Party of Five Ch. 19

"Oh," said Josh. "Then I was probably preoccupied. But...wait...so you're inlove with me?"

Dawn shrugged. "I don't know. How am I supposed to know if I am?"

"You just...feel it," said Josh.

"Feel what?"

"I don't know. You feel like you can't live without the person; like you can't wait to see them when you get home; and you'd do anything to make them happy..."

"Check, check and check," said Dawn.

"What!?" Josh exclaimed. "You're not serious..."

"I am," Dawn replied in a wounded tone.

Josh rubbed his temple, feeling tired. "Dawn...you would throw me into the ocean if it meant saving your own skin."

"I wouldnot!" said Dawn, looking horrified. At Josh's sceptical look, she added, "Okay...so maybe I would have before; but not now. Ilike you now."

"You like my cock," said Josh. "And there are plenty of those around."

Dawn sighed irritably and came closer to Josh, looking up at his face. "I don'tjust like your cock," she said. "I likeyou. I like talking to you and spending time with you and lying in bed with you." She looked down at the floor, and it was the first time in eighteen years of knowing her that Josh saw Dawn looking embarrassed. "You make me laugh."

"I make you laugh?" said Josh, with his eyebrows raised.

Dawn looked up. "Yeah."

"And that means that you're in love with me?"

"Not just that," said Dawn. "The other stuff too." Her voice became suddenly sharper. "Why are you so eager to prove me wrong? Just tell me you don't love me if that's how you feel."

"I do though," said Josh.

"Then what's the big deal? Is it the sex thing? You want to have meaningful sex?"

"I- I don't know."

Dawn sighed. "Well, I do," she said, with finality.

"You do?"

"Yes. I want to make love to you and kiss you and...and not use the word fuck even once. And I won't blow you either."

Josh was smiling at her now, floored by her reaction to all this. "So...you want to make love?" he said.

"Yes," Dawn replied firmly. "I want to make love to you so that you'llbelieve I'm in love with you."

"When?" asked Josh.

"The next time you can stay home from school," replied Dawn.

"That might be a while."

"Well, I'll wait. If this love shit is all you make it out to be, then it should be worth the wait, right?"

Josh raised his eyebrows again. "Love shit?"

"Sorry...lovestuff," amended Dawn, putting her arms around Josh's neck and kissing him the way Jacquie and Alice kissed him. Maybe she was serious after all.

"So you let me know, all right," she said. "And I'll call in sick at work, and we'll stay home together and make sweet, sweet love."

"If I were a betting man..." said Josh.

"Oh, shut up," said Dawn, slapping him on the arm.

She leaned into him and closed her eyes, resting her head against his chest. They stayed like that for several minutes, before Dawn finally opened her eyes and untangled herself from Josh. She looked at his reflection in the mirror. "What's up with your hair?"

"What do you mean?" said Josh. "What's wrong with my hair?"

"I dunno," said Dawn. "Why you don't change it a bit?" She found a tub of gel, spread some on her hands and started fiddling around with Josh's hair. After a few more minutes and several different hairstyles, she washed her hands and smiled at Josh with satisfaction. "See – doesn't that look better?"

Josh looked at his reflection and raised his eyebrows. "It looks stupid."

"It does not," said Dawn. "You look better like this." Josh snorted sceptically, which made Dawn throw up her hands. "Fine," she said, "do it however you want." She turned on her heel and left the room. Josh turned back to the mirror, looked at his hair for a few moments, and decided to leave it as it was.

* * *

Josh had to admit to himself that he was highly intrigued by the prospect of actually making love to Dawn. More than anything, he was curious to see if she would be capable of it. Whenever he played a potential scene out in his mind, it always ended with Dawn complaining it was too slow and sticking his cock in her mouth instead. But then, that wouldn't be an entirely unwelcome outcome, so there was no reason not to look forward to it.

Being on good terms with all of his sisters at once was proving difficult for Josh. Whenever he was alone with one of them, they'd be all over each other, and whenever he was with all three of them, they wouldall be casting him conspiratorial grins. He wasn't sure how he'd managed to keep everything a secret up until now, but he was worried that it wouldn't last.

