Pain, Anguish - Reconciliation?

There is no sex in this story. It's a story of a couple trying to deal with infidelity.

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"Thomas, this is the fifth time in the last six months that I've treated you for alcohol poisoning or an alcohol related injury. I'm going to have to recommend that you enter a treatment program." Dr. Lucas says.

"No, I'm not going into any damn treatment program." Thomas says.

"Thomas, if you don't get help the next time you could die." Dr. Lucas says.

"You say that like it's a bad thing doc." Thomas says.

"Thomas, what's wrong with you?" Dr. Lucas asks.

"Nothing's wrong with me, so leave me alone." Thomas says.

Thomas stands up to leave.

"Thomas, please, I want to help you." Dr. Lucas says.

"I don't want help." Thomas says.

Thomas walks out of the doctor's office and goes to the liquor store across the street. Dr. Lucas watches through the window as Thomas comes out of the store heavily laden with whiskey bottles. He puts them in his truck and drives away.

"Connie, would you please pull Mr. Smith's file for me?" Dr. Lucas asks.

"Yes doctor." Connie says.

She finds the file and hands it to Dr. Lucas who quickly scans the pages for the information he needs.

"Thank you Connie, I'm going to leave early, I trust you can close things up on your own." Dr. Lucas says.

"Yes doctor." Connie says.

Dr. Lucas leaves the office, gets in his car, and drives to the address listed in Thomas' file. He doesn't see the truck Thomas drives anywhere, but he hadn't gone there to see Thomas. He walks up onto the porch and rings the doorbell.

"Can I help you?" Rachel asks.

"Hello, are you Mrs. Smith?" Dr. Lucas asks.

"Yes, I'm Rachel Smith. What may I do for you?" Rachel asks.

"Mrs. Smith, I'm Dr. Mark Lucas, I've treated your husband for alcohol poisoning and alcohol related injuries five times in the last six months and I'm getting very concerned about him." Dr. Lucas says.

"Oh my God." Rachel says.

Dr. Lucas sees that Rachel is stunned by the news.

"Mrs. Smith, were you not aware that Thomas has nearly been killed 5 times by his drinking? Surely you've seen the bandages." Dr. Lucas says.

"I had no idea. You see, Thomas doesn't live here anymore. He moved out a little over six months ago." Rachel says.

"I see. Do you know where he is now Mrs. Smith? It is imperative that we get Thomas into a rehab clinic immediately, each time he has come to me he's been worse and worse, the next time could be fatal." Dr. Lucas says.

"I don't know where he's staying. I haven't seen him or spoken to him since he left." Rachel says.

"I take it that you didn't part on very good terms." Dr. Lucas says.

"He came home from work one day and walked in on me with another man in our bed." Rachel says.

She starts to cry as she remembers what happened.

"Mrs. Smith, I didn't mean to upset you, but I'm very concerned about Thomas. I saw him load a large amount of alcohol into his truck after leaving my office. Do you know anyone that might know where to find him?" Dr. Lucas asks.

"Maybe, his friend John might know." Rachel says.

"Where does John live?" Dr. Lucas asks.

"Across town, come on, I'll show you how to get there." Rachel says.

"Are you sure you're up for this?" Dr. Lucas asks.

"If Thomas is drinking himself to death it can only be my fault, I have to try to save him." Rachel says.

They get into Dr. Lucas' car and head for John's house.

"Dr. Lucas, seven months ago Thomas wouldn't touch alcohol. He wouldn't even drink champagne for the toasts at our wedding. If he's drinking himself to death now it means that I have destroyed the kindest, gentlest, sweetest, most wonderful man I've ever known." Rachel says.

"It is my hope that we can still save him Mrs. Smith, but we must find him immediately." Dr. Lucas says.

At John's house.

"Rachel, what are you doing here?" John asks.

"Where is he John?" Rachel asks.

"Where is who?" John asks playing dumb.

"John this is no time to play games." Rachel says.

"I'm sorry Rachel, but he made me promise not to tell you." John says.

"John, this is Dr. Lucas, over the past 6 months he has treated Thomas for very severe injuries and nearly fatal cases of alcohol poisoning. Each time it's been worse John. The next time Thomas might not make it to a doctor, the next time he could die. I can not allow that to happen John. Can you?" Rachel asks.

John can't bring himself to look Rachel in the eyes; he just looks at the ground.

"I knew it was bad, but I didn't know it was that serious. He rented an apartment over on Jefferson, it's apartment 135 in the Riverview Complex." John says.

