Paying Rent with Her Assbynumbsain©
After I broke up with Sheila I decided to try being single for a while. But, once again, fate had other plans for me. I was driving when I got the call.
A woman's voice on the other end was crying, "He wants me out by noon, he threatened to hurt me. I have no place to go and I didn't know who to call. I just need a place to stay for a few days. I'll pay you back as soon as I can. Please come and get me."
"Who is this?" I asked.
"It's Christine, Sheila's friend. I've seen you at Sheila's house a few times. You gave me a ride home once, and you let me use your phone," she said, her voice sounding desperate and scared.
"Oh yeah, I remember you, short brown hair, cute face, biggish tits?"
"Yeah that's me. Can you help me? I promise I won't be any trouble, and I'll be respectful of your privacy, y'know? Please?"
"I guess I can't let you get thrown out on the street. How did you get my number?" I asked.
Oh, well, when you loaned me your phone I, I kind of memorized it. I thought you were really nice. I just thought it would be cool to talk to you sometime. I'm sorry.
Oh don't worry about it, I'll come get you. But you know I live in a studio apartment. The bed is big so you can sleep on one side and there's a little room on the side for your clothes and stuff but that's about it." I told her.
"That's perfect! That's all I need, thank you so much! But please hurry."
She gave me her address and when I got there she was outside with her bags all ready to go. No sooner had Christine gotten in my car than her boyfriend pulled up. He saw what was happening and he jumped out of his car and started coming at me.
"WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU MOTHERFUCKER, YOU HER DADDY OR SOME SHIT?" he said. Then he tried to push past me to open my car door but I didn't move. I just stared him down. He backed off and I pulled out my cell phone and started punching numbers.
He said, "Who the fuck are you callin'?"
I put the phone to my ear and I said, "Yeah, can you send an ambulance to 23rd and Cosgrove, there's a guy lying on the street here and his face is all bloody and he's not moving, looks like his leg is broken." I looked at this fool and started describing him, "About 5'9", medium build, bald head, tattoos...Okay, thank you." Then I hung up and said, "It's up to you, man. Touch the car." Then I calmly walked around, got in the drivers side and slowly drove off.
"I don't know what you said to him, but thank you," she said. "Who were you calling?"
"His bluff," I said.
We got to my place and the first thing she did was start getting undressed. She had a smokin' little body, probably 5'6" a little skinnier than I prefer, but when she pulled her dress up over her head, I saw she had a nice meaty ass and some hips, small waist and I'd noticed her tits when I'd seen her at Sheila's one time. She was wearing a white tank top with no bra, and you could basically see everything. I didn't say a word, I just sat down at my computer and started checking my email.
That's my technique. All I do is not look at them, ignore all their subtle flirtations, and mind my own business. It drives them nuts. They start doing all kinds of stuff to get me to notice them. But I hold out as long as I can, and when they're practically standing in front of me naked saying, "What's the matter? Don't you want to fuck me?" I'll say, "mm-hmm," and it's on!
She noticed I wasn't looking at her, and by now she was down to a G-string with her back to me.
"Listen," she said. "I don't have any money to pay you for letting me stay here. But I really appreciate what you did and I want to do something for you 'cause I think you're really nice, an' all. Y'know?"
I still wasn't looking at her. I just said, "Oh thank you, that's sweet, but it's okay don't worry about it. Just make yourself at home." I could see she was starting to get frustrated 'cause out of the corner of my eye I saw her take off her g-string and bend all the way over at the waist and look back at me to see if I was watching her completely expose her asshole and pussy between her spread ass cheeks. I was starting to get a major stiffy in my pants, but I kept looking at my email and ignoring her.
Finally the poor thing started getting a little insecure and said in a quiet, girlishly shy voice, "Gosh, I'm exposing my entire ass to you, are you ever gonna notice?"
It was time to give in before I hurt her feelings. I turned my chair, did a double take and said, "WOW! Holy shit, I never noticed before how fucking hot you are! Jeezus baby, you're gonna drive me crazy walking around my apartment looking like that!"
She got a big smile, turned around and said, "Well ye-eah! I was wondering when you were gonna notice, mister cool pants over there, reading your email while I'm putting on a show for you."
Then she strutted over and put her hands on my shoulders giving me a playful shove and said, "Do you think maybe I can pay my rent some other way besides with money?"
I put my hands on her slender waist and guided her ass to my lap. She sat down, took my hand and guided it to her breast.
I said, "Gee, I don't know. What did you have in mind?"
"I don't know. What did you have in mind?" she said in her cute, little, sexy voice.
