Paradise Found Ch. 03

"The virus makes it a little tough for me too..." I said sheepishly.

"But, getting back to what I was saying, she's dominated my personal life. She spent every weekend here after that one. She says she just wants to make sure I'm OK, and to keep me safe. It's not that she's jealous, but sometimes, I just want to get out and blow off steam with friends, and, um, she won't let me."

"So she, like, ties you up and makes you stay in with her?" I could see her trying to wrap her head around it.

"Nothing like that, but she's very persuasive. There was only one time when I actually tried to get out despite her request for me to stay. She didn't hurt me, of course, but let's just say nothing I did was going to matter. What can I say? She's a big girl." I hung my head, a little depressed.

"I gotta hear this! What did she do?" her curiosity bubbled over.

"No way. It's too embarrassing." I peeked at Tara. There was no judgment there, just sympathy. She was a good friend, and I really wanted to get it off my chest. I couldn't tell my parents - that was too weird - and Jason and I weren't talking. I suspected he might have even had a hand in my rape, if maybe unwillingly.

Taking a deep breath, I said, "OK, but this is hard for me to say. We wrestled. She told me I could leave if I pinned her. I won't mention what we agreed I would do if she won...

"No guy wants to believe they could be thoroughly trounced by their girlfriend. Women may be physically dominant now - or will be soon - but it's tough to let go of thousands of years of programmed genetic dominance. She even gave herself a handicap - held her left arm behind her back."

"We squared off, and I came at her first. I came at her hard, but held a little something back in reserve. Not because I figured it would be enough, but because I could tell myself I wasn't really trying if she had won.

"I figured grappling with her upper body was going to get me nowhere. Hell, I don't even come up to her boobs anymore. So I went for what I thought would be a point of weakness: her legs.

"She danced around, giggling, while I tried to grab her large calves to uproot her. Of course, this got me nowhere. She's just over 9 feet tall, and I'm pretty sure she weighs over 500 pounds - never tell her I told you that!

"It was like trying to uproot a tree. My infection has made me stronger, but I was still overwhelmingly outmatched. It's ludicrous to think I could even move her, let alone pin her, but my pride demanded I try.

"When my half-measures weren't enough, I poured on every ounce of power I possessed. I could even tell she was toying with me in an effort to avoid damaging my ego - as if it's not just that much worse when I can plainly see her cheating on my behalf!

"At one point, she pretended to stumble under my assault, and landed briefly on her back when I grappled her.

"It was clearly just a ruse to get me to grab her upper body, where she wanted to be touched all along. She was never nasty about it, of course. She shook with mirth, and though I know it was just because she was genuinely having fun, I felt every chuckle eroding my dignity.

"It's just not in her to be cruel to me, but there was the look in her eye. There was love there, but something about the violence of it... Her desire had been piqued from our closeness.

"She was clearly humoring me the entire time. It was humiliating. I put on a good face when we were done; acted like I didn't even want to go out anymore. But my shame was there. Probably written all over me. She sensed it, and tried to make it up to me afterward..."

I was quiet for a moment. Tara listened compassionately as I let it pour out.

"Now I understand what women have experienced for so long. Their plight was - is still, in some cases - to hold paradoxical control. The ability to withhold a partner's desires renders them immense control. But if stronger partner's desire becomes great enough, that power can swiftly shift to the other side of the fulcrum. Ultimately, the power they have is built on the scruples keeping the opposite gender's inherent physical dominance in check. This whole power struggle is being turned on its head now, and who knows where scruples will be once the virus becomes pervasive."

"Are you saying you think the virus has changed Elise?" she asked quietly. I was kind of amazed at how easy it was to tell her these things.

"That's the odd part - I don't think so. It has given her cravings that she sometimes struggles to control - she's told me as much, but the sweet Elise I fell in love with is always there. She's really doing what she believes is right. Above all else, she wants me to be happy, and truly believes I would be happiest while safe with her."

