Pea Pod - Give Peas a Chance

"Actually it was slightly uphill," Windy stated. "It took the technician an hour to remove the imprint of Dolly's hand from the body of the truck."

"Wow, you are really strong!" she gushed.

"No, I have nasty telekinetic power," I admitted.

"So what are you ladies doing for fun?" she asked.

"Most of the girls have been fucking every man with the cojones to accept their challenge," I told her with a smile.

"I hope you have really good birth control..." she whispered.

"Hell no, my girls would pay real gold to be pregnant!" I laughed. "Windy, please tell the young lady how old you are."

"I will be one thousand and thirty seven Ka'anian years old next spring," she told the girl.

"There are 412 days in the Ka'anian year," I added so she could do the math.

"You barely look twenty six!" she eked.

"In the roller derby, this would be more useful," I told her as I vanished and appeared behind her to tap her on the shoulder.

"Damn... you could have killed that fool so fast..." she breathed, "Do you mind if I hang with you girls? I think you're fascinating!"

She didn't faint, she wasn't easily frightened, I figured, hey this could be fun, "Well, as long as you don't mind hanging around with a lesbian queen, be my guest."

"You aren't all lesbians...? Just you queen Dolly?" she inquired.

Gwen laughed aloud and told her, "Most everybody else is bisexual, but Dolly was a man once and hasn't resolved to hetero or bisexuality."

"Oh... I remember hearing about this! You poor thing! This could be really fun!" she squealed.

"So where are you from?" I asked her.

"Bakersfield... ah that's in California, America," she supplied.

"I've been there many times. Farmland, plenty of earthquakes and the San Andres fault running right outside of town," I answered.

"You're from Ka'an... how do you get there?" she asked.

"From my old apartment in Reno, Nevada," I told her with a smile.

"Ka'an is in Nevada?" she looked completely puzzled.

"Ka'an revolves around another sun, light years from here," I assured her.

"You mean like Stargate?" she squealed.

"Not exactly... and we aren't really sure that it isn't more like "Twister", a book by John Cramer, a physicist from the University of Washington, but my starship should be able to verify which is the correct theory," I told her with a nod. "You're one place, and then you're in the other."

"You have a starship?" she asked with incredulity.

"You bet your sweet ass, she has a starship," Heidi interjected.

"Ooh, you can throw your voice," she giggled, "Make you boobs talk again..."

"I am not the Queen's boobs," Heidi denied, "I am the Queen's exploration antigravity hover craft and my name is Heidi Enterprise."

"Wow, you make it sound like it's a real thing," she said, still not believing the truth.

Gwen sidled up and explained, "Dolly and all of the rest of us have communicators built into our tops. Show her Heidi."

"I'm in multiphonic," she stated from all our tops.

"Wow, can you call cell phones with those?" was her instant thought.

"State your phone number and Heidi will call you," I offered.

She said her number and her phone rang almost instantly, "Hello...?"

"The Queen of Ka'an is on the line," she said.

"Hi, can you hear me now?"

"Wow, does it get internet?"

"I have the resources of two worlds at my command and without loss of cell service," I laughed.

"So how does it display?" she asked.

"So far, only my top does this," I informed her, "But Heidi is working on more tops like it." With that, a twelve inch hologram of Heidi appeared above my boobs.

"Hi, this is me, Heidi Enterprise," she proudly exclaimed.

"Oh my god...! I want one!" she squealed.

"The bikini or Heidi...?" I laughed.

"I meant the bikini but... What the hell... are those tiny people walking down that ramp...?"

"Yes, this is live. Those are a few technicians who are going out to finish work on the tunnel system I cut for Harry Reems yesterday," Heidi admitted.

"The guy with the big shlong from 'Deep Throat'?" she almost shrieked.

"Heidi... secrets," I warned.

"Um... ah... I don't know how to, lie Dolly," she admitted.

"Then your best bet is to stay quiet," I suggested. "Well my dear if we're going to be friends, maybe you should share your name with me?"

"Oh, my name is Bustin Betty Bashum, at least in the rink, otherwise I'm Betty Sue Bashum, from Bakersfield," she held out her hand in the feminine way for a handshake.

I on the other hand went in for the squirmy hug, "It's nice to meet a famous roller derby star!"

"Ooh... gosh those are real!" she exclaimed to the giggling of my entourage. "So many of the girls in the derby have implants you get to be able to tell when they have fake boobs."