"I don't know. What did you have in mind?" I said in my cute, little, sexy voice.
Notice my technique at this critical negotiation stage of the sexual initiation ritual. If I make the first offer, to be a gentleman and appear sensitive, I have to suggest something mild and tame. But if I hold out and make her suggest something then the onus is on her to suggest something really wild and extreme. That's what we want, right?
"I don't know. What did you have in mind, mister manly-man?" she said in her cuter, littler, sexier voice.
"I don't know. What did you have in mind little miss thing?" I said in my cutest, littlest, sexiest voice.
Then she said, "How about..." (Yesssss!) "...I let you take me up the ass whenever you want to in exchange for living here in your apartment." (BINGO! Hit the jackpot!)
Now that I'd won I had a choice, either cash in my chips now and reap the rewards, OR... Go for double or nothing! All I had to do was keep my mouth shut. It was all I could do to not cave, but I went for it.
Long uncomfortable pause. A bead of sweat started forming on her brow and I knew I had her. Finally she broke and said, "And I'll let you fuck my face any time, day or night; and I'll give you a blowjob first thing in the morning to wake you up; and I'll be like your sex slave, so if we go out, I'll be naked under my coat, and no matter where we are, if you say, 'take off the coat,' I'll do it; and if you invite a friend over you can just say, 'Christine, suck this guys dick,' and I'll have to do it; and if I'm bad you can tie me up or spank me over your knee; and you can cum right in my mouth and I'll swallow every drop of it; and all you're friends can cum in my mouth too; and I'll do your laundry for you and..."
"Christine, Christine, Christine," I interrupted, "take it easy, it's okay honey, you don't have to do my laundry."
"You're too easy," said Christine, "I was gonna offer you more but you stopped me so now that's all you get."
That's all? Lets see; I get to fuck her in the ass anytime I want; she'll give me and all my friends head anytime I ask; She'll be my slave and expose herself in public; and she likes to be tied up and spanked...What the hell else could I want?! But I played along.
I said, "Darn it I knew I should have held out for the good stuff. Oh well. I guess I'll just have to settle for what I got," I said as I stood up and undid my belt letting my trousers drop to the floor.
BOING-OING-OING! went my dick.
"GASP! Oh my God! Kurt! That's..." said Christine apparently shocked at the size of my massive member.
"I know, it's too big, right?" I sighed.
"No, that's my favorite CD!" she said looking between my legs at the CDs in my rack. "You're dick's not too big," she said tickling it with her finger "I can handle that in my sleep."
"Hey!" I said indignantly.
"Ha-ha, I'm a very sound sleeper." she said running her finger down my chest, my abdomen, and momentarily twirling my pubes before grabbing hold of my not-too-big dick. What a terrible thing to say to a guy.
"All right, now you're gonna give me first and last months rent AND a cleaning deposit." I said.
She got on her hands and knees on the bed and dropped her shoulders down so her ass was wide open with all the goodies on display. Her butt-hole was one of the most perfect I've ever seen. It had virtually no wrinkles, and it appeared to be tanned evenly with the rest of her skin. What does she do, go to the beach and spread her cheeks in the sun? I was really quite smitten by her asshole and had to squat down to inspect it up close and personal. I poked and probed it with my finger for a few minutes, nuzzled it a bit and then french kissed it passionately. I think I was falling in love with her asshole, and I told her asshole that, but it didn't respond, fortunately. Gently prodding it with the tip of my tongue, I got that euphoric feeling one gets from sticking ones tongue in certain parts of girls. I snaked my tongue in deeper and deeper and just sat there with my face nestled between her buns, and my tongue all the way up her ass, for a long time and sighed. It was one of those profoundly happy moments in life when you say, "it doethn't get any bedther than thith." Christine didn't move or say a word. Then I realized she was asleep.
"Christine? CHRISTINE?" I said, but she was comatose. She did say she was a sound sleeper. Hmm, that gave me an idea. Just then the door made a knocking sound, probably caused by someones knuckles on the other side. I got up and wrestled my pants back on. Cracking the door I peered out to see the maintenance guy. He was an 18 year old kid; his dad owned the building.
"Sorry to bother you Mr. Brusque. Can I just check the air conditioner filters? It'll only take a minute," he said.
He was wearing a Raiders cap and it reminded me of last nights game and that stupid fumble that cost them the playoffs. And the fact that I now owed three people twenty bucks each. I was so distracted I forgot about Christine and just let him in. He took five steps into the apartment; saw Christine's asshole and twat; jumped; did a double take; and then bolted for the door, running right into me. I spun him around and shoved him back in.
