wanted to say I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"For leaving without telling you. I didn't want you to worry."

"Yeah, well, I got your note. Thanks."

Meg bristled at his sarcastic tone. "I am sorry, Zane. This has been hard for me, all right?"

"Has it? You could have fooled me."

"Stop it. I'm trying to apologize."

"So apologize."

Meg felt tears spring to her eyes. Zane had never spoken to her this way, not even when she'd broken his prized autographed hockey stick. Had she ruined everything for good?

"I'm sorry, Zane."

She heard him let his breath out. "Why didn't you tell me you were leaving?"

"I was afraid you'd talk me into staying."

"Would that be so terrible? Spending the holiday with your best friend?"

He was making her feel worse by the second. "Zane, I-"

"Listen, forget it. I'm at Jonnie's right now and the guys are getting ready to go out."

"Go out?"

"Yeah, there's a new club downtown that Mike mentioned. We thought it would be fun to go out for a change."

Meg didn't know what to say to that. Zane was one of the last guys to jump on the bandwagon for partying, especially in the middle of the season.

"Are you sure that's a good idea? You guys have a game tomorrow night."

"Thanks for the tip. We'll be fine."

Meg was torn between her guilt and irritation at his sarcasm. "It's just, I know you've been having a hard time and all and I wouldn't want you to try to play hungover tomorrow."

Zane laughed. "Oh please. When did you appoint yourself my bodyguard?"

"Don't be like that. I'm just trying to watch out for you."

"Well, don't. You're not my mother."

Meg blinked, taken aback by his tone. "What's wrong with you?"

"What's wrong with you? Why are you even calling me? You're the one who took off."

"For Thanksgiving, jackass!" Meg snapped, at the end of her rope. "It's not like I moved across the country."

"You may as well have."

"I just might if you keep talking to me like this."

"Like what?" Zane barked out a short laugh. "I'm just being honest, Meg."

"So am I. Apparently you can't deal with that."

"I can't?" Zane's laughter died. "I can't deal with it? That's the biggest load of crap I've heard all week!"

Meg stiffened. "What is that supposed to mean?"

Zane sucked in a breath and Meg braced herself for another tirade. Instead, he let out a sigh. "Nothing, Meg. Forget it."

"I'm not going to forget it. You don't get to talk to me like this."

"I could say the same thing to you."

"I haven't changed the way I treat you, Zane. You're the one who's being a jerk right now."

"I have my reasons."

Meg didn't know what to say to that and a silence fell between them. Meg could hear the sound of Zane breathing and the background noise of a full house. Her heart ached and she wished she could see Zane. She'd probably break down and beg for forgiveness and not stop until he took her in his arms. It amazed her how weak he made her feel even though for all these years he'd been the one to make her feel confident.

Maybe I have been in love with him for longer than I thought.

"I should go."

Meg squeezed her eyes shut. "OK. I'm sorry, Zane. I wish...I wish things were different."

Another silence filled her ear.

"Do you?" His voice sounded rougher than before.

"Zane-"

"Forget it. Just...forget all about it. I wish things were different too, I wish I'd never put myself out there so far." He gave a short laugh. "I can't believe I screwed things up."

Meg's heart was pounding hard and she swallowed around the thickness in her throat. She opened her mouth to say something, to tell him that he hadn't been the one to screw things up.

"I guess I'll see you when you get back." Zane didn't even give her a chance to reply before he ended the call.

Meg stared at the phone in her hand until it blurred from the tears in her eyes. Then she curled up under her covers and fell into a fitful sleep.

****

Zane felt like an ass before he'd even ended the call. He'd known even as the words left his mouth that he was being more of a jerk than he deserved to. No matter what had happened between them in the past, they'd never spoken to each other like that before.

With a sigh, he tucked his phone away and turned to see Mike standing at the end of the hall, giving him a knowing look.

Zane scowled. "What?"

"You know what."

