Pea Pod - Give Peas a Chance

"Talk about rough duty!" Jarrod exclaimed.

"You have no idea..." I told him with a knowing grin. "I know... facial hair! I want you studs to either grow beards or go with the 'unshaven' two-day-old beard look. You know rather the ruggedly handsome thing. That way you'll be obviously male from a long way off," I informed him.

"I realize that there are shockingly few men on Ka'an, but you think that just the sight of us is going to have ladies flocking to the new government?" he asked with a suspicious look on his face.

Gwen grabbed his arm, looked deeply into his eyes, and said, "Pee Wee Herman would be a sex symbol to these women! Believe me stud you're going to be a big raw steak thrown down in front of starving lionesses!"

"So why the hell didn't you guys hire on a bunch of gigolos or male models?" he asked.

"Well, for one, Gwen thought you needed a good job and for number two, I'm not sure how well male models would hold up to the pace!" I replied. "I was in pretty good condition when I got here, other than the injuries I suffered from the crash, and even with careful management by my loving wife, it was like running the Boston Marathon every day."

"Okay, maybe you should have gotten Lance Armstrong," he suggested.

"He's got the stamina, I'll grant you, but he's only got one nut," I explained. "The other thing we have with the guys we brought is loyalty and trustworthiness. You're the brother of the wife of the Queen and High Priestess the other guys are related to other trusted citizens of Ka'an and believe me that is super important to us."

"So if any of the guys were a 'secret agent' for say the Russians, they would be thrown into a deep hole somewhere?" he suggested.

"More likely they'd be turned into their dream slut and put to work in a Middle Eastern harem," I corrected, "or possibly an Asian brothel."

"So... basically, you'd be fucked," he summed up.

"Often and enthusiastically," Gwen finished for him.

"Well, it sounds like one hell of a challenge," He jokingly admitted, "Will we be issued fire arms?"

"I believe we have some Ka'anian stunners and we'll issue you a pleasure amplifier, which you can either use on yourself or whomever you are partnering with," I confirmed. "I think we probably have some extra ones which we could use on both partners."

"You are a devious bitch who doesn't play fair at all!" Gwen accused, "There won't be a single person out there who wouldn't sell her soul for what you're going to dangle in front of them!"

"Meka told me that the fate of the planet rides on being able to come together, restart the infrastructure and repopulate, so no, Gwen, I have absolutely no intention of 'playing fair'," I replied. "Oh, and don't you girls get mad at Gwen for the 'bitch' remark. It was used as a term of affection and admiration."

"Okay, so am I going to get to at least spar with some of these, Amazons?" Jarrod smarmily asked.

"If you'd care to, I'll accommodate you," he heard in his left ear.

Jarrod jumped and spun, dropping into a crouch but heard in his right ear, "Sweet move, but I'm afraid you are a bit slow for me," Windy teased, "Maybe one of the novice Amazons will do for you."

His head whipped around to see Windy smiling sweetly on his right side, "Crap, you're fast!"

"You have no idea..." I remarked. "By the way, meet the head of security and the person who is in charge of your safety."

"It's nice to meet you," Jarrod held out his hand and Windy took it.

Apparently he was still trying to find out whose dick was bigger as he grimace and fell to one knee as Windy replied, "I'm pleased to meet you, Sir Jarrod."

"Okay, I give," he said through gritted teeth.

Windy released his hand and rubbed it to bring back the feeling.

"Perhaps you have caught on to the fact that the person before you is an over one thousand year Amazon who has been training in that profession for as long as she's lived? If you haven't realized that her size is not what you would be fighting against, it's the telekinesis that's kicking your ass," I advised him as he gave Windy an annoyed look.

"Dolly, we have arrived at our first scheduled stop," Heidi announced.

Everyone went to the windows to gaze out at to see where we were slowly moving, towards.

"Okay, Gwen, I know you must have a reason to stop here, could you elucidate, please," I asked.

"The old maps that were recovered from the research facility indicate that this was a minor city that was involved with fishing and furniture manufacturing. At one time it was a city of seventeen thousand people," Gwen stated.

"Heidi, what do your sensors tell you?" I asked.

"I estimate that within the previous city limits, there is a total population of one hundred fifty people. Most of the city's services no longer function. The people are scattered with fewer than ten within any single dwelling," Heidi stated.

