Open Mike Night

"You know she hasn't taken her eyes off of you since you got here. I think there is something there Bobby. It might be to your benefit to give her a chance. After all, you really don't know for sure that she did anything. Hit her with all of it and see where it goes. You don't have anything to lose."

"After what I saw? I don't think so."

"What you saw could have been no more than drunken flirting that got a little out of hand. Maybe it was the first time. Maybe it had never happened before. Maybe she has a legitimate excuse for what happened after she left the Top Hat. You need to put an end to it Bobby. Get the confrontation out of the way and get it settled one way or the other."

I turned and looked at Melody. Breanna and Melody had gone to school together, but even though they hadn't run with the same crowd they still talked from time to time. Melody knew my story. After I walked out on Bree I spent a lot of my evenings at the Strip and one night after a few too many beers Melody had asked me why I was so down and I was just wasted enough to tell her the whole story.

"She got to you?"

"She has talked to me a time or two. Enough to convince me that she does love you. I haven't told her what you told me, but I think it would do the both of you a world of good to sit down and have it out."

I shrugged and turned back to survey the crowd. It was Breanna who was responsible for my being at the bar doing what I was doing. I'd known Joe for over twenty years and one day I was sitting at the bar trying to bury my sorrows with alcohol Joe sat down next to me. He had already heard my sad story so he occasionally sat down with me and tried to pull me out of my funk by getting me to talk about other subjects. After some general talk about my parents who had introduced me to Joe he started talking about finding ways to build up business during the week.

"I do great on Friday and Saturday when the band is here, but things are slower than I like during the week."

The previous weekend I had gone to the Comedy Works to see one of my favorite comics perform and I'd had a good time so I said:

"Why not have an open mike night during the week. Say maybe midweek on a Wednesday. A local talent show. Any one who wants to give it a try can get up and do it. It won't cost you anything since they will be doing it for free. Plus they will tell all their friends and relatives they are going to do it and some of those friends and relatives will come to see and they will buy drinks while they are here. If the idea catches on the word will go out and other drinkers will come in to get the free entertainment with their booze."

And so open mike night at the Landing Strip was born. Joe asked me to run it and I told him that I would, but that my price was going to be high. He asked what it was and I said:

"I drink for free from now on."

He smiled, said "Done!" We shook hands on it and there I was.

Joyce had wound the crowd up and it carried over to Jerry. He didn't have that edge that Joyce had, but he was pretty good. He reached the end of his monolog, thanked the crowd and handed me the mike when I got up on the stage.

"Thanks Jerry. I'm sure that when you complete your education and start taking care of patients that you will keep them in stitches."

I got a loud groan from the crowd at the pun. Last on the schedule is Gene Ellsworth. Gene is a landscaper by day and he hopes to be able to dig up a few laughs here tonight."

That got me another bad pun groan from the crowd and I said, "Cut me a break people. I'm up here doing this for free."

"And we are getting our money's worth" a voice cried out from the back and he got a laugh from the crowd.

"Okay, okay. You get the mike after Gene" and that got me a laugh as I handed off the microphone.

I saw Breanna watch me walk all the way back to my barstool and I gave some thought to what Melody had said. We did need to put an end to it. Maybe if we talked Bree would finally understand that it was over between us. That would put a stop to the "I love you" notes under my windshield wipers every morning and the mushy "I love you" cards that were in my mail box when I got home every night. Maybe I could even start getting a decent nights sleep. I was still deep in thought when melody nudged me and I saw that Gene was done.

I took the stage, thanked Gene for his efforts and then said, "Okay people. Now is the time. Anyone want to step up here and give it a shot?"

No one took me up on the offer so I said, "Next weeks topic is the possible government shut down because of the budget crisis. Good or bad? For my part the good would be if they shut down. The bad would be if they started back up." That got me a good laugh and I said, "And while on the subject of the economy I want to tell you about my twelve year old niece's solution. She has written a letter to the president that she is going to send him sometime this week. It says:

"Dear Mr. President,

Please find below my suggestion for fixing America's economy. Instead of giving billions of dollars to big companies that will squander the money on lavish parties and unearned bonuses, use the following plan. You can call it the Patriotic Retirement Plan.