"Thank you John." Rachel says.

Rachel and Dr. Lucas head to the Riverview Apartment complex and approach the door of apartment number 135. Rachel knocks. Thomas is taking a long pull off of a whiskey bottle as he opens the door. When he sees Rachel standing there he stumbles backwards and trips over an end table and falls backwards onto the couch.

Rachel and Dr. Lucas enter the apartment and start tending to Thomas who has passed out. When Thomas wakes up Rachel is right in front of him.

"It wasn't bad enough that you broke my heart now you have to come and bare witness to my misery as well?" Thomas asks in a drunken slur.

"Thomas, I know that I hurt you deeply, and I can't change that, God knows I would if I could, but regardless of how you feel about me right now I still love you Thomas and I will not sit back and let you destroy your life." Rachel says.

"I'm not destroying my life; you did a damn fine job of that for me. I'm just dulling the jagged edges of the broken pieces of my heart." Thomas says.

"Thomas, you're going to drink yourself to death very soon if this doesn't stop." Dr. Lucas says.

"Doc? I should have known you'd be part of this. Why can't you just leave me alone?" Thomas asks.

"Because there are people that care about you Thomas. Because as a doctor it is more than just my job, it is my responsibility to do everything I can to preserve and protect life." Dr. Lucas says.

"But it's my life, if I choose to live it in a whiskey bottle that's what I'm going to do." Thomas says.

"Thomas, what am I supposed to tell the kids when their father dies of alcohol poisoning in a disgusting apartment?" Rachel asks.

"I don't know, what did you tell them about why I left? Did you tell them that I found you in bed with another man? Do they know that you are responsible for me leaving?" Thomas asks.

"No, they don't know, and they never will." Rachel says.

"Really? Well I think they should know. Keeping secrets from those you love can lead to very bad things, wouldn't you agree? Let's call them right now." Thomas says.

He gets up off the couch to pick up the phone.

"Thomas, please don't." Rachel says.

"Don't what? Don't tell the kids that their sweet and perfect mother fucked another man? Don't tell them that I caught you with him in our bed? Why shouldn't I tell them that?" Thomas asks.

"They're too young to understand, the only thing it would do is hurt them." Rachel says.

"Well I'm a lot older than they are and it hurt me too, the only one that doesn't seem to be hurt by all this is you." Thomas says.

"You don't think I hurt? Not a day goes by that I don't beg God for his forgiveness and that somehow you could forgive me too. Don't think for one second that I don't hurt Thomas Smith, but there are 4 children at home right now that needed at least one of us to be there for them and be strong. While you've been here drinking your troubles away I've been there fighting back the tears and putting forth a smile to make the kids think that everything was going to be fine. Oh I've hurt Thomas, I've hurt." Rachel says.

"Thomas, telling your children about what happened might make you feel better temporarily as they would see Rachel as something less than perfect, but do you really want four young children to have the emotional scars of knowing that their mother was unfaithful to their father who ended up drinking himself to death because of it?" Dr. Lucas asks.

"How do I know the kids are even mine?" Thomas asks.

Rachel slaps Thomas as hard as she can. Thomas stumbles a little but stays standing and looks at Rachel.

"Thomas, I hope that was the whiskey talking, because if you have any doubt as to whom the father of the children is just look into any one of their faces and you'll be looking into a mirror." Rachel says.

"Thomas, we want to help you. I understand that you are in pain, I can't even begin to imagine what it must be like, but living in a whiskey bottle is no kind of life. Please let us help you stop drinking." Dr. Lucas says.

"To what end doctor?" Thomas asks angrily.

"To getting you back to normal, to getting you back to work, to getting you back to seeing your children, to getting you back to being happy." Rachel says.

"How can I ever be happy again after what you did?" Thomas asks.

"Thomas, I will never be able to make up for what I did to you. It was never my intention to hurt you." Rachel says.

"Of course not, it was your intention to never get caught. Tell me, how long had you been with him before that day? How many others were there?" Thomas asks.

"Thomas, you have every right to know the answers to those questions, and I will tell you, but not here, not like this. I will only tell you the answers to those questions with the help of a marriage counselor with you completely sober so that your reaction is not exaggerated by the affects of the alcohol in your system." Rachel says.

"Now that's a convincing argument for getting sober." Thomas says.

He throws the whiskey bottle against the wall.

Thomas goes with Dr. Lucas and Rachel and checks himself in to a rehab clinic. After two months Thomas leaves the clinic and goes directly to the first session with the marriage counselor.

