Past is Gone

I was a petite 32 years of age, happily married for the past seven years with Raj, who had a managerial job in a company that required him to look after two offices; one in Mumbai and another in Pune. He had to visit each office once in a week. Raj loved me a lot. We did not have any children. After seven years of marriage, we did not have a great sex life; but I was pretty satisfied with my husband as he did not spare any efforts to make me happy and feel comfortable.

I craved for a child and in spite of consulting several doctors, the result was nil. We had many tests and after all the tests, Raj said that doctors told him that everything was alright and that the doctors could not advise us why we did not have a child. I knew there was something wrong with my uterus, because my hubby Raj was too loving to tell me the truth so I did not feel bad.

This was one of the reasons for my occasional depression and dislike for socializing. I did not like, when someone asked me how come we did not have a child. Living in a small apartment, I got bored when my husband Raj was away. Raj was insistent that I take up a job. I was reluctant because, if I took a job, I would surely be subject of constant male attention.

I did not like lascivious male attention. You might call me conservative. In fact I was not just conservative but perhaps frigid at the time of my marriage. How my hubby made me a conservative woman from frigidity stage is another story. However, it did not mean I was an outright bore. I liked to wear makeup and dresses that highlighted my figure and beauty without making me look exhibitionist. My husband Raj liked me to expose a little when we went out to parties. I however, limited myself to wearing makeup and dresses that might make me look desirable but not available. My hubby had to be content with that.

Even when I wore simple dresses and makeup: I was gawked by males everywhere due to my feminine and sexy figure. I got irritated with excessive male attention. However, unlike other husbands, mine loved it. I certainly had what you could call eye catching figure. I was fairly tall for an Indian female and had the right contours particularly, where it mattered to men.

My breasts were not huge but they were not small and stood out. My husband Raj liked me to wear bras that accentuated them. They were firm to start with and In spite of my efforts, I could not hide my sizable boobs and shapely ass. In any dress, be it a saree or salwar kamiz, my caving-in waist and shapely bums projected out tantalizingly. Raj insisted on my wearing sarees, well below my navel. Initially I resisted him. However, as he was persistent, I relented and thought of allowing him the small concession.

When I told my husband Raj about my reasons, for not taking up a job, he laughed and said, "Come on Neena, we are living in 21st century. You are beautiful and males will stare at you. That is natural. Sometimes, some will touch you or even try to squeeze your breasts or bums while travelling in bus or train. If you don't like it, catch the fellow and smash him. But don't be afraid. Besides, when you take a job, some casual male female interaction, staring, flirting, joking etc. will happen. Rather than taking an offense, you must enjoy it. It is no big deal, as long as we (husband and wife) are true to each other. Always remember: 'Past is gone, Future is not known. Today is your own to enjoy"

He kept telling me of his casual flirting, joking with his office female staff. He told me that even during college days he had many girl friends. I knew his reputation during the college and suspected that he must have smooched if not fucked some of them. I was not keen to know about it; because what mattered to me was that he loved me very much and cared for me.

After a lot of persuasion from my hubby, I decided to take a job in a multinational private chartered accountancy company in Mumbai. My husband Raj warned me that during my travel or in the office, I might attract male attention. I had to learn to accept it. If I could, I should enjoy it. However, he told me not to accept vulgar comments, molestation or forced solicitation. Well I knew I could very well deal with such rogue behavior.

Sameer Sir, was my immediate senior. He was smart, handsome, tall and well built. He had been working for five years in the company. We worked under the same boss. In the very beginning of my stint, I was quite inexperienced and he greatly helped me to ensure that I quickly started doing my job as per company's expectations. He covered up for my mistakes and deficiencies.

I was a bit uneasy at this benevolence towards me. He did not have to do that. After all, I was a commerce graduate and supposed to be proficient in my job. But the fact was that I wasn't and Sameer Sir knew it. I admitted to him as much during my first days of work; when the boss gave me some assignment. As the time passed, through his assistance, I was able to improve my working and impress my boss and seniors about my competence and efficiency.

