Only If You Want

Had the schoolkids of Hazelwood High ever met Phil Love and Olivia Wilde, no one would have guessed that the two would be friends. 'Incongruent' didn't do them justice - whereas Phil was a groomed, well-dressed, preppy fit Student Council President, Olivia was one with the shadows. A baggy hoodie, messy shoulder-length black hair and a quiet disposition was enough to suit her. The only thing she would ever be president of was Council of People Who Didn't Want to be President of Anything.

And yet, in their final year, as if an act of divine inspiration, the two happened to click. It was nothing large at first - Phil was returning a textbook he had borrowed from the school library, when he spotted her sitting alone on the library's barely-used couch.

Something about her struck him. He couldn't see her face, but her body language was practically yelling, "Not interested." She was hunched up, her relatively small frame contained in a much smaller shape than needed. Phil loved a challenge - perhaps it was the easily-seen lack of availability that made him want to try.

He may have been popular, but he was still in high school - new encounters were still slightly awkward for him. It took him several half-steps forward before he finally cleared his throat.

Then once more. She remained unmoved, not looking away from her book. Phil huffed inwardly - now that he began, he couldn't back down, even though he had no clue what compelled him so strongly to do this in the first place.

"Nice book." he began. "Carrie, huh? What's it about?"

The girl was silent for a few seconds. "A girl with special powers that hurt people, which she doesn't use until the people at her high school annoy her too much." she said with a surprisingly low, surprisingly calm voice. She lowered the book, allowing her brown eyes to stare holes through Phil's.

"Woah." Phil found himself muttering out loud. He ran a hand through his short red hair, almost nervously. As Student Council President, he was used to enjoying a position of inherent power over other students. Whenever he didn't have one, he would seek one - it was pretty much his hobby. Having a girl, much less a girl who had a misleadingly cute and innocent face - beautiful brown eyes, black hair framing her cute, childish face perfectly, and what he bet would have been a beautiful smile - reject his advances was a new sensation to him. It was a sensation that only made him want to try harder. "Do you relate to the character?" he attempted to joke.

She shrugged. "A bit."

Phil waited for her to elaborate, but it was clear that wasn't going to happen. "How?"

"She's a shut-in like me."

"A shut-in? You mean like shy?"

She put the book down. "I'm not shy. I'm introverted. I'm fine having this conversation and I'm fine being myself in front of you. I just like being alone."

A beat of silence followed. "Am I intruding?" Phil asked, figuring he should at least be polite.

She stared at him for a couple seconds. "No. If you have nowhere you need to go you can take a seat if you'd like."

Phil smiled to himself. To him (and he was willing to bet money this was true for her too), this was a game. A game he was all too happy to play. Wordlessly, he sat beside her as she resumed her reading.

"So..." he began, noting he had a lot less confidence than usual. "What's your name?"

"Olivia." she replied immediately.

"Olivia, great." Phil nodded his head. "Do you know who I am?"

"How many times has 'I'm student council president' worked as a pick-up line for girls?" Olivia asked, looking him dead in the face. She then smiled sweetly, the first time she did so to Phil, sending a shiver down his spine. "Or is this purely a friendly thing that you do to guys too?"

Phil liked to believe he was a guy prepared for anything, but as he attempted to spill any of several less-than-truthful answers out of his mouth, barely any came. "N-no, it's nothing like that." he sputtered.

"Really?" she asked, challenging him. "You don't just want me to go out with you or have sex with you or something?" She now had her book down and was intently looking him in the face.

Phil had no idea what to make of this girl. She wasn't confident, she was just direct. If hey knew any better, he may have even said forward. "I just want to get to know you." he replied, a little less confidently than he wanted.

"I'm sure 'nice book' tells you all about me." she rebutted. She never scoffed, never spoke with a sassy tone, she just kept it even and almost monotone the whole time, whereas Phil was struggling to even approach the same level.

"Well, okay... What's your favorite color?" Phil asked.

Olivia shot him a look. "Blue." she replied as she got up.

"Oh, do you have to go?" Phil asked, noting her sudden change as she reached for her backpack.