There are about 40 million people over fifty in the work force. Pay them one million apiece severance if they will retire with the following stipulations:

1. They must retire. Forty million job openings – Unemployment fixed.

2. They must buy a new American made car. Forty million cars ordered – Auto industry fixed.

3. They must either buy a house or pay off their mortgage – Housing crisis fixed.

It can't get any easier than that. Forty million – not billion – and things are fixed.

P.S. If more money is needed have all members of congress pay their taxes. While you are at it make Congress retire on Social Security and Medicare and see how fast those programs get fixed.

"Now I ask you. If a twelve year old can come up with an idea to fix things in Washington, why can't a bunch of adults do it?"

Someone started chanting, "A twelve year old for president" and the crowd took it up and after a minute I waved them silent.

"Now for my trade mark finish. A blond teenager, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a 'handy woman' and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs she could do.

"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch" he said. "How much would you charge me?"

Delighted, the girl quickly responded. "How about fifty dollars?"

The man agreed and told her the paint, brushes and anything else she would need was in the garage. The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband:

"Does she realize that the porch goes ALL the way around the house?"

He responded, "That's a bit cynical, isn't it?"

The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blond jokes you have been getting in your e-mail lately."

Later that day the blond came to the door to collect her money.

"Done already?" the startled husband asked.

"Yes" the blond replied, "and I even had paint left over so I gave it a second coat."

Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the fifty dollars and added a ten dollar tip.

"Thanks" the blond said and then added, "By the way, it's not a Porsche, it's a Lexus."

When the laughter died down the place started clearing out until there were only about twenty customers. Eight of them were sitting at Breanna's table. They were talking and a couple of them kept glancing over at me. Finally the group started breaking up and I noticed that they all left separately. Bree must have told them about my knowing that they left the Hat as couples.

Soon the only one left at the table was Breanna. I took my seat at the bar to finish the beer I had sitting there after which I would head home to my apartment. In the mirror I saw Bree get up and hesitatingly move toward me. As I watched her come I debated getting up and leaving before she got to me and then I thought about what Melody had said and I decided that she had a point. I should lay it all out on the table and get it over with. I didn't turn toward her when she took the stool next to me. When she said:

"Hi Bobby."

I turned to face her and acknowledged her presence with a simple "Breanna."

"Are you ever going to talk to me Bobby?"

"I honestly don't know what we have to talk about Breanna. I can not accept what you were doing."

"I keep telling you Bobby; I didn't do any of that. I don't know why your friend lied to you, but I have never cheated on you. I couldn't Bobby; I love you too much."

"It is no good lying to me Breanna. I didn't get the information from a friend. I was there that night. I didn't go bowling. I went to the Top Hat to join you and your friends. What I told you that a friend told me was what I saw myself. Me Bree. My own two eyes. I didn't follow you when you left the bar at eight-fifteen because, quite frankly, by then I was disgusted with you, but I was parked at the end of the block watching when you drove into the garage at ten-thirty. Where did you and Miller spend those two hours between when I saw you drive away from the Top Hat and when you got home? You wanted to talk Breanna, so go ahead. Explain it all to me."

Her face lost all of it's color as she said, "You saw it? Oh my God. I'm so sorry Bobby, but it wasn't what it looked like."

"What was it then Bree?"

"It was flirting Bobby. Just some flirting. A little strong maybe, but only flirting. I was trying to get on the good side of Frank and I went a little overboard."

"Why were you trying to get on Frank's good side?"

"Angela Coombs quit and I wanted her job. Frank has the final say on who gets it. If I could have gotten the position it would have meant a five thousand dollar a year raise and a company car. Frank intimated that the job could be mine if I was a little nicer to him. I knew what he meant by "being a little nicer" but I swear I never would have done it Bobby. I thought I could lead him on until I got the job and then once I had it there wasn't anything he could have done about it."