Zane shrugged and walked past him but Mike wasn't about to leave him alone. His teammate followed him back into the living room where the rest of their teammates were gathered. Jonnie had a big house - probably because he had three kids - and a kick-ass video game system. Right now, the team had commandeered the video game and were holding an impromptu tournament.

Zane stopped behind the couch and stared at the big flat screen without really seeing the characters being shot up and dismembered.

Mike nudged him with one elbow. "Don't be an idiot. If you keep it up, you'll lose her for good."

Zane shot Mike a pointed look that his friend chose to ignore.

"I may not have known Meg as long as you, but I know you well enough to know that you're torn up over this."

"Over what?"

"Don't make me kneecap you, Z. You know exactly what I'm talking about."

When Zane still didn't turn to face him, Mike grasped his shoulder and made him turn. Zane glared but Mike wasn't about to back down.

"You think I ever had any real interest in her?" Mike's dark eyes narrowed. "You think I'd actually do that to you?"

Zane looked into Mike's face and felt ashamed that he had thought that about Mike.

"Whatever, Z. I'm over that. I just want you to know that I could tell right away that she wasn't available."

Zane felt the heat creeping up his neck. "She's not dating anyone."

Mike cocked an eyebrow at him. "No. But she's in love with you."

Zane shook his head. His recent conversation with Meg had all but convinced him that that wasn't the case. "She's not."

"You don't think so?"

"I know so. Meg's not the type to keep things bottled up." Zane smiled as he thought of all the times she'd let him have it, good or bad.

"It's a little different when it comes to telling your best friend that you love them."

Tell me about it. Zane couldn't shake the feeling that he should have confessed before now. That if he had, they'd have figured things out. Instead, when she'd offered to do the friends with benefits thing, he'd chickened out. And now he was miserable.

They both fell silent and watched the game on the big screen until the battle ended and everyone roared with laughter. In the hubbub, Mike moved closer and nudged Zane's shoulder again.

"Meg is a great woman, one of the most confident people I've ever known. But maybe even she's worried that the man she loves doesn't feel the same way."

Zane faced Mike with wide eyes. He'd never heard his friend speak this way and instead of making him uncomfortable, he understood the logic. It didn't relieve the hurt he felt over Meg taking off for Minnesota without telling him, but it made sense.

"When did you turn into such a sap?"

Mike's face split into a grin. "I'm not. I just don't want to watch you miss anymore shots."

Zane's jaw dropped and he punched Mike in the arm. Mike laughed and stepped back. Then the group around them moved and some of the guys jostled Mike and Zane. They all laughed and got a fresh round of drinks before settling back down for the remainder of the video game tournament.

****

Meg didn't get up until almost noon the following day and she spent much of it in her pajamas with a mug of coffee in hand. Wendy took one look at her haggard appearance and shook her head.

"Just call him."

Meg glared at her sister. "I did. Didn't do any good." She sighed and slumped on the couch next to Wendy. "In fact, I think I made things worse."

"So you probably don't want to watch the game this afternoon, do you?"

Meg groaned and covered her face with one hand. "I totally forgot about it. Something else for him to be pissed about."

"What?"

"I always wish him luck. Didn't even say a thing about it this time."

Wendy rolled her eyes. "Oh please. Now you're just being overly dramatic, Meg."

That may be, but it didn't make Meg feel any better. She sighed and sipped at her coffee without tasting it. Wendy turned the game on and Meg winced when she saw the familiar #9 pass in front of the camera during warm-ups.

As the game progressed, Meg tensed more and more. She could tell Zane wasn't focused and was playing with a sluggish energy that was not like him at all. Guilt pricked at her and she tried to tell herself that it wasn't her fault. Zane was a grown man who made his own decisions and he'd been struggling with his game for a while now.

Still, as he took another penalty, she couldn't help but shake her head.

"I don't think I can watch this."

Wendy glanced over as Meg stood up. "Suit yourself."