"Hell in a week or so, we'll be able to give you a shot and you'll grow your own as big as you like," I stated. "Heidi, did you do testing for earth women?"

"Yes, if everything goes well with the Ka'anian tests earth women should be able to get breasts as well."

"You are going to be soooo rich!" she remarked.

"In about seven years..." I snickered, "The FDA wouldn't approve for that long I'm sure, we are still trying to get a drug used on Ka'an for a thousand years past them. It's safer than Viagra, it works better than Viagra, and the only side effect is one damn tired man when he's finished."

"You wouldn't have any samples of that you could spare, would you?" she asked trying to be coy.

"Hell girl hang with us if you're looking to get some pipe laid. We'll have plenty of leftovers and I can guarantee you'll get laid," I promised as I started back to the beach area. "Is your suite down this end of the hotel?"

"Suite... I have a small room away from the water," she admitted, "I won a prize for best Pivot of the season."

"There you go Windy, if we get hard up for money, you and Sam can go into the roller derby," I offered.

Windy only smiled but Betty said, "A little thing like her? She'd be hurt so bad..."

That time I almost went to my knees laughing.

Meka explained, "Windy here is the Amazonian, the top amazon on our planet. She is undefeated in one on one combat. She made a 300lb 6' four inch cop almost wet herself by challenging her and the FBI had a man quit after she kicked his ass."

"The FBI... Why did she kick his ass?" Betty wanted to know.

"They wanted to demonstrate why Dolly needed them for her security. They decided that she does not," Meka snickered, "They still haven't found their weapons."

"Wow, she must be like a superhero!" Betty decided.

"See, it's a good thing that I have Ixazaluoh making up that spandex suit for you!" I teased.

"No capes!" she exclaimed.

"She won't make costumes with capes," I promised.

Betty was laughing by this time, "You girls as a caution! Right out of "The Incredibles"."

"Windy is more like Invisigirl," I told her. "Honest... stare right at her."

"She's gone! I was looking right at her and boom, gone!" she exclaimed.

A few seconds later, she appeared holding a man upside down by his ankle, "Look what I found."

"It's nice to see the FBI have great taste in vacations they offer their personnel," I exclaimed giving him a big hug, knowing he'd be sporting a painful hard-on.

"Could you call off the Amazonian please Queen Dolly?" he asked.

"Oh sure, she likes you, you know... maybe you'd like to have her help you with that painfully swollen body part...?" I asked.

"I need backup!" he shrieked.

Windy repeated what came over his earbud, "Fuck you man, I'm not getting into that amazon! She'd screw the lot of us into the ground and go looking for more!" She added, "Little do they know that Dolly would fuck their whole department to death and then she'd work on trying to screw me blind."

"Oh, they heard that. 'Did she just say that the Queen would fuck us all to death and then try to screw her brains out to boot? That's what I heard, but with her, I'd risk it!'"

"Wow girl it sounds like someone has the hots for you bad!" Betty squealed.

"Yah, a creepy guy with field glasses who is probably staring at us from one of those windows as we speak," I pointed at random to the hotel.

Windy started repeating what she heard from the earbud again, "Dude she made us! Get the hell away from the window you idiot, she probably saw you through the blinds! We're going to have to move to another suite!"

"Would you idiots shut the hell up!" the FBI man yelled so his mic would pick it up, "The amazon is hearing every word you speak in my ear!"

"Gosh, I figured we earned at least the B team, but it looks like they sent the F-Troop to keep an eye on us," I innocently remarked and began walking again.

"F-Troop... oh god, we'll never live that moniker down," he slapped his forehead.

"You say it Chief Wild Eagle...ugh," I teased with the old Native American open palm greeting.

I looked over at Betty and told her, "They are going to be so busy on damage control and trying to make sure no one finds out about the F-Troop rib that we won't have to worry about them for a while."

"You'd make a mean blocker," she told me.

"Good idea Betty," I told her, "Heidi, please e-mail a video of our little confrontation to every e-mail address in the FBI you can discover."

"How was that my Idea," Betty asked.

"Mean... what would be meaner than that?" I replied.

"So they'll spend hours trying to make sure no one finds out, only to discover that it was all for naught. That is mean, but maybe it will inspire them to do better next time," she rationalized.

"I think Chief Wild Eagle was a coward," Windy interjected, "I wouldn't have done any permanent damage and he would have been able to write it up in his memoirs."

"How could you leave the queen unprotected while you were off getting screwed?" Betty worried.