"What is the highest functioning technology you can detect?" I asked with specific intent.

"There is one vessel that seems to be functional in the harbor," Heidi answered.

"How close are we to this vessel?"

"We will be within one thousand yard in fifteen seconds," she replied.

"STOP...!" I commanded loudly.

Everyone on the bridge turned to look quizzically at the loud mouth little woman who had seemingly taken command.

"Jarrod, there's no time for primping right now, get your men together and get your ass on the bow of this vessel!" I ordered, not caring upon whose feet I was treading. "Windy, I want the Amazons in places to defend those men if things go badly. Meka, get together a greeting squad with at least a couple of Amazons in attendance and I'll join you on the bow in five minutes!"

I was trying to figure out why in the hell nobody else had a clue about how to handle this kind of thing. Hell, visiting villages in faraway jungle cities and making nice to the local officials was part of the job of an international geologist, but I would have thought someone else would have had some kind of expertise!

Just blundering into someone else's turf without so much as a 'howdy do' can get you dead!

To my astonishment, everyone on the bridge disappeared post haste. I was just starting towards the door so I asked Heidi, "Do you think anybody is mad at me? I mean something had to be done really quickly or we might have had a mess on our hands."

"Dolly... Majesty, I am honored to have witnessed you take command during a potentially hazardous situation. I feel certain that planning for first contact had not been well thought out until you took charge," she replied.

"What's with the Majesty, Heidi?" I asked narrow eyed as I left the bridge.

"I am sorry, Dolly, but in this case, it was necessary. Majesty was displayed and needed to be recognized," she answered.

I knew that I was blushing up a storm but I still had to ask, "Okay, so which way is it to the bow?"

After following the pink line through a hatch I came outdoors to the smell of sea air and a fairly, small area with a railing at the front of the great exploration vessel, behind me there were several decks above and behind me. The small wave tops were a good thirty feet below where I stood and I couldn't make out any specific ships in the harbor that would indicate to me that they were functional.

First Contact

I was a bit surprised that I had arrived here first, but I didn't have long to wait when I noticed Windy beside me, armed with one of our stun rifles. One other Amazon showed up next, appearing to be only wearing a light smock and then one of the mercenaries burst through the hatch to join us.

"Hi, I'm Dolly. What's your name?" I asked.

"Puff, Puff... Name's Sampson... Who do I report to?" he asked looking all around, "Jarrod said there was a Queen who needed me here soonest."

"You made good time. The Amazons only beat you by a few seconds!" I complimented, "Ah... and I suppose that I am whom you should report to."

"Sampson Hampton, may I introduce, Her Majesty, Queen Dolly Ann Gift-from-God Gordon," Windy stated.

His eyeballs nearly fell out of his head they were rolling around so much.

I figured to get back at Windy for all that formality crap so I told him, "Sampson, may I introduce The Amazonian, Windy Gordon, my sixth wife."

Windy bowed and winked at him.

The poor guy was barely catching his breath when virtually everyone else I had ordered to the bow plowed through the hatch.

"Heidi, can you hear me?" I asked, expecting her to have external microphones.

"Yes, Dolly. Would you like me to slowly approach the occupied fishing vessel?" she asked, anticipating my reason for causing such a big commotion.

"If you would be so kind," I replied, "and could you, do your best to look friendly?"

Warm lighting shown down all around us, festive colored displays were, initiated on the hull.

"Gentlemen, would you please take front row and try to look sexy?" I told the guys and then as an aside, "Windy, watch for unfriendly intent. Do not wait for me. If you spot any danger whatsoever, deal with it and save as many lives and injuries as you can, ours, and theirs. We are out here trying to recruit and invite people to join us, not slaughter survivors."

Windy hugged me and slipped into a position, which would allow her to command her Amazons and deal with any untoward circumstances.

"Heidi, can you amplify my voice so that I may speak to those aboard the other vessel?" I asked.

"Yes, Dolly, I can and do not worry, I will endeavor to make it loud enough they will hear it, yet soft and pleasing enough that they will not fear it," the faithful ship replied.

"Hello, you on the fishing vessel! We're trying to meet up with survivors of the Pea Pod disaster and establish friendly relations. Would you mind speaking with us?" I asked.

We were within two hundred feet by now on a gravitationally supported hovering exploration craft, which was gigantic and operational. We would gain the attention of anybody not two weeks dead.

