Pea Pod - Give Peas a Chance

Rafael introduced, "Jimmy, meet Maria Gonzalez, an officer with the Federales."

He grasped her hand and said, "Enchanted señorita."

"I just hope that I will not run across any ganja while we are visiting..." she pleads.

"We have the woman to blame... we do not need ganja," he snickered.

"Let her kiss me again and you can keep all the ganja in the world!" Sofia exclaimed.

"I believe that you have an admirer," Jimmy decided, "Two by the drool running down their faces."

"Three by the swollen member you're sporting..." I snorted.

"Unfortunately, I am ill equipped to satisfy your desires. Does this mean that, all of your entourage, are lesbians?" he looked as though he would go into a depressed funk.

"Only I am. All the rest of these women would pay you handsomely to take them to bed and leave them leaking seed," I assured him.

He looked as if I had given him a shot of adrenaline, "You all look parched!"

"Yes... I have heard of something called, 'Who's to Blame®', that I've wanted to try," I told him.

"I have a section saved for you and your girls," he said as he led us to the stairway, "Once you are seated, Rafael tells me that you do not wish to be isolated from the males, and so we will not keep them away, except for you Queen Dolly."

"Hell, if you sit with me and chat, nobody will bother me," I urged, "It will also give you an opportunity to take some of my entourage to bed this evening."

"Damn... you really are the woman to blame..." he exclaimed as he seated himself near me.

"Xtah...?" I prompted.

"He's scared and excited Dolly, but this is the real Jimmy and he's planning to serenade you," she informed me.

"What the fuck...?" he exclaimed.

"Xtah is telepathic," I stated.

"And she's so damn horny she'd throw you to the floor and do you right here!" she told him.

"You were certainly right Dolly, I will get plenty of opportunity here by your side," he told me with that 'deer in the headlights' look on his face.

"She's serious and if you don't take her somewhere and fuck her silly, she'll go find some other well hung stud to do it. You should also know that she's the third smartest person on our planet," I baited, to help my girl have her pipes cleaned.

"I have a small room..." was all he could get out before she snatched him up and dragged him off towards another stairway.

Rafael sat where Jimmy had been and laughed, "Jimmy may actually be inspired to write another song."

"Fuckin' away again in Margaritaville..." I proposed.

"But you know there's a woman to blame..." he finished for me.

"So you figure that Xtah gets a t-shirt too?" I asked.

"Hell, Jimmy may want to emigrate after this," he surmised. "I know that I do."

"Did you propose or did Chalchiuhtlicue?" I asked.

"I did," he admitted, but I would be a fool if I had not," he admitted. "A woman who worships the jockeys I wear. Who wouldn't find that desirable?"

"Her mother is an Empress... so be careful how you treat her. Her protector is the Queen of Ka'an... the only one on two planets more powerful than the Amazonian," I added for good measure. "I look out for my girls."

"I have never met anyone that moved me as much as Chalchiuhtlicue," he admitted. "Even though I think of myself as her elder, I find that I am in diapers."

"Hey, I hear you there. I'm a babe in arms compared to my wives and the youngest other than Gwen is Meka. She's younger than Chalchiuhtlicue, but not by much. Of Course Itzel is younger too, you'll get to meet her tomorrow at breakfast," I rambled.

Now that Jimmy wasn't sitting with us in the raised seating area the braver men began to carefully wander into the area, testing the waters. One man made off with Gwen and another enticed Nayla off with him.

It wasn't long until one man got brave enough to go for the platinum ring, "Are you with anyone?"

"I'm with everyone and a whole planet," I replied.

"Are you hiding the planet in your cleavage...?" he teased.

"No... I keep it in another solar system. I keep my people in my cleavage," I teased back.

"I'd pay real money to see that!" he snorted.

About then he felt an iron-like grip on his neck and heard, "That is the Queen of Ka'an you are speaking with, worm. Mind your tongue."

He tried to knock the hand away and wound up upside down, "You just tried to strike the Amazonian. On my world, your head would be rolling down the aisle right now."

"Don't kill him Windy. He's just a little bit tanked and exercising his drunken whit," I told her. "You can punish him if he grabs for the girls but for now, right him and go back to sucking down your, 'Who's to Blame®'."

"Wow your security is serious! Are you really a queen?" he stammered.

"I am Queen of an alien world and am here on vacation. I am flattered by your interest, but I'm a lesbian. My wives and entourage are bi-sexual and really enjoy having enough sex that a man would almost be on life support when they finish with him. By all means, fish the big waters, but stay off the waterfall," I smiled as I educated him.