"There are five other amazons around her right this minute. You just can't see them and neither can the spies," Windy assured her. "They could also wind up tossed out into the ocean six hundred feet or so. Dolly is also an amazon in training."

"Can you train me to be an amazon?" she wondered.

"Sorry you have two strikes against you. First you're human and second even Ka'anians need to pass a telekinesis test before they can be accepted for training," I replied.

"Darn, those blockers on the other teams would sure be surprised. Hey, we're having a skirmish in a couple days, sort of an exhibition. Would you like to give roller derby a try?" Betty asked sincerely.

"It wouldn't be fair, but it would be funny as hell," I snorted, "What's the highest score in roller derby history?" I asked.

"Fifty points by Slim Skatey, in 2013, she could break that record," Betty declared.

"Sounds like a challenge Windy..." I teased.

"Double and I win your outfit after sex that evening..." Windy negotiated.

"Done, I'll even throw in the first pint that night!" I agreed.

"Wooh hoo! I'm going to teach high speed skating to professionals!" Windy declared fist in the air.

"Do you want to use earth made skates, or would you rather have Heidi whip up a pair for you?" I inquired as we passed the outdoor bar.

"Heidi's busy, I'll just use a pair from here," she decided.

"It takes a long time to have a pair of pro-fit skates made, so you'll have to use recreational skates. If you plan to break Slim's record, they may not hold up," Betty warned.

"Okay, Heidi, make me up some roller skates with titanium frames, titanium hubs and frictionless bearings all in a lovely glittery pink, and use a strong but supple material for the body of the boot, light and unbelievably quick with great performance please," Windy asked.

"Wow, I wish I had a pair like that!" Betty enthused.

"Not a problem Betty," Heidi declared, "Two pairs of roller skates will be ready in the morning and sent via intercontinental transport. You should have them tomorrow night."

"Ah... I can't afford to pay for a pair like that..." Betty admitted.

"Oh, we're just happy to make a friend," I hugged her nearest arm, "The skates are on me."

"Thank you!" she jumped up and down so I got a great view of bouncing Betty boobies!

"Is everyone ready for a snack?" I asked around me.

The manager came trotting up with a look of relaxed satisfaction and gratitude on his face, "If you are ready for your noon day meal please follow me to an area in El Caribeno. I have an area roped off and ready. The chef has been beside himself in preparation. Apparently, he was teaching a course at the Cordon Bleu and has told me the only time a student has outdone him was a woman from your world. I believe her name is Itzel," he confided as he angled us to the huge circular restaurant.

"Yes, Itzel is one of my wives," I admitted, "She loves to cook for us."

The manger started laughing aloud, "My chef will need a pair of Depends after I inform him!"

He pointed out an area which was roped off with red velvet ropes and had two burly guards keeping people out of it. He pulled out a chair for me and saw that I was comfortable but then rushed over to Chalchiuhtlicue and made certain she was seated and comfortable near me.

As soon as he disappeared I chanted, "Chalchiuhtlicue has a boyfriend, Chalchiuhtlicue has a boyfriend!"

"God, wouldn't that be wonderful!" Chalchiuhtlicue moaned, "Can I keep him?"

"Hell, I don't own you girl," I declared, "If you want to keep him, I'd prefer if he'd move back with us, but if you'd rather stay here, that would be up to you. Remember, until he's vetted, you are not allowed to tell him much."

"If I bring him back... do I have to share him?" she asked.

"That is up to him and it is up to you. If he wants to be shared, I had better not hear about you being jealous and the same goes for him, jealousy on Ka'an is illegal," I reminded her.

"If a man is going to stray, nothing a woman can do, would prevent it and she would only damage her relationship, drive her man away, and miss out on making a new woman friend," Chalchiuhtlicue agreed.

"I can tell you if he doesn't want to sleep around we won't let anyone force him to have sex," I promised.

"How could he not want to join us on Ka'an?" Chalchiuhtlicue wondered.

"He might have family here on earth, he might really love his country, he might not love you enough to give up his world," I suggested much to my discomfort.

"Well, I suppose I should wait and see what blossoms..." Chalchiuhtlicue suggested.

"If I don't see you at the orgy tonight, I'll assume that things are going well," I decided.

"You're having an orgy tonight?" Betty asked, wide eyed.

"We have an orgy every night," Gwen told her with a smile.

"Wow, how does one get an invite...?" Betty inquired.

"Be warned, it's a lesbian orgy, but also you will never orgasm so hard in your life as with us," I claimed.

