One More Time Ch. 09byJKendallDane©
Life changes and serious questions for Brad
The next year became a jumble of 'same old, same old' familiarities mixed in with new spheres of experiences. It seemed as if every part of my life was a combination of both old and new. I tried to present an 'in total control' persona, but it was mostly a facade since I often felt as if I was on a never-ending roller coaster ride.
I still was expected at Derek and Lacy's for dinner at least once a week, and continued to suffer through the 'Let's watch my new porno' foreplay game almost every time. After Lacy had finally managed to get Derek to replace the archaic death-trap couch, I even began to spend an occasional night there after playing cards real late. More than once I had laid there and whacked off when the noises from the bedroom got a little too loud, or when Derek boned me up and bringing back memories by strutting naked through the living room to snatch a needed post-coital towel or wash cloth from the bathroom. In so many ways, nothing had changed between he and I, except that I wasn't the one he turned to any longer when needing relief. On a happier note, Lacy and I continued to build on our own friendship and became like brother and sister almost. Because of the happy life she was evidently providing Derek, I had grown to really like her.
School was going well even though I had declared a second major in finance after discovering I enjoyed the courses and was told by a professor that I had a natural talent for it. It would add an additional summer semester to my schedule, but I figured the trade off of having more career opportunities would be worth it. While Derek seemed very satisfied with the grocery business, I wanted something more. Classes also gave me the chance to keep up some semblance of social contact, although I rarely mixed off campus with the other students who were most all at least three or four years younger than me.
Working at the Krogers had become almost drudgery to me. The tedious routine of any job outside of management just didn't hold my attention. Like KSU, the socialization factor was there, but very limited also. Besides Derek and the occasional hook-up with Jeremy, I pretty much left work, at work.
I did expand my sexual pursuits a little though and maybe once every couple months would go home from someone at the bar. I couldn't quite nail it down for certain...whether it was still a slightly flickering torch for Derek, a smoldering interest in more than fuck-buddy status with Jeremy, or just my own deep rooted desire for something monogamous...but I always felt guilty after a one-night stand. I wanted the physical closeness, but I coveted the emotional bond even more. 'Dating' at the bar seemed to be considered to be anything that involved both of you remembering the other guy's name the next day, and that just wasn't me. Jeremy and I had talked about it after a particularly good romp in the sack one night, and his cynical solution was far too simple: "Just hit the glory hole in the second floor library bathroom when you need something besides your hand and you can't find me." I painfully confessed to him that I had given in to that temptation once and felt like complete trash afterwards. I didn't admit however, that I wished he and I had something a little more resolute than friends that got naked together on a regular basis.
It was just after spring semester mid-terms when the biggest change happened. My money and banking instructor slipped me a notice that was supposed to be posted on the summer jobs bulletin board. It was for an internship with the one, still locally owned, independent bank. "It is actually an open position they are hoping to fill with someone that wants to stay in Kent after graduation," was his explanation. "Check it out, Brad. With your dual major, you would be a natural and the president is a golf partner of mine. Would be happy to give you a good reference." Less than three weeks later, I was giving notice to my store manager that I was taking the offer they had made me to start the first week of June. Of course I had told Derek first, and his response was more than supportive.
"I was always hoping you would stay here in town and this is perfect. This way, we can keep things as they always have been, buddy." I didn't let it show, but internally my eyes rolled several times over at that line. Things would never again be 'as they had been' and I knew it as well as Derek did even though he would never admit it. After nearly six years, Derek still conveniently avoided any mention or apparent recollection of what all our friendship had once included.
My final day at Krogers culminated with an loosely organized farewell barbeque at Derek's. More employees than I thought would showed up, but the promise of free food and a pony keg probably played a part in that. We all seemed to have a good time eating, drinking, bull shitting, and just sitting outside on the grassy slope of the lake edge. By the time the crowd was down to just me, Derek and Lacy, Jeremy, and a few other younger guys from school hanging on for the beer, I was feeling a healthy buzz.
"Looks like the couch for Brad tonight, honey," was the line I heard Lacy utter.