Things with Alice were great because they were new and different and, unlike with Jacquie and Dawn, they both seemed shy and timid when it came to their new relationship. He drank up her bashful smiles and nervous gazes like an intoxicating wine, which, just like real wine, made his head buzz.

She seemed so much smaller than his other sisters when she was in his arms, so delicate and soft and so receptive to his touch. Even stroking the skin on her neck could make her tremble against him. Josh could restrain himself a lot more around her, but nowhere near as much as he'd thought. When he hugged her, her breasts pressing against his chest and her hands planted firmly on his back, it took a decent effort to suppress his desires. But he did so, because he was afraid of scaring her or hurting her.

Alice seemed to be looking forward to their next time together as much as Josh was, though. The only problem was that they got very little time to themselves, certainly less than Josh got with Jacquie or Dawn. Jacquie was home every day of the week and Josh finished school early on some of them, so he could see her quite often. And, of course, they were able to talk to each other when they cooked meals or washed the dishes in the evening. Finding time alone with Dawn was a little more difficult, but with her, they didn't alwayshave to be alone. She was getting more and more reckless, and although Josh tried to reason with her, she just brushed his concerns aside and went about her business – which was to make him cum, powerfully and repeatedly.

Time alone with Alice was a much rarer commodity; it was only at night that they could really be alone together. At one o'clock in the morning on a Sunday night, Josh left his room and made his way silently to Alice's door. She left it open for him now, so he turned the knob, stepped inside and shut it behind him. Alice rolled over instantly, and Josh was sure she was smiling.

"Hey," he whispered.

"Hey."

He went over to the bed and embraced her, letting her pull him down beneath the sheets. "I was wondering when you'd come," she whispered. He hadn't been to see her at night since their first time together, because he could only do so when everyone else was in their room asleep. If Dawn was out or Laura was staying up late, it became too risky and Josh had to stay in his room, in case he was checked on. Tonight though, had been the perfect opportunity.

They were lying on their sides, facing each other and punctuating the silence with the occasional kiss or stroke of the cheek. It was always nice being able to take things slow with Alice; the pace with Jacquie was usually a medium one and it could be measured in split seconds with Dawn. With Alice, Josh felt young and inexperienced again, full of curiosity at the soft beauty in bed with him.

"You have school tomorrow," said Alice, running a finger down the side of his face. "Are you sure you don't need to sleep?"

"I can sleep here," said Josh.

Alice smiled. "You won't sleep and you know it."

Josh smiled back and kissed her lightly on the lips. "There are other things more relaxing than sleep, you know."

"Such as?"

"Such as this," said Josh, kissing her neck. "And this," – kissing her below the ear – "and this" – sliding his tongue all the way inside her mouth and eliciting a soft little sigh.

"Anything else?" said Alice.

Josh grinned and held up a condom. Alice wrapped her hand around Josh's and looked at him closely. "Are you sure?"

"Only if you want to," Josh replied.

"I do," said Alice.

Josh kissed her forehead and rolled on top of her, careful not to weigh her down too much. "I...um...brought another one," he said, taking a second condom out of his shirt pocket.

Alice merely smiled in reply. For Josh, the next ten minutes were all about Alice. He neglected the nagging desire of his own body, so that he could please her. He explored her face with his lips and her stomach with his hand. He inhaled the soapy smell of her hair and marvelled at how impossibly soft the skin on her throat was. Alice watched him with a smile, letting him do as he pleased.

"You're good at this," she said at one point. "Now that you have all that practice."

Josh's smile faded and he looked away from her with a little ball of guilt bouncing around inside his stomach. But Alice took his face gently between her hands and waited until he looked at her. "Josh, don't feel bad about it," she said, her voice so soft that Josh's heavy breathing sounded like a jet engine in comparison. "I told you it was okay."

Josh nodded. "I know."

"And besides," Alice added, "I get to reap all the benefits." She gave him such a sweet smile that Josh couldn't help but smile back and kiss her again. They kissed for a long while, and then Alice said, "I like your hair," while she plucked at it with her fingers.

"I thought I needed a change," said Josh.

Alice raised her head off the pillow and touched her lips to his, barely a kiss, but enough to send a shiver down Josh's spine.