After a few days of our introduction, Sameer Sir forbade me to call him "Sameer Sir." He insisted that I should call him only as "Sameer". Initially it was difficult; but I started calling him Sameer. That broke the initial formal wall between Sameer and me. at times however, I felt uneasy. This was because, in spite of his charm and benevolence, I noticed Sameer sizing me up several times. I noticed his stealing glances at my boobs and ass I had the ass that I knew, did a lot in men's crotches. My hubby never got tired of telling me that. Why blame poor Sameer? Even aged persons and happily married guys in our office tried to get closer to me under one pretext or another.

Mind you, I was not wary of dealing with male colleagues. I knew how to put them in their place; if and when required. Sameer was a bit different. I did not feel offensive towards him because he was such a simple dear person and helped me out without the slightest ado. I respected him for his help and guidance. Naturally, I felt indebted to him. He seemed a bit different. Over a period of time Sameer and I got along well and chatted of things apart from office matters. I was however, always conscious and ready to react, lest he might make any undue sexual overtures.

Much to my regret, what I feared happened one day. Sameer compared me with one of the actresses and teased me on my sexual features and other males ogling at me. He told me that since I looked sexy, other colleagues could not avoid sizing me up. I controlled my reaction, although I was a bit edgy.

He kept asking me about my married life and about my husband and how come we did not have any child so far. Well, that was my achille's heel. I told him rather sternly to mind his own business. When Sameer tried to laugh off my rebuff saying, "Come on Neena, I was just joking."

I raised my voice and said, "Sameer Sir, I do appreciate your help all this while, but don't be under the impression that I am one of those who will offer herself to you on cheap solicitation. What you men think of me? Do you think, I am a cheap woman?"

Sameer's face turned pale at my stern rebuff. It was a bolt from the blue for him. I had never reacted that way with him earlier. He did not expect that kind of response from me. He looked at me sheepishly. I stood up; pointing a finger at him, I left his room saying, "I hope it is clear."

Sameer did not attend the office for the next three days until the weekend. I also did not bother to check. However, when he returned on Monday, he was not the same Sameer that I knew. I did not expect the kind of impact my rebuff had made on him. I must have spoken in much harsher tone than I had intended; because his lively attitude evaporated. His face looked, as if he did not eat for some days. The first time we faced each other in the office after that episode, He mumbled apologies and moved away from me. For the whole of that week, he did not come near me, nor looked in my direction.

The boss was very upset with him for his un-notified absence, lack of concentration and serious lapses in his work. It was very much unlike him. Not knowing exact truth, the office staff started whispering and gossiping about Sameer's affair with some girl and her rejection as the cause of Sameer's change. (Perhaps they knew my closeness with Sameer Sir, but were too nice to name me.)

From that time on, Sameer stopped talking to me, except for very few mono syllables needed absolutely to communicate something official, very important or unavoidable. He became fully introvert. All in the office were puzzled at the sudden change in Sameer's personality. He was considered as one of the most efficient and important member of our staff.

I felt guilty and remorseful at his condition. After all, he was just joking and I could have been a little understanding. Perhaps I had overreacted. I went to him several times and tried to mollify him. However, I could not bring him out of his self imposed shell. During this time, I learned some interesting facts about him and his family from my colleagues. I learnt that he was happily married and loved his wife very much. He had to leave his wife at his home town to look after his ailing parents. He missed her a great deal. His town was a long distance away, involving tedious journey and changing transport several times. The last he met his wife was six months ago.

I just did not know what to do to bring him back to his normal self. As a female, I could easily sense that he was sex starved. Many times earlier, I had caught him stealing glances at my body. He had that look of hidden hunger in his eyes. There was a huge conflict in my mind. I did not want to get him closer to me yet I wanted to bring him back to his normal self.

After a lot of thought, I decided to take my hubby into confidence. Raj, my husband, was and is heads over heels in love with me. We made love passionately and talked for hours in bed. Since the day I joined the office, he always asked me about the males in the office and if anyone tried hitting at me. I had told him how Sameer looked at me, how I caught Sameer stealing glances at my boobs and ass and how he tried to get close to me. He kept asking if Sameer tried to make any sexual advances. I kept disappointing him. Then this happened; so I told him about what happened.

