Operation: Final Fantasy Ch. 04

The phone was quiet. Jessica took another big sip.

"Trixie, this isn't like you. What exactly happened? Did he do something to chase you away? Tell me my judgment wasn't wrong."

"N-no, no. He was a perfect gentleman. We just had a few... issues. You had to have seen that coming with the entire Amanda situation, though. This was never meant to work out," Jessica choked out the last part. She couldn't believe what she was saying, but she knew it was true.

Madeline sounded a little irritated, "If you're sure about this, I'll call Ryan tomorrow and smooth things over." Madeline asked her point blank, "Tell me something. Did he get to you?"

Her flush face betrayed her, and she shook her head. Jessica was just glad Madeline wasn't there in person to read her expression. "Oh, Madeline. Don't make me answer that."

"Mmm-hmm. I thought as much. After all the good service you've given us, I won't hold this one against you. Just keep your head on straight, honey. It's probably best you left when you did since tomorrow is his anniversary. Actually, I guess I mean today, since it's after midnight."

Jessica froze.

"What did you say?"

Madeline didn't quite follow her, "Say about what?"

"His anniversary."

"It's today, December 12^th. At least that's what he told me. It would have been their five year anniversary today. He didn't come out and say it, but I'm fairly certain that was why he hired you all the way up until yesterday, December 11^th. I can only guess he wanted private mourning time."

There was a pause; Madeline heard no response. "Trixie, are you there? Trixie? Hello?"

Jessica threw a twenty on the bar, hung up her cell phone, and ran out of the bar as fast as she could while trying not to trip over her high heeled sandals.

---

The mustang tore out of the parking lot. "OhGodohGodohGod, please let him be there still," she said, praying as hard as she could. She hadn't prayed very much in her life, but she was now, and could only hope that she would be heard.

She cursed herself, "How could I be so stupid?"

Shifting into sixth gear, she hit excess of one-hundred miles per hour. The clock said it was fourteen minutes after midnight. She pulled out her cell phone and tried to call Ryan. "Pick up, pick up," she quietly mumbled to herself. It went straight to voicemail. Jessica desperately tried calling several more times, but he never picked up. "Don't let me be too late. Please, God..."

---

Her mustang came to a screeching halt. Jessica threw it in park, pulled the keys out, and jumped out of the car so fast that she didn't even bother closing the door.

Frantically ringing the doorbell and knocking at the same time, she bounced up and down with a bend to her knees, crossing her arms as she waited for him to answer. It took everything she had to remain still and try not to knock the door down with all of her pent up energy and impatience.

She rang the doorbell again, refusing to wait any longer.

Ryan cracked open the door.

"Jessica?" He was genuinely surprised to see her, asking, "What are you doing here?"

She pushed her way inside, forcing Ryan to take a step backwards.

"Um, come in," he said facetiously, even though she didn't appear to detect his dry semi-humorous comment.

Jessica wanted to pounce on him -- hug him, kiss him, slap him, or punch him, she didn't know -- but she tried to remain calm. At least on the outside.

He asked in earnest, "Are you ok? Is everything alright?"

She ran her hands up her arms, "Yes, it... no, actually. It's not alright. Why didn't you tell me today was your anniversary?"

A sigh escaped his lips, "My anniversary? That's what you came over for?"

"Just answer me, please, Ryan."

"You've been talking to Madeline, haven't you? I wish I had never told her. I let it slip out when I first sat down with her. I knew that was going to come back to bite me in the ass."

The look on his face changed from apprehensiveness to frustration, "What are you doing here? You made it clear when you left earlier you wanted nothing to do with me. And it's past midnight, so our time's up."

He waited for her to respond. She couldn't shake the nagging feeling that something was wrong, but he seemed remarkably calm. He seemed especially calm for his fifth anniversary, or his first anniversary without Amanda.

Jessica didn't know what to expect when she showed up, but she didn't expect this. She wasn't sure what to say. She half expected his alcohol level to be three times the legal limit, or at least crying his head off. A dark thought even crossed her mind that she might have found him dead.

But here he was, and he was incredibly calm.

He shook his head and sighed, trying to find the right words to say, "Look, Trixie. I had a blast with you. I think you even had a great time with me, too. I wouldn't have traded those memories with you for anything. You made my life have a purpose again. You're an amazing girl, and someday you're going to make someone happy. I have no doubts about that."

She was shocked -- he called her Trixie, not Jessica. She wanted to say, "Why didn't you call me by my real name, you big jerk?" but she held her tongue. Barely.

She wasn't sure if his smile was cynical or genuine, but he said, "You won't be in the escort business forever. You're too smart for that." Reaching out, he lightly touched her cheek sending shivers down her spine but prolonging her confusion.

"I appreciate your checking up on me, but you don't need to. I'll be fine."