He looked at me and said, "Buh-buh."
I said, "Yes, butt-hole. Isn't it beautiful?"
He said, "I-I-Is that your wife sir?"
"Nah, never seen her before in my life," I said.
"Buh-buh," he said.
"Go ahead," I said "She'll never know."
"Wo-o-ow!" he said, looking like a kid on Christmas morning. He was so excited, I think it was the first time he'd ever seen a girl offering up the goodies like that.
"Where did you...What was she...How do you get them to do that?" he asked.
"Just don't act like an idiot around them," I said.
"I've never...This is like...Wo-o-ow!" he said.
I sat down at my computer and just let him finger and fondle her. I looked over a minute later and he was sitting cross-legged on the floor with his nose in Christine's twat going, "Mmmm."
"Good stuff, eh?" I said.
He pulled his nose out [Splorp], turned to me with his face all wet, and with a slightly desperate expression, said "Buh-buh." He had a tent in his pants, the tip of which he was twisting with his fingers.
I said, "There's some kleenex in the bathroom, hurry up." He sprung to his feet, ran into the bathroom and slammed the door. About thirty seconds later he came out a little sweaty, and looking very relaxed.
"Thank you sir, thank you. Have a nice day sir!" he said, and ran out the door.
"So much for the air conditioner. What a little twerp. Probably gave him the thrill of his life. Ha ha, he didn't have a clue what to do with her. Fuckin' kids, whatta they know." I said to myself. Then I sat cross-legged on the floor; stuck my nose in Christine's twat, and went, "Mmmm." About a minute later I noticed I had a tent in my pants, the tip of which I was twisting with my fingers. I sprung to my feet, ran into the bathroom and slammed the door. I came out ten seconds later and said, "Hey wait a minute!"
I grabbed the bottle of "Fuckin' Asshole®" brand anal lubricant on the counter. I bellied up to Christine's fuck-parts, slathered her backside generously and slid my dick deep into her asshole. Ooh! It felt so cozy and warm in there. I was really starting to feel good about having invited her to stay with me. It seemed like she actually enhanced the feng shui and improved the flow of chi in the space. I very slowly pulled my dick almost all the way out to feel that tight ring at the entrance go, "bloop" on the lip of the head of my dick. Then I made it go, "bloop-a-doop-a-doop," a few times.
Next I pried open her sphincter with four fingers and put a little bit more dick inside. Then let her hole snap closed around it. Aaah! I stood there and pumped and boffed and boinked and fucked that slippery little pooky hole for a good fifteen minutes. I was absolutely loving the tightness while I palmed those plump meaty cheeks. With my thumbs hooked in the crack I could practically lift her by her hind quarters.
What could be better than this, I thought. Then I remembered an old favorite: 'ream and clean!' I yanked my throbbing pecker out, dropped to my knees and shoved my tongue all the way in to the still gaping cavern, swirled my tongue around a few times then sprung back up and plunged my dick back in. I did that about a dozen times and soon I felt it was time to shoot some of my sperms into this girl. With my dick about a quarter of the way in I made short little in and outs going a little deeper every time until finally my whole body shuddered and I had the kind of orgasm that's worth write home about, (but mom wouldn't really be interested.) I left my dick inside that juicy hole till it shrunk and slipped out all by itself. How can it be the best time ever, every single time? That's the amazing thing about sex. I sighed and walked back over to my desk and sat down.
Suddenly Christine yawned, and said in a cute little sleepy voice, "Hi."
I said, "Hi."
She said, "Did you fuck me yet?"
I said, "No, I didn't fuck your pussy yet, honey. You were asleep and I didn't want to take advantage of a sleeping girl."
"I'm awake now," she cooed.
I looked down at my happy little dick, all soft and resting peacefully like a little angel. I gave it two flicks with my fingertips and it sprung to attention.
"Give me one second," I said and I ran into the bathroom to wash the li'l fella off.
Remember Kids: Never put your penis directly into a vagina after it's been in the rumble seat. This can cause yeast infections and nobody likes a stinky pussy. This has been a pubic service announcement.
I came back in the room and Christine gave me a classic Marylin Monroe: wink, gasp, ooooh! expression medley. Very cliché, but very cute. It inspired me to open my mouth wide and gobble her entire pussy up while she squirmed, wriggled and writhed. Then I sprung to my feet and began to jack hammer that snatch at a lively allegro tempo.
"Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ba- by that's rea- lly goo- oo- ood! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!" she said rhythmically. But after a few minutes she started becoming agitated, slapping the bed and shaking her head. Something was terribly wrong.
"Christine?" I said sternly, "What are you doing?"
