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Click hereChapter 43 The First Baby Arives
Mom and the girls had the nursery's all set up, she was waddling down the hall one morning and she just started to leak water everywhere. Baby Girl had the girls run her to the clinic and my first daughter was born. In the next three hours four more arrived. It was exciting to say the least. I had to hold each one of them and love them a little. As I was walking out the door of the clinic.
Baby yelled Daddy help.
I picked her up and ran back to the clinic with her. She had her baby girl and was so cute.
She said Daddy Kimmy is very close, but I have not seen her this morning.
I had Sissy check on her, she delivered in the kitchen and they were on the way to the clinic. It was a tense time for the next couple of weeks, then thing settled down.
Over the next couple of months this ship was on high alert for baby's coming. We ended up making a city in the first moon base, and the other base is our ship port. I have Lilly's girls looking for a nice uninhabited planet we can make a home.
About three years later Lilly said Daddy I think I have what you are looking for. I said come pick me up and let's see how it looks. We took six Cruisers and we did a complete surveyed of the planet, it was just what we needed and complete with water, underground caves to house our people till buildings were built. I had the sisters load the extra ship with supply's and send it. By the end of that year we moved all our people to the planet and then we stripped the two bases to the walls and moved it all here as well.
All our houses are built underground for two reasons, one they stay cool all summer and warmer in the winter. Plus, it protects all from sun radiation. We have great weather year-round and we are growing at an alarming rate.
My little sister is always by my side and she is so smart she makes my head hurt sometimes. But she is the love of my life with her two hundred and fifty thousand cousins. We are now over half a million people strong. All the AI's have their own little town and they are getting smarter every day, the AI children are as cute as their mothers and they have male AI's now in a few more years they will start to reproduce their own off spring.
I had the AI's put the ship underground like it was on earth with only the necessary components above ground. I live on ship with all my original family and my AI's. who knows maybe in a few millennia we will look around the solar system and see what we can find.
To think this all started with a friend trying to make me do her bidding, now I am king to a new people on the different planet.
Hope you liked the story "FROGNUT"
- COMMENTS
EugeneSelfishalmost 5 years agoIf you can set aside the weak grammar and formatting, the plot, themes, and concepts of the story are really entertaining on a grand scale. It's pure fantasy, but an interesting and enjoyable fantasy nevertheless.
Jackspeed2uabout 5 years agoSo obviously written by a 5yo child.
I said she said they said.... not even the first sentence of this whole shomozzle makes sense. I read it five times and still can’t figure out if he got off his dad or got off work and his dad picked him up or if he finished work and his dad works at the same place or he got off work and his dad got off work at a different place and they just happen to meet up? What the hell and I only read about three more lines after that but it just didn’t seem to matter as the main thing was that he was in the garage fixing the car, location set for a conversation. It doesn’t matter what he had for breakfast five years ago.
Either way read some books with dialog in them. Now if you managed to read then you surprised me, so now copy how these published and paid authors write and when you get better slowly modify their style to suit your own.
Until then your a shit author that writes unreadable crap.
As per your own comment, proof that school is important. Also completing school to year 12 is not the same as a GED. School marks you as normal and a GED forever marks you as a lazy and probably drug fucked kid who couldn’t be bothered to complete the FREE education offered by the state because he knew better than the hundreds of millions of people that came before him and set up the school system who then went OOPS later in life and thought better of his pathetic choices and got a GED.
Oh if you got this far, write chapters. This way you could have had a proofreader read the first two pages. Then correct EVERYTHING, change the style to make it readable and publish it. Then you can read the comments and make changes again. This leads to constant improvement and not 38 pages of crap.
You write for us the readers of this website. Now you think no way, I don’t write for anyone but me. Your wrong. If you didn’t write for the readers then you wouldn’t publish and this story would only be saved on your hard drive.
Don’t clog this site up with any more crap just so you can feel like a sucessful published author. Proof read, correct on and on till it’s done. Professionals do it that way, so why are you special and don’t need to proofread?
Frognutover 5 years agoAuthorThanks for all of your comments and advice.
I am a 62 year old mechanic with a tenth grade education then GED and 45 years as a mechanic. one day this story popes in my head after reading hundreds of stories here so i sat down and the words just kept cumming so i kept writing.
I am by no means a writer, and can just get my point across. But i had a good time doing it. i emailed a few volunteer editors from the list here but got no reply for help so it was just Me and Microsoft Word to edit the story.
I have a new story about 3/4 finished and any help would be appreciated in making it more enjoyable for the readers here. if not it will be "word" and me again!
Thanks to all that read it and hope some of you had a good time!
Anonymousover 5 years agoGreat story and thank you. I amazed by your imagination. What I suggest and this not a criticism as I always need one is get a proof reader. When I was doing my assignments for tertiary education I always had my wife read them. She never had to understand content but picked up the grammatical errors. I most say again great story.
inno0cent_bystanderover 5 years agoA small tip, avoid so much "he said/she said". Use quotes. Tell us what's said, and describe the action, rather than making statements about the dialog and action. Also, and i can't stress this enough, find a (better)beta reader. Pass it by them and listen to their suggestions before posting. You want them to be brutally honest, not pulling any punches. If they don't give you anything that needs improvement in the first 2 passes, fire them and find someone else. Assume all criticism is to help you improve rather than it being a personal attack, even though it will often seem that way.
Okay. That was a few tips, but you get my point.... Points. I look forward to your future stories.