There was something about the way he said that unsettled her. She believed him, but her instincts were telling her there was more to the story. He was acting different.

"Ryan," she started, taking a deep breath. "I'm so sorry I bailed on you. That's twice now." The guilty look on her face told him she meant her apology.

"I shouldn't have been so hard on you about lying to me; I could have handled it differently."

"Hon, I...," Ryan tried to speak but she cut him off.

"Please, just let me finish."

He nodded for her to go on.

Calmly, she continued, "I know it's not exactly our business policy, but I want to stay with you. Just one more day. You don't have to give me a dime, it's not about that. You shouldn't be alone on your anniversary."

Again he started to shake his head and speak, but Jessica put a finger to his lips and gave a subtle grin. "I won't be here to replace Amanda. We don't even have to be intimate."

She put her arms around his shoulders, looking him in the eyes, "Just two friends together, Ryan and Jessica." She stressed her own name and gave him a playful-yet-dirty look, as if to say "not Trixie." He smiled bashfully and looked to the floor; she knew that he fully understood he was in trouble for intentionally calling her by the wrong name.

She could tell by the look on his face that she wasn't getting through to him.

"Jessica, I'm sorry. I'd love that, I would. Just now isn't the right time."

"Ryan, I know you're in pain, and I can't bear to watch you like this. You can't do this yourself. Please... will you at least consider it?"

A certain look flashed in his eyes. At first, she thought he would agree.

Ryan put his hands gently on her arms, and carefully took them off of his shoulders. His soft eyes had moistened, and he barely croaked out, "I don't think so, Jessica. I really don't think we should see each other again."

Her heart skipped a beat. She tried her hardest not to cry, but it was inevitable. Streams of tears ran down her face. Rejection was something she didn't have much experience with. Still, even common rejection from anyone else wouldn't have been so bad, but coming from Ryan, it hurt badly. It flat out stung.

Would he even miss her? He said it so easily... "I really don't think we should see each other again." Those words echoed in her head; it was obvious he had come a long way from being wrapped around her finger. He clearly wasn't anymore.

Ryan walked over to the door and held it open for Jessica. He avoided looking into her eyes. He whispered, "I'm sorry."

She stood motionless. Maybe she deserved it; after all, she was the one who bailed on him in the first place. She knew he wanted her out of the house, but she could barely move her legs.

The best she could do was give him a tiny nod.

Turning around behind her, Jessica desperately wanted to take one last look at the house she had come to feel so comfortable in. She glanced at the couch; so many wonderful memories were made on that couch. Even the dining room table; memories as simple as having breakfast or lunch with him was now over. It was hard to believe everything was ending this way, but she had no one to blame except herself. Even if he was stubborn. Taking a couple of steps backwards towards the door, she looked down the hallway and into the bedroom. The bedroom where she felt so loved, so happy.

Jessica stopped. While her initial attention was on the bed, she noticed the safe next to the bed out of the corner of her eye. It was the same safe Ryan put his gun in earlier when he told her he was cleaning it.

The safe was open.

She whirled around with wide eyes, staring down Ryan.

He knew exactly what she was going to say.

"Dammit Jessica, please. Just go. Get out."

"Oh my God, Ryan!! No, you're not going to...to...."

Ryan put his hands up towards her in a defensive position, trying to get her to calm down. Jessica could finally see a chink in the armor of the man of steel. His calm demeanor was deteriorating; his body remained motionless but tears were starting to surface.

Jessica screamed, "You've had this planned since the beginning, haven't you? Y-you, you're going to try and kill yourself? Ryan, how can you stand here and even think of doing something like that?"

The look he gave Jessica told her everything, "Jessica, please..."

"I get it now; you wanted one last time to be with someone who looked exactly like Amanda, so you could pretend it was her. That's why you chose me. I'm guessing you even emptied your entire bank account to make it all happen, spending it on me and our trip in Hawaii. But that final memory wasn't enough; you wanted to wait for me to go, for your anniversary to come, and then you'd go out with a bang. You're hurting so badly you want to end it all."

His gaze was empty; it was as if he was looking at something from afar with dull eyes. "You're wrong about the last part," Ryan said. "It's not about ending everything or going down in a blaze of glory; it's simply about seeing them again. I want to see my Amanda and my boy."

His head hung, "I'm tired. I want to be with them on the other side. May God forgive me, but it's the only way to see them again."

"Ryan...," she barely squeaked out.

Ryan's once beautiful eyes were now filled with rage. The red blood vessels in his eyes looked like a burning fire. The more he talked, the more his anger began to surface. "You... you just don't get it. You can't possibly understand the pain I'm feeling!"

She was becoming scared.

He started yelling, "I should have DIED in fucking Afghanistan. I should be with them right now! That IED should have hit us. Instead... death passed right over me. Instead, they died. I thought just missing that mine was a blessing, but it was a fucking curse. Even that fucking drunk driver died in the crash, so I can't even get revenge on him, even if I wanted to!"

