Pea Pod

“This sounds crazy, and if I didn’t know that this is Doug’s apartment I would call the men with the long sleeved white coats that tie in the back, to come and pick you up sister,” Gwen told her, uncertainly.

“Doug, you can come out now,” Meka called to me.

I walked out wearing my black skirt, scarlet silk blouse, and two-inch pumps, unable to look Gwen in the eyes, “Hi Gwenie, it’s me, Doug.”

Gwen fainted dead away.

**********

“Wow, she’s really out!” Meka declared as she tried to rouse Gwen.

“Maybe we should put her in my bed. We can keep it dark in there so that when she does come out of it, there will only be dim images around her. Maybe that will keep it from hitting her in the face all at once,” I thought aloud.

“I like it,” Meka said as she picked Gwen up and carried her to the bed. I watched as Meka took off Gwen’s shoes, her dress, and then panty hose. “Doug, strip down to your undies and crawl in with us,” she told me with a sly smile.

“What are you up to?” I asked her as I complied, leaving all three of us close together in the bed.

“It is an old jungle remedy for shock. Laying with the victim will keep her warm and we can comfort her,” she told me as she spooned against Gwen. “Come on don’t be shy. I’ll bet you two have been closer than this!”

“Uh… I’m not taking that bet,” I told her as I hugged them both close to me. (Which is not all, that close when you remember how big my boobs are.)

“See if, you can wake her Doug,” she prompted.

“Gwenie, wake up. I need your help dear. Please wake up Gwen,” I pleaded as I gently shook her.

“Doug?” she mumbled dreamily, “Doug, who is that bimbo I saw in your apartment?”

“Meka, is not a bimbo, Gwen,” I said rather indignantly.

“Noooo, not Meka, the other one,” she asked, her eyes still closed.

I heard Meka giggling on the other side of Gwen as I told her, “I’m the bimbo Gwen, Doug.”

“Doug’s a man. Big dick swinging guy, not a bimbo,” she replied, as she was rolling over toward my voice.

“I was a big dick swinging guy. But I was attacked and now… Well now my girl friend, my lover, just called me a bimbo,” I couldn’t keep the little choking sound from my voice as the tears threatened to start soaking my pillow.

I watched as her eyes fluttered open, focused on me and she recanted, ‘I’m sorry I shouldn’t have called you a bimbo. Nevertheless, you can’t be Doug. He was taller and you don’t even look like him at all. Doug has red hair, blue eyes, and broad shoulders. Even if someone cut his dick off, stuffed gallons of hormones into him, and did extensive surgery, he wouldn’t look like you.”

Meka come to the rescue, “I saw it happen to him. That is the real Doug in front of you, fighting back her tears.”

“It just isn’t possible! Hey, wait a minute! What am I doing in bed with two strange women!” she exclaimed.

Meka sat up and told her, “It is an old jungle remedy for shock. You fainted and we thought that this would be the best way to bring you out of it.”

“Jungle remedy? This is Reno, Nevada, well just outside of Reno, anyway. There isn’t a jungle for a thousand miles!” she replied indignantly.

“That’s it Meka! Can we take her through the spare room and show her?” I sat up looking at Meka hopefully.

“No problem! Let’s all get dressed,” she hopped out of bed and started pulling on her clothes.

“You think I’m going anywhere with two strange women who are obviously more than half a bubble off plumb? You two are nuts!” Gwen jumped up and started quickly dressing.

“Don’t worry Gwen you won’t even leave the apartment,” I lied, as I finishing slipping, my high heels on.

When Gwen was dressed we led her to the spare room, both took her hands, and promptly walked all three of us through the wall.

“Ahhh!” Gwen screamed as she passed into the temple, “What the fuck just happened?”

“You are now in the jungle of my world,” explained Meka with a huge shit eating grin on her face, “and it is a hell of a lot farther than a thousand miles. Oh, and don’t faint, the floor is stone and very hard.”

We both had tight grips on her hands, “Are you two trying to make a fool of me? Big deal, you built a room in the next apartment that looks like a Mayan temple. You don’t fool me.”

Meka and I looked at each other and led Gwen outside into the lush green jungle, where she promptly fainted again.

Meka went back to the temple and brought out a bedroll and we lay back down with Gwen and gently brought her back to consciousness.

“Gwenie, wake up it’s me, Doug the bimbo, wake up and smell the jungle,” I giggled at my own silliness.

“Doug? Your voice sounds strange. Have you been into the helium again?” she mumbled.