"I saw his hand up under your skirt Breanna. I saw you had your legs spread wide to let him get his hand up to your cunt."

"But he didn't get there Bobby. Something must have blocked your view when it happened, but when he was only a couple of inches away I clamped my legs together to keep him away."

"What about your hand in his lap? It sure looked like you were jacking him off to me."

She looked away and then back at me. "I didn't jack him off, but I did rub it through his pants."

"Even if I buy that Breanna how do you explain the two hours you spent with him after you drove out of the Top Hat parking lot?"

"We drove over to the Denny's on Fourth and Terry to talk because we didn't want any more alcohol since the next day was a work day."

"That took two hours?"

She looked down and was silent for a bit and then she said, "When we drove back to get my car we sat in his car and made out for a while. But I didn't let him have me Bobby; I swear to God I didn't let him have me."

"I'm having a hard time believing it Bree. You hang out with a bunch of cheating sluts and I'm supposed to believe that you aren't doing what they do, especially after seeing what I saw?"

"Marge doesn't cheat. She and Ralph have what they call an 'open marriage' and Sally doesn't consider what she is doing as cheating. She caught Tom with his secretary and she says all she is doing is getting even."

"What's Nancy's excuse?"

Breanna shrugged and said, "She saw the others doing it so she wanted to try it. She said that she found it exciting to cheat. She says her husband gets the benefit because her cheating fires her up and she goes home and takes it out on him."

"And I suppose that when she tells you that it makes you wonder if maybe you should try it."

She couldn't meet my eyes as she said, "I did think on it. I thought maybe I should try it once just to see what it would be like, but I just couldn't ever bring myself to do it. Nancy said it wouldn't hurt me to do it once and that you would never know, but I just couldn't. I have danced with some guys when we stopped and I have been felt up and propositioned, but I never did anything except what I did with Frank and I only did that so I could get Angela's job. I swear to God Bobby I have never cheated on you. I need you Bobby. Please come home Bobby, please."

"I don't know that I can Bree. I don't know if I can believe you or not. After what I saw I have way too many doubts. Even after I confronted you and let you see how I felt about the adulterous group you work with you still hang with them. Knowing what they are doing and seeing what you did I have serious doubts."

"I'll quit stopping with them Bobby. I'll quit my job altogether if it will get you back to me."

"You would quit a job that you wanted so badly that you did what you did with Frank?"

"I didn't get the job. I wouldn't do what Frank wanted. I guess Becky Adams did though because she got the job."

"But you still go out drinking with him?"

"I'm with the group from work and he stops with the rest of us."

"I'm sorry Bree, but it just doesn't ring right with me. The guy who said cheat on your husband with me and I'll give you a promotion and the woman who keeps telling you that cheating is sexually exciting – enough that she has you thinking about it – and you still hang with them? You still hang with them even though I made my opinion of them clear as day when I walked out on you?"

"They are my friends Bobby. They are all I had when you walked out on me and they aren't all bad. Marge told me to do whatever I had to do to get you back even if it meant not stopping with them anymore. I mean it Bobby. I'll quit the job tomorrow if you will just come home."

I was silent for a bit and then said, "I'll think some on it Breanna. Maybe give you a call Friday after I get off work."

I saw tears forming in her eyes as I got off my stool and headed for my apartment.

++++++++++++++++++++

I thought a lot about what Breanna told me and even though I had doubts I wanted to believe her. I'd dated a lot of girls and had been involved in several intense relationships before meeting Bree and I never felt with any of them the way I felt with Bree. I did love her and I did miss being with her, but I had a thing where infidelity was concerned. I despised anyone who did it. I had lived though it with my mom and dad and I knew first hand the hurt it brings to the injured party and the others in the family. I thought that I had made my feelings on the subject perfectly clear to Bree before we got married, but by her own admission she had considered it after hearing Nancy talk about how exciting it was.