"If there was any chance, I'd so love to climb the falls," he admitted, "I do know when a sale isn't possible. Thanks for listening to my pitch." He wandered over to more, fertile ground.

A couple of the girls tittered at his attempt to climb Everest, but one of them dragged him off by the hand.

"Heidi?" I asked.

"Yes, Dolly?"

"Please arrange for some portable beds in either busses or trailers outside of Margaritaville," I asked, "I think we're going to need somewhere for the girls to get their end off. You should arrange for us to keep them while we are here."

Jimmy showed back up half an hour later, staggering slightly, "Wow! Just... wow..." he exclaimed.

Xtah came trotting up behind him, perky and chipper, "That was nice! Jimmy would you like me to introduce you to a couple of my friends now?"

"Hon. Let it rebuild awhile," he plead, "I swear, I've never been so enthusiastically satisfied by any woman! Darling, how about I play you a song while I get my strength back?"

Jimmy yelled, "Guitar!"

Sofia came trotting up with a guitar and handed it to him and he thanked her. She headed back to her station giggling, knowing her boss had just gotten more than he could handle.

Jimmy began strumming and the whole place went dead silent. "Wasted away again..." he sang on with his own signature song. When he got to the place where the lyrics went, "There's a woman to blame..." he waved to me to stand, and the whole crowd cheered, "But I know..." he was very gallant and I was totally flattered.

When he broke into, 'Cheese Burger in Paradise', I was enamored. The whole bar was singing with him, but when Xtah joined in, he almost fell to the floor, "My god girl, with a voice like that, you would be a Diva I couldn't hope to even meet!"

He was certainly right. Xtah's voice reverberated when she sang as though she had an electronic device enhancing it. With her telepathy, she knew the words before they were sang. When the song was finished, Jimmy lifted Xtah above his head and yelled, "Is she not the most wonderful thing you've ever heard!"

Everyone, including me, gave her a standing ovation!

"I swear if you didn't already belong to the queen..." he started.

"She's just the royal automated sexual mechanism repair technician," I assured him. "That is when she isn't designing auxiliary systems for my starship..."

"Telepathic, engineering genius who sings like an angel..." he clutched his chest and feigned a heart attack.

My physician was all over him like stink on shit, "He is only pretending a heart attack."

"How many of you here would guess this woman is smarter than Albert Einstein?" Jimmy exclaimed.

Everyone stood there open mouthed...

"Honest, she works on designing systems for a starship!" he declared.

Someone in the audience yelled, "How could she...? She doesn't have a Scottish accent!" which got a huge chuckle from the audience.

"Windy..." I murmured.

Windy appeared on stage from nowhere, "Jimmy speaks truly. So says the Amazonian of Ka'an, representative of the Queen of Ka'an, Dolly Anne Gift from God Gordon! The Queen who graces all of us with her presence, seated right there!" she pointed to me bowing deeply.

Jimmy took the cue and bowed as well, "All hail queen Dolly!" he demanded.

I heard a guy in the audience declare, "Fuck... I heard about this! She had the American government by the short hairs before they knew what they were fucking with!"

"She's really a queen...? What the fuck is she doing here?" another exclaimed.

A couple of other guys came stumbling back in about then and exclaimed, "She's having her entourage fuck the men in here almost to death... but what a way to go!"

My giggling girls followed right behind them, occasionally propping up a man who'd expended more energy than he thought he could.

The girls all ran over to me and hugged me saying, "Thank you Dolly. However did you think of providing tour busses for us?"

"Well, even in Mexico it's illegal to have sex in the street..." I offered.

"Wow this is a strange place..." the girl remarked, "There are laws against having sex?"

I laughed, "This world is very primitive, so be careful. You should have reviewed the training videos before coming with us."

"I did, but it's hard to reconcile," she admitted.

"You don't need to reconcile it. It just is and must be followed while you are here," I told her.

"Oh, I'll do my best," she agreed. "I have to admit that I'm not a good judge of men's ages though."

"Stick to the ones with gray hair and apply liberal amounts of fudge," I recommended with a smile. There's going to be a whole bunch of middle aged plus men, who owe me big time!

That's when Jimmy went into 'Volcano' with Xtah accompanying him. The crowd went nuts! When it ended, Xtah went 'a cappella' with, "Now, I do know. I do know. I do know where you're a gonna go when the volcano blows... Ground she's movin' under me. Tidal waves out on the sea. Sulfur smoke up in the sky. Pretty soon, we learn to fly, up to Ka'an way in the sky. I do know. I do know. I do know where you are gonna go, when the volcano blows!"

