Original Sin

Still facing me, Ashley untied the knot of her robe and placed it at the foot of the bed. She still wore the panties and t-shirt she had slept in, and I couldn't help but take measure of her body. She had an hourglass figure that she had inherited from our mother. My penis twitched ever so slightly at the sight of her large breasts pressed against her shirt, the nipples hard. I closed my eyes and steeled myself for what was to come. Ashley crawled on the bed and got on her knees and elbows, her head resting on the sheets.

"God forgive me for my sins, just as you forgave Peter and those that crucified you."

I braced myself for the blow.

"Count not my transgressions, but my tears of repentance."

With a flick of my wrist, the flogger made a whooshing sound as it cut through the thick air before impacting Ashley's back. She exhaled in response before continuing with her prayer.

"Remember not my iniquities, but my sorrow for the offenses I have committed against you."

I struck her again, this time at the small of her back.

"Count not my transgressions, but my tears of repentance."

I swung the flogger in a sideways motion, making contact with her behind - partially hitting the cotton fabric of her panties, partially hitting her skin.

"Remember not my iniquities, but my sorrows for the offenses I have committed against you."

I struck her again across the back.

"Forgive me."

I struck her butt, making her flinch.

"Ugh," she grunted.

Whack! Whack! Whack! Three consecutive strikes across her back.

"Count not my transgressions..."

The flogger came down hard against her ass.

"...but my tears of repentance!" she exclaimed in pain as I flogged her a final time, striking her reddened skin.

I wiped the sweat from my brow and threw the flogger on the bed. It was only then that I realized that I had a massive bulge in my pajama bottoms that was all too obvious to my sister as she rolled over onto her side, a look of exhaustion and something else I couldn't quite place on her face.

"Thank you, Michael," she said, out of breath. "I know that must have been hard for you."

I turned to hide my arousal. "I love you sis."

* * * *

Almost two weeks passed before Ashley came to me again. It was a Friday night around 11:30 in the evening. I was in my room Skyping with Tanya. We were discussing what we might do the next day when there was a soft knock on the door, so soft that I barely heard it. Before I could react, Ashley cracked open the door and poked her head through. I glanced over at her while still carrying on my conversation with Tanya. Ashley had a mixture of guilt and distress written on her face. As she walked into my room, I saw the flogger at her side.

"Tanya, Ashley needs to talk to me. I'll call you tomorrow morning. Goodnight."

I placed my iPad on the nightstand and stood. "What is it?" I asked, looking first at the instrument in my sister's hand, then into her eyes.

Ashley bit her bottom lip before answering. "When I was at the mall today," she began, "I was trying on some clothes in the fitting room." She shifted her weight from one foot to the other. "While I was in there, I touched myself. Her face reddened as she continued. "I sat on the bench opposite the mirror and watched myself. Michael, it was so exhilarating, I couldn't help it!"

I took a step toward her in response to the imploring look in her eyes.

"God help me, I couldn't stop...that's not it - I didn't *want* to stop."

As I reached for the flogger that she held in her hand, I felt the heat of her skin touching mine. "Let's go downstairs where they won't hear us," I said, matter-of-factly. Ashley turned without saying a word and I followed her down to the basement, which was half-finished. One part was used as a bar/entertaining room, the other part (which was closed off by a single door) was used for storage. I closed the door leading downstairs then led her to the unfinished part of the basement, closing the second door behind me. A strange feeling came over me that was difficult to evaluate at the time and confusing to assess now. I knew exactly what I was going to do as if I had planned it out ahead of time.

"Take off your robe," I said, without a hint of emotion even though my heart was racing.

Ashley removed her robe and placed it on a nearby box. She wore a white tank top, her hard nipples clearly visible in the light, and a pair of pajamas shorts that barely covered her butt. I took the strap from her robe, tossed one end over a beam, then motioned for her to come closer. As she approached, a look of realization followed by anticipation came over her beautiful face. I tied her to the beam, her arms over her head. The position forced her to arch her back, making her ample chest and round butt stand out.

"God forgive me for my sins," she said in a hushed tone.

"What sins did you commit?"