Meg wandered the house for a few minutes before crawling back into bed. She picked up her cell phone but there was no change; no calls, texts or messages. With a sigh, she buried her face in her pillow and didn't move until her mother spoke from the doorway.

"Dear, what are you doing? It's after three."

"I know." Her voice was muffled by the pillow.

The bed dipped beside her and Meg lifted her head to give her mother a weak smile. Joanna placed a gentle hand on Meg's leg.

"Meg, why are you so unhappy?"

"I'm sorry, Mom. You guys haven't done anything." Meg sat up and brushed hair off her face.

"Is it because of your quarrel with Zane?"

Meg had to smile. Her mother had a way of making things seem less worrisome than they were. "Yeah."

"Sweetheart, you guys have always managed to work through things in the past. That's how you've managed to stay friends for so long." Joanna shook her head with a smile. "My goodness, you've been friends longer than most people have been married!"

Meg laughed. "I know that. Things are just...different with Zane now."

"Why? What's different?"

Meg shrugged as heat flooded her cheeks. She'd never been able to have those conversations with her mother before and she wasn't about to start now.

"Do you love him? Has that changed?"

Meg's eyes snapped back up to her mother's face and she shook her head. "Of course not. I'll always love him. He's my best friend."

"Then stop hiding out in your room and tell him that. Pick up the phone and call him."

"Mom, he's playing a game right now."

"So leave him a message. Or, what is it you kids do nowadays...text? Do that."

Meg laughed and leaned close to hug her mom. "Thanks, Mom, but I think Zane and I had better talk face to face and I'm not back there until Sunday."

Joanna nodded. "Well, why don't we call the airline and see if we can get you on a flight tonight. Or tomorrow morning."

"What?" Meg gaped. "No, Mom. I just got here."

"And you're miserable. You can't enjoy yourself until you sort this thing out with Zane."

Meg hung her head. "I don't mean to miserable, Mom."

"Oh, sweetheart, I know that." Her mother pulled her close for a hug. "I'm not blaming you. It's never easy to be apart from the one you love and add whatever fight you had to that, well, I understand."

Meg let herself sink into her mother's familiar and comforting embrace for a few minutes. Joanna rocked her a bit and stroked her hair back from her face, just like she used to when she was a child. Then Meg let her breath out and straightened.

She wasn't a child anymore and her relationship with Zane had changed. But she'd be damned if she was going to let one stupid fight come between twenty-five years of friendship.

"You've decided what to do?" Joanna grinned.

Meg nodded. "I have. Starting with a shower."

Her mother laughed and stood up. "I'll leave you to it then. Just let me know when we need to take you to the airport."

****

The game on Friday afternoon was rough and Zane had only himself to blame. He and the guys hadn't gone clubbing like he'd told Meg they would but they had all stayed up way too late playing that ridiculous video game. Zane wasn't the only one dragging his ass across the ice the next day. The coach let them have it during the first intermission and there were numerous hand gestures and curse words thrown around.

Zane hung his head from where he sat between Mike and Adam and took the coach's words to heart. They were playing like juniors and they did need to pick up the pace. Zane was still struggling with shots on goal but that was minor compared to the turnovers his line had been a part of in the neutral zone during the first period.

The second period was slightly better but by the middle of the third, they were all exhausted. Zane had managed to put a couple points up but his shots still couldn't find the back of the net. During the post game interviews, he was asked about it and couldn't do anything but shrug and shake his head.

"I don't have any excuses," he said and wiped the sweat from his brow. "I'm taking shots and my line is setting up some fantastic opportunities but I just can't make it go in."

"You've been without a goal for eight straight games now."

Zane stared at the reporter, feeling the man's words like a knee to the groin. Has it been that long?

"Are you finding that the longer you go without a goal, the harder it is?"

"I don't know about harder and until now, I didn't realize it had been eight games."

"Do you struggle with the mental aspects more?"

