Past Times

There's something in the smell of bonfire ashes that trigger, from somewhere deep inside me, the feeling of total peace and serenity. Stars, sprinkled across the pitch blackness of the night sky, flicker above our heads as they dance off into the vastness peeking over the horizon. Trees tower over us. Their glowing amber bark turning to dense silhouettes as they stretch off to shake hands with the moon. Tonight's moon is a moon to envy all others; full and bright and eternal. It can see us in full view as we lie parallel to each other and its glowing smile.

We've survived the night with small talk and melted marshmallows. The tent we assembled is big enough for a family of four. When we laugh, we don't look each other in the eye. A safe game has been played, but now it's time to retire.

The bitter air is leeching away the warmth of our campfire's dimming flames. You don't see me watching as you get up and pull your sleeping bag from our spot under the stars into the tent. Throwing dirt on the fire, I watch the last of the dying light catch your skin as you pull off your top and change into warm bed clothes. Apart from a few new tattoos, you haven't changed at all. I feel a sudden pang in my abdomen and quickly look away. I shouldn't have been looking in the first place.

Stepping into the tent, it doesn't seem big enough after all. We find two spots on the floor as far from each other as we can, but still within an arm's length. I roll over, facing away from you. My breath creates pools of white smog between my mouth and the cold fabric of the tent. It had been a glorious day but the beauty of the cloudless night sky has let out the warmth of the summer air and left us both shivering.

I contemplate spooning you; but don't.

The noises surrounding our tent seem louder than they are. Rustling leaves crackle and crunch as woodland critters snuffle and forage metres away. There's an owl somewhere close by, hooting its eccentric lullaby - no doubt perched high in the trees above us, questioning our motives. I lie motionless, listening. It's beautiful out here.

I can hear you breathing. You've shuffled on to your side, facing me. You could be staring at the back of my head and I would be none the wiser. I'm too cold and too nervous to move. In the peaceful hour that we've been lying here, at one with nature, I have become overwhelmed with conflicting emotions. There's a part of me that wants to go to sleep, and a part of me that longs to feel you brush up against my body. My skin will never forget the softness of your touch - no matter how long it's been.

I'd started to drift in and out of the haze that exists between being asleep and awake when a slow, metallic scratching sound fills the tent. I turn my head toward the noise but I'm blocked from turning further by a body of warmth at my back.

"Don't." You whisper gently in my ear.

"Don't, what?" I reply, looking over my shoulder to meet you.

"Don't turn around," another metallic scratch cuts through the air and a chill breeze creeps down my legs, "don't look at me."

You press your hips against my lower back as you slide into the unzipped side of my sleeping bag. The physical heat between us is instant. It feels like someone has reignited our bonfire. I lay my face back down on my pillow and drop my shoulder as your mouth comes to rest on my neck. You kiss it. I have felt your lips a thousand times before, but this time is different. There has been years between our kisses, and the sensation running through me now has taken my breath away. I hadn't realised I'd missed your kiss. I'd had; I'd missed you.

My chest heaves. I let out my breath as you drag your teeth across my flesh, leaving little nips on my skin. My eyes close, but I can still see you.

Every move you make I see with every part of me. You're hand; that gently moves my top up and away from my torso, slowly lingering on my side. Your hips; that slowly rotate against my bum, making little circles in time with your hot breathy sighs that caress my neck. When I feel your fingertips tracing the curves of my side, moving down to find the fabric tenting over my hip bones, I try to turn to face you again. You press harder on my back with your chest and clamp your teeth in to me. I let out a whimper and you promptly release your grip; sucking away the traces of saliva you'd left glittering on my skin. You nudge my face away and reach your hand further round my body.

Running your fingers tentatively over my warmth, it's not long before you begin to fully realise how much I want you. Trying not to tremble, I lie in anticipation of your touch. When your fingertips find me, my willingness shows. You glide softly through my lust with delicate precision. You've been there before, but not like this. There wasn't a single inch that we didn't explore of each other all those years ago; but, time changes people - emotionally and physically - and it feels as though you're touching me for the first time.

