Payback Ch. 05-06

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Read to find out.
790 words
3.59
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1

Part 3 of the 4 part series

Updated 06/07/2023
Created 11/13/2015
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Chapter 5

I roughly handled her breath but took them softly into my mouth. I traced my tongue against her nipple and pushed soft then pushed hard. I took her nipple between my teeth and started rolling it between my teeth. Her muffled moans were encouragement to continue.

I kissed my way down to her mound and looked up at her. Even though she couldn't see me I took pleasure in seeing her squirming around and wanted to see her face while she released the pressure I had been continuously creating.

I bit her inner thighs softly. She shudders.

I use my hot breathe to breathe all over her wet knees and her thighs. I flick my tongue over her clit and she freezes. She starts breathing again when use my tongue harder. I don't touch her clit again I swirl it all around. Going beside and on top. I start with slow circles all the way around her swollen clit. I take long hard strokes beside it. I suck on it for a social then my tongue goes faster. I feel her thighs closing in on my face.

I feel her chest heaving and I go harder.

I stuck my tongue into her to taste. She swears that I'm sweet but apparently she hasn't tasted herself. My tongue goes faster and faster and harder and harder. I feel her opening contract and I knew that she was close. I quickly stick a finger inside of her and start going in and out in and out sower then what my tongue was going. I sped up my finger then slowed down my tongue. I could feel her almost there so i started to fucking her as hard as I could with my tongue and my finger and she was almost there she was riding against my face so hard. I took one last hard stroke with my tongue then swoosh. She came. All over my face. I quickly ripped off the duct tape and kissed her. Now she knows the full extent of her sweetness.

Chapter 6

I kept kissing her. She tried to move away but I didn't let her.

I took of my shirt and placed my naked top half of my body upon her. She gasped at the physical contact. I moaned into her ear.

I got up and went towards her hands tied on the book case. I unhooked her keeping her hands still tied together and I flipped her over on her stomach. I tied her again so her arms weren't free.

While she was still blindfolded and tied I took off my pants and my soaked panties. I went to the special box behind the chair and grabbed the strap on and detachable dildo.

I quickly placed it upon myself and tightened so it wouldn't fall off.

I went back to the bed and I picked her bottom half up. Where her face was in the pillow and her glorious ass was perched up towards me. Like she was offering herself to me.

I took the dildo that was hooked to me in one hand and rubbed it all around her wetness. There was no need for lube at all.

She could feel what was about to happen and she winners slightly. She pushed closer to me. As a silent way of telling me that she wanted this. I got the dildo to be right there at her opening. She tried to push back onto it but I wouldn't let her. I kept her there just feeling. Making her wonder what was going to happen next.

The next thing she knew I pushed the full extent into her filling every inch of her with me. She moaned. I didn't plan on going easy that way for later. I gently put out making sure she was ready for what was about to happened. Then I thrust into her as hard as I could and as deep as I could. Her hips were trying to match with mine to get the maximum pleasure. I kept going in and out in and out as hard as I could. It was taking her breath away. I had to remind her to breathe. Her moans of pleasure only made me want to go faster and harder. So that's what I did. I can't going faster and harder and faster and harder and I kept going deeper. I was going to make sure she couldn't walk after this. As I kept resting as hard as I could I took my nails and random down the length of her bag making her back arch against me. She made a deep guttural Moan. I was going to make her lose her voice.

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HeisenhugHeisenhugover 8 years ago

So it's not often that I disagree with germanchocolate4u, thus I'm going to leave feedback here that I hadn't intended to. This series does basically nothing for me.

Why is a little harder to explain, which was why I wasn't going to say anything, but here goes.

Firstly the story description is a massive turn off before I even click on to it. The description is meant to tease and tempt the reader, to draw them in to the otherwise anonymous story. Saying "Read to find out" projects arrogance by implying both that your writing is too good to need a description and that you don't feel the need to respect the conventions of the site. I'm not saying that these are your actual feelings just that your choice projects them. Still, not a big deal if the story is good...

Secondly length. I find that about 2 or 3 pages of story per posting is a good base length. Longer won't get a complaint from me, but less than that tends to end up with a feeling of "What, that's it? I was just getting hooked!" A story can get away with the reduced length if it is part of a serial that has already done enough setup in earlier parts, but authors should still aim for a good balance between story and sex to keep the reader engaged. In this case, where two chapters per post hasn't filled even a single page, the result feels more like an anecdote than a full story. Still, that isn't fatal in and of itself.

Thirdly interest curve. A good story should have a clean interest curve, it should build up and then peak. Build up means story building and foreplay before launching in to the sex, it lets the reader build a connection and mental image of the characters. This series went almost immediately to sex overdrive and stayed there. Remember, written erotica isn't like porn where you're after maximum sex in the available time.

Over all the entire thing feels rushed and slightly awkward/forced to me, or at least that's the best way I can think of to describe it. Hopefully this feedback is useful for improving your craft.

germanchocolate4ugermanchocolate4uover 8 years ago

What's going on! The grammatical errors and misuse of words are getting worse. It's no longer easy to "gloss" over them. Your lack of an editor or someone to preview your work to catch these silly errors is effectively destroying your story. Baylor_Love because of that I had to give you 2 stars whereas the rest were 4. It's a shame because there is a good premise to the story and the sex scenes are hot. PLEASE proofread your work Before submitting it. Thank

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Payback Ch. 03-04 Previous Part
Payback Series Info

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