Or Die Alone

"What was life like for you back on your homeworld? My work has taken me to a lot of places, but never there."

"Not so different from this," she said, gesturing to the landscape with her clawed hand. "Cold, inhospitable, sparse sources of food. There were a lot more trees and wildlife, and it was somewhat warmer, but what you're looking at right now isn't far off the view from the door of our longhouse."

"Why did you all move to Siberia? I heard about it on the news when it happened but they didn't give us much information. It kind of fell by the wayside as time passed, it just became normal to have a population of aliens living on Earth. Sovereign territory no less, such a thing would have been unthinkable before we joined the Coalition. I have to say, it turned a few heads in the agency, some of us have been operating since before the UNN ratified the treaties."

"Things were bad in the Polar territory, we were geographically isolated from the more warlike territories and that's probably the only reason we still exist as a distinct race. We could not have fought off the numerically superior Equatorial nations if they had ever tried to invade. We had nothing that they wanted, and so they didn't. They couldn't survive in the Polar region and crossing the mountain ranges that shielded us made the venture pointless for them. Problem is, the territory was dying. Every winter got harder, it was more difficult to hunt, what few crops that we could grow there started to fail."

"Was there nobody you could ask for help?"

"No, we're not all one happy family like the humans, there's still a lot of tension between the different territories. Worse, the UNN had begun to supply Elysia with advanced weapons and vessels that rendered our land barriers useless. The balance of power was destabilized and their leadership started treating the other territories like vassals where once there had been mutual respect."

"Elysia are the big players then?"

"Yes, that's where most Borealans you will meet hail from, naked and militaristic. As their influence grew they used their newfound strength to bully and intimidate, in the way that all Equatorials do."

"I'm starting to think you don't like them very much," Boyd chuckled.

"They're savages. Anyway, with both the dwindling food supplies and the Elysians lording their fleet over our heads, our Queen brokered a deal with the Federation to relocate us to Siberia. They took us in and we've called the Republic our home ever since."

"You know, humans haven't always been a 'big happy family', we still aren't. It took us a thousand years of war to reach the point where something like the UNN is possible, and even then we have our misfits and our outliers. Your Russian benefactors have been causing a stir lately by founding colonies of their own accord, it's not illegal but it runs counter to the UNN's unifying vision and it's causing a stir in the Admiralty."

"They're like us, they value self-sufficiency, maybe that's why we get along with the Russians so well."

"Maybe," Boyd replied skeptically, "but war is always only a few bad decisions away."

As they marched through the powdery snow, Lorza changed the subject back to Boyd's profession, seeming genuinely interested.

"So...got any stories about your assignments? We have a lot of time to kill, might be fun to hear about some of your big busts. Every get into a gunfight with crooks?"

"Most of the interesting stories are classified, if I told you, I'd have to kill you." It was a joke but it seemed that she hadn't heard the expression before, her eyes widening. "No, no," he said as he gestured for the alarmed Polar to calm down. "It's a joke, it's from an old movie or something. I wouldn't really kill you."

"Oh, fair enough. You humans like your movies, sometimes you have conversations that are nothing but references to them. Impossible to follow."

"You must have seen some movies though," Boyd replied as he struggled to drag his block of meat over an especially steep snowdrift. "You called me 'Balto' earlier, that's from an old movie, right?"

She seemed embarrassed, and he stifled a smirk.

"Well...a few. I had a friend in Russia who would watch them endlessly. We shared a room while I was studying cartography as she was getting her doctorate. She pored over those things and I had the misfortune of overhearing much of it. She went on to become a doctor in the UNN I believe."

"And you never wanted to join the UNN yourself? That's usually the go-to route for people who have their head in the clouds. They put 'see the galaxy' on their damned recruitment posters."

"No, I wanted to explore planets, not fight on them."

"It's not all fighting you know, there are plenty of humanitarian career paths in the UNN that don't involve shooting an XMR or flying a Penguin on bombing runs."

"It isn't for me."