Even if she hadn't been truly unfaithful – though some might think what she had admitted to was being unfaithful enough – the thought was still in her mind. But would it always stay there or would what she had been going through since I walked have driven it away? There was no way of really knowing.

By the time I got off work Friday I had an idea of what I was going to do. I called Bree at work and told her to meet me at the Strip when she got off work.

I was sitting in a booth when she got there. I'd already stopped at the bar and given Melody our drink order and as soon as Bree sat down Melody brought our drinks over to us. Bree looked at me hopefully when she slid onto the seat across from me. I looked at her for a few seconds and then I said:

"I'm not happy with what you have been doing Breanna. I'm not happy at all, but I'm willing to overlook it for now."

"Oh thank you Bobby, thank you."

"I'm not done yet Breanna. I have my doubts, but I'm going to give you a chance to lay some of them to rest."

"I'll do anything Bobby; anything at all."

"There are three things you have to do. First is that you will file a sexual harassment complaint against Miller and when you file it you will spell out in detail what Miller said and did. You will also say that the reason Becky got the job was because she apparently did what you refused to do."

"But it will just be a 'he said, she said' thing as far as the company is concerned."

"So what? It will go in his file and you never know what might happen. They may talk to Becky and scare her into ratting Miller out and he might even have done it before and already have something in his file."

"But companies don't like whistle blowers. They may let me go for some reason or other."

"What does it matter? You said you were willing to quit if I would come back to you. Quit or being let go, what's the difference? The second thing you have to do is call Marge's husband and tell him that Marge told you all about the open marriage thing and you think you want to try it. Ask him if he has any hints on how best to approach me on it. If they do have an open marriage he will be cool with it. If Marge is lying he will know that she is cheating on him.

"The third thing you will do is call Sally's husband and Nancy's husband and tell them what their wives are doing on your nights after work. You know my feelings on infidelity Breanna. You do those three things and I'll come home."

"Why don't you call Sally's and Nancy's husbands? That way if I do hang onto my job I can still work with them and they won't hate me."

"The reason you have to do those three things is because it is your punishment for what you did with Miller behind my back. There is no give here as far as I'm concerned. You do it and I come back home. You don't do it and I don't come back home."

+++++++++++++++++

"Good evening ladies and gentleman and welcome to open mike night at the Landing Strip. We have five hopefuls for you entertainment tonight and one back due to popular demand and yes, for those of you who were here last week and remember, Joyce will wow you again.

"Tonight's topic is the possible government shut down due to the budget battle going on in Washington. Those of you who were here last week know my position on it. There is both good and bad. The good would be if the government shut down and the bad would be if they started it back up.

"While on the subject of government I got this story from Ben Rogers who owns the Rocking Horse ranch east of here. A DEA officer stopped by and talked with him. He told Ben that he needed to inspect the ranch for illegally grown drugs and Ben said:

"Okay, but don't go in that field over there..." as he pointed out the location.

The DEA officer verbally exploded saying, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government behind me!" Reaching into his pocket he pulled out his badge and proudly displayed it to Ben. "See this badge? This badge means that I am allowed to go wherever I wish...on any land. No questions asked and no answers given. Have I made myself clear?"

Ben just nodded and then went about his chores. A short time later Ben heard loud screams coming from the field he had told the DEA agent not to go into. He looked over that way and saw the agent running for his life as he was being chased by Ben's big Santa Gertrudis bull. With every step the bull was gaining ground and it seemed likely enough that the agent was going to be gored before he could reach safety. The agent was clearly terrified. Ben threw down his tools and ran over to the fence and yelled at the top of his lungs:

"Your badge, show him your badge!"

I got a good laugh out of it and when it died down I said, "Tonight will see a change in the festivities. It has been tradition for me to start the show by hitting the crowd with a blond joke before turning the mike over to the first performer, but my wife, who is blond by the way, has finally managed to get me to give that part of the night up."