The passion and anger in his voice was unlike anything she had seen from him. "I can't wait any longer. I will NOT wait any longer! I refuse to go through life anymore without them. The pain... don't you understand? It's overwhelming. I miss them. I miss...," His lip quivered and he couldn't speak, but he looked directly at her. It was like he was looking into her soul, begging for her to leave.

"Ryan," she said, trying her hardest not to shake. "It doesn't have to be this way! I know you love her. I know you love them both, but it will get easier." She desperately wanted to help him, but couldn't think of what to say to convince him.

Bravely, she stepped closer to him and whimpered, "Don't do this, Ryan."

Ryan held up a hand for her to stop. He reached behind his back and pulled out the nine millimeter which had been tucked in the back of his pants.

Jessica froze in her tracks.

"It's too late, Jessica. We're past the point of no return." Ryan's face was red, but he wasn't crying anymore, "I'm so, so sorry. I wish things had turned out differently."

He looked her in the eyes and said, "But that doesn't matter anymore. It's time for you to go."

She was quivering, and the fear made it almost impossible for her to think rationally. Her legs were shaking. The fear on her face was evident. Half of her was convinced she couldn't move, while the other half was ready to run out of the house as fast as she could.

Maybe it was because she looked him back in his dull, lifeless eyes; she didn't know why she said what she did. Jessica softly squeaked out a "no", shaking her head slowly.

Despite his lifeless eyes, she noticed a small spark somewhere deep within; it was a brief look of surprise.

He sharply said in a deep voice, "It's not an option, Jessica. Go."

With a little more boldness, she shook her head again and said, "No. I'm not leaving."

"Jessica!"

Deep down she knew she should have ran, or maybe even tried to convince him into giving up his gun, but her anger at his stupid stubbornness started to overcome her fear. She was still terrified, but she managed to cross her arms in defiance.

She screamed, "If you want to blow your brains out, you'll have to do it in front of me! I'm NOT leaving!"

His eyes narrowed, "Oh yes you are."

"No I am NOT!"

She could tell by the look on his face that he meant business, and he was about ready to charge her.

"Don't you dare...," was all she got out.

Ryan lurched forward with his weapon pointed downward and away from her. She backed up but wasn't quick enough; before she knew it, Ryan built up enough steam to squat down and lift her over his shoulder with one quick motion, holding her with one hand as if she weighed nothing.

"Oh. Yes. You. ARE."

Jessica screamed and kicked, flailing her legs as hard as she could; she made fists with both hands and hit his back, but he wouldn't let her go. She struggled as if her life depended on it.

He grunted a few times after she hammered a few good hits on his back but he turned around and walked towards the door.

She shrieked at the top of her lungs, "No! You asshole, put me down! Let me go! Let me GO!"

It was obvious she was losing the battle; she still kept flailing and kicking although it was becoming futile.

Once they were outside his house, Ryan said, "Jessica, listen to me very carefully." He tucked his gun back behind him in his jeans. He carefully set her down and firmly held her shoulders. She tried to break away, but he grabbed her wrists, trying his hardest not to hurt her.

"I don't blame you for any of this. This is NOT your fault. In fact, you have no idea how grateful I am to you. I meant what I said earlier; you are an amazing girl and you made these last few weeks so much better. Someday, you're going to make someone extremely happy. Don't blame yourself for what's going to happen. Just remember its better this way, better for everyone."

Her words were barely intelligible through her hysteric crying, "Ryan, don't... DON'T DO THIS...!"

All she could think of was that it wasn't going to be better for everyone. It wouldn't be better for him. It especially wouldn't be better for her. How could he not see that?

She saw a smile of relief crossed his face, but there was something about that smile that made her sick to her stomach. "Thank you, Jessica..."

Everything seemed to happen in slow motion. She read his face and knew exactly what he was going to do, but she just wasn't ready for it.

He let go of her wrists as she was tugging backwards in an attempt to free herself from his grasp. She could feel herself falling towards the damp grass, but it was so surreal; it was almost as if she defied gravity and fell as gently as a feather. She couldn't stop herself from falling, and she couldn't stop Ryan from turning around, letting her fall.

It was all a blur when Ryan stepped back inside the house and slowly closed the door behind him. The click of the lock echoed; her heart felt like it had stopped beating.

She barely remembered getting up and charging at the door, and had no recollection of what she said. Jessica only remembered screaming and yanking on the door handle as hard as she could, but it wasn't hard enough. Unaware of the concept of time, she had no idea how long she stood there.

A deafening gunshot rang out inside the house.

One single shot. As quickly as it went off, it was over.

Her heart stopped. She couldn't breathe.

Jessica sobbed uncontrollably as she slumped to the ground, leaning against the door. Ryan was gone.