Papaver Pilosum - A Gardener's Nightmare!

As we slowly drove up the driveway to their house, I said to Joyce," Firstly, please do not object to anything I say today, stay calm and do not show that you are upset. I know I am the father, but I am going to scare the shit out of Tom. Secondly, find an excuse to go to their bathroom, where you are to steal Tom's toothbrush. Do you understand what I want?"

"Yes, stay calm and steal his toothbrush, but why?" she replied.

"Look, I know more than you think. Just do as I say and I will explain later."

And just as I had completed my instructions we rolled up in front of their house. Mira and Tom greeted us warmly and invited us up on the patio where Mira had made tea. It was a warm and nice day, Mira was very taken by the baby and the little boy went from one lap to the other. After a while the women went inside, telling me they would change the nappy.

While they were inside, I looked at the garden and asked, "Why all these poppies? You are not going to win the competition this year Tom."

"No, I know. I don't know what to do. It looks to me there must be millions of them and I don't have a clue how they got there," he replied.

"Well, you have enemies you know. Angry husbands Tom. You have been fucking a few wives and at least one husband is fucking your garden, that's evident. The only question for you Tom, is to find out which wife and which husband. But does it matter? You will have a hell of a job to weed them out," I said.

Before we could continue our dialogue the girls came out. Joyce said it was late, we had to get back before the sun went down. She did not want the baby out in an open car in the chilling evening air.

While the girls loaded the baby cot in the car, I asked her loudly, "Did you find his toothbrush?"

"Yes," she confirmed.

Tom looked at me with an open mouth.

"For the DNA, Tom," I said and continued, "Now you know who fucked up your garden and it is going to cost you a lot more you know. Have a good day."

I went over to Mira, gave her a hug and said I was sorry, "I needed the revenge; I hope you are not too angry with me, but it was Tom's garden and I had to hit where it hurts."

Epilogue. I knew something about Tom, something he himself was unaware of. He was shooting blanks. Mira had told me one day when she in despair asked me what she should do about his philandering. She had asked him to go to a doctor for a full check because she did never conceive. Her own doctor had confirmed all was in order with her. He was insulted by her request and refused to go. Nothing wrong with him, it had to be her fault. She told me that later she said to Tom that she had a yeast infection and asked him to use a condom until she was well. She saved a sample and brought it for her doctor to check, she was told he could not father a child. She had not told him and as he was frequently unfaithful she just wondered why she bothered. "I want a family together with a faithful husband," she said.

That's why I said what I said at our departure, giving her an excuse to leave Tom for good. She knew I was pulling Tom's leg, but he did not.

Tom's garden became a news item with the local TV station, as, based on last year, he was a contender in the state competition. He became the laughing stock in the gardening community, lost his interest in gardening, and when Mira left him he was a shadow of himself.

A year later Mira came to Memphis, found a good job. She met and married a gallant widower with a young son. They soon had a girl together. They are now our closest friends and live in the same neighbourhood. We were lucky again, had a beautiful daughter the same year as Mira had hers. Not only the adults but the children as well play happily together. I did not want to sacrifice family for a career, so when I did well in Memphis and was offered a top job at the head office, I told them I preferred to stay where I was.

The End.

I wish to thank my editor, who for his own reasons, wish to be Anonymous. He does a great job arresting silly mistakes. At one of them his comment was:" I nearly laughed myself sick at this error -- etc" so I give something back -- a good laugh. I'm sure you would like to know what this mistake was, but I will not tell you. I hope you had a good read.