"That can't be true... how would you know if you've never had a cock in you?" Betty challenged.

"Honey, I had the legendary Harry Reems fuck me and he's got nothing on what Dolly and her entourage can do to you," Chalchiuhtlicue claimed.

"Betty, have you ever gushed...?" I asked.

"You mean like sometimes when I masturbate... Ah, not with a man in me," she blushingly admitted.

"Ooh if she has gushed while masturbating, I predict a fountain of lubrication and I bet six pairs of my used panties," I challenged.

"What is it with betting your used clothing...?" Betty was baffled.

"The last pair of Dolly's panties on E-Bay sold for five thousand American dollars," Windy supplied.

"Five thousand dollars...! Were they washed?" Betty assumed.

"If you tried to wash them first, they'd be worth maybe ten dollars," I told her. "If I handed you a pair of used ones and you wore them into the lobby, you'd have fifty men try to seduce you and every one of them with a stiffy!" I informed her. "My body produces pheromones that effect both women and men and so powerfully they physically cannot resist."

"I wanna a new drug... one that makes me irresistible... fuck me!" she breathed.

"You want to try it out...?" I offered, "You can have these and even wear them over the ones you have on."

Chalchiuhtlicue squealed, "Take her up on it unless you are a fool! I saw one of my whores who hates cunninglis tongue fuck the queen until she couldn't move!"

"Of course, only if you are interested in having a man fuck you until he can no longer keep it up..." I warned.

"I can still come to the orgy later...?" she checked.

"Hell yes, but you won't be able to attend tomorrow night," I informed her.

"Why not," she wondered.

"You won't be able to handle two nights in a row for quite some time," the doctor informed her, "In fact you will need Life Paste after the first night to bolster your stamina."

"Well, I like a challenge too... but I haven't lain with another woman for years," she admitted a little timidly.

"If you show up, you'll joint in. I had to talk a homophobe out of a depressed funk when she woke up after lezing the hell out of a bunch of girls," I admitted, "She's really grown since then. I made her the Earth Attaché on Kùutsmil and she's gotten a 100% increase in salary and at least a 200% increase in power and prestige. She's also one of the few earth women to ever take Windy on, one on one."

"An office worker... what chance could she have?" Betty assumed.

"At the time, she was the Marine Corp Krav Maga champion for women," I filled in.

"Shit..." Betty breathed.

"So, are you game for the panties...?" I asked.

"Ah, okay..." she agreed with trepidation.

"You got them," I announce as I realized I was now commando.

I could see Betty check and she exclaimed, "I'm wearing two pairs of panties!"

There were now three men being kept away by the guards posted by the hotel manager and it appeared another was heading our way, only this latest one was speaking in heavily accented English, "Ah em nut jest eh regular Zhoh! Ah, em attached to ze Frahnch cousuulate. Ah need to speak Wis sie Queen!"

"I hollered over my shoulder, "It's okay. Let the frog through."

When he walked up and asked, "Mah Queen, et es a pure pleasure to meet you!"

He tried to kiss my hand but it wasn't where he expected it to be, so instead he wound up poking me in the boob, "My pardon Queen Dolly."

"I only allow women to touch those... are you volunteering...?" I asked.

"Volunteering for what mah queen?" he asked.

"To become a woman, of course you goose!" I admonished.

"Ah em very appy as ah man, Queen Dolly," he replied with a bow.

"Yes, but there is a breast grope we need to deal with..." I taunted. "There must be justice."

"What wud sie queen suggest...?" he asked with trepidation.

"I'm thinking you could compensate me with a trip to Ka'an..." I suggested.

"Ah must claim diplomatic immunity..." he exclaimed.

"Windy..." I whispered.

The Frog was hanging by a flipper, "I huv diplomatique immunity!"

"Are you immune to gravity?" I asked the upside down spy.

"No, do not drop me!" he squealed like a piggy.

"If you are looking to have sex with a queen, call Danny Bonaduce, and I'm sure he can fix you up with a queen, but if I'm your target, you'll wind up peeing while seated, you got it dummy," I asked.

"I have diplomatic immunity!" he squealed.

"Windy, this one needs a lesson, drop him on Ka'an, and if he can make his way back to the gateway with his cock intact, see that his diplomatic immunity is honored. If not, let the bitch return with a job in our whore house," I pronounced.

"It shall be as the queen decrees!" Windy stated loudly.

The brave spy lost control of his sphincter and urinary muscles