I told him about my snubbing him. I told him how Sameer stopped talking to me and kept aloof. Any other husband would have lauded my action. However, my hubby Raj was sad. He was irritated at my snubbing Sameer and asked me, "What in the God's name did he do to deserve such a rebuff from you? Even if I accept that he was trying to solicit your favours, which he wasn't; your reaction was far too harsh. You could have simply pooh-poohed it."

I was taken aback. I did not know what to say. Deep in my heart I knew Raj was right. Raj said, "The poor fellow was going all out to help you. He established your position in the company. And he gets this in return, just for a casual joke he made! You women are unbelievable." Then he looked at me and said, "You have caused him so much hurt; so you need to set that right."

I nodded my head. I asked, "You are right dear. I am now feeling guilty. I tried to talk to him, but he wouldn't talk to me. I don't know what to do. What can I do now?"

Raj said, "Darling, you do nothing. Let me sort out this. You relax."

Next morning my hubby phoned me at my office and asked me to give the phone to Sameer. I went to Sameer and told him that my husband Raj wanted to talk to him. I handed my phone to Sameer and returned to my desk. I did not know what they talked; but after the talk, Sameer came to return my phone and said, "Your husband is a nice guy. Thank God! You are in good hands." And he walked away. I was left wondering, what Raj talked to Sameer.

Past this conversation, Sameer's behavior changed. He started talking to me and others as before. However, I missed his earlier charm and enthusiasm. I knew somewhere in his heart, I had broken a corner. Again, I talked to my husband after we had a good sex one night. I told Raj all that happened. I said that although Sameer started talking, his behavior lacked that earlier spontaneity.

Raj looked at me pointedly and asked, "Darling do you seriously want to bring him back to normalcy?"

I looked at him surprised and asked him, "Yes, of course. Why do you ask?"

Raj said, "Because, in order to overcome his hurt, you will have to control your reactions. You have to appreciate his sex starved situation. You have to encourage him and let him come closer to you. You have to make him feel that you are sorry for your behaviour. If you want to break through Sameer, you will have to first break yourself."

I asked him what he meant. He said, "You will have to completely relax in his presence. If he jokes or makes a double meaning remark, you will have to avoid getting edgy. You also need to get rid of reacting if by chance he catches your hand or jocularly touches your boobs or ass. In sports, dance and offices, such things happen between partners and colleagues of different sex and you should not take that as an offense. I shall call him over for dinner and you have to look after him personally with your charm. Don't worry, I shall do whatever is required to break his inner shell." I nodded my head in agreement.

The next day my husband Raj phoned me and asked me to give the phone to Sameer. They talked for a while. After the talk, Sameer smiled at me and said, "Raj wants me to visit your house for dinner this weekend. Your hubby is a wonderful person."

That evening, as we were getting ready for Sameer to come, Raj told me, "Honey, I want this to be a special evening."

When I looked at him questioningly, Raj said, "I would like you to wear something exciting for the dinner and be a sport darling." I knew what he meant by "Exciting". He wanted me to wear something sexy.

I asked my hubby, "And what do you mean by being a sport; honey?"

"Oh, well, I mean at least for today evening relax and go with the flow. Don't make any fuss, if things go a bit cranky. That's all." I nodded my head and began preparing for the evening.

I wondered if my hubby got excited hearing of my tales of Sameer flirting with me in the office and was disappointed at our sudden flare-up. Perhaps he wanted to push the story a bit further. It was my guess though.

I wore half jeans (up to knee length) and loose white cotton top with lacy pointed bra. The top was rather short and stopped at the hem of my breasts. the whole of my flat tummy, my navel and my tantalizing body lower down, were liberally exposed. I looked at myself in the mirror. If I bent, the top was loose enough to give a good view of my bra and deep cleavage. It was not too sexy, but it certainly was titillating. My breasts stood out with the type of bra I wore. The jeans hugged my hips and made my hips protrude to catch any male's attention. I went to my hubby and asked him, "How do I look?"

Raj said, "Delicious. Tempting enough to eat." And he came to me taking me into his arms and playing with my boobs. He was horny. I pushed him away. I said, "Sameer will be here any time. I don't want him to get wrong ideas. You may eat me after he goes."