She hesitated for only a moment, then said, "Today, while I was in the mall, I pleasured myself."

I could feel my heart beating in my chest. "What precisely did you do?"

"While I was changing in the fitting room to try on a dress, I stripped down to my underwear...after I tried on the dress, I caught a glance of myself in the mirror. I liked what I saw; I felt pretty. Sexy."

I lashed out in one quick, fluid motion, striking Ashley directly on the behind with the flogger. She let out a surprised grunt of pain.

"Then what did you do?"

"I began to touch my breasts through my bra, playing with my nipples; they were so hard, Michael, I..."

Whack! Again across her butt. She flinched, then steadied herself.

"I started touching myself through my panties; but that wasn't enough. I needed more so I took off my panties, sat on the bench opposite the mirror, and spread my legs open so I could have better access and see myself."

Whack! Against her lower back.

I was just going to touch myself for a minute then leave, but my fingers felt so good against my clit, how could it be a sin, Michael? How?"

I struck her across her breasts, her nipples hard as diamonds.

"I slipped a finger inside." She shuddered as she spoke. "Then I put another finger inside me."

I was rock hard listening to her re-tell her story, her shallow breathing making her chest heave up and down only added to my arousal. It was almost too much to bear. I knew that I had to be strong and fight the carnal urges welling up inside me.

"What did you do next? My voice sounded labored to my ears.

"I fingered myself while rubbing my clit with my other hand so I could...orgasm as quickly as possible."

I was both shocked at her audacity and hopelessly aroused at the same time. In one quick, almost violent motion, I pulled down her shorts. To my surprise (though in hindsight I shouldn't have been), she did not have on panties.

"Michael, what are you..."

Before she could finish her sentence, I lashed her hard with the flogger, leaving red marks on her bare ass.

"What did you do next?"

I tried to calm myself as she continued.

"I stayed in the fitting room and made myself come while there were people on either side of me changing. There was an attendant right outside the door but I didn't care."

I maneuvered so that I was standing in front of her. We looked into each other's eyes and read the same look on each other's face. We had crossed a line by taking her penance into our own hands. We both knew that we were dangerously close to crossing another. I walked up to her and untied her from the beam. I could smell her sex.

"I need to go," I said, then turned and left, leaving my sister standing there half naked and me with a confused conscience.

* * * *

The next day, Tanya and I were out walking a set of trails at a local park. We brought a picnic lunch and were walking back to the car when we stopped so I could take a picture of her with my phone. It was a beautiful spot where the sunlight partially broke through the trees, creating a ray effect behind her. After taking the photo, I checked how it came out; she looked incredible. The sunlight, her wavy blonde hair, her perfectly proportioned athletic body in a yellow sundress - it sent my mind places it shouldn't have gone.

"How do I look?" she asked, an innocent smile on her face.

I stood next to her and showed her the photo. "You look amazing," I said, smelling her hair and a faint hint of perfume.

Without thinking, I leaned in and we kissed. She began to step back when I brought my hand to the back of her neck and gently held her as I slowly parted my lips. I needed to taste her, if only for a moment. Tanya moaned into my mouth, making me instantly aroused; then, just as quickly, she softly pushed me away. "No, Michael. We can't. It's not right."

I was a little frustrated - between what was going on with my sister, my own growing self-doubts about what was right and wrong, and the seemingly draconian restrictions on courtship by our church - I lashed out. "Why is it wrong for two adults - and yes, we are 18 - why is it wrong for me to show my affection toward my girlfriend?"

"We can kiss...just not like that," she replied.

"Great; so I can kiss my girlfriend the same way I kiss my my mom!" As I said it, I became more frustrated. "Can't you see how ridiculous that is!? The church equates intercourse and French kissing. I don't know why it's taken me so long to wake up, but that's just plain stupid!"

"It's God's will!" she exclaimed.

"Somehow, I highly doubt it. Look, Tanya, I care about you, but I need to start making my own decisions and living my life and serving God how I see fit; not based on some random BS thought up by men hundreds of years ago." The words came out of my mouth before I could stop myself. Is that really what I thought, I wondered.