They chatted for the rest of their walk, their mutual animosity fading as they got to know each other better, sharing stories of some of the places they had been and the exotic planets that had explored. Eventually the sun began to set on the flat horizon, and they located a cave to spend the night in, climbing down into a shimmering blue cavern. This one was spacious. It looked as if it had been sculpted from a glacier, the semi-transparent wall refracting the light of Boyd's wrist monitor in an eerie, blue glow. Lorza's eyes reflected it, shining in the dark like those of a cat.

She set about laying down her massive sleeping bag, and Boyd began to set up his cooking implements. He bent another of the metal stoves into shape and ignited a pack of gel to heat it, then placed a choice slab of monster meat on top of it to grill. Lorza sat on her sleeping bag with her arms crossed over her knees as he turned the meat over, watching the cooking flesh with longing glances.

Boyd knew from experience that when you were starving, everything tasted good, hunger was nature's own seasoning. Even this rubbery, fatty meat gave off a smell that made his mouth water in anticipation. Now that his alien companion had finished digesting the monstrous meal she had eaten the day before, it was getting to her too, her nose a hundred times more sensitive than Boyd's. She sat in silence however, making no demands for him to share as she had with the nutrient pills.

Boyd flipped the meat with his ceramic knife, watching one side brown, the hot metal of the stove imprinting on it like a brand. It sizzled, leaking juices, this piece was ready to eat. He took it off the stove and suspended it in the air for a minute or two, skewered on his knife while it cooled off.

"Hey Lorza, catch." Startled, she snatched the cut out of meat out of the air as he tossed it to her, her claws digging into the tender flesh and hooking it. She looked to him for confirmation, surprised by his sudden act of generosity. "Go on, it's yours. I brought way too much meat to eat on my own, we'll be out of here in a day or two. Might as well share it or it'll just go to waste."

"You really are full of surprises, Boyd."

She dug in, a smile brightening her face as she chewed the succulent meat, taking her time now rather than wolfing down pounds of it without chewing. Boyd rose to retrieve another cut, slapping it down on the stove and beginning to cook it.

"How is it?" Boyd asked as he turned the meat, "does it meet your MRE cooking standards?"

"Not bad, not bad," she replied through a mouthful. She swallowed and licked the juice from her lips, gesturing to him with her dripping claws. "If we had some seasonings this could really be something, would make a good stew with some vegetables to counter the salt."

She finished off her portion as Boyd cooked his, removing his rebreather to hang around his neck and blowing on it to cool it down before taking a bite. It was salty, chewy, but there was something to be said for eating the meat of something that you brought down yourself, cooked over a naked flame out in the field. It was primal, satisfying.

"You can get some more if you like, there's plenty to go around. Just don't go nuts and eat more than your share."

She hesitated for a moment, then rose to her feet to lumber over to the meat sled, crouching to select another sizable chunk. She cut the ziptie that bound it to the rest with her claw, bring it back to Boyd.

"This ok?"

He nodded and so she placed it on the ice next to the stove and sat back down on her bag behind him, waiting patiently for him to cook it.

"It's kind of nice not having to worry about bacteria and food spoiling. You can eat off the floor here if you need to, there's nothing above the ice to contaminate it." She was silent for a moment as Boyd chewed on his steak and began to cook her next portion, her tail flicking back and forth indecisively.

"And your wounds...they're healing ok? They didn't get infected or anything like that?"

She sounded remorseful, and Boyd turned his head to look at her, her round ears drooping as she avoided his gaze.

"I'm fine Lorza, really. You gave me a good scar to remember you by, but I can get that fixed. They can clear that up in an afternoon at a UNN hospital. My arm will be fine, the cast is doing its job. How about you? I got in some good shots with that knife."

"We heal fast, I've already forgotten about it."

He finished cooking her meat and handed it to her, skewered on his knife.

"Consider it a peace offering. We're square Lorza, we both got in some good hits and we both made complete asses of ourselves. I've had nights of drinking that resulted in more fights and ended in more serious injuries."

She plucked the food from the end of his knife gingerly, taking a large bite.

"You're not angry with me, then?"

"No more than I'm angry at myself for letting things escalate so far."

Her brow furrowed and she took an especially savage bite of her food, sinking her carnivore teeth into the flesh and tearing a hunk away.

