Over the Top

She slid right in my face, "Or would you still love Mark."

Would I? I mean yes, do I? Would I...? I just sat there stunned. Would I still be a girl in a different body? Would I love Janey from a man's body or I still love Mark? Could I ask Mark to love me in a man's body? OMG, (oops) now I begin to see!!

As my mind is whirling, around itself. I suddenly stop and realize that it doesn't matter. We can't change; Mark is still Mark, Janey- Janey and me- Melisa. What Janey is trying to get me to see is the Soul, the ID, the Psyche can be the part that's loved no matter what the container. Can we separate the hormones, the pheromones, and the body? Plus the social training from the ID, the psyche, the soul? That I don't know, tis' the crux of the matter. But she is also saying, not very loudly, is that she loves me both, soul and body.

"Janey I see what I think you want me to, how's does this help us, because I don't want to be without you?"

"Here's where I think we don't get what we want this time."

"Missy when I went up to...Mark. I was so cock sure of myself and us together. I was laughing at them. I knew they were blown away just watching me. He couldn't take his eyes of me and I had you. Then I thought about how you were acting when you were staring at him and just ignored me, didn't feel me touch you or talk to you. As I was looking at him I literally could feel you want him, and knew he would be the one for you. Then I knew I was done. He had taken my place. What I'd been so scared of for all these years had happened, and I was over. When I walked back to you. All you could see was him, I took my keys, made you look at me, and you could see that I hurt, you just looked back to him. So I left."

" I'm sooo sorry..."

"I know you wouldn't hurt me on purpose Missy, no more than I would you. Mark has my place in your life and I feel that I don't have any place left. I love you sooo much. Even my special hope is gone."

"Special hope Janey...?"

She has her head down in her hands just sobbing softly, tears running down her arms. My heart just hurts soo bad I start crying too. I'm just looking at her, feeling so much, I'm lost in my feelings. Tied up, turned round and round, so much I don't know... She's hurting sooo, my heart is just breaking. I go kneel in front of her and wrap her so tightly in my arms. Strange feeling. I'm comforting Janey, she always comforted me, had her arms around me. Now I have my arms around her.

"Special hope Janey?"

"I've seen you with Mark, I would go to a place where I knew you would be and watch hidden. You're so perfect together, so right, so happy that's when I knew my hope was done too. My heart was breaking...but I wanted you to be happy"

"I don't understand Janey, what's your hope?"

She stood up and started pacing the room, not saying anything for a while. What could be making her more nervous? She's already wrapped my mind up in circles enough today. I can't imagine any thing more. What could be more than this?! She won't even look at me.

"Stupid.. stupid hope... I'll go back to Tommy Johnston. You came to my home for so long. You didn't cry at school or your home. But when you got to my house you would start crying. I would hold you, take you to my bedroom. Every day for almost a month. We dress each other, you brush my hair almost like you're making love to it. Sometimes we give high sign up or down if one of us is looking at a possible boyfriend. We touch a lot, as much, more than most married couples do. Tell each other how beautiful the other is. I think you're so afraid of being a lesbian, putting that label on yourself, that you're in denial over the feelings we have. What we mean to each other."

She paused, than signed deep. "I hoped some day you would love me like I love you. You would see that we are more than just friends who love each other. My hope, my dream... gone."

As I sat kneeling there on the floor with my mouth hanging open, she jerked the door open and ran out into the hall. Even through all this. I still couldn't let her go. I ran out in the hall grabbed her around her waist, my face in her so soft hair.

"Janey I can't let you go."

She turned in my arms, then held my face in both hands, hard, looking in my eyes. She looked over my shoulder. Then looked back into my eyes, again over behind me. Then stared hard into my eyes, looking back and forth between my eyes.

"OH Missy, I'm sooo sorry, so sorry. I have nothing left to lose. No hope, nothing left. Sooo sorry, so, sorry for this. I want you to be happy, but all's fair in love and..."

Then she leaned down and kissed me, softly, so very softly, just a caress lingering. She pulled back and looked in my eyes, pulled me back to her and kissed me hard! Oh, I tingled...things low in my body tightened, and I kissed her back, put my arms around her neck and kissed her back. She let me go with a gasp and a smile. Then looked behind me. I spun around and there stood Mark. I looked at Janey, Mark, then back at Janey then at Mark. Oh... Their faces... the hall started going gray and I was falling...falling, my last thought, I'm so fucked...

(I guess I was wrong about Janey, she's more important than I thought)

I'm Ok...Ok, I didn't mean to faint. This little bit can only take so much, so fast, and that was TOO much. Brain took a time out, when to lunch. I guess I really scared everyone. They over reacted got a doctor, put me in the hospital. It was only a couple of hours, oops. I guess the hospital was a good place to talk, and we talked a LOT. The three of us together.

(week later)

In fact we're ALL doing Ok...well more than OK. We're doing GREAT. It's a lot of fun too. These two love me way more than I will ever deserve, way more. Mark, my love, and Janey, my love. It's my hope that they'll grow to love each other as much too. I think they will. After all who couldn't love those two? Plus they're HOT...ssss! Them together...Oh God. THAT should be illegal. Molten rock illegal!

(2 weeks later)

"Hey Gray, can you believe that Mark, the big lug? Remember a couple of weeks ago we go 'just' to watch those damn Yankees play and what does he do. Have this mystical tate' to tate' with this major sex goddess and she just walks away, doesn't said a word. 'Then' he comes home with this little bit of haven. Beautiful...beautiful little porcelain doll. For a couple months they've this hot affair. You look at them and watch them, you just KNOW it's going to be Mrs. Forever. Then what happens? The sex goddess is back, and they're this triad thing that's hotter yet. That's right the three of them all together, one big happy family...Shit... some guy's have ALL the luck, shees!!

(After all, how, but any other way. Can it end, happily ever after.)