Pam

Margo called me out of the blue.

"Pami, I need your help. Please! Don't say no, OK?"

"Margo, of course you know I'll help you with anything. What do you need?"

"I need a date. I mean I need to find a date for somebody else. Let me explain."

So she explained and that is how I ended up at a marina restaurant in South San Francisco with Margo, her husband Dan, another couple and my date for the evening, Nigel. We had a great time, a fantastic dinner and I was able to show off my vino expertise. Afterwards, we went dancing at a jazz club nearby. By the time the evening wound down, I was ready to call it a night while Nigel was looking to get things heated up. The other couple was packing it in and I think Margo was waiting on me to decide if I was going to go with Nigel or call it a night too. I called it a night although I did give him my number when he asked.

"So, little girl, what did you think?"

I looked at Margo over the rim of my wine stem.

"About what?"

"Him, silly, Nigel."

Ok, he was a nice guy. Actually, he was a very nice guy but he didn't really push any of my buttons. He wasn't the beefcake variety I might take home to fuck the daylights out of. He was a bit older, conservative, polished in that English way. I had encountered a lot of his type in my business. They seemed all ledger and no play, if you know what I mean. Stodgy, some folks call them. Well, Nigel wasn't all that but he ran in those circles.

"OK, Margo, he was a great guy. Would I go out with him again? Maybe, but I think he was more focused on getting laid than I was, which I wasn't. That's OK too. Been there done that a few times. He was alright."

Well, we left it at that and hit the sack. I could hear Dan putting to her later and I felt just a tinge of jealousy that I had passed up my own entertainment but it was my own choice.

I hadn't heard from Nigel for a couple of weeks when he called me Thursday afternoon and asked if I would be interested in an outing on Saturday. I really hadn't given him any thought during that time but since I was free on the day, I agreed.

"Great, now I'll pick you up at 7AM sharp, we're doing the outdoors so wear something athletic and bring a change of clothes, OK?"

That didn't sound like the conservative Nigel I met earlier but I agreed. When Saturday morning arrived, I had packed a sport bag and was dressed in yogas and quick-drys while waiting for him with a latte. He pulled up to my gate in a Land Rover with two kayaks on top of it and a couple bicycles strapped to the back. As for Nigel, how do the English put it? He looked dashing and hardly recognizable from the earlier dinner date.

"I admired your muscle tone all evening the last time and assumed you might be up to something with a bit of vigor, yes?"

He had a broad smile on his face with his eyes hidden behind wayfarers and he was dressed in a similar fashion as me with tight shorts and a bikers top. He was actually buff, far more so than I would have guessed from our evening.

"We're heading to San Rafael. The Bay will be calm today so we should be able to get in a good distance. Then if you're up to it, we'll do some biking. Sound OK?"

Well, that was perfect to me so off we went. During the drive down I learned that Nigel served with the British Royal Marines in both Iraq and Afghanistan. That knocked me for a loop as I never suspected him to be the type. My Bob had worked with some of these guys before he was killed on that damn rock and knowing that, my estimation of Nigel soared.

Without going into details, I told him about Bob and his service and what happened to him. Interestingly, he didn't pour out his sympathies. Instead he talked fondly about a couple guys he knew who didn't come back and even showed me a picture of one of their kids that he had semi-adopted. By the time we got to the Bay, I had come to really enjoy his company.

Well, we filled the water bottles and put in, paddling for a couple hours before heading back. The water was calm but with mid-day approaching, the Bay was picking up. By the time we put out, I was starved and ready for a good lunch. I also felt great. The endorphins were up and it was a beautiful day.

I watched him across the table, more so than I did during our dinner a couple weeks earlier. Out of the jacket and tie setting, it was clear that Nigel was an athlete comfortable in an outdoors and sports setting. He also knew good wine and that was a plus. Most importantly, he knew how to talk with ease about a lot of things. There were so many dimensions to him.

I did learn that he had been married once before but divorced a little over five years ago after 10 years of marriage. As he put it, she found some other 'big eff'n bloke', cucked him good and flew off to Australia. They didn't have any children so it made it easy to start over and he hasn't heard a word from her since their divorce was final. Funny thing about Nigel. He didn't exhibit a shred of animosity toward her. When I asked him about that, his reply was simple.