"I'm glad this thing is dead," she grumbled through her mouthful. "It killed Alexei, and we killed it right back."

"Yeah, that's a story to tell over a drink when I get back home."

"How did you know that the grenade would work? How did you know that your cast would protect you from it's bite?"

"I didn't," he shrugged. "I just had to think on my feet and hope that the risk paid off, and it did."

"Is this kind of thing...normal in your line of work?"

"I wouldn't say that, but we have to keep our cool in deadly situations and come up with creative solutions to problems. We have to improvise a lot, there's never anyone on the line to give us orders or help us out when we get into trouble. We're on our own, we can't rely on backup."

"Sounds lonely," she said, polishing off her steak and licking the juice from her furry fingers with her oddly long tongue. "Never forming real relationships, not being able to trust anyone, how do you deal with that?"

Boyd chewed his meal as he considered his reply. He was usually so bent on completing his objective that he didn't think about it, he had no time for a social life and anyone he opened up to could potentially be an enemy ready to kill him on the spot. His entire life was classified, he couldn't even talk about his job without putting other people in danger.

"I guess you just get used to it after a while, you have to."

"Well I think we make a pretty good team, all things considered."

"Yeah, sure," he laughed. "It's been a long time since I've had a partner, but I could get used to this too."

They finished off the food, then started to feel a chill in the air, the sun had set and what little heat still lingered was being lost to space due to the moon's thin atmosphere. Boyd shivered, his suit flashing a battery charge warning.

"Guess we'd better get into the sleeping bag," Lorza said. "There's more room now, you won't have to lie with your face in my chest."

He left the gel packet to burn out, it couldn't melt the ice and it provided a little light, casting dancing shadows on the curved walls of the ice cave as the flame wavered. Lorza wormed her way into the bag and held it open for him, Boyd crawling inside to lie beside her as she closed the zipper. They were squeezed together, her paunchy body affording him little breathing room, but somehow he found it less unpleasant now. Her warmth and the contact of her soft fur on his skin was relaxing rather than bothersome, the heat that radiated from her body and the flickering fire from the gel packet mingling in his exhausted brain to give the illusion that they were sleeping beside a campfire. He would see trees again once they got out of here, green grass and chirping birds, a warm star beating down on his skin.

Lorza shifted a little to get comfortable, Boyd sinking into her fat stomach and chest, and she looked down at him apologetically.

"Sorry, just trying to get comfy."

"It's fine," he muttered. They had slept together every night since they had crashed, why did this now feel somehow...embarrassing? Being squashed together like this, her fluffy bust in his face, the scent of her body...it made him feel oddly self-conscious. Maybe because he thought of her as a person now, and not something truly alien.

Lorza seemed to notice his lack of complaints.

"Something wrong, Boyd?"

"No, no. I guess I'm just tired. We made good time to today, shouldn't be more than a day or two before we get to our destination. Keep your eye on the horizon and you might see the oxygen farm soon, the terrain is pretty flat and the atmosphere is thin."

He felt her arm move beneath him as she pulled him a little closer for warmth, the fur of her neck brushing against his cheek.

"You feel tense," she whispered, "try to relax. You'll need to get a good night's sleep, we still have a ways to go, mudak."

She said it more like a nickname than an insult this time, and he laughed.

"Yeah yeah, I'm a naked kitten, and you're a Persian rug."

"I will have to buy one of these 'rugs' when I return to Siberia, I want to see what all the fuss is about."

She rested her furry chin on his head, pushing his face into her neck, her hair tickling his nose. They were always living in close proximity, but somehow this felt more intimate, he felt closer to her now.

Could he actually be enjoying her company? The thought shocked him, they had spent so much time arguing and fighting since they had landed, but they had been through so much together and they had bonded in their own strange way. He had gotten used to her, become accustomed to her company and her presence, and now that they had spent the day chatting he was actually starting to like her. She was much like him, a stranger among her human crew, never able to engage with any of them on equal footing.

For the first time since they had crashed on this moon, he didn't feel isolated. He had someone here who understood him and his experiences in ways that few others outside of the UNNI would. She was insightful, funny in a kind of dry way when she wanted to be, and...