Then it was time to lift up her nightdress and slip it over her head. Josh put it carefully on the floor before turning back to Alice. She became shy again, now that she was naked, but just like the first time, she was a vision. Her bare shoulders, her slender arms, her soft breasts; they all caught slivers of moonlight from the window and looked like something far softer than human skin. Josh ran his hand across her stomach and leaned down to kiss the top of her chest.

As he did that, he let Alice unbutton his shirt and drop it on the floor. She ran her hands over his back and sighed into his ear. Her hands, like the rest of her body, were impeccably soft; it was like being caressed by silk gloves.

Josh took his pants and underwear off himself, piling them on top of his nightshirt when he was done. He applied both condoms to his cock and made sure that they were secure. It was tighter and a bit restrictive, but he would rather suffer that than the hell they'd been through the first time. He pulled the sheet higher to cover them both and sucked Alice's ear lobe into his mouth, which always made her giggle.

"That's nice," she sighed. "I didn't think boys did things like that."

"Boys are morons," said Josh. Alice laughed before he had a chance to correct himself.

"They're not all morons," she said. "I've got one here that's very nice and romantic."

Josh smiled and locked his lips together with Alice's, looking into her eyes as they kissed. He'd only ever done that a few times before, with his sisters, as he always found it to be emotionally overwhelming. It was now, and he was forced to close his eyes before long.

His cock was pressing lightly against Alice's opening, begging for the entry that Josh was denying it. He wanted more time to enjoy her body; to savour her taste and her touch and make her giggle again. But his cock kept poking her between the legs, and soon, it was making even Alice gasp.

"You're teasing me," she said, holding onto Josh's head as he attacked the side of her neck with his mouth.

She moaned his name into his ear, soft as a breeze, and they both trembled against each other. Josh loved that he could make her sigh and moan and gasp with pleasure; he'd do it all night if he could. But his cock was tensing with anticipation, and he could tell that Alice was waiting too, so he lifted his mouth away from her neck and positioned himself between her legs. She parted them a bit more to give him room and held onto his back as he slid himself inside. A gasp and a sigh from them both, and then he was all the way in, shaking from the feeling. She was wet inside, more so than the first time, and Josh's cock felt saturated to the base. He eased himself down and wrapped his arms around her; she did the same until not even a molecule would have passed between their bodies.

He had tried different positions with Dawn lots of times and several times with Jacquie as well, but when he was with Alice he didn't think he could stand not to be facing her and holding her as tightly as possible. She was trapped in his arms for the next few minutes or hours or however long they would take, and Josh was equally trapped in hers.

Alice closed her eyes and bit her lip as Josh started to move. He watched the changing expressions on her face: an open-mouthed sigh one minute, a coy smile the next, a look of pure ecstasy as he pushed himself in deep and stayed there for several seconds. He could feel her heartbeat through her chest and her pulse in her throat when he kissed it. Everything about her was so alive and conscious. It was a strange thought to have, but after years of pleasing himself with his hand or his pillow, Josh still marvelled at the feel of a living body beneath him, a set of soft, damp muscles clinging to his cock like his own hand never could.

He felt sad, again, now that he was inside her; seized by a strange melancholy similar to what he had experienced with Jacquie. He couldn't blame Dawn for wanting to try this, soft and sweaty and passionate as it was. He struggled more with Alice to draw the line between his memories of her as a sister and his discovery of her as a sexual being. It blurred so often that the two perceptions of her faded into one, and he felt strange and guilty to be making love to his sister. But it was the guilt that made the experience unique, and he was sure she felt it to by the way her sad, angelic eyes looked into his, apologising to him and willing him to make her cum at the same time. It was like the movies he'd seen, with the dramatic music and the montage of images: bare backs, tangled legs, dishevelled sheets. She seemed so small beneath him that he was afraid of breaking her; afraid that at any moment she would burst into tears and tell him they were making a mistake. But the tears she cried weren't from sadness, Josh thought, as he brushed them away gently.