Zane frowned and shrugged. "I don't think so. I mean, today was a rough game for all of us. It wasn't just me out there struggling. We were having trouble finding chemistry as a whole team."

"So you'll keep working on your scoring opportunities?"

"I don't ever stop working on it."

"Do you feel added pressure since you're one of the top scorers in the league and you're expected to produce for the team?"

"I've never thought of it as pressure. I certainly don't get that feeling from my team and my coach. They just want me to do what I can. I've had a few points and I set up plays and that's been working for the most part."

The reporter nodded and made another few comments before sending things back to his counterparts in the studio. Zane nodded and thanked the man before heading off to join his teammates in the locker room.

After changing and making himself comfortable on the bus, Zane pulled his phone out. He was surprised to see a message waiting and he was even more surprised when Meg's voice filled his ear.

"Zane, it's me. I know you're playing and that's fine. It's probably better because when I actually talk to you, I forget myself and say stupid things." She paused and gave a little laugh. "Not that you make me stupid but I've been saying and doing stupid things ever since...well, you know. Anyway, I tried to apologize last night but you were being a jerk so I don't think you believed me. I am sorry I took off without telling you. I should have made time to at least call you or something but this had been hard for me. I didn't think you had any expectations of me and I thought I didn't either. I was wrong." She paused again and Zane heard her draw in a breath. "I shouldn't be saying all this over the phone. I'm trying to catch an early flight back to New Jersey so I'll hopefully see you tomorrow night. Oh shoot. You'll be in Philly. Well, whatever. I'll see you when you get home then."

Zane listened to the message twice more before putting his phone away. He didn't realize he was smiling like a fool until Mike nudged him with an elbow and pointed at Zane's face.

"What's with the goofy grin?"

Zane turned to his teammate. "What?"

"You're smiling like someone just handed you the Rocket Richard trophy."

Zane laughed and shook his head but he didn't respond to Mike.

"Oh come on, Z. You're just gonna leave me hanging?"

"I think I am."

Mike sulked for a minute as the bus rolled over a bridge. "Well, it must be something to do with Meg."

Zane whipped his head around to stare at Mike. "Why do you say that?"

"Because lately, you've only had that look on your face when Meg is mentioned."

"Really?"

Mike just raised his eyebrows before plugging the earbuds in and turning his music on. Zane turned back to look out the window and smiled as he let his thoughts wander.

Meg was coming home early. She was coming home early just to see him. Why wouldn't he be smiling?

****

Zane had never been so eager for a game to be over. They were playing hard to keep up with the Flyers in Philadelphia and Zane was getting more shots on goal in the first period than he had in the entire last game. Still, he knew his mind was focused on his desire to get home to Meg. It was foolish and he'd never allowed himself to be so distracted before. If he wasn't careful he'd end up sandwiched against the boards or worse.

"Z, man, you have to pull it together." Adam was breathing hard on Zane's right side following their first shift of the second period.

"What do you mean?"

"You're playing like...I don't know, like you're looking over your shoulder for something."

Yeah, for the time to wind down so we can get the hell out of here. Zane frowned and berated himself for even thinking that. He needed to focus and give it his all. It wasn't fair to the team that he was letting himself be so distracted.

When he swung his skates over the boards for his next shift, he vowed to do better. All his teammates had really turned up the intensity for this game and the Flyers were already starting to falter.

Zane took off up the ice with the puck as it slapped into his stick. He took a shot, it was deflected wide and the players from both teams shot after the puck. The Flyers scrambled and the Devils pressed hard. Another shot sailed towards the net and this time, the lamp lit behind the goalie.

"Yeah!" Zane couldn't help but holler as he skated towards his teammates. He hadn't scored but it didn't matter. A goal was a goal.

The game continued and Zane managed to push Meg to the back of his mind. It was a good thing too since the Flyers were getting real chippy. They took a few penalties that had even Zane shaking his head.