Photographs Ch. 08

He came over, knelt down beside her chair, and wrapped his arms around her waist, resting his cheek against her breast. "I had you, Mom. You were always wonderful to me. You're the reason I didn't turn out like him."

She brushed her face against his hair. "You are pretty special," she whispered. "I must have done something right."

Christie raised her head and Danny said, "You got wiser, though."

"I certainly did." She sat up and straightened her spine. "One thing your father understood from the beginning, because I made him, was that there were things that could push me into defying him regardless of the consequences. If he ever harmed you in any way, physically or emotionally, it would have been all over."

"So he was allowed to hurt you but not anybody else."

"Danny, don't go there."

"No, I want to understand. You let him beat you up several times a month, but he can't touch me or your brothers."

She sighed. "It was part of the agreement. And it started so gradually that I was used to it by the time it got as bad as it is now."

"But it's okay," he persisted. He rose from the floor and took his chair.

"Okay, maybe I let myself be used a little bit like a doormat-"

Danny snorted.

"Okay, a lot like a doormat, but still, your father understood that I needed a certain amount of freedom. We MacAwleys are headstrong. An attempt to control me utterly probably would have backfired. I had that, at least. I had my career. I have income and respect. If I ever find those damned photos and the negatives, I'll be able to leave him without being financially dependent on the kindness of my family. I just need to find those damn photos!"

"When was the last time you really seriously tried to find them?"

Her cheeks felt uncomfortably hot when she admitted, "It's been a couple years since I've made a serious effort. I've run out of ideas."

"If you haven't for a while, maybe it's time to start again. Maybe he's gotten lazy and a car tracker might slip by."

"I'm sure he still has the device that detects GPS trackers. I know he transferred it from the Ford to the Lincoln he got two years ago."

"I'll think about it. A different mind thinking about it might be what you need."

Christie smiled a little. She didn't feel very hopeful, but she allowed him to think he could help.