"I'm having the time of my life. I make more money than I ever imagined. I'm living in a wonderful place and I'm sitting across the table from one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen."

OK, I could blush and I did but I loved the compliment and told him so.

We finished our lunch and drove down to the GG National Recreation Area and unlatched the bicycles. This was a more leisurely work out and we toured the whole area and had a great time. By late afternoon, we were done and heading back up to Napa. I invited him in and we both showered, separately, and I offered to cook a dinner. He insisted we go out so we did. We went casual and did wings and beer of all things. By the time he got me back home, I wanted to invite him in and to stay but I hesitated. My body said "fuck him, fuck him quick!" but something in my mind said wait. So, that's what I did

"Jesus Christ, fuck that big boy in there. OH MY GOD! ... Ohhhh you are going to make me cum. Jesus."

Nigel had something. He had a BIG fucking cock. He had stamina and a set of balls to match. He also had the most talented tongue. As for his dick, I had a large condom that barely fit him but it did the trick. He jumped my bones in a way that I hadn't felt in a long time. My old fuck buddy, Jim, didn't do it this good. When we finished, I was the most lushishly fucked little horny kitty cat in town. I couldn't even think straight. All I could do was giggle.

That was our third date and I remember kicking myself for sending him home after the second. Body should have covered mind.

From that point on, Nigel was a regular. We would go every week on either a Friday or Saturday and we would meet for lunch a couple times a week if we were close by. I was spending more time to the north and Nigel's job as a consultant was sending him south if he didn't have to fly somewhere.

When we were together, we usually had the best sex I have had in years. I say usually because there were times when we didn't fuck. We were developing a relationship that afforded us to converse, see things together and enjoy life at our own pace. Sometimes, we would sit in a coffee shop and just argue politics with a neighbor, kiss and go back to our busy worlds. Were we exclusive? I wanted to think we were. I know I was but I didn't know about Nigel. I didn't have a lock on him and I had already told him I had not planned on ever remarrying after Bob.

I received my answer to that question on a week night while I was wrapping up some business in San Rafael with a client, a woman who owned a local wine retailer. We were just finishing up a couple glasses and an appetizer plate when I saw him come into the seating area of the restaurant we were in. There was no way he could see me unless he got up and specifically came looking. The trellis work and wine rack blocked his view.

The woman he was with was dressed to kill or at least to arouse and Nigel was certainly paying attention. She was all playground eyes with him and he was eating it up. As I watched them, I realized that we never made what we had exclusive so I shouldn't be feeling this way but it was eating me up. I thought he was out of town this week but instead, he was on a date. It actually upset me.

I walked out with my client and walked with her to her car. When I reached mine, I hesitated and debated going back in and dragging him out of there. Instead, I picked up my phone and called him. I got his voice mail.

"Hi Nigel, I just called because I need to ask you something. I know neither of us committed to an exclusive relationship but I want to know how you feel about that because, well, Oh hell, I'm being silly. Listen, I'll call you later in the week. Bye, Nigel,"

I had not even opened the door to my car when my phone went off. It was Nigel. I didn't answer and headed home instead.

The rest of the week was a blur. David and Marylyn called to let me know they were going to be in town over the weekend. I immediately insisted they stay with me and I spent a rushed Friday stocking up the pantry. Cindy thought they were going to stay up in their new place in Pepperwood Grove instead, so she loaded her car up with goodies and headed to my place. Between the two of us, we had the making of a bistro going on. David said they had some good news to share and I was as excited as I could be.

I had a call from Nigel earlier in the day on Friday and turned down a date with him that night. When I explained I had company he understood but he also wanted to talk to me about the message I left him. I asked him to give me a few days until my company returns home and I would give him a call.

It was really bothering me and I didn't know why. We were not exclusive pretty much at my insistence.