She finally piped up, "Well, maybe I'm out of line with this crazy idea, but have you thought about actually having a heart to heart with her about it? You may be embarrassed, but you're in love with each other. If you really trust her, nothing could come between you but what you allow to do so."

Perhaps she was right. I had accepted Elise's growth - even come to enjoy it - along with the control it gave her during our intimate moments. It had brought us closer together. She gained true acceptance from me and I enjoyed her love and trust. But this was another layer of myself I would have to peel back. To bare my tender pride to her. Her control had only appeared occasionally before, but I would be trusting her implicitly with my new commitment.

I had to do it though. For us.

"Hey, I'm stealing the spotlight. What about you? I know you have a boyfriend back home. Have the two of you spoken about what this could mean for you?" I asked.

"Sure. Of course. With the way this thing has spread, I figured most women just accepted the fact that they would become infected in time. I certainly have. That is, unless they're actively joining one of those quarantine districts.

"It's a pretty scary thought. Being small is part of my identity. I'm not sure how I'll cope with being so much larger. Darren and I have been together since high school. I'm not sure I really love him though. We agreed we wouldn't remain exclusive at college, and see what happens when we return home. Either way, you've shown me that it can all work out between infected women and men." She gave me a bright smile.

"Good thing I'm not infected yet. I'd probably have tried to jump you by now. I mean here it is, 2am, we're in your room, and your roomie is at his girlfriend's place. You'd better not be thinking of taking advantage of me."

I laughed. Was she serious? I was getting some pretty strong vibes from her. But she was a shameless flirt with all the guys. I'm not reading into this.

"Well I guess we're done for the night, huh? I don't think I can concentrate on studying anyway with a hot guy in the room." She looked out the side of her eye, coquettish. Was she really coming onto me? What was it about women? Something about showing them your weak, ugly sides made them so horny. Eh, whatever.

"Yeah, hey, thanks Tara. You don't know how much I appreciate you letting me unload that baggage on you. I feel like a load has been lifted. I'm really sorry, but I've gotta get some sleep."

I got up and started piling my books and papers. I'm not one to kick people out of my room, so I just went about my business as she slowly got ready to leave.

Sometime around when I was brushing my teeth, she finished collecting her things and sat on the couch, just staring at me.

"Happy to help! 'Night Alex!" she chirped.

"'Night" I muttered, turning back to the sink to wash my face. I thought I saw her look back over her shoulder at me in the mirror as she left, but I couldn't be sure. The door clicked shut. Finally, some rest. I had a lot to think about though.

As I climbed into bed I remembered that I needed to call Doctor Dodbele back regarding my virus compatibility. He said he wanted some blood and semen samples for tests. Ordinarily that would have weirded me out, but given what Ash had said about my rare condition, I figured it was probably my duty to advance the knowledge of medical science however I could. Maybe I could do some kind of internship for him. I'd talk to him about it tomorrow.

Elise

Walking back toward the house, I rifled through the mail. A few bills for my folks, a Victoria's Secret catalog, couple pieces of junk mail, and... ugh, another letter for me from The Matriarchy. I opened it, just to see if they had actually changed their pitch.

Nope, same old spiel.

"Dear Ms. Pierce, we're pleased to be able to offer you membership within a prestigious new society of women. Women empowered to bring about a better world. Women like yourself, ready to throw off the shackles of the patriarchy and achieve a new place for yourself and your peers..."

Same old stuff. Please join us, lend us credibility. Same as any movement of its ilk. They claimed to have big goals - establishing societies for women, where women would be given their rightful place as leaders and decision makers, social shapers and thinkers, instead of being relegated to administrative positions and those that focused solely on physical beauty. Men were allowed in these communes, of course, but with a condition: they were not to work. Their place would be in the homes, beholden to their wives' every whim at the end of the workday.

No one that I knew really took them seriously, but they did make the news occasionally, and I thought I heard that one of their societies had gotten off the ground in upstate New York. They had setup a wine-making industry there, and were apparently quite successful with it. Gaia Wines were offered in several different varietals and blends, and available along most of the east coast. Determination fueled their efforts. They were clearly well motivated and had a strong work ethic. Vowing to build upon their industrial capabilities, they planned to branch out into other markets as their community grew.