Rachel is waiting when Thomas walks in and she goes to hug him, but Thomas holds his hand out to stop her.

"Don't touch me. Removing the alcohol from my system brought back the sharp edges of the pain in my heart. I can hardly stand to look at you right now." Thomas says.

"Thomas...I..." Rachel says.

"Let's just get this over with." Thomas says.

They enter the office of Dr. Angela Barnes.

"Hello Dr. Barnes, I'm Rachel Smith, this is my husband Thomas." Rachel says.

"It's a pleasure to meet you both. Please have a seat and we'll begin." Angela says.

Rachel sits down facing Angela across the desk, but Thomas turns his chair 90 degrees and pulls it out of Rachel's reach so that he is facing the wall.

"Very interesting. Mr. Smith, why are you removing yourself from our line of sight?" Angela asks.

"Because right now looking at Rachel is as painful as twisting the knife that she stabbed me in the heart with, and if she were to touch me I would either vomit or lash out violently." Thomas says.

"I see. Things are apparently much worse than I thought. Mr. Smith, if being in the presence of your wife is so painful why did you agree to these sessions?" Angela asks.

"I'm here because she said she'd only tell me what I wanted to know if I sobered up and came to a marriage counselor." Thomas says.

"I see, so it would seem that you consider your marriage over and aren't even open to the idea of reconciliation. If that's the case I'm afraid that I can't help you." Angela says.

"Doc, I still love Rachel, but given what she did I have a hard time believing that I could ever go back to trusting her the way that a married person is supposed to trust their spouse." Thomas says.

"I see, that's not uncommon in a case of marital infidelity. Are you willing to work with me to see if there is any chance that you could trust Rachel again?" Angela asks.

"I suppose." Thomas says.

"Good. Now you said that you only agreed to come here because she said that she would only tell you what you want to know if you did. What is it that you want to know Thomas?" Angela asks.

"I want to know how long her affair with that son of a bitch I caught her with had been going on and if there had been any others." Thomas says.

"Very reasonable things to expect Rachel to tell you if there is any chance of restoring the trust between you. But given the extreme nature of this situation I think it would be better if we built up to that information. Rachel, you should not reveal that information to Thomas until I tell you that it is okay, and Thomas, it will do you no good to ask until I tell you that it's time for you to learn the truth. Can we all agree to that?" Angela asks.

"Yes doctor." Rachel says.

"Why do I have to wait? I want to know now; I'm entitled to know now." Thomas says.

"Yes Thomas you are entitled, but you are not prepared. It is my job to try to save your marriage, and if you were to get the answers that you seek right now it could destroy any chance at saving your marriage. I have no idea if it was a one time thing or one of many long affairs, but in your current state it is best for your marriage that you not know for now. We need to prepare you for that information." Angela says.

"It's gonna hurt whenever I hear the truth doc, why not just hurt me now and then try to build me back up?" Thomas asks.

"Thomas it is my hope that we will be able to build you up to a point where we won't have to build you back up afterwards." Angela says.

"If you say so, if you won't let her tell me until you think I'm ready to hear it then let's get started." Thomas says.

"Okay. Just so that I fully understand what happened Thomas first you will tell me your version of what happened the day you found out, then Rachel will tell us her side leaving out any reference to how long things had been going on. Thomas, you may begin." Angela says.