He saw himself as a kid, six or seven perhaps, at a department store with his mother and sisters, craning his neck to look at the glass ceiling above. He was holding Alice's hand, staying close to her whenever they entered a crowd. He remembered getting sick a few days after that, and Alice bringing him soup in his room, walking slowly and keeping her eyes on the bowl so she wouldn't spill any of it. He saw that little girl in his mind and the young woman beneath him and struggled to reconcile them, though he got it eventually. She was still the same Alice she had always been, only their relationship had deepened on the same level that any relationship can deepen between a male and a female, whether they're related or not. When he looked into her eyes, Josh saw that girl, smiling back at him and bringing him soup.

When he came, his mind exploded and tremors racked his body. Alice's mouth opened wide, and she arched her back, pushing up against him. Her eyes shone teary in the darkness, and her expulsion of breath was all Josh heard echoing inside his head. They fed off each other's gaze, playing the same game they had when they were little, and seeing who would look away first. It was Josh, when his orgasm subsided; his arms buckled beneath him, and he collapsed onto her, head on her shoulder and arms slackening around her torso. Alice held onto him though and brushed the sweat from his face.

He felt like a child again, safe in her embrace, as she had said she felt safe in his. He was as exhausted as he had been that day with Jacquie, or on any day with Dawn. He could barely keep his eyes open.

"Josh," Alice whispered. "Are you okay?"

He nodded against her shoulder. Alice put one hand on his back and the other on the back of his head and soothed him with soft words. Her voice was so like music that it sounded as though she was singing to him. Josh found strength enough to kiss her on the shoulder, then fell asleep.

* * *

He woke less than an hour later, with a little more energy. He raised his head to see if Alice was asleep and found her looking back at him. "Awake already?" she said.

Josh moved off her and lay on his side so that he could see her. She pillowed her head on her hands and smiled at him.

"Sorry," said Josh, feeling guilty. "For falling asleep."

"You don't have to be sorry," Alice replied. She reached out and smoothed his hair down, which he supposed was sticking up. Josh looked down at the bed as she did it, thoughts rising to the surface of his mind. Alice noticed, as she always did.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

Josh nodded.

Alice found his hand beneath the sheets and held it in her own. "What is it?"

Josh looked up, saw the concern in her eyes, and sighed. "It just feels weird," he said. "Doing this with you."

"Weird good, or weird bad?"

"Weird good," Josh replied quickly and decisively. "Definitely good. But still weird."

"Well," said Alice, "it's bound to be abit weird. It's not something you do every day. Unless you're Dawn," she added, making Josh smile. She touched his cheek softly. "What's weird about it?"

"I don't know," said Josh. "It's just...with Dawn, I don't have that many fond memories of her when I was growing up. I know that sounds bad, but...we hated each other then. And I guess that made it easier to do what we're doing, because we'd finally found some common ground. I never knew her that well, and she's always been so strong and outgoing, so it didn't even seem weird doing what we did. I mean...apart from the mortal enemies thing. But with you and Jacquie...I see my sisters first andthen the girls that I'm sleeping with. And sometimes that knowledge just hits me and it seems strange and weird again. It seems wrong."

Alice had kept quiet and still as Josh spoke, her eyes locked on his. Now she raised his hand and held it below their chins. "Do you think it's wrong?" she asked.

"I...don't know," Josh replied.

"I bet I know when you think that," said Alice. Josh looked up curiously. "After you cum, right?"

Josh blushed, hearing Alice speak like that, and looked down again. "Well...yeah."

"So that's normal," said Alice. "You don't think I feel guilty afterwards? And Jacquie? I bet even Dawn does." Josh highly doubted that, but he said nothing. "It's the hormones, Josh," Alice continued. "And sometimes you have to ignore them. Because I know that I like what we're doing, and I'm sure the others do, too. You've got nothing to be afraid or ashamed about."

She snuggled closer to Josh, pinning their intertwined hands between their chests and rested her head against his. "You're a good person, Josh," she said.

Josh put his free arm around her and closed his eyes. He couldn't fall asleep there, so he'd have to leave soon, but he'd stay as long as he could. Alice did fall asleep, eventually, and Josh watched her for an hour or two before easing himself out of bed and putting his clothes back on. He picked up Alice's discarded nightgown and folded it next to her on the bed, then returned to his room where he got very little sleep.

* * *

Josh's eyes were heavy, and his very bones weary the next morning. The shower woke him up a little, but not completely. Dawn was the best thing for that. He met her in the hallway after he'd finished in the bathroom.