I yearn for your kiss on my lips, but settle for the silky edge of the sleeping bag as I take a mouthful and bite down on it. Small moans escape with the breathy sighs that leave my mouth; muffled by fabric. It only spurs you on. Your fingers, slick, circle my clit; sending waves of pleasure through my body. I need you. I can't handle this heat.

I toss the sleeping bag open, revealing our entwined bodies. You prop yourself up further on to your side and take full advantage of the extra space I've created. My bum pushes back against you, my body urging you closer. You slip your hand from my front, along the waist band of my pyjama bottoms, and run it around my arse cheeks; quickly returning to your space between my legs. From your new position you can feel my heat on your palm. It doesn't take much to find where my body wants you most - but you won't be rushed. You place your fingers just at my centre, teasing me with your feathery touch. I wriggle; pleading with my movements. I'm silently begging you to fuck me. I just need to feel you inside me one last time.

When you do it, you do it slowly. Your long, thin fingers reach places inside of me that have been undiscovered for years. Parts of me that have been devastatingly dormant suddenly erupt with life. The sensation of you finally moving inside me sends a wave of pleasure through my entirety. I gasp; clutching my pillow. You withdraw, slowly, and start again. You push deeply, filling me. Finding a rhythm; you move within me in a steady, meaningful motion. My breathing deepens. My soft moans begin to sound out into the night. I want your kiss on my mouth; your taste on my lips. I try to turn my head once more but you pull your face away.

"Don't turn around..."

You bite the lobe of my ear and thrust hard into me. Pleasure ripples through me like an earthquake. I'm not sure I can survive it much longer. I've waited so long to catch this wave and now I'm holding on for dear life. My hot, moist breath has filled the cool tent with condensation and we're both dripping with sweat. The rhythm you've set between my legs picks up pace as I buck in response to your strong, finger curling movements.

"Please..." I beg, "Please... oh god, Charlie. Please..."

Something inside you gives way. You pull your hand away from me, leaving my insides in shock. Placing your hand on my face, you slowly pull me on to my back and lift yourself on top of me. Your face lowers toward me. I'm aching for your mouth on mine. For what seems like forever we look each other in the eye. I begin to think you're finally going to let me have the kiss I so desperately need from you. You move forward; our mouths agonisingly close. I shut my eyes and lift my face to you - waiting.

A sharp pain radiates through my throat as you quickly slide your head down and dig your teeth in hard. Instead of the taste of your soft mouth on mine, I feel the smooth movements of your tongue on my bare skin as you trace my collar bones, gripping my waist. You move lower as you draw your tongue over me, working from my navel up to my breasts; pushing my top completely off as you go. Next, my pyjama bottoms are yanked to my ankles and kicked from my feet. I feel suddenly vulnerable. No one gets to see me naked anymore. I'm far from the confident girl you once knew.

You don't seem to care that my skin no longer has that teenage firmness to it - its softness tells the story of my life and all that's happened since we last met. My breasts are larger and less perky and my stomach is thinly blanketed in faint stretch marks. You look me up and down; my heart sinking deeper with every second your eyes tour my body. This new body of mine is nothing like you remember. I can't help thinking that you'd be disgusted by it now.

"Don't look at me." I say.

You bring your eyes back to mine and rest your body on me; running one hand down my arm and clasping my hand in yours. You bring my fingers to your face and kiss them, smiling. You tell me to shut up. After all this time you still know exactly what I'm thinking and it seems you don't agree - maybe you do still think I'm beautiful, but you never say.

My heart beat is ringing in my ears and I realise that we've been lying together in silence for too long. With your hand still in mine, I lower it down between our bodies. You move to accommodate my movements. I grab a handful of your hair with my other hand and pull your head down; your face now nestled in my neck, I brush your ear with my mouth and whisper, in no uncertain terms, 'fuck me...'

Words can't explain the feeling that you stir from within me. My abdomen clenches. My back arches. Your fingers reach deep inside me; finding that one little ridged spot that drives me crazy. If there's anyone camping in these woods, they will soon find themselves rudely awakened by the sound of my pleasure. My hot, loud moans ride the bitter autumn night breeze, out in to the waves of the night; in and around the trees and beyond. There are no animal sounds now - I think I've scared them all away. That overly judgemental owl I'd been listening to earlier in the night is long, long gone.