I finally added, "We have men aboard that we can share..."

Nine women burst through the hatch on a fishing trawler, which was almost 100 feet long and rushed to the bow, trying to smooth back and straighten their hair as they attempted to elbow each other out of the way.

"Holy shit...!" Jarrod exclaimed, "I only half believed what you were telling me on the bridge! Guys, I hope you ate your Wheaties this morning. I think we're going to need it!"

Finally I could hear what the ladies on the trawler were saying, "Oh my GOD! It's been so long... Those really are men! What the hell has happened?"

"Greetings ladies," I started, "I am Dolly, and this is the exploration vessel Heidi Enterprise. We are so pleased to make your acquaintance. Would you care to come aboard and speak with us?"

"I'll come aboard just for the chance to smell male pheromones!" the girl out in front of the others exclaimed.

"Heidi, would you please sidle up to their vessel and extend a gang plank to them, or whatever is the equivalent?"

"I would be pleased to do so, Dolly. May I also say, that was, masterfully done!" she replied.

"I wish you wouldn't. You'll give me a big head," I snorted as I turned to go towards the access way.

Gwen leaned over to Meka and said, "You're sure no artificial intelligence has ever fallen in love with a carbon based life form...?"

"There is a first for everything, Gwen," Meka answered, "But can you blame her?"

"You would use logic on me," Gwen answered shaking her head.

Meka turned and yelled, "Okay you numbskulls, the queen has gone to greet the visitors... she's short, she's not well balanced, and she is wearing high heels. Anybody who lets her beat them to the gangway will find my foot in their ass!"

It looked like I was a Yugo on the Autobahn. I was, passed so many times, it was hard to believe, yet not one of them even jostled me. Although one of them said, "Excuse me Majesty," as he breezed by. It was Sampson, who was predictably in the lead.

The only one, who sidled up with me to walk gracefully, was Gwen, "Going my way sexy?"

"It appears we are bringing up the rear guard," I replied.

"Only because Meka threatened to stuff her foot up their asses if they let you beat them to the gangplank," she giggled.

"I figured it was something like that. I'm glad someone else is taking command," I admitted.

"Actually, I believe she only took sub-command for now. She expects you to handle the negotiations once we get there," she admitted, "I don't believe there is anyone more qualified on the planet than you are to handle this kind of thing, at least until you've taught them."

'Sigh,' "A Queen's work is never done...?" I jokingly exclaimed.

"I think Sampson likes you...," she stated out of, the blue.

"What the hell...?"

"Shh... he'll hear us," Gwen admonished giving me the elbow.

We finally caught up to the out of breath crowd, "Are we ready to defend the honor of our horny men?"

"Yes, Majesty," Windy replied, completely un-winded.

"Let's open up and see whose coming to dinner!" I told them.

Heidi slid open the hatch and we saw the women all pushed up against our end of the gangway.

"Welcome citizens, we are so glad to meet you," I said extending my hand.

"Ah, yah... who are you?" the lead woman asked.

Heidi opened up the annunciation system and answered, "Ladies, may I present, Queen Dolly Ann Gift-from-God Gordon," I inclined my head. "High Priestess Meka Gordon," she bowed slightly. "Her Royal Highness Gwendolyn Goddess-of-the-Moon Gordon," Gwen bowed. "The Amazonian Windy Gordon," Windy nodded in their direction, her eyes locked on those of their leader. "The Princess Akna Gordon," Akna smiled demurely at them, "and Sir Jarred McBride," he blushed but also bowed.

"Oh my god, men, and one of them a knight!" one of the ladies in the back squealed.

"What, the queen of the planet, the high priestess and the freaking Amazonian don't impress you?" the leader turned and stared at the other woman in near disbelief. "I remember the old High Priestess, and this one looks enough like her to make me damn certain, what they've said is true!"

She turned back and bowed deeply saying, "Your Majesty, I am honored to be in audience with you and the royal court." She reached out, took my hand, and kissed it.

"Okay, enough of this," I said and pulled her into a big hug.

You would have thought that I'd dropped my pants and peed on the floor! The poor lady dropped to the deck in a dead faint, "Oh damn, I didn't mean for that to happen!"

"What the hell..." Jarrod exclaimed.

"What happened to her?" one of her entourage asked.

"I am monitoring her vital signs. It appears that the lady in question was so overcome by the honor given her, she lost consciousness," Heidi replied.