"N-n-nothing, I swear (gasp) nothing at all!" she said.
"I hope you're not thinking of having an orgasm," I warned.
"No! Nuh-uh (Wheeze!) Oh! Shit! Shit! Shit!" she said, clearly struggling to fight something off.
"Christine why is your asshole clenching tighter and tighter," I asked.
I like to check to see when a girl is getting ready to orgasm by sticking my finger in her asshole and monitoring the sphincter tension.
"I'm sorry!" she said "I can't help it!" (Gasp!) Oh god damn it!"
"Now you know you are not allowed to cum on my dick. Why can't you just ignore the fact that I'm pounding the entire length of my rock hard shaft repeatedly into your sloppy, wet, FUCK-hole, you horny little street whore? Your wet little asshole is clenching and squeezing too tight! Don't make me shove something up there, Christine." I taunted as she tried to cover her ears.
"Oh God! Please!" She begged, "Let me come all over your big, fat, throbbing dick, you beast! I have to..."
"NO!" I shouted, "It's against the rules! Slutty little tramps off the street are not allowed to have sloppy wet orgasms all over their masters bulging engorged meat pole when paying their rent!" I commanded, thrusting harder and more forcibly than before; lifting her entire body up off the bed (practically).
"PLE-E-ASE! NNNG! NNNG! I HAVE TO!"
"I'M WARNING YOU, WENCH!"
"BUT I CAN'T HELP MYSELF!" she screamed, her butt-hole clamping down like a vice.
"Don't make me smack the daylights out of these fleshy cheeks, you groveling cum licker! Don't make me spank you in front of the whole classroom, Christine... (psst!, what's your last name?)" I whispered.
"(Huh? Conroy, why?)" she whispered.
"Don't make me lift your skirt, pull down your panties and spank your bare buns In front of the whole classroom, Christine Conroy!" I shouted.
"(Ooh, nice touch!) OH MY GOD! NO PLEASE DON'T, MISTER... MISTER...."
"(Brusque)," I whispered.
"OH NO, MR. BRUSQUE! PLE-E-EASE DON'T SPANK ME-E-E! I'M COMING!" she shrieked at the top of her lungs. Ooh! She was gonna get it now!
"BAD BITCH! [SMACK!], BAD WHORE! [SMACK!], BAD TRAMP! [SMACK!], BAD MONKEY! [SMACK!] BAD WENCH! [SMACK!] BAD SLUT! [SMACK!]"
"YAAAAA-A-AEEEENK! EENK! EENK! EENKY! Yeenky! Yeenky! (GAAASP!) Gahh! Dahh! Mahh! Uncle! Uncle! Uncle! Oh! Kurt! You fuck like an animal!"
"Ye-e-e-a-ah? Tu-u-urn a-a-ar-o-o-ound," I said, whacking off furiously. Christine turned around at the perfect moment.
[SPLOOSH!] went my dick.
"[SPLAT!]...Glaummpf!" she said catching my whole load right in the face.
Then she leapt up and shoved her cum soaked face into... the spot where my face was a second ago. I picked up a towel and grabbed her face with it.
"Icky gooey sticky dirty girl," I said, "You really should try to keep your face out of those cum puddles you cheap little crotch sniffer."
"GrrooOOOoowl!" she said, "How come you know what I like so well? Are you psychic?"
"Shut up and suck my dick, bitch," I said and then I smacked her right across the face. Not hard enough to hurt but enough to shock her a little.
"Oh, you ARE a mind reader!" she said as she gobbled my dick down.
But I was all fucked out at the moment. It was limp.
"You killed it!" I said, "You, you, penis killer!"
"Oh don't worry, it happens to guys your age sometimes."
"Yeah, go watch Barney," I said. "And by the way I've got some friends coming over tonight and we were gonna watch the game but since the Raiders are out of the playoffs, you're gonna be the entertainment."
"Really!?" she said sounding all excited, then she tried to downplay it, "Oh really?" Which not only told me she loved the idea but that she didn't want me to know she loved the idea. Some chicks are so transparent.
"DINK DONK!" said the doorbell.
"C'mon in!" I shouted and my three friends Deon, Roger and Bent walked in. His real name is Ben but he broke his dick once and it got bent, so we call him Bent.
"Dude, What's wrong with yer door-buh-buh buh-buh," said Deon, seeing Christine diddling herself furiously on the bed wearing nothing but a short camouflage muscle t-shirt.
"Kurt, you've changed!" said Roger.
"We totally support you in this Kurt. I must say it's the most successful make-a-she-otomy I've seen," said Bent.