Tears welled up in Tanya's eyes, making me feel terrible but undaunted. "I'm sorry, Michael, but I can't follow you down this road."

"I know," I said, now calm, almost peaceful. I kissed her on the forehead and led her silently back to the car.

The next few days were full of confusion and introspection. Everything I was taught to believe was being challenged, not by some outside force, but by my own thoughts and feelings. I still believed in God, but did I believe in the God I was being sold? The God that said being gay is a sin even though God made them that way; that it was a sin to be aroused by looking at a beautiful woman; that you should kiss someone you are romantically involved with the same way you would kiss your mother; that it was a sin to use contraception - ever? I was at a crossroads and I was vulnerable, no doubt about it.

It was while in this state that I awoke from a dream soaked in sweat. It certainly wasn't the first time I had awoken from an erotic dream, but it was the most vivid and startling one that I could remember having. When I closed my eyes to slow my breathing and gather myself, the images came rushing back. There was Tanya in her sundress, the sunlight in the background allowing me to see her body's silhouette under the thin fabric. She came up to me and pressed her body against mine as we kissed - at first tentatively, and then more passionately as I wrapped my arms around her waist. Tanya slid down to her knees while at the same time unbuckling my belt. It was then that I felt another presence behind me. Although I couldn't see who it was, I knew it was Ashley. I could feel Tanya's hot breath on me as Ashley whispered in my ear, "How many Hail Mary's will it take to absolve you from having your girlfriend suck your cock?"

It was then that I had woken up in a daze, still hard from my dream. I wanted and needed a release so badly, I allowed my right hand to slowly make it's way down the length of my body. Only then did the weight of the dream become real - my arousal was clear as could be. I absently allowed myself to stroke my manhood through my pajama bottoms. Just for a minute, I thought; just for minute...

I pulled down my bottoms and boxer briefs in one, fluid motion, and took my cock in my hand for the first time with intent. I started agonizingly slow but soon couldn't help but pick up the tempo. It felt so good, I couldn't believe I had waited so long or that I had thought there was something wrong with it. Gathering my wits, I quickly pulled up my pants and went down the hall to the bathroom, yanked them down to my ankles, and continued where I had left off. At this point, there was no turning back the clock. I felt my skin flush as my cock swelled in my hand. It was a feeling I can't quite describe, but it was incredible. I closed my eyes and fantasized about Tanya as she was in the dream - on her knees. As I crossed the point of no return, another image flashed across my mind's eye, and it sent me over the edge - the image of my sister on her knees next to Tanya, ready to take the load I was about to release. With that, I leaned against the wall as a crushing wave hit me followed by successive contractions that left me spent, dazed, and desperate for more.

When I awoke the next morning, years of Catholic guilt gripped my conscience. While in the midst of the act, the guilt derived from sensual pleasure receded to the background; but now it came to the fore, and I did what any good Catholic is supposed to do in such an instance - I went to church and confessed to my priest that I had masturbated. I can't say I felt better as I walked out of the church, but at least I had confessed my sins.

I wish I could say that that was the end of the story - that I confessed my sins, realized the error of my ways, and never looked back, but that's not how Catholic guilt works; at least that's not how it worked for me. When you're guilty for being human, there's going to be a lot of stumbling along the way.

A couple weeks after I confessed my sin of self-pleasure, I came to Ashley in the middle of the night after having another dream that involved her in a compromising position; of course, I didn't tell her about that part, but I did tell her about my struggles and whether she still had guilt over what she had been doing. I hadn't heard her in her room since that time in the basement when I had disciplined her, and I asked her if she had stopped engaging in the "sinful" activity or had just gotten better at hiding it.

"I haven't since...we were in the basement together," she replied in a soft voice.

"Why?"

She thought about it for a moment. "I'm not sure. You've made it clear that you think it's wrong, and you also seem to be re-dedicating yourself to the faith." She paused for a moment and then continued, "Let's be real, Michael. Your flogging me may have started as a way to help me repent, but we both know it became something else, at least in part - I enjoyed it...and I know for a fact you did too."

Of course she was right. We were fooling ourselves to think what we were doing would ever be accepted by our parents or sanctioned by the church.