Cindy and I met David and Marylyn at the airport early Friday afternoon and by the time we got everybody loaded and on the way, David was ready to share his good news. He had taken my advice and was moving himself and Marylyn to San Rafael or at least some place in the area once they figured out where they wanted to live. His company, Phoenix Financials Group, was going to expand the offices of their parent company, Stanhope-Bishop in San Rafael, hence why they were moving there. He would be bringing several key members of his team with him and still leave the operations group in Tennessee. In fact a couple members of his team were arriving later and might join us on Saturday for a SF Bay cruise.

We arrived at the house and got everybody settled in. The twins still had some of their stuff in the guest rooms but Marylyn took care of that when she got settled. We had a gourmet menu planned and by the time Stephen arrived, we were ready to indulge. The men swapped stories while Marylyn, Cindy and I pounded ourselves silly with bottles of a fresh vintage I was marketing. Cindy and Stephen called it an early night and the remaining three of us sat out on my veranda cuddled up on the gliding chaise watching the stars and sipping wine.

"Pam, you did what you said you would do." She said and I could see the tears forming in her eyes.

I looked at David and he just nodded. I thought I could see his eyes misting just a bit but I'm sure he would claim it was the weather.

"He did just what you told him to do. He staked his claim on me and made me his wife again, exclusively and permanently. There is nobody else between either of us ever again and I have you to thank for that. He told me what you said to him and he rescued me from my pit, from my personal hell. We went to counselling for the past two months and decided to leave everything back in Tennessee that would remind us of our journey."

The tears were rolling down her cheeks now but they were happy tears and not the sobs of sorrow. However, I knew I was part of the sorrow so how did I fit in the picture? As if they read my mind, David spoke up.

"Pam, you are not part of what we are leaving behind. I've talked with Marylyn at length on this and we both agree. You are as close as family to both of us as well as the kids and there is no way in hell you are not going to be a part of us going forward. You are too precious to us."

OK, it was a group hug and cry fest at that point but eventually we ran out of tears and we finished the evening with mirth and a toast to new beginnings.

We were all up early the next morning with a breakfast of sausages and eggs and mugs of coffee. David had arranged to go on a bay cruise if the weather was cooperative and it appeared to be a perfect day. We packed a couple baskets for lunch and set out. At the dock were three other people waiting for us. David made the introductions. There was Kiera Wilson who was one of David's senior analysts. She was late twenties, edgy looking but kind of hot in her way. The couple was Michael and Millicent Ethredge. She was another senior analyst, early thirties tops and actually from the Bay area here. Michael was an engineer.

Before the cruise was over, Kiera, Millicent and I were like the best of friends and Michael, Stephen and David were so immersed in man cave stuff, they paid us no mind. Cindy was trying to play both conversations as best she could but eventually just stayed with us girls. The rest of the weekend was a blast. I had not had so much fun in a long time. By Monday morning, we had to dry out and face the workweek. Cindy and Stephen headed back to Pepperwood and David pointed himself south with Millicent's rental and the two girls in back (OK, that was curiously odd). Michael went house hunting in Sausalito explaining that he had already accepted a position with an engineering firm in Marin City right next door. Millicent could look at it later was his reasoning. OK.

So, that left Marylyn and I for the whole day together and it was a great day. Sitting outside with morning coffee, Marylyn opened up to me and shared her story over the past three years. I listened, fascinated by it with all the intrigue, adultery, D/s as well as that complicated love triangle she found herself in. Then she quietly revealed the darker aspects of what had happened with her paramour's emasculation, her ultimatum at the hands of some men who carried out the deed and the horror of what she had been required to do. She revealed that it broke her completely. It had even bound her to what for her was an unnatural lust for submission.

She revealed all this and then thanked me profusely for what I had suggested to David. If I had not done that, she might have left on her own and disappeared or worse still, done harm to herself. I think I felt closer to Marylyn than ever at that point and wondered how in hell this couple had ever survived that.

I had houseguests of varying levels through the rest of the week and by the end of the week, everybody except Marylyn had flown back east to finish the business moves and household goods. She was going to stay with either Cindy or me while David settled matters over the next few weeks.

The ring of my phone startled me out of my sleep Saturday morning. I looked at the clock and it was 8:30, way past my usual 6am rise time. The caller ID told me who.