"No," she replied as she left. Just like that, it was over. Phil sat for a while longer, collecting his thoughts. The whole school knew him, and appreciated him, and yet here she was. He reasoned to himself that she was part of the introverted community that didn't care about the extroverts of the school - maybe even a kingpin figure in the introvert community. Presuming they had a community, if they could bother to meet up and talk to each other enough to form one.

Whether it was intentional or not, Olivia Wilde had now won over the interest of Phil Love. And Phil always got what he wanted.

***

Phil had finished up with everything he had to do that day, a bounce to his step. Things were going well in his life. He had recently gotten to go to the Halloween dance with his dream girl, and nothing was standing in his way, for once. He didn't want to jinx things, of course, but then again, what was there to jinx? He was the top dog, the head honcho. There wasn't a student alive in the school who had more power than him.

Phil opened his locker, absentmindedly whistling to himself. He checked his watch - 4:12pm. He let council off early today, knowing how much they'd appreciate it, and him. The council looked up to him, and liked him as a leader. Some days Phil was more humble, but god damn, it felt good to have power.

As Phil walked down the hallway, going towards the east exit, he noticed something odd. His whistling didn't sound right. He stopped whistling while keeping up his pace for only a moment, to realize why - he was in the music hallway, and someone was in the main rehearsal room, playing the piano. Unable to vanquish his curiosity, he walked up to the room's door and peered in through the window.

A girl was sitting at the piano, facing away from him, playing some piece he couldn't recognize. He could recognize the girl though - Olivia.

The piece she was playing felt curious. Literally, if music could embody curiosity, this was the piece. A little bitter and sad, but mostly a feeling of unnerving atmosphere with a feeling to drive on. Each note felt surprisingly perfect, and each second would have pulled any on-listener into the song more. Phil found himself smiling at what he was hearing, despite it being muffled through the walls. He couldn't help himself as he opened the door and entered.

Upon hearing the door open, Olivia abruptly stopped and whirled around to face him, an uneasy look on her face.

"Didn't mean to startle ya." Phil confidently remarked as he walked in, shutting the door behind him.

Olivia didn't say anything. She just stared at him, her expression not changing.

"I take that silence as 'I know students aren't allowed to stay in band room after four.'" Phil broke the ice as gently as he could.

"Are you a hall monitor too?" Olivia finally said something.

"Nah." Phil replied. "Besides, with the way you acted, I'd say no hall monitor has stopped you before."

He was hoping Olivia would smile at that, but instead, she simply got off the bench and reached for her backpack.

"Hey, wait." Phil interjected, taking a couple steps forward. "I, uh..." He waited until Olivia took her gaze from her backpack and stared at him. "I really liked what you were playing. What's the name of the piece?"

Olivia stopped reaching for her backpack as her gaze fell back to the piano. "I haven't given it a name yet." she finally said softly.

"You're kidding." Phil replied, breaking into a grin. "You're fucking kidding. You made that?! You're talented!"

"Thank you." Olivia simply said back.

"I know this kinda sounds strange, but would you... would you keep playing it?" Phil continued.

"Aren't I not allowed to keep playing after four?" Olivia asked him, no trace of accusation in her voice.

Phil blew a raspberry. "Who's gonna find out? Who's gonna care?"

Olivia stood uncomfortably, before dropping her shoulders. "Okay." she said, almost to herself, as she sat back down and began to play. A few notes in, she hit a wrong note.

Phil softly walked over to the stool near the drumset, conveniently close to the piano, and sat down. "Are you nervous?" he asked her.

"Yes." she immediately replied.

"Why?"

"I don't know what it is you want from me, and I've never played this in front of another person before." she replied, in a mixture of timidness and aloofness.

Phil opened his mouth to immediately retaliate to the first point, with something like, 'What do you mean, what do I want from you?' when he suddenly thought to himself. What did he want from her? He knew she piqued his interest, but that was before he got to dance with Nicole Baker on Halloween. Still, just one dance didn't mean they were a couple... did he want to take a chance with seeing if he could do something with Olivia? He didn't even have to date her or anything, he could just be open to her and ask if she wanted benefits later. He read somewhere once that shy nose-in-a-book girls were the horniest and kinkiest... a sex story told him that, but hey, why would they distort the truth?