She had Jimmy laughing so hard he nearly couldn't breathe, especially when the band started to accompany her.

When he finally could breathe, once again he told her, "Damn girl, you can sing! So you'll take me to another planet if the volcano blows?" he snickered.

"Sure, tomorrow morning if you like..." Xtah offered.

"There are no volcanos here on Cozumel. In fact there are, no volcanos on the whole Yucatan Peninsula," he informed her.

"Where you gonna go when the asteroid shows?" she asked.

That's when everyone broke up.

When he could speak again he said, "You have me there! It's not like that hasn't happened here before," he admitted giving her a hug.

"Well, if you had one of my asteroid shields you wouldn't have to worry," she informed him.

Mice could have nested in his lower jaw it was so close to the floor. "You have a device that could have prevented the end of dinosaurs on earth...?" he ventured.

"I think they put one in Chichen Itza. It should still be operating," she told him.

"No one has ever found anything like that there," he declared.

"You wouldn't unless you know the code word that unveils it," she admitted.

Martha fainted dead away and had to be revived, "Someone just claimed there's advanced technology we haven't discovered at Chichen Itza... What a weird dream..."

"Maybe... but it wasn't a dream. Xtah can go with you after we visit San Gervasio tomorrow and show you the asteroid shield," I offered.

"I will be ruined..." she admitted, "But the revelation will be the thing that remakes me, and by being with those that reveal this marvel."

"We can take 'The Hemisphere Dancer'. There's Chichen Itza international airport we can fly into," he offered.

Martha answered, "While normally I would jump at the chance to fly in your Albatross, I would wish that Dolly would bring us there in her space ship please."

Jimmy shook his head a bit and said, "I swear I heard you say 'space ship'."

"She means our Intercontinental jumper," I supplied. "We could be there in under a minute."

"Hell, I'd like a ride in that myself!" he admitted.

"Great, it's a date," I agreed with a smile.

"I do want to ask what that fudge Xtah fed me was," he blushed. "I've had ironwood since she fed it to me."

"Xtah...?" I said.

"Yes, Dolly...?"

"I have a dangerous mission for you," I informed her. "A situation has come up due to your fudge feeding and I feel you are the best one to handle it. This nice man has some pressure which needs relieving and if he's willing and you are able..."

Xtah dragged him off to the tour bus, his grin was a warm sight to behold, and he stated, "I feel like a horny 18-year-old!"

"I feel like a lucky princess!" Xtah replied, which only served to make him harder.

I was thinking that I'd need her as an example for the Getaway training! That girl knows how to stroke a man!

I was on my third 'Who's to Blame®' when they returned. Jimmy's eyes were nearly crossed and he was slightly stumbling.

"How many tubes of Life Paste have you fed him?" I asked.

"He wouldn't take any..." she replied worriedly.

"Jimmy, how can you have any poontang if you don't eat your Life Paste?" I asked him with a grin.

"That's from 'Another Brick in the Wall'," he mumbled.

"If you don't eat two tubes of Life Paste, I'll have the Amazonian force feed it to you," I threatened.

"I don't use drugs!" he swore.

"Life Paste isn't drugs, it's a supplement to replenish the energy and chemicals that you have over burned with your strenuous activity," I emphatically assured him.

Xtah handed him a tube with an upraised eyebrow.

Jimmy took it and started sucking it down, "That's pretty good."

After his second tube, he still looked a little tired but I felt he would be able to go on.

"Okay, so what was in the fudge...?" he insisted.

"It's a natural extract from the flower of a mutated Pea Pod Plant. It was the sexual attractant that lured all of the males on Ka'an to their doom," I informed him.

"Sort of like sex ganja?" he asked.

"I have an offer to make," I informed him. "You are 69 years old this year. How would you like to be 18 again?"

"Um... what are you proposing?" he asked.

"I have a lot of genius women on Ka'an. I have few artists and entertainers, let alone males, how would you like to live forever?" I offered.

"Don't tell me that Life Paste stuff makes you younger..." he worriedly asked.

"No, but a ride in an un-mutated Pea Pod will," I stated seriously and looking solidly into his eyes. "But you can't come back here afterwards, at least not as Jimmy Buffett."

"Can I bring 'The Hemisphere Dancer' with me?" he asked.