Boyd's face reddened as he caught himself glancing down her overalls, the soft meat of her enormous breasts pressing together inside her clothing, illuminated by the dancing flame of the gel packet. She was breathing softly, asleep now, her warm breath rustling his hair as she lay on her side with her chin resting on his head. One arm was under him, the other draped over his hip, her soft belly pressing against his groin. They were practically spooning, closer than he had been to a woman in months, his job afforded him little opportunity for courting.

He swallowed heavily, trying to ignore the musky, feminine scent that he now so closely associated with warmth and comfort as he shifted to lie on his back. He stared at the blue, icy ceiling, going over the events of their journey in his head. Just a few days ago they had fought each other almost to death, and now he didn't know what to think. They had made peace, they were friends now and that was enough.

Boyd closed his eyes and tried to blank his mind, banishing intrusive and inappropriate thoughts that his subconscious spewed forth, ignoring the swelling in his pants as he fell into a troubled sleep.

Lorza draped her arm over Boyd's shoulders as she walked beside him in the snow, it was another fine day with clear skies, the wind was a little fast but it only blew a few stray flecks of snow on the air. Just the weight of her arm was heavy, it was packed with iron muscle beneath her layer of fat, and her bones were like concrete. He sagged, and she chuckled at him.

"What's up mudak? You've been quieter today. Not growing tired of me I hope."

He shook his head, she seemed to have warmed to him after their conversations the previous day, now she was behaving far more friendly and she wouldn't keep her hands to herself. He didn't resent it, but he didn't really know how to respond, the alien's concepts of personal space and appropriate social interaction must differ from those of human society.

"You know, I could carry that for you," Lorza said as she gestured behind him to the sled he was dragging. "Would be much easier for me than it looks for you."

"I'm good, don't worry about it, just keep your eyes on the horizon and tell me if you see the oxygen farm." He checked his oh-bis monitor, the compass keeping them on track as they traversed the featureless tundra. "It should be visible soon, it's a clear day."

"Tonight could be our last night on this rock," Lorza said, patting his back with her dinner plate sized hand and almost knocking him off balance. "I bet you'll be happy to sleep in a real bed without my fur in your face, and you'll be able to eat something that hasn't tried to kill us."

"If I can get used to sleeping in a foxhole then I can get used to sleeping in your fur, it's not so bad."

"You'll just have to sleep with one of those Persian rugs to remember me by."

"I'd have to roll it up and stuff it with beach balls or it won't feel the same."

She patted his head, pushing him a little deeper into the snow like a tent peg.

"Cool it with the fat jokes, mudak, or you'll have to enjoy the remainder of our journey from the inside of my rucksack." She noticed that he had sunk up to his knees in the white powder, and she gripped him by the collar as if she was scruffing a kitten, lifting him and placing him beside the hole. "I don't know how you'll survive without me," she said, shooting him a sly smile.

"Come on, let's keep up the pace, I don't want to rest until I see that man-made structure come into view. I don't care if I never see snow again, I just want to feel metal under my feet."

"Yeah, I think I might wait a while before returning to Siberia, maybe I'll take a vacation to somewhere temperate like Toronto."

"Canada is temperate to you?"

"Yeah, you see the fur? I'm not going anywhere tropical. It's a mystery to me why you humans seem to enjoy subjecting yourselves to solar radiation, burning your epidermis is a fashion statement to you."

They trekked for a while longer, Boyd's boots crunching in the crisp snow, the going made harder by the ups and downs of the dunes and the occasional patch of uncovered ice. Lorza had no such problems, she was built for this, her wide paws stopped her from sinking into the snowdrifts and her claws gripped the ice to prevent her from slipping. Where before she had let the smaller human struggle and fend for himself, now she helped him along, steadying him when he lost his balance and helping him mount the steeper slopes.

She seemed to hold no grudges, remarkably forgiving of the way he had treated her, but then again Boyd felt the same way. They had worked through their differences and now they were square, there was no reason to dwell on the past, as fresh as some of their scars might be.