"You've already played it in front of me." Phil found himself saying. "I'd like to hear it again, is all." He rediscovered where he was sitting and gestured to the drumset. "Hell, I could even give you a metronome if you want."

"You play the drums?" Olivia asked.

Phil nodded confidently. "Have been for the majority of my life. I assume you've been playing the piano for a while?"

Olivia nodded. "Since I was five."

"Show me what you got then." Phil challenged her, looking her straight in the eye. His foot found the foot pedal and he began to give her a 4/4 beat, at 100 beats per minute.

"That's the exact time scale I was using for the song, wasn't it?" Olivia asked him.

"If my ear is correct." Phil nodded.

Olivia moved her hands to the keys, nodding in focus to the beat, and began to play again. This time, her work was flawless, and the anthem of curiosity filled the room. Phil felt it too - he was getting more curious for this girl by the second. As the girl played on, he felt himself getting more and more into the music - before long, he was humming his own parts to go along with the song. As he did so, Olivia's eyes met his and she gave him a gift, something it was clear she didn't give often - a genuine smile. It looked almost alien on her face, but Phil thought he preferred this new face he was seeing. Emboldened by her reaction, he turned his hum into a full-forced choral accompaniment. Phil wasn't sure if his baritone was the best singing voice he had ever heard, but it helped that he was just going 'ooh' for a note, and not singing words. Besides, Olivia didn't seem to mind.

Too soon, the piece had ended, leaving nothing but Phil and Olivia to stare at each other. Phil knew he was going to have to be the one to break the silence, when suddenly Olivia spoke up.

"Did you actually care about my music, or did you see this as an opportunity to talk to me again?"

"What?" Phil was visibly taken aback. "No, I absolutely am here for the music. I'm not like... I'm not..."

Olivia cocked an eyebrow. "You have some kind of interest in me."

"No, no. I promise. I mean, I'm with someone else now. She and I went to the Halloween Dance together."

Olivia tore her gaze away from him to look down at the piano's keys. "How romantic." she muttered, almost to herself.

Phil chuckled, if nothing else, out of a lack of anything else to say. "I mean, I guess? I dunno, it's..."

Without further warning, Olivia stood up from the piano and picked up her bag.

"Hey... did I say something wrong here?" Phil asked, almost exasperatedly.

"No, but I feel like you're lying. I don't really like it when people aren't straight to the point." Olivia responded.

"So what, you think I have this big crush on you?" Phil challenged her.

"No, but there's something. Something hidden. And if you're not going to be straight with me, I don't see this conversation continuing." Olivia said, a little quickly.

Phil sighed, smiling to himself with indignation. "Alright, great." he uttered. "Well, can I have the pleasure of sharing another conversation with you in the future?"

"Only if you want." Olivia replied, almost out the door by that point. She was sure to turn off the lights in the room and shut the door behind her.

She was definitely a weirdie. But hey, that just made her stick out in Phil's mind more. He just sat in the darkness, with the music still playing in his head, thinking to himself.

***

Being a senior of status, Phil had a strict routine and strict methods of keeping up that routine, to make sure he always kept up his end of the status quo. This meant being polite even in the face of looking two-faced (unless he was sure he could get away with it) and keeping his allegiance to the other high-ups at the school.

This meant high-fiving or fist-bumping other higher-ups in the hallways as he went from class to class. This also meant he chose who to elevate, but he could only do so sparingly. Apart from avenues like Student Council, if the Student Council President gave anyone his time, that eventually meant his time would no longer be valuable. His popularity would diminish, and soon after, his reputation.

He wasn't sure who refused to say hello first when he and Olivia passed each other in the hallways. All he knew is that eventually, after locking eyes in the hallway, one would look down, and then the other would follow suit. Phil never looked down, except now. At the same time, Olivia was queen of one group and one group alone - herself. She was a nobody, perhaps governed by nobody, but with no status. It was inconceivable that Phil would socialize with her at school, not when he had his more popular friends to socialize with.

All of these truths were running through his head as he stared at the lunch table where Olivia Wilde sat, alone (though probably not lonely). He turned his head to face the lunch table where his friends sat - hooting and hollering. He gazed back at Olivia, and something snapped. The blatant energy of the student council table suddenly lost its appeal. It had no subtlety, no delicateness, no anticipation. Secretly hoping no one would see him, he swallowed his pride and approached Olivia's table.