"Anybody else want to try and stay conscious?" I asked holding my arms open towards the next nearest woman.

She looked over at Meka and asked, "Is she serious?"

"As a heart attack," Meka assured her, "Oh, go ahead, it feels delicious!"

The woman approached slowly and once I had her in a big hug, she slowly closed her arms around me, "I'm hugging the queen..." she started to sway, so I kissed her on the lips.

"Mmph!" she squeaked and stood back up. "Sh...she kissed me!"

"Yah, she's a real hands-on... or rather a, hands-all-over queen," Meka told her with a laugh.

I went over to the next woman, began to hug her, and looked back at the royal party, saying, "What's the matter, don't you hug new friends, or are you too good for that?"

They all started hugging but when it was the guy's turns, the ladies started swooning.

"I can see we're going to need a boatload of smelling salts," I sighed.

We transported the unconscious ladies with us to the lounge outside my quarters, made them comfortable and lay with them in the old jungle remedy Meka had taught us.

"What a wild dream..." the first lady told me as we lay spooning.

"Oh, tell me all about it sweetie," I whispered back.

"Momma...? This beautiful, small woman with huge boobs said she was the queen and then she hugged me," she groggily told me.

"Did you like it?" I asked her.

"She was so soft and warm... Wha...what's going on?" she exclaimed as she became more awake.

"You fainted and I felt an obligation to keep you warm and safe until you recover," I answered.

"You...you're holding me? You are the Queen, aren't you," she questioned.

"Not if it's going to make you faint again, I'm not, otherwise you are correct," I told her.

"This vessel... It's using antigravity?" she asked.

"As I understand it, yes it is and her name is Heidi."

"Why are you wasting your time on me?" she asked.

"You are in possession of one of the few remaining operational machines in this area, which means that you are probably well known in this area and that you are trying to keep as much of Ka'an going as you can. Am I right?" I asked her.

"We're simple fisher folk Majesty. We take our ship to sea, catch fish, and then trade with the locals for other things we need," she answered.

"Well, that's exactly what I was hoping for," I told her, "Many of the locals know you and they, trade with you. I am trying to rebuild the whole world. What do you think of that?"

She started sobbing softly and replied, "Oh to have our lives back. Please tell me I am not dreaming."

"You are not dreaming and the Queen is most determined to see Ka'an renewed," Meka told her from the other side.

"What do you want me to do?" she asked.

"I just want you to, spread the word, at least for a while," I told her, "After that, you can join us in Dollyville if you like, or stay here and help rebuild the local infrastructure."

"Just like that...?" she asked.

"Well, we are prepared to help you out somewhat, you know to make it easier for you to spread the word for us," I promised.

"Like how...?"

"I have a boat load of technicians. I have the most sophisticated and resourceful exploration vessel ever devised by Ka'anians," I started to say but I was, interrupted.

"Why, thank you Dolly," Heidi said.

"Heidi has a machine shop that can make anything you might need to fix the systems on your ship. I have communications equipment that can keep you in contact with the rest of the world. Even more than that, I can get you knocked up!"

"Pregnant... with child, do you really mean it?" she asked hyperventilating again.

"I have some influence with the men..." I snickered.

"If you can get me bedded by a real man, I will crawl across razor blades for you," she promised.

"I won't promise anything, but I will throw a really big party and invite both you and the men," I promised with a smile.

"I doubt that we will appear very enticing to the men," she sighed.

"Well, suffice it to say that we will be stacking the deck in your favor," I giggled.

"The men can be with one of you, but only if they are willing," Meka enjoined.

"I promise, by the time they see you at the party, they will be more likely to be enticed," I assured her. "I have already discussed it with Jarrod."

"Hey, are we supposed to be keeping the ladies warm too?" Mick asked from across the room as he and the other mercenaries entered.

"A man...?" one of the ladies said.

"Sure baby, come here and keep me warm and I'll make you a man!" came from another lady.

"Ah... maybe I'm safer over here," Mick decided.

"Oh don't be like that lover, I'll be gentle...," she cooed as she rose to her feet.

"I am definitely safer over here," he laughed.

All of the ladies were quickly getting to their feet and moving towards the guys.

"Ladies, perhaps you should freshen up first?" I advised, "I also have a marvel from the planet earth I think you're going to go crazy about and clothing that will make you irresistible."