"Hello, Nigel."

"Good morning, Pam. I hope I didn't wake you. I just assumed you would be up proper this morning."

"Oh no," I lied. "I'm just laying here trying to decide what to do. I have a friend staying over for a while."

"Oh, I'm sorry. Perhaps I should go then."

"No, Nigel, it's not like that. She and her husband are close friends and she is staying here until he gets back. Besides, I owe you a call."

"I suppose so, then. Listen, I was hoping we could meet for a coffee somewhere and talk about things. Maybe the shop on the corner in an hour?"

"That would be fine, Nigel. I just need to throw something on." I lied again.

We finished the call and I hit the shower and was sitting in the shop before he arrived. One of the regulars was hitting on me again, a regular pussy hound that is, but he was getting nowhere. I entertained him, smiled, flashed some thigh and wished I had been braless just to give his pecker a rise.

Nigel came in just as I was about to lick my lips and took the empty seat at the table. Pussy Hound looked at him and said, "Later". I just nodded, David style. He was rubbing off on me.

"So how are you doing?" He asked.

I looked him over.

"Listen, I really shouldn't have left that message. I had no right."

"Of course you did. I called you back immediately after you left it. I'm guessing you saw us at the Terrapin?"

"Yeah, but, Nigel, it was none of my business."

"Pam, let's be honest. It was every bit your business. We've been seeing each other for months and I always thought we had a good thing although I kept hoping for more. But I know the boundaries you have set for yourself. You don't want a serious long term relationship. I can respect that."

"Nigel, stop. That's not it. I saw you with another woman and I was jealous. I was the problem, not you."

He kind of kicked himself back in his chair and chuckled to himself.

"What is so funny?"

"You."

Now he had a really big grin on his face.

"You are jealous if I'm with another woman. Do you know how I've been feeling all week thinking you might be with another man? Bloody jealous is what I've been. I've had to slap myself to keep from calling you."

He leaned back into the table, clasped his hands together.

"Listen, the woman I was with was a lass I used to date before I met you. We ran into each other coming out of a pub and well, she knows of some of my particular talents, you know what I mean. She wanted to shag it again. If you hadn't called I probably would have. She's a hot little female when she turns things up.

But when I saw who was calling, you had already gone to voice mail, so I tried calling you back. I never spent the night with her. When I listened to your voice, I could hear you were upset and I knew then, you wanted something more than what I thought you wanted. I hope all of this is making some kind of god damn sense because this is hard for me.

Listen, Pam Daniels Giardone, I don't want to be with any other woman but you. I added your husband's name in there because I want you to be proud of him and not hide him in your secret place. Wear his name because you loved him and if I'm a lucky man, someday I intend to add my name to his. That might take me a lifetime but I'm a patient man and I know I'll never, ever fill his shoes. What I do know is that I can place my shoes next to his and make his widow proud of her choices.

OK, I've said it. Call me this evening."

With that, my proud Englishman rose up, walked out the door, turned and winked and headed down the street.

"Motherfucker" I thought. "Marge was right all along." I sat there with tears in my eyes for the longest time and a smile I couldn't kill if I wanted to.

I got up and walked through the door of the shop out into brilliant sunshine and it was as if an anvil had been lifted off my shoulders. I ran the 10 minute walk home in 3 minutes and bounded into the house.

"Marylyn, Marylyn!" I cried through the house. She came running into the kitchen where I was standing.

"Marylyn, do you remember what it was like to fall in love? I need to know. I don't want to make a mistake!"

"Jesus, Pam, what on earth are you talking about?"

"Love, Marylyn, love. I fell in love with Bob when I was 19 years old and it wasn't the same. It wasn't a crush. It wasn't lust. It was true love. Jesus, I feel like that now. And it hit me like a thunderbolt. I think the motherfucker proposed to me in his own unique way."

She just stood there and laughed.

"If you could see yourself now, Pam, you would burst. You are as giddy as a schoolgirl and you have lovesickness all over your pretty face. Why haven't you said anything about him before? Who is he?"