Derek was sitting beside me and chimed in with a poking, "Yeah, he was always a lightweight when it came to beer. Better go find him his favorite pillow." He then pulled me into a half bear hug and added, "Maybe get him a second one in case he is horny too."
"Fuck you both," I jokingly tossed back. "I'm not up for listening to Lacy use the whips on you tonight. I will just walk to my place and come get the truck tomorrow."
As everyone laughed, Jeremy came to my rescue...sort of. "I stopped drinking over an hour ago so I'm in good shape. I'll take the lush to his place and put him to bed." He was sitting on the other side of me and everyone else missed the wink he gave me in the dark, but I didn't. I felt the stirring in my loins knowing damn well what 'put him to bed' probably meant...especially when I felt his hand covertly slide up under the back of my shirt. Derek still had his arm wrapped around me and Jeremy was all but brazenly feeling me up at the same time. My slightly impaired mind began racing with the insane fantasy of both of them at the same time, while also trying to decide if I could get up and walk without my erection showing too badly in the tight shorts I was wearing.
"Get me outta here then, Jeremy," I declared as I rose from the grass. I still think to this day, that the grin Derek gave me as he bear-hugged me goodbye, was from feeling my hard bone up against him. The almost knowing wink that came with it was a telltale sign that he knew something was up with Jeremy too. "Dammit, someday I have got to talk to him about being gay!" Even though I tasked myself with that thought, I also knew it wasn't going to happen any time soon. I think I was as afraid of the potential repercussions as he most likely was of me ever bringing it up. We both had our own set of reservations and quite honestly, I accepted staying in the closet so deeply not because of a fear of rejection, but because I knew he had so much more to lose.
Derek was busy trying to politely shoo away the other partiers when Jeremy and I crawled into his car. Even before we pulled from the driveway, his hand was on my thigh. "Hope you want some company tonight, Brad. It's been a couple weeks ya know." Even if I could have fought the seductive smile on his face, I couldn't have said no to him as his hand moved up to cup my box. "You seem like you are in the mood too."
My hand moved to his lap and found him as hard as I was. "For you...always," was all I offered as I rubbed his bulge while he drove. Even though it only took a few minutes to get to my place, it was more than enough time to have us both ready for something besides sleep.
* * * * *
We didn't even bother with any lights and we pawed at each other while walking straight to the bedroom. We stood next to my bed and made out like teenagers as we started pulling each other's clothes off. My lusting hands had him down to just his boxers quickly. Jeremy pulled his tongue from my mouth as he tossed my polo to the floor and unsnapped my shorts before he pulled away from me. "Light a candle and finish stripping down, Brad. I'll go grab us a couple of drinks from the fridge." I was naked and spread across the bed when he returned. Having shed his underwear somewhere along the way, he came back into the room as bare as I was, totally hard and carrying two cans. I burst out laughing when he declared, "Room Service." I snorted when he sat the cans to the side, grabbed his cock and added, "Two Cokes and a midnight snack...right sir?"
I pulled myself up on my side and waved my own pole at him and replied, "That's right...and have I ever got a tip for you for filling my order so correctly." My hand closed around his shaft and guided it to my lips as if Jeremy was a giant pull toy. My eyes shifted up to his as I took a swipe of my tongue across his seeping slit. "Mmmm...tasty little dessert you brought," was my next contribution to the ongoing bad lines we were using on each other.
I had just taken him half in my mouth when he cut loose with one last one. "Hope you like cream filled. It's all we had left this late at night."
Before I could come up with a witty response, Jeremy covered my ears with his hands and began to push deeper into me with a tranquil thrusting of his hips. Without missing a hip stroke to my face, he reached down and began stroking me. I moaned best I was able to with him filling my mouth and tugged at his low hanging nuts with one set of fingers while poking at his ass flower with the others. Like the rest of our couplings had become, there was no discussion or hints of what was to come. No 'top or bottom' questions. No 'Just wanna 69 tonight?' inquiries. No negotiated positions. We just let things play out and whoever took the final incentive or however we ended up was fine with both of us. Since discovering that I was a lot more versatile than I had thought I would be, finding someone as equally comfortable with an 'anything also' approach to making love was the ultimate in a sexual partner. Helping me realize that was just one of the many reasons that Jeremy had been so needed in my life at the point he entered it.