I giggled even more and told Meka, “If I breathed in helium now, only dogs would be able to hear me!”

“Doug, I had the strangest dream, you were a little blonde who was all boobs. You and another woman walked me through a wall into a jungle. Isn’t that wild?” she said sleepily as consciousness returned.

“Too bad it wasn’t a dream, Gwen,” I told her and kissed her lips.

“Mmmph!” Gwen’s eyes were as big as golf balls, “you kissed me!”

“You make it sound like it was the first time, Gwenie. I’ve been kissing you for more than two years,” I told her looking straight into her eyes.

“Doug? Is that really you in there?” she started to finally realize we had been telling her the truth.

“Yes dear, it is me. See Meka I knew this would work,” I lifted myself up on my little arm, my chest bouncing, hither, and yaw.

“Jesus, Doug you sure have yourself a pair! You always did like them big!” then she gave me a dirty grin, “how do you like having them yourself?”

“To tell you the truth Gwenie, I like them even better on me than on another women,” I grinned back.

“You haven’t had them very long, wait until you get back aches and discover they are in your way all of the time,” she insisted, as she started to stand back up.

“I think that is a small price to pay for the orgasmic pleasure I get when they are sucked on,” I told her as I kissed her lips again.

Meka jumped in with, “Hey, why does she get all of the kisses? I’m your wife too!”

“You’re married! Doug, how could you!” she started clouding up and readied her self to run away.

“So are you, Gwen,” Meka interjected, “here, I am a priestess and I declare you married to Doug and me!”

“What?” both Gwen and I declared as we scrambled to our feet.

“I must explain. Gwen when I saved Doug from the airplane crash, I yanked him through the portal into the temple, or he would have died in the Amazon, just as my father/mother would have. Back then my other mother was the priestess, who saved him/her. He too impregnated my mother but eventually, the genetic alteration bio-form took his manhood away, when I was only five years old. He was a wonderful mother though and I loved her very much, she was the one who taught me to speak a little English,” she informed us both.

Gwen was giving me a look like, ‘you knew all this?’

“This is the first time she ever told me this part. I swear Gwen!” I held my right hand over my heart and my left in the air, except my right hand had actually grasped my nipple.

Gwen thought that was, just about the funniest thing she ever saw, and apparently so did Meka, just my luck to screw up like that at a time like this.

“If I didn’t believe you before Doug, I do now! Any woman who has tits that big would know to put her hand on her upper chest for the over the heart part,” she came over to me and hugged me to say she was sorry. Nevertheless, just to rub it in she, cupped my nipple saying, “I forgot you told me that you like how these feel, didn’t you. Maybe you were just groping yourself for the thrill.”

That proved to be a mistake because my knees went all rubbery and I wound up back on the bedroll.

“Oh God Doug, I’m sorry! Wow, they really are sensitive,” she bent over to help me back up.

“Has anyone got a cigarette?” I asked, trying to stand back up and focus my eyes.

“Was it good for you?” Meka asked once I was on my feet again.

“I’m in love with my new wife… and my first wife too!” this time, I remembered to include Meka, to make up for kissing Gwen twice already, I kissed Meka first.

She remembered to support me when she stuck her tongue down my neck.

When I could focus my eyes again, I kissed Gwen, expecting a quick peck, but she wrapped her arms around me, squeezing my boobs tight between us, and she cleaned my, tonsils! That girl has a tongue longer than some guy’s cocks!

“Why don’t we finish her off later. Right now, I want to show you one of the plants that did this to Doug,” she beckoned us to follow her.

Gwen wasn’t moving.

“Uh, Meka!” I called to get her attention.

“What? Aren’t you coming?” she stood on the trail ahead of us, fists on hips.

Gwen was standing beside me, hands on hips, and yelled back, ‘You’re crazy if you think I’m going off in this jungle to look at a man-eating plant!”

“Why? They don’t eat men. They eat their maleness! You two don’t have any maleness, so they won’t bother with you. Come on,” she did the come-hither arm motion, and turned to start up the trail.

Gwen and I looked at each other, shrugged, and followed her. A hundred feet or so we caught up with her and she led us off the trail twenty or thirty feet until I recognize the blossom that looked like a woman, “That’s one of those suckers, I recognize the lure!”

“Only now the scent will not effect you like it did before, they produce a very powerful pheromone, which will draw any male near, straight to it,” she informed us, “we use the scent in our chocolates to make the men of our village amorous beyond their control.”