"I know I've made a decision," she said. "This is only my opinion - you need to make up your own mind - but I believe the church is wrong. Maybe what you and I were doing together is a sin, since we're brother and sister - that, I get. But kissing a boyfriend with a little tongue? Really? We're over 18 years-old, Michael. We can drive a car, vote, get married, serve in the military, but God forbid I have sex with a man that I care about. God forbid I engage in oral sex and he comes anywhere other than my pussy. What is this? The Middle Ages? I'm done with having the purpose of my life being a vessel for some guy I probably haven't even met yet."

I couldn't believe the frustration and borderline anger in her voice.

She continued, "If I want to make myself feel good and touch myself, who am I hurting? If I want to show my boyfriend that I'm attracted to him, why can't I kiss him in a way that doesn't remind him of kissing his mother? If I enjoy being tied up dominated, that's my business and mine alone - it has nothing to do with my relationship to God and everything to do with my relationship with my partner or my own sensuality...and if I want to have safe sex with someone I care about deeply, why can't I?"

Despite my renewed commitment to the church, Ashley's tirade and corresponding arguments sliced right through my resolve. "I think you're right," I said. "I've been struggling with this since I was probably 15, and obviously even more so recently." I wondered if I should tell her what I had done and what led to my renewed commitment to my faith, as fleeting as it seemed to be.

"There's something I want to tell you," I said, moving closer to her on the bed so that our legs touched. "A few weeks ago, I...masturbated for the first time." I looked into her eyes for a reaction; she maintained a serious, concentrated look on her face. "I only did it once; I felt so guilty that I went to confession."

"How did it feel?" she asked, knowing damn well the answer.

"For the last few weeks," I began, "that was irrelevant. It isn't any more." After pausing for a moment, I continued, "It felt so good. I wanted to do it again so badly but I thought it was wrong. I've come to realize it's completely natural and that there is nothing wrong with it."

Ashley smiled, placing a hand on my thigh and squeezing. Her touch made my heart skip a beat.

"But, there's something else to address, isn't there?" I asked, regaining my composure. "You enjoy being tied up and dominated."

"Yes," she said, in a whisper

"I enjoy doing it to you," I continued.

"So where does that leave us?" she asked, a look of anticipation on her face.

"I don't know."

* * * *

The week before Ashley and I went away to college - she for her sophomore year, me for my first year - our parents took us to Myrtle Beach. It took about four and a half hours to drive to the Marriott, which was right on the beach.

During the drive, Ashley and I sat in the back of the Kia Sorento, mostly in our own worlds listening to music on our iPhones. Neither of us had broached the subject in question since we last talked. I know for me, I was still trying to figure out what I believed and what the implications were of those beliefs. I was also keenly aware that I had opened a Pandora's box in my own mind when I masturbated for the first time; I knew there was no going back and that eventually I would give in to my desires.

I glanced over at my sister, who had her earbuds in and eyes closed. She wore a red, scoop neck tee that clung to her body, and a white skirt that had bunched up during the course of the trip, exposing her upper thighs. I caught myself staring and turned to look out the window, but the "damage" had been done. I shifted in my seat to alleviate the pressure building in my shorts as my cock pulsed to life. I cursed myself for thinking what I was thinking. I found a podcast on iTunes and downloaded it, hoping to take my mind off the elicit thoughts swirling in my head.

The hotel was pretty nice. A walk through the pool area took us right to the beach, which was crowed with sunbathers, people playing frisbee, and kids building sandcastles. We arrived around three o'clock but were able to check in early. The person at the desk said they would be able to put us all on the fourteenth. My room was diagonally across from my Ashley's, while our parents room was three doors down on my sister's side of the hall. My room was fairly spacious, with a king-size bed, a flat screen TV, and a view of the resort pool.

The first evening, we decided to stay close to the hotel. We explored the amenities, the pool, and the beach before going our separate ways for a couple hours prior to dinner, which we had at the hotel restaurant. Throughout the evening, there seemed to be a low hum of electricity between me and Ashley. There was unfinished business between us and we both knew it and felt it.