It didn't sound horrible, truth be told. I fantasized often about having Alex at home waiting for me at the end of every day. What I wouldn't do to have him here with me now... I closed my eyes and imagined him massaging every inch of my skin. He relished touching me, I knew, and I craved the feel of his manly little fingers on me.

I rushed upstairs and shut my door, ignoring the greeting my mom gave me. I wasn't particularly worried about how my rudeness would be received - she knew the drill by now.

Flushed with burning need, I quickly laid on my new bed, fumbling to strip my pants off. I exposed my saturated folds and went at it hard with my fingers. I bucked, arching my pelvis into my furious digits as euphoria quickly overwhelmed me. A poor substitute for Alex, indeed, but it would do for now.

My body's demands were increasing, though I wasn't sure why. Some days I couldn't even make it to close of business without having to relieve myself this way. One time it struck me so powerfully I actually went home sick and attacked myself with my vibrator for a good 20 minutes before I could think straight again.

My thoughts returned to The Matriarchy. Though some of what they were doing was lauded as positive change for women, I had heard of horror stories too. It seemed that some of what occurred with males at their settlements was not strictly voluntary. Slaves, abused day and night to satisfy the unending sexual requirements of the society's titular members. A shudder climbed up my spine. That would never happen to Alex. I wouldn't allow it.

Cleaning up, I dressed and prepared to head down for dinner. The new house was still pretty daunting since I hadn't hit my full growth potential yet. Our plan to move was accelerated when Mom's condition manifested more rapidly than anyone had anticipated.

In the two months since her diagnosis, she had grown to over 10 foot 6 inches. Five feet in two months! It was crazy. Some days I swore I could see her growing. Our old house had become impossible for her to live in, so she had stayed at a hotel meant to accommodate infected women until our belongings could be moved.

I looked up at her now and wondered about the fact that I was a couple feet taller than her just 8 weeks ago. She stood more than a head taller than me now, though I had reached 9 foot 5 myself.

Dad seemed to be holding up well, but the whole thing was a massive adjustment for him, and I could tell it taxed him daily. Dealing with an insatiable wife, a growing college-aged daughter with her own issues, a new home that was way too big for him, Mom's recent unemployment, and two mortgages - at least until the other house finally closed escrow. My heart went out to him. He was so strong to bear it all on his shoulders for Mom and I.

********************

The end of the semester was closing in, and I was counting the days until Alex would return. I nearly lost it earlier today in the middle of class when I received his cryptic text message: "We need to talk."

The suspense ate at me throughout the rest of the day. Was he breaking up with me? He had talked about that girl in his Chem class often enough. What was her name? Kara? Was I smothering him? I hid behind the excuse that my frequent visits were to protect him from the danger of infected girls, but this was only partially true. In reality, I just wanted to be near him all the time. Waking up with him curled up next to me, nuzzling his head against my breast, filled me with happiness and buoyed me through the day.

My thoughts were bleak as I considered what Alex would say. Get a hold of your paranoia, Elise. He loves you. Something may be bothering him, but he clearly needs you, so keep it together.

Summoning my courage as I sat on my bed after dinner, I finally dialed him.

"El! I was just thinking about you!"

"Hey Honey, you said you wanted to talk about something?" My stomach was sitting about 12 inches higher than it was supposed to, but I kept it from my voice.

"I'm glad you called, yes, I did."

I closed my eyes in relief, clearly he didn't intend to break up with me. Right?

"I wanted to talk to you about...what I've been feeling." He said tremulously.

The nerves came back.

"Lately, I've felt that you've been more...uh, I don't know how to say this...controlling? than ever before. I know it's a dangerous world with infected everywhere. They're becoming more common every day. The problem - that is, my pull, on women, you might say - seems to be getting more powerful too.

"But as much as I enjoy being with you and value your protection, I need my other friends as well."