"We'll talk after you ride in an Intercontinental Jumper, alright?" I asked.

"Not really, no matter how awesome one of those is. I need my baby with me," he insisted. "I can do without the Dassault Falcon, if I can have the whatchamacallit."

"Meka...?" I hollered for assistance.

"Can a Grumman HU-16 Albatross flying boat be disassembled enough to cart through the portal?" I asked.

"We may have to cut some of the parts into smaller bits, but we can transport it through the gate," Meka decided, "When Heidi finishes with it, you wouldn't be able to tell it was taken apart."

"Your hovercraft can reassemble 'The Hemisphere Dancer' as good as new?" he asked in wonder.

"Buddy, I could build you a new one from plans or build one of them with antigravity power and intercontinental capabilities," Heidi assured him.

"I love how your boobs talk," he laughed. "When she hits certain volumes and frequencies your boobs jiggle."

"I was hoping that no one would notice," I admitted.

"Holy shit...! My boner's back!" he declared, "Whatever is in that fudge you could put Viagra out of business overnight! I haven't had this much wood since I chopped down that tree!"

"I envy you," I told him with a wistful expression, "And I pity you too."

He actually replied, "I understand and I can truly reply in kind. Although, I'd bet money that you wouldn't go back."

"Are you kidding...? I couldn't handle this much sex as a male! As a Ka'anian I am so much improved it's crazy. Allow me to go back from being a telepathic superhero... no way!" I stated.

"In my opinion, you are the most powerful single person on both planets," Jimmy admitted. "Even though I love Xtah with all my heart, I'd think about throwing her over for you."

"Yah, but you don't have the right equipment... although we can fix that if you're into it," I teased.

"Tempting... but no, I like to stand up and pee too much," he admitted.

I nearly laughed myself sick, "I hear you man! It does evoke feelings of vulnerability having to drop trowel to pee. The only compensation I have is being able to throw a full grown man over 600 feet."

"I bet the landing sucks," he laughed.

"The last guy landed in the ocean... although he was ventilated by 20 mm Gatling gun bullets," I admitted.

"Oh the cartel agent, I heard about his fall from grace," he smiled.

"And his tastiness to sharks," I interjected.

Right then Sophia came running up and declared, "I have a message for Dolly!" She then locked lips with me and fainted with a pulsing of her hips.

"Damn Dolly, Sophia has it bad for you!" Jimmy informed me.

"Amazons take this girl back to the hotel and see to it she is perfumed, full of Life Paste and ready for the orgy when I arrive," I ordered.

"Well, that explains why she rejected my advances..." Jimmy decided.

"Dude, if you think the fudge was powerful, you haven't seen anything," Xtah exclaimed, "I can put Dolly's panties on a man and you'll become amorous!"

"That isn't going to happen," he declared.

"How about just wanting to screw a traffic cone?" I giggled.

"Yah, right..."

I felt my panties disappear and saw Windy drop a traffic cone next to him with my panties draped on top.

Not only did Jimmy become interested but also two other guys and a couple of women went for that cone.

As soon as anyone neared it, it disappeared and I felt my panties reappear.

"What the fuck was that!" Jimmy exclaimed.

"That was an example of the most powerful sexual attractant on two worlds," Meka assured him, "I.E. a pair of Dolly's panties. You're just lucky that she isn't turned on, or else the whole bar would wind up arrested... if the cops can keep away from Dolly long enough to arrest anyone."

"Man, my wife is going to kill me if she finds out about tonight," Jimmy admitted.

"I can fix that," I declared.

"How...?" he challenged.

"Well, one way would be to send her to me tonight so I can explain," I baited, "I guarantee by tomorrow morning, she won't have a leg to stand on... that is if she can stand at all."

"She'd never..." he started but looked over at the traffic cone. "Maybe, she would... Damn if you could mellow out the uptight love of my life and she could come with me to Ka'an, I would be in for sure!"

"Be aware, on Ka'an, jealousy is illegal," I insisted. "Jealousy nearly ended our world and I will not brook its presence on my planet!"

"Wow, so everybody has an open marriage...?" he exclaimed.

"You think it is different here on earth?" I asked.

"Well... sort of, everyone claims to be exclusive, but plenty are not and jealousy ensues," he admitted.

"Well, there's that but then there's also an expectation of exclusivity and hatred if the promise is not kept, therefore no promises like that especially amongst those who live as long as Ka'anians," I declared. "Promise to love someone exclusively for thousands of years...?"