“I can attest to that! That stuff is like super Viagra! I was so horny I would have made love to a traffic cone!” I admitted. “If we brought some back with us, we could put Pfizer, out of business.”

“We can bring as much as you want. As long as we can provide for my village what we need so much,” she promised, with an earnest expression on her face.

Gwen bit first, “What do your people need?”

“Sperm! Lots, of sperm, Doug was only able to impregnate ten of our women before he… she… well you know what I mean,” she declared looking down at her small hands as she fretted a small twig.

“You knocked up ten women, and were, going to run out on, them?” Gwen was livid as she looked angrily into my face.

I opened my mouth to speak, but before I could utter a word, Meka spoke up, “We never told Doug that he was a father. I didn’t speak much English then, and the ladies and I just kept stuffing mints into him. We have so few males now, and we frantically needed to get as many of us pregnant as we could. Doug only did as we wanted, and as his body had to.”

“I am sorry I did not try harder to tell you Doug.”

“Gwen, I think that Doug believed that he was still in the jungles of the Amazon. He never knew that no matter how far he walked, he would not have ever found any more people here.”

“These plants have almost wiped out all of the people of our world, and worst of all we brought it upon ourselves. Down in the vegetation overrun cities, where once my people thrived, a scientist created these plants long ago. They were supposed to genetically recondition people vastly extending our lives, but the plants mutated and began thriving off, of the Y chromosome. Now they will extend life but only for males, and only once. Doug is now almost ten years younger than when the plant attacked.”

When she was finished, all Gwen and I could do was stand there with our mouths open.

Meka brought us back to our senses by prompting, “Come let us return to Doug’s apartment. We have much to do.”

Gwen and I just followed her in silence. We entered the temple and walked out into my living room.

“Other than marrying me to you two, why did you call?” Gwen chided, as we took seats and made ourselves comfortable.

“Oh shit! Where are my manners? Can I get either of you anything to eat, or drink?” I stood up ready to go to the kitchen.

“Doug, you have been missing for over a month, and before that you were on assignment in Brazil. Do you actually have anything in your refrigerator?” Gwen knew me so well.

“Better than that, I have freshly made groceries!” I scurried to my stash of food that I had brought with me. There were some of those weird fruits, which reminded me of grapes the size of softballs, some of the jerked meat, which Meka had been feeding me, a jug of that unreal brandy, and forty or fifty pieces, of chocolate mints. I grabbed three snifters and small plates, put everything on a tray including knives, and presented it to my guests.

“Doug, what is this? I’ve never seen anything like them,” Gwen marveled as she picked up a grape.

“Be’ Chu,” supplied Meka, “very tasty, and they’re good for you.”

“I never knew what they were called, but I love them! Try the jerky too,” I tempted her with a hunk, while Meka helped her self.

“Good selection Doug, everything here lasts a long time without going bad. Here, Gwen, try the chocolate,” Meka handed her a piece.

“Are you trying to get me into bed?” Gwen had already heard about this chocolate.

“Don’t worry Gwen, the only effect it has on women is to make you incredibly attractive to men, and that only lasts an hour,” Meka informed us both.

Gwen bit into one of them, “Mmmm, this in wonderful. Look out, Hershey’s.”

“Thank you, the mark on them is mine so this is one of my own batches. This was a good idea Doug, I hadn’t realized how hungry I was,” she leaned over and kissed my cheek. “We need to answer Gwen’s question though, why we need her. I will bet that she has a pretty good idea anyway.”

“Gwen, it should be painfully obvious to you,” I started, “that we have no idea how to be women back here on dear old planet Earth. Neither Meka, nor I know the first thing about styles of dress, make-up, lingerie, shoes, hairstyle, etiquette, and in my case, feminine hygiene.”

“Oh, girl lessons! That makes sense,” she agreed. “If I’m your wife now this should be fairly easy. It is a good thing that you have a California King mattress, or else there wouldn’t be room for both of your wives you, bigamist you. When do I move in? Ooh, and what do you want me to teach you first?” Gwen was in fine form.

“I promised Mrs. Doug that we would go shopping after you got here, and I hate to disappoint the little woman,” Meka told her then wrapped her arms around me and kissed my cheek.

“In that case we had better get you both dressed for the public, follow me ladies,” with that said, Gwen marched into the bedroom.