Jeremy effortlessly shoved me to my back as he crawled in bed with me finally. His lips finally took my throbbing rod and he continued fellating me as he repositioned. Just as I was about to retake him in my mouth, he shifted and planted his balls under my chin with his ass pinned to my face. I felt his throat seize my cock and that caused me to take the deep breath that was needed when I fastened my lips to his rosebud. Using both hands, I pushed his cheeks apart and began to feast on his entry way. My tongue darted in and out and my teeth gently gnawed on his ring which; I had previously discovered one night; made him a wild man. It only took a few more minutes of us each orally gratifying the other, before another mattress shuffle occurred.
Jeremy was in my face when he feverishly declared, "Son of a bitch, you eat ass like no one else ever has. You know what that does to me, Brad." He grinded his hips into mine and smothered my lips with his, almost sucking my tongue out by the roots when I stabbed into his mouth with it. He knew my body as well as I knew his and used his fingers to tweak my nipples to heighten my excitement. Knowing what we both now wanted that night, my hand was busy on his firm rump and my index finger was working its magic inside him. His neck was at an almost impossible angle as he stayed persistent with his kisses even as I got him to roll over with his back to me. I snugged up against him and slathered his begging lips with my tongue while working the tip of my dick against his hole at the same time.
Jeremy's body shifted backwards into me and he whimpered, "Please, Brad. Please take me like I need you to." His hand was working himself and he continued to mash tighter to me. The twitching he was doing was as if he was trying to will his ass to inhale my cock like a shop vac. I was nuzzling on his neck when I finally penetrated him. His head jerked back into my nose as I entered more rapidly than normal. "OH! FUCK! YES!" flew from his lips as I pulled back and rammed into him from behind. When I felt my cock head bump his hot button, I let it lay there for a moment and went back to kissing his neck. Finally, he caught his breath and began stroking himself again. "Give it to me like the man I am and the man you are stud," he commanded as his hips started to work on me in reverse.
I turned his face to me and asked, "You sure?" I got nothing but a nod of the head and a huge smile back before he began kissing me with deep passion. With that go-ahead signal, I picked up the action of my own hips and reached down to massage his balls while he pulled on himself. Jeremy moaned in my mouth and we both picked up the pace even more. He was willingly taking every one of my hard thrusts and giving me one back at the same time. My full nuts were spanking the back of his thighs as I humped him like I never had. The noises he made were totally new and at first worried me; but the way his butt kept bouncing into me said that he was definitely not wanting me to ease up. I slipped my free arm under him and then brought the other one up to bear-hug him to me as my hips went into overdrive. My tongue exited his mouth and I started twisting both his nubs into hard little pieces of flesh on his pecs. "You like it nice and hard, don't you babe?" I proffered as my humping reached pistoning stage.
"Sure do stud...and a couple more slams like that and I am gonna blow like Mount St. Helens." The look on his face was of shear pleasure. "Don't you dare let up Brad...I am right there on the edge baby," was accompanied by additional backward jolts just before his eyes snapped shut.
My nuts rumbled as Jeremy's cavity cinched tighter on me. I took one final slam into him and before I could finish crying out, "Me too, lover," my built up load dumped deep inside him. His own unintelligible cries of relief followed a millisecond later and I felt the sticky warmness of his multiple spews drenching the arms I still had wrapped firmly around him.
Following a few minutes of after-sex necking, we settled back, propped up against our pillows. Without saying a word, Jeremy handed me one of the cans of Coke and opened the other for himself. I had thought the new job was going to be the biggest change in my life for the year, up until the moments that followed.
We would have normally instantly cuddled up together talking...teasing and kissing each other just enough to pretty much ensure an encore performance after a little rest break...but the serious-as-hell look that appeared on Jeremy's face that night was new territory for me. He pulled back slightly when I attempted to play with his deflated cock, took a big sip of the soda, and then asked, "Did you actually use the word I think you did when you came, Brad?"