"Hey." he said with warmth surprising him. "Can I sit here?"

Olivia looked up from her lunch with surprise in her eyes. "Uh, yeah." she replied slowly, clearly caught off guard.

Phil broke out into a grin. "Great." he replied as he took a seat. "I didn't think you would say yes."

"Why?" she asked, innocently enough to fool anyone. Phil knew her games by now.

He smirked. "Because, I was kinda stammer-y the first time we talked, and I feel like I just annoyed you the second time."

"I wasn't trying to be mean. I just didn't think either of us would get much out of our conversation." Olivia replied.

"Not one for small talk?" Phil asked, relaxing his posture and taking a hold of his burger.

Olivia shook her head. "If you told me something you never told anyone before and left, that's a better conversation than small talk for twenty minutes."

Phil stopped chewing and thought, mainly about anything he could say that was an absolute secret. A weird surge of adrenaline consumed him as he thought what many schoolboys his age was the unthinkable - he would be completely honest. Not like 'honest,' like actually honest. Not the honest people liked to hear.

Phil swallowed his bite of food. "I like a challenge." he began, surprising even himself. "When I saw you there, at the library, hunched up like that, it only made me more curious. I've had my fair share of girls but more often than not they fall into my arms and spread their legs pretty well immediately. I kinda see it as a sport - y'know, 'can I do it?'"

"What is 'it'?" Olivia asked calmly, digesting his confession way better than Phil ever intended.

Phil shrugged. He now realized he knew the whole time why Olivia was such a stubborn image in his head. "Win you, I guess?" he answered.

"You're avoiding the question by being vague." Olivia pointed out.

"I want to know what it's like to..." Phil gulped. This was it. "...have sex with a girl when she's not just drunk at a party or really receptive to 2am Facebook messages." That was the moment when he expected her to get up and leave the table.

Olivia did no such thing. "There's not that many of those." she pointed out.

"I find my fair share. So, yes, you're attractive to me. I'm not looking for a girlfriend though, I just... I just want you." Phil was sure this was what every guy his age didn't want to say to every girl his age the proverbial fuckboy was stringing along, and to be honest, this moment of self-reflection kind of frightened him. He knew everything he was saying was uncomfortably true - not just for her, but for an unfortunately large selection of girls at his school he was now almost afraid to look in the eye.

Phil expected Olivia to pause and give that dramatic silent treatment to him for a few seconds to fill the air, perhaps even leave immediately and completely emasculate him. It wasn't often Phil gave all of the power in the situation to someone else, not the least of which to a girl, and most definitely not a girl nobody had heard of at the school. But instead, she spoke immediately. "So that's what you want from me?"

Phil swallowed. He hadn't been this nervous in a long time. "Yes."

"And what can you offer me in return?"

Phil practically fell out of this chair. Again, the girl didn't exude confidence in the slightest - she wasn't teasing, she wasn't toying with him. She was almost calculating.

Nevertheless, he tried to put on his confident face. "Well, I've never heard any complaints from the girls that I've been with. If you wanted to do this with me, I'd be down for anything."

"'Anything' isn't specific." Olivia pointed out. "Do you have any kinks?"

Phil's mind was racing, his heart beating. This girl had another level of experience, maybe even more experience than his own. He was rapidly losing the high ground, and unlike some girls that tried to take him down a peg, she wasn't even openly trying to one-up him. She just had an uncanny talent for stripping away his exterior for the world to see. And he only could barely see it, but she wasn't even doing anything to manipulate him - she was just asking him to do it to himself. He didn't even want to dare asking the stupid question of 'Wait, are you serious?' or 'Do you want to have sex with me?' because knowing the little he did about her, that would be a one-way ticket to him losing his chances with her forever.

"Yeah, a few. I really enjoy dominating - have you ever done real dom/sub stuff before? Like with rope?"

"Yes." she nodded.

Damn, he thought. "It's my go-to. I'm into a lot of the rough stuff - rope, choking..." Phil went on, not adding that these were mostly done in his head. He hadn't actually had any true experience with rope, and only choked a girl once, but figured anything he could say to impress this girl, he should say.