I want you with every inch of my being. It doesn't matter how deep you thrust in to me, it's not deep enough. We buck and writhe together in ecstasy until I say those words you must have been waiting for...

"Oh fuck, Charlie, don't stop - I'm going to cum!"

You lift your face from my neck and, looking me straight in the eye, find my moans with your lips. You kiss me. A kiss so deep and true, I lose myself completely in it. My cunt tightens around your fingers as my orgasm explodes throughout my body. Your gentle lips are every bit as soft as I remember. Your breath is moist on my face as you let out a small moan. I can see you smile; a cheeky grin that appears in the moments our lips tear apart, before they are drawn back together. We're like magnets, you and I. It seems - despite the years between us and the years that separate us - we will always be drawn back together. Your kiss will always be worth the wait. I will always be in awe of you.

Slipping your hand gently out from between my legs, you raise your fingers to your mouth and lick between them.

"Keep your mouth closed," you command. I wet my lips and keep them together as best I can, as you delicately swipe your tongue over and between them - teasing them open. I can taste the remnants of my lust on you. I bite my bottom lip and sigh.

Trembling, I feel my body stirring out of its post-climactic daze. I shove you away from me. Throwing myself upright, I wrap my arms around your waist and find the edge of your bed clothes. I've decided I'm not going to be the only one naked in the woods tonight, and your body is - by far - more worthwhile to look at. Laying you on your back, I work the edge of your t-shirt up and over your torso. My kisses leave your flesh covered in tiny goose-bumps, as the fine hairs of your body stand on end. You're not the only one who remembers what buttons to push. My teeth nip the soft, sensitive skin just under the swell of your breasts as I slowly draw your top from you; taking my time to trace my lips over as much of your body as I go.

When I've finally slid the last of your bed clothes from your body, I pause to take you in. It's been so long, but your skin still feels the same. Your tattoos are slightly faded, but they're still as beautiful as they were when I last had the pleasure of seeing them. I trace my fingertips along the black, jagged edges of them - down and over the bumps of your ribs, past your abdomen to the peaks of your hip bones; where the ink trails off and leaves you bare. I find where the elastic of your trousers have left tread marks on your pale flesh and slip my hand down past it. You grab my wrist.

"What? Do you not want me to?" I ask, scared that the answer will be 'no'.

You look at me with mischievous eyes and grab my shoulders. We tumble sideward's as you slam my back hard against the floor. You kneel over me, straddling my stomach, and pin my arms above my head.

"You're cheating," I object, "it's supposed to be my turn..."

"It is your turn. It's just my rules." Your words echo through my memory. Your rules... My insides twinge and I'm suddenly nineteen again; lost in a world of you.

But I'm not that infatuated, desperate to please nineteen year old anymore.

"Let go..." I demand. "It's not your rules now. It's. My. Turn."

To my surprise you release your grip. I fully expected resistance, but something about you looks different. Your chest is heaving as you breathe heavily. Your heart is pounding - I can see your pulse thumping in the vein in your neck. Your eyes are soft; almost pleading. You want me. I can tell in the smallest, subtlest movements of your body. You want me.

I don't waste any time. Pushing my arms between your legs, I wriggle myself down between your knees. My hands - reaching around the outside of your thighs - grasp you tightly as I lift my mouth to you. With one gentle, swift, motion I swipe my tongue over your smooth cunt. You let out a single hot, breathy moan and lean your body backwards; your hands steadying yourself against my bent legs. From where I'm pressing my mouth to you, your lust drips between my lips. You taste amazing. I tease you there - deliberately breathing long, hot sighs millimetres from your core. It's driving you crazy. Your hips begin to rotate and sink and rise around the heat from my mouth; but I won't let you touch me. Not yet. I keep you suspended in desperation until you can't take it anymore.

"Tell me you want me..." I whisper into you.

"I want you..." you purr.

"Beg for it." You've never seen my like this before. I wonder if you'll go with it, or if it's too much. You answer my thoughts with a moan, as you try to dip yourself closer to my lips.

"Please... I want you, plea..."