"Alex, let me-" I started, but he cut me off.

"Please, let me finish. I've done a lot of thinking, and I want you to know it all before you respond."

I got up and paced as I listened.

"Let me give you some perspective. When guys are raised, we're taught to suppress our emotions. Emotions are weakness. We're told to despise this weakness in those that society believes should be strong - other guys. Strength is paramount, and part of being strong is sheltering those that are weaker than us, including women. We're instructed to hide our fears, showing no emotion in the face of adversity.

"But now I'm faced with a world in which I can't be strong. In which the very women I was taught to safeguard are either those that would threaten me, or perhaps worse, my protectors.

"Logic tells me to appreciate this protection - your protection - and realize it for the love that it is. But this has been a struggle for me these last few months, as the roles in our partnership have shifted from equals, to...something else."

"When you made me wrestle you for my freedom a few weeks ago, in many ways I looked at our literal power struggle as symbolic as well. It's not easy to say, but my ego was dealt a crushing blow by the ease with which you handled me."

"Almost like I were some kind of unruly pet, wrongly wishing to get itself into trouble."

Horrified, I became deathly cold in an instant. I felt two inches tall.

"Alex, no! I just wanted to have a bit of fun with you. I was worried about you, but I would never think of you as a pet. I may be larger than you, and I have a unique perspective on infected women's thoughts and motivations toward you, that's all. I had hoped that you would value this perspective and come to see it for what it is. This was never some kind of order from a superior, but a warning from an inside source."

How could I make him see? I was desperate.

"Alex, you are my partner, and my love. My true soulmate. I am so sorry. I see now how insensitive that was. Please believe me, I didn't intend to demean you.

"No matter what size we are, you'll always be my king. I would bow to you, if you wished it."

"El, while I love hearing you say those things, I was about to say that after all my reflection, I've accepted this. After Vicki did what she did, despite my efforts to stop her, I recognize that I need your help. With the number of uninhibited and desperate women growing all the time, the threat is real.

"Ultimately, I wanted to tell you that I put my trust in you completely.

"It has been difficult, but I now believe I could even grow to love submitting to you. On occasion, that is." he chuckled.

I just wanted to reach through the phone and hold him. His absolute trust and outpouring of love despite the emotional wounds I had inflicted upon him brought a tear to my eye. I pictured his silly grin and tousled hair and got all warm inside.

"I love you, Alex." I said quietly.

"As much as this act of trust means to me, you were right to question. You opened your heart to me, and I owe you the same."

"My intentions have not always been entirely noble. Though the largest part of me only wants happiness for you, a fraction of me wants to take you and make you mine entirely. Worryingly, perhaps even to the exclusion of your own desires." I paused then, on pins and needles. Unsure if I could face his rejection. I needed to stay the course though. Alex was silent.

"I've fantasized about us living out our days together in the world of tomorrow. Shamefully, these dreams have you staying at home while I go to work. Coming home to you and ravaging you until exhaustion finally stops us. Talking about our lives over dinner and curling up on the couch together to watch a movie before falling asleep. It is a powerful fantasy, and one I...still wish for.

"But your faith has bolstered my resolve to protect you, from the desires of others - even if they're mine. From now on, I will never let my own dreams for a life with you to come between us. You have my word."

"Heh, well now...that doesn't sound so bad. Sexing up my goddess of a wife at the end of every day and taking care of her every desire. Yeah, not bad at all...

"But really El, I love you more than anything, and while I want to have my own life too, your joy is more important to me than my own. Let's just take it one day at a time, and agree to trust each other."

That sounded nice. I could live with that, and told him so. We spoke for a while longer and hung up. All was right with the world again.

Now to focus on my penance; I was only interested in one thing: making a fantasy of his come true. Only two weeks until Alex returned home. Better let him spend this weekend with his college friends. I'll stay home and give him some space.

I started to plan for his return. Hmm, I was going to need some help...

***************

The next morning I awoke eager to put my plan in motion. I threw off the sheets and got up.