"When I walked into the kitchen that morning I should have known something was up. Rachel was wearing a nice dress, she usually wears pant suits to work so the dress should have been a big give away. I remember telling her that she looked nice and asking her what the occasion was. She said that she was giving a presentation to someone that day and wanted to make a good impression. I didn't question it as she often had to give special presentations though usually she didn't have to dress up that much. As I was heading out the door for work I helped her get the kids into her car so she could drop them off at school and daycare on her way to work. We kissed goodbye, she said that she'd see me tonight and backed out of the driveway. I went to work and had two meetings in the morning that went smoothly. I met a friend of mine for lunch at a restaurant downtown. I got some pasta sauce on my shirt so I decided to stop at home to change my shirt since I had another meeting that afternoon. It was a little before 1:00 when I pulled into the driveway. Rachel's car was nowhere to be found, I assume that it was in the garage, there was a black BMW in front of the house that I didn't recognize, but that didn't mean anything to me. People in our neighborhood often park on the street when they're visiting friends; I assumed that Rachel and one or more of her friends had decided to have lunch at our house. The front door was unlocked and there was noise coming from the kitchen, I later discovered that it was the TV. My shirt was a mess so I figured I'd change my shirt then pop into the kitchen to say hello. I walked down the hall to our bedroom and opened the door. My heart broke into a million pieces in an instant. There, on our marital bed was my wife not only fucking another man, but begging him to fuck her harder. There could be no mistake, this was not rape, this was consensual sex between my wife and another man. I don't know how long I stood there before she saw me, it felt like an eternity, but it could have been merely a second or two, Rachel could better tell you that part I'd expect. When she did see me though the look in her eyes went from one of lust to sheer terror. She screamed and tried to push her lover off of her. He protested until his head turned far enough to see me standing there. He'd literally been caught with his pants down. He screamed something that I don't remember and tried to pull his pants up and run at the same time. He had to get past me to get into the hall. There was no way that I was going to let him just slip away like that. I swung my fist with all my might and connected with his jaw knocking him to the floor. As he tried to regain his feet I grabbed him by the back of the neck and by the waist of his pants and rushed him towards the bedroom window. With all my strength I hurled him at that window. The glass shattered and he flew outside half naked and surrounded by broken glass. He was able to get up after he hit the ground and I heard the squeal of tires out front as the BMW drove away quickly. I turned from the window back towards the bed and saw Rachel holding the sheets over her naked body. She wasn't crying yet, I remember that she looked so terrified at that moment that if I had flinched in her direction she probably would have peed all over the bed. After staring at her for an undetermined length of time I just walked to the closet, got a clean shirt and then left the bedroom. I walked down the hall towards the front door and I heard Rachel running after me yelling for me to wait and to talk to her. As I reached the front door I felt her grab my left shoulder. I wheeled around quickly and with my right hand I shoved her as hard as I could. She fell to the floor and wrapped in the silk sheet she slid several feet on the hardwood floor in the hallway. I walked out the door, got in my truck and went back to work. My meeting that afternoon was going very poorly for me; luckily my assistant bailed me out. After work I knew that I wasn't going to go home so I went to my friend John's house and spent the night there. The next day I rented the apartment that I have been staying in, took an extended leave of absence from work, luckily I'm the owner so I can do that, and I bought new clothes so I didn't even have to go home to get my stuff. I bought the first of many bottles of whiskey that afternoon." Thomas says.

Rachel is brought to tears, even Angela, who is trying to stay unemotional has a few tears on her cheek. She is able to regain her composure though.

"Thank you Thomas, I know that must have been hard for you. Okay Rachel, it's time to hear your side, but remember not to make any indication of how long you had been seeing the man Thomas caught you with." Angela says.

"Should I use his name? Thomas never did know his name?" Rachel asks.

"So it was someone that Thomas doesn't know?" Angela asks.

"Yes." Rachel says.

"Interesting, frequently it is someone that both spouses know. You can use his first name, but it would be dangerous to use his full name for now." Angela says.

"Okay, as Thomas said I was dressed up more than normal that day, but I really did have a presentation to make that morning. When I kissed Thomas goodbye that morning I had no idea that I would be bringing Kyle home to have sex with me at lunch. I dropped the kids off and went to work. I gave the presentation and it went very well. After the presentation I was surprised to find a message from Kyle asking me to meet him for a picnic lunch in the park. Well that sounded harmless enough, but I was wearing a nice dress, I didn't want to mess up my dress so I called him and suggested that we have an indoor picnic at our house. He agreed and we met at the house at about 12:15. I had gotten there first so I was in the kitchen watching TV, I left it on when I went to get the door and I never made it back to the kitchen, that's why Thomas heard the TV in the kitchen when he got home.

"When I met him at the door Kyle took me in his arms and kissed me. I was uncomfortable kissing him in the house I shared with Thomas, but it was also very exciting. Before I knew it I found myself in our bedroom having sex with Kyle. I wasn't sure how long we'd been there when Thomas came in. If he says it was a little before 1:00 when he got there I guess we'd been at it for a little more than half an hour. I find it odd that Thomas is unsure of how long he was standing there before I saw him because to me that instant is burned into my memory, I saw him immediately. A deep sadness and an enormous fear welled up inside me the instant that I saw Thomas standing there. I realized instantly that I had more than likely lost the man that I loved, and because I have seen the way Thomas can react to things I feared for my life as well as for Kyle's life. As Thomas said Kyle didn't see him right away, but when he did he was terrified. Kyle yelled to me that he thought I had said that Thomas would be at work all day as he tried to pull his pants up and run out of the house.