“Judging by what I saw earlier, you two have figured out panties, and to some extent bras. We need to get you two into pantyhose, the outfits can go back on after that later,” she tossed a package to Meka and one to me. “I am going out to my car and bring in my overnight bag and make-up case. When you put the pantyhose on, be sure to bunch them up until you can just poke your toes in, and then un-bunch them as you draw them up your legs. Be careful and don’t pull on them hard, or you will put your finger through them.”

Gwen left us to wrestle our pantyhose, while she went to her car.

Once I had them on the little light in my head went on, and I began to quicken my pace and dressed quickly, “That goof! I’ll be right back Meka,” since she, was several stages behind me, “I have to go help Gwen. The stuff she is bringing was hard for me to carry when I was a big strapping man. It will take at least three of four trips. That woman packs for a full week when she visits!”

I scooted out the door, past the suitcase that was already waiting at the door, and out to catch Gwen at her car, “Need a hand beautiful?”

She did her Southern Bell impression, “Wha ma deah are you trahin to pick lil ole me up?”

“No way, you are bigger than I am now. I just thought you could use some help with carrying all of this stuff!” I admitted, as I took her make-up case and another small case, “And since you are so big and strong, you can take the big suitcase,” I giggled my head off, usually I was the big and strong one, and would carry the heavy stuff. This time, Gwen packed it, she carries, it!

We both trotted to my apartment together, and I asked her, “Is this all of it?”

“Yes, we have it all, why?” she looked at me suspiciously.

“I was wondering why you packed so light this time is all,” I said as I tried to maintain an innocent expression, but was failing miserably.

“Wow, it sure is you, in there Doug. If you really were a girl, you would know that I brought only the barest, essentials,” she admonished me.

When we reached my front door, it was, closed, and locked. The little light on top of my head came on and I remarked, “Shit, I don’t have my keys!”

“Don’t worry Doug, I brought mine, I had to use them to open my car,” she explained, “usually they reside in my purse, which is on your end table at this particular time. No worry though, Meka is still in there and would open the door if we knocked.” She whipped out her key and gained us access to my abode.

“You better go and get your plastic Doug, your whole wallet for that matter and drop it in my purse, then meet me in the bathroom,” she trotted off with her make-up case, leaving all of the others in the living room.

I stuffed my wallet into Gwen’s purse, then grabbed a couple of her bags, which I could barely lift, and waddled them into the bedroom, where they could be unpacked and permanently put away in the closet and dressers.

When I popped into the bathroom, Meka was sitting on a chair that was normally in my bedroom, while Gwen was applying her war paint.

“This isn’t going to be exactly right. You have darker skin than either of us, so most of my make-up will not be right for you, but we’ll make do,” she informed Meka as she was just applying the finishing touches, “we will stop at the Estée Lauder, counter in the mall and have them help pick out the right color tones for you. Oh, hi Doug, and you too.”

“She will be done… now. Okay Meka take a look and tell me if you like it,” Gwen spun Meka toward the mirror.

“Is that, me? I look like the women on the television,” she marveled.

Gwen used a hand towel to flick pretend hair off of the chair and hollered, “Next victim!”

I gulped hard, and sat down in front of her saying, “Be gentle it’s my first time.” I was panting so fast that I was becoming, light headed.

“Relax silly, it’s just a little make-up,” she started with the foundation, and went on from there. When she was finished, I wanted to fuck me.

“I don’t know if I want to go with you two, now,” Gwen told us, “with you two along, I’ll be the ugly one,” she bemoaned her own good work.

“Don’t worry Gwen there will be plenty of leftovers,” I teased as I stood and inspected her work again.

She slapped my ample ass in retribution, “Quit gawking at yourselves, and let’s get on with it.”

We all marched out to Gwen’s car and spent hours shopping, buying clothed, underwear, dresses, blouses, skirts, slacks, shoes, purses, make-up, and even feminine protection.

On our way home Gwen dragged us through a grocery where we picked up two hundred bucks in groceries, and yes bagboy, we wanted help out with that!

It took us a dozen trips each to unload Gwen’s SUV. We put away the groceries, but all agreed that we were too bushed to do it all.

Meka and I stumbled into the bedroom, with Gwen lagging behind a few seconds. When she caught up with us, she had two baby doll nighties in her hands, “You lovelies might want to put these on. You are going to look so hot, but not until you march into the bathroom and remove that make-up ladies.”

“Oh, do we have to,” I moaned like a nine year old.

“Jump to it girls or no sex tonight,” she clapped her hands sharply in a motherly fashion. She followed us in and showed us the miracle of cold cream.