I unsuccessfully racked my brain for a audio replay of those final seconds. For all I knew, I could have yelled something totally insane like 'Geronimo' or 'Touchdown' or 'Bombs away.' The look that must have been on my face told Jeremy I was clueless.
"You called me 'lover' Brad." The tone that came with the assertion was one that was so non-committal that I wasn't sure what to say. "Do you even know you said that?"
"Maybe I did...heat of the moment you know." That and a smile was my attempt at any kind of explanation until I knew where this little dialogue was headed.
He took another pull on his Coke and then looked at me with an expression that provided no hints of what he thinking. His free hand finally settled on the inside of my thigh and he managed to stammer out "We need to talk about that term, Brad."
I took another sip of my soda and let my hand rest just above his knee. "If I somehow committed a cardinal sin by saying that, Jeremy, I'm sorry."
He gently squeezed by leg and smiled. "Not at all, Brad...it's just that you know what I told you when we first started this craziness last year. I wasn't looking for a full time boyfriend and you said you weren't either."
I nodded my head and moved my hand a little higher on his leg. "Right," was all I provided as I waited for him to keep directing the conversation. Instead, he paused to finish his Coke and set the empty can on the night stand. I drained the last of mine also as the silence began to really worry me. "I won't ever do it again, Jeremy," I decisively stated.
He surprised me by chuckling and pulling me tight to him. "You don't understand at all, Brad. It's not that I am upset or want you to be paranoid about ever saying it again." Our eyes were fixed on each other as he continued. "In a lot of ways, I have seen us as boyfriends for the last few months. I know you haven't been out screwing around and believe it or not, you have been the only guy I have been with for close to four months. We make out and screw like lovers, so the term isn't one that doesn't fit and to be avoided. It's just that I don't think you are prepared for all the implications that comes with it...or are really ready."
I stared back into his gaze. "What the hell do you mean by 'not really ready'...I know what the rules would be."
Jeremy chortled again and then went back to the somber expression. "It's not about 'rules' or 'moving in together' or all the other silly shit that comes with a relationship beyond fuck buddy. Don't get me wrong, Brad. I love you too in so many ways, but there is much more to this...to an 'us' situation...than letting the word 'lovers' describe it."
I nodded my head again and snuggled up against him. "So explain what my closeted ass is missing, Jeremy."
He smiled and brushed the hair off my forehead. "You are such a sweet guy, Brad. So worldly and talented and yet so damned innocent at the same time. You are smart as hell, but still so inquisitive and wanting to learn more. You are a tiger in bed whether it is raw fucking or making love with passion beyond compare. In so many ways, you are a dream of every gay guy."
I hugged him tight and mumbled, "I hear a huge 'but' coming."
He hugged me back and brushed his lips over mine softly. "Yes, Brad, there is a 'but' and the worst part about it is, I am not sure you are even ready to hear WHY you aren't ready for the commitment...at least not with me." His strong voice had suddenly grown timid as he stopped and looked at me with a combination of trepidation and concern. "I don't want to hurt you and push you too fast."
"So we solve that real easy by putting this whole discussion on hold for a month or two. It's not like I said that word expecting you to take it so serious. I know neither of us is ready to pledge our lives to each other forever and ever, amen!"
"That's not necessarily totally true, Brad. We have been acting like lovers for a time now and quite honestly, I am surprised the word hasn't popped out of one of our mouths before tonight. I am very comfortable being exclusive with you...call it boyfriends, lovers, monogamous bed buddies, whatever. I just want us both prepared for the emotional requirements and the strains that come with it. 'Love' isn't a word you just toss around you know."
Still being very confused at Jeremy's roundabout speech, I simply said, "Yes, and you don't think I can tell you that I love you and not mean it?"
"I have no doubt at all that you can. You have before in fact, much the same way as 'lover' slipped out when you blew your load. We have both used it but just never dwelled on what it really meant to each other. Now we are."