I don't give you a chance to finish. I can't hold myself back any longer. My tongue reaches up and finds your clit. You let out the loudest moan I think I've ever heard come from you, as you sink further and further in to my mouth. I lick every part of you that I can find; sucking your slick, wet flesh in to my mouth, massaging you with my lips. I could spend forever down here.

Manoeuvring my arm, I pull a hand between your legs - cupping my own chin for support as I slide my fingers between your swollen lips.

"Oh fuck, please..." your body, aching for me to press a little harder, settles above my fingertips. I slide my fingers slowly into you - feeling your cunt gripping me as I curl and rub them rhythmically against your insides.

"Fuck... oh fuck..." you murmur with every jerk of your hips as you ride my face, "oh fuck... oh FUCK!"

"Do not cum!" My voice blows a cool, harsh breeze against your sex, "Don't you dare cum!"

You're in the throes of passion and not listening at all. I pull my hand out abruptly; pushing your body forwards, up over my head. I pull myself out from between your legs and turn on you, quickly - throwing you to your hands and knees. My hand - still wet from where it's been pressing against you - swings swiftly through the cold air and lands a sharp smack on your arse cheek. You gasp.

"What the fuck?" You exclaim. My hand swings again. You flinch - a stinging red mark glows on your skin.

"I said, don't cum. If you don't listen, I'll have to make you listen..."

You bow, resting your forehead on your knuckles, while I grab your hips and pull your arse backwards against my groin. Sliding a hand back between your legs, I thrust myself in - hard. You yelp and jerk forward. For a second I think I've hurt you - I keep my fingers still, waiting for you to tell me to stop - but you soon begin to wriggle and hump at the pressure I've set up behind you.

"Still want me?" I ask with a softer tone.

"Yes..."

My fingers twist through your hair as I take a hold of it, pulling you back so that you're kneeling with me - our upright bodies pressed together. My lips brush the salty sweat of your skin around your hairline and down your shoulder as I kiss you. I slide my tongue up the centre of your back, between your shoulder blades, and sink my teeth in to your neck. You've lifted a hand that rasps at the back of my head, while the other squeezes my thigh. All the while you rock slowly with my fingers circling your clit.

The walls of the tent dip and sag under the weight of the condensation, now running in streaks down it - our sleeping bags are crumpled under us. The pitch blackness of the night is already beginning to give way to a grey-blue, almost-morning light. How long have we been wrapped up in each other?

Soft sighs and light moans escape your sweet mouth. Your body has started to stray from the rhythm we'd set between us and I can feel your cunt growing hotter with every swirl of my fingertips. You're close - but I'm not ready to lose you yet.

When I pull away from you completely, you turn to me and catch my gaze. You have the most beautiful blue eyes I've ever seen - like the reflection of storm clouds over a deep ocean. I stroke the side of your face and pull you in for a tender kiss. Not a kiss of passion, born in the heat of any moment we might have been sharing. A proper kiss. One to remember in the event that I never get this chance again. You look at me with those stormy eyes and lay down, pulling me with you. My body resting slightly off-centre as I lean on my elbow, with my arm under your neck; I tease my hand down your stomach one last time. When I reach between your legs, I only pause long enough for you to rotate your hips upward - willing me to take you as far as you can go.

"I want you... Please..." Your gentle whispers caress my ears as I delve in to you with precision, one finger at a time.

I fuck you exactly the way you want me to; rough and like I mean it - like I need to drill this feeling in to you so you can't ever forget how I feel when I'm inside you. Pressing on all the parts of you that need the pressure most, two fingers, thrusting steadily, three, in and out until your hot moans grow louder and your climax builds... four... and builds. You'd been kissing me, deeply, but with every thrust the intensity inside you grows and you can't help moaning into my mouth. When you cum, your cunt gushes as your lust drips between my fingers and down my wrist. You claw at my back, sinking your nails in and ripping them across my flesh. You hold me as close as you can. I suck in your bottom lip and seize it between my teeth as the last of your desperate moans escape your throat, leaving you spent and breathless.

I have you now; in my life. I'd been without you for such a long time. We said that we'd never go back to the way we had been - yet here we are. Naked. Dripping. Spent. Holding each other in a daze as the sun rises around us and the heat of the new day starts to evaporate away all trace of our passion. The thought of losing you from my life again eats at my heart.