Raj smiled mischievously and said, "He already has wrong ideas and if not, he will have them after I meet him."

I did not know what he meant, but before I could ask him, the door bell rang.

It was Sameer. He had brought with him a bottle of wine. He presented it to Raj with a bowed head. Raj quickly made him sit at ease and poured the wine in three glasses. I brought snacks and sat on a chair. My hubby Raj insisted that I also have a drink. I agreed after some polite objections. I took a sip. The wine tasted good.

The two of them talked like close friends. I went in the kitchen cooking and decided not to join them until the dinner time. When I joined, I found Sameer was a different man. As soon as I entered, he said "Hi" with his earlier enthusiasm. I did not know what my hubby did to bring about such a change in my colleague. However, I was happy for him.

After dinner, all of us sat and my hubby Raj brought a pack of playing cards and said that we would play a game of cards. I had played cards in my parent's home with my brothers and sisters. However, Raj said that there would be conditions. I looked at him. He said the person losing a game will have to do what the other two wanted. I agreed.

Sameer was the first to lose. Raj asked him to dance on a film song. Sameer made a face and danced awkwardly. We all laughed and clapped. It was then my turn. I asked Sameer to sing a song. Sameer had a fair voice. He sang some lines. We all clapped.

Next to lose was Raj. Sameer asked Raj to mimic someone. Raj mimicked me. He did a good job. I pretended to make a face and we all laughed heartily. I asked Raj to pose as if he is "Mister India". He removed his shirt and banyan and showed his muscle in that typical pose.

When I lost, Sameer asked me to do a cat walk. I had seen some girls doing it on the TV show. So I did my best to twist my hips as I walked. When I reached closer to Sameer, I bent so as to thrust my bums sexily in Sameer's direction, straightened up and returned. We all laughed. It was my hubby's turn to ask me. Raj asked me something strange. He asked me to kiss Sameer on his cheeks. I looked at my hubby. He looked sternly at me and slowly winked. He wanted me to do it. I went to Sameer and placing my lips on his cheeks, kissed him. I was a bit embarrassed, when Sameer enveloped me in his arms and hugged me tight; not too intimately, and said, "Neena, you are a wonderful person and so is Raj." That was a huge change.

Sameer and my hubby Raj had consumed three pegs and were a bit high. I was just sipping my first drink and was fine with it. My husband was in no hurry to finish the evening. He asked Sameer about his family, his college life etc. Then he asked Sameer, if he had a crush on any female before marriage. When Sameer fumbled, Raj said, "We all have our crushes and antecedents."

Then looking at me, my hubby said, "Before our marriage, I was having an illicit affair with a married lady. I told Neena about it also." Then whispering in Sameer's ears, he said, "We had jolly good sex. We had the relationship for a year. Perhaps her husband also knew about it. It was good until it lasted. It was over after that."

Sameer looked embarrassed at my hubby. When Sameer looked foxed, Raj patted him on the shoulder and said, "This is 21st century dear. 'Past is gone, Future is not known. Today is your own to enjoy.' I tell this to everyone including Neena, my wife."

I suspected that Raj wanted to break the veil of prudence between Sameer and me by narrating his story which was almost like Sameer and mine. It was perhaps directed more at me than at Sameer. A chilling thrill ran through my body, when I saw the expressions on Sameer's face. Sameer was aroused. He kept shuffling and unobtrusively inserting his hand between his legs.

I decided to bring back sanity in the conversation. I went close to my hubby and stood by his side. He caught my hand and said, "Sameer, my wife Neena is simple, sincere, if slightly uptight woman. I love her very much. I am glad that you are taking so much care of her. I want you to make one promise to me."

Sameer looked at my husband inquiringly.

Raj continued, "Promise me that you will take care of her in my absence. These days, I am away from home for several days. She is alone in this house. Many times, she feels scared and depressed living alone in this flat. Three other flats on our floor are vacant. There is no one for her to talk to. You also live alone. Neena has told me that you have problem eating outside. I request you to have dinner at our place on your way back from office in the evening. Thereby, she will have your company when I am away and you will have homely dinner. When I am here, I shall also have the pleasure of your company. I hope you will not say no, unless you do not like her cooking."