tagHumor & SatirePi R Squared

Pi R Squared

byZackOShea©

Eddie had started his day with wondering what Pi was doing when he woke up. Her warmth still saturated his bed, her smell his pillows, her juices his pelvis. It shouldn't' have surprised the mathematician that his dick awoke when his mind traced its path back to what had been done over the last day and a half but it did. He blew out a hot sigh feeling stiff flesh pressed against bunched up bed sheet that was a poor substitute for her thigh. At the same moment two valleys away as Pi wondered what he was up to Eddie knew what he had to do.

Rolling onto his side the nerd wrapped one hand gingerly around his own shaft. No matter how good being lodged deep in a woman felt there was a level of pleasure that only masturbation could obtain and he was resolved to meet that this morning, while thinking about the succubus. Just enough pressure was applied so soft skin was teased by the lines of rougher palm. The first few pulls were unsteady as he ramped his cock up to full erection. Despite being filled with need both in body and mind it always took a few moments of half-flaccidness bouncing about to get going. Once hand and organ were in sync the strokes found proper friction and Eddie gasped. His free hand reached out to grasp at the side of a pillow. Now that really did feel nice. Down the middle of his root tenseness formed, a welcome distraction from the fact the bed was otherwise empty. No fantasy had really formed in his head yet, it was all about the sensation. One leg twitched, toes curling. He closed his eyes and rolled onto his back while working, palm stilled to press thumb along the underside of crown. Nerves flared and with it his pleasure grew along with pressure. Teasing himself in such a way made him feel like his head was pulling tight, that he was about to burst without actually having to worry about it. Still he could only put up with that much sensation for so long. Up across the flat top of head thumb brushed only to dip back down where its touch was more appreciated. His other hand gripped tighter against the pillow.

Mming he gave himself a swift jerk, then another before tracing tension along bottom vein. Fingertips teased at the slit until a few sticky drops of precum crept out. He ran the center of his life line across, gathering up salty anticipation before apply it in a smooth coat back down his shaft. There that was a bit better. The depth of his hardness intensified and now he took the luxury of slower strokes to daydream. He wanted to feel Pi's ass brushing against his hips as he drove her down in the bed, wanted to know from her small whimpers and hard grunts that she liked being stretched by him. He wanted to cum in her, so badly. Part of him entertained demanding that she only wore skirts and no panties around the house so he could have her whenever he fancied. However such control wasn't really in Eddie's character and logically once he wasn't in the throes of fantasy the idea would be discarded. Now though the idea of pushing her over the side of a desk and hiking up skirts before taking her deep seized his mind. His hand slipped away from cock when Eddie felt he was getting a bit too excited and massaged at his sac, in truth it was more if a hard squeeze.

"Oh geez." Now came the hard part Eddie always forgot about. His sock drawer was across the room and he didn't want to stop playing with himself. In fact hand went back to solid fondling. It was at this point where tingles of pleasure caused a man's brain to addle that Eddie always considered just jerking off until he came on his own stomach and cleaning up the mess afterwards. He tugged his skin tight, thumb running down the middle of the top of his shaft with the next three strokes. No one else should be in the house so he could just use the shower to clean up. More precum was gathered and used to lubricate. His eyes turned back to the ceiling, free hand curling against the round of a pillow to pretend it was Pi's rump. Now where was he?

The figment stated over. Pi in his mind's eye was fussing over this or that next to a desk, some sort of paper work, as he walked in and saw the outline of her ass behind cottony dress. Somewhere along the line he was already as ready as he was now, and as he ran his hands over her hidden ass she was already wet enough to receive him. There was a reason the most 'foreplay' that was seen in porno was a blowjob, men's fantasies didn't incorporate it. Eddie often wondered if women's did. Not that he wondered anything right now. His mind had already skipped to him being sans pants and brushing the head of his member against the dripping folds of her pussy as it was revealed. Thus the geek's imagination waxed back to the no underwear rule. As Eddie felt moisture gather at the tip he was already well inside his succubus, crushing her hips again and again against the hard lip of the desk. All the while he was making deep sighs and whimpers imagining her doing much the same. There was something about a woman's voice as she got pushed closer and closer to orgasm that was so fucking erotic.

The muscles of his thighs started to spasm, knees drew taunt. From how the slit of his dick was starting to ease open and the little bursts of euphoria Eddie knew he wouldn't last much longer even as he controlled the angle and stroke of his hand. It wasn't really a fair imitation of how a woman's sex ground against a man but it sure as hell felt good. Still the mathematician was going to hang on as long as he could. Male ass tightened and his back arched until it was almost painful. As long as Eddie could was a mere trickle of seconds.

The hot spatter of his desire was anything but a trickle.

Across his chest the first jet of warm seed fell, mostly atop lightly haired breastbone. Some stained his pudgy stomach. The second gush didn't get far, nor did the rest. It all just oozed over his fingers and meshed with pubic hair. There was the mess he was talking about, it felt a bit too much like sneezing into one's hand. He breathed in and out in small bursts and sighed pleased before reaching for the closest dirty shirt to wipe off his hand.

"You done yet there, slappy?" Aphex's voice slithered from behind some of the stacked boxes. "Cause I don't want to lose an eye."

"Fuck!" Eddie retreated back into the bed, throwing a cover over his nakedness. "Dude! Not cool!"

"Whatever you say, the great white knuckler." From his hiding spot the cat shaped imp padded, tail swishing back and forth in smug amusement. "It's all good, Eddie. I mean hell, everyone wanks."

"Even imps?" Flushed a full red Eddie eyed the little demon with a frown.

"Fuck." Aphex hoped up onto the computer chair's seat, then back, before lying as a cat should. His tail didn't stop flicking. "You see the woman I work for? She's sex on parade so of course I have to flog the faucet now and again."

"Choke the chicken." Eddie chuckled.

Aphex licked his chops, before setting in to clean whiskers. "Swab the deck."

"Discipline the private." This sort of exchange was required for most instances of male bonding. Not that it was helping Eddie's embarrassment ease even a notch but... How cool was a talking cat, really.

"Shuck the man corn." Aphex stretched out one foreleg and paw flexed, claws showing.

"Wow. Man corn, really?" Blowing out a long breath Eddie was at a loss what to really do. He couldn't just slide out of the covers and get ready now, it didn't feel right. He'd never been caught whacking off before.

"Really. " Out the other leg and paw went while the other was drawn back in.

"So... what do you want, Aphex?" With a clearing of the throat Eddie reached for the shirt and used it to clean his chest, under the covers of course. This was dangerously close to a tiny bit gay. Then again at least Aphex hadn't been watching.

The black cat snorted, and then sneezed. "A lot of things but eh... today it's just a quick rundown of matters that I always have with Pi's lovers. See in hell we catch a few things of what's going on in Creation so invariably it's up to me to quiz the mortal on what else she's going to need to fit in. So... what does the normal person in this day and age have?"

"Credit card debt?" All joking aside Eddie sat up and let cover pool at his lap. Against the chilled stone of the wall next to bed he leaned. It took a bit of the edge off. "Credit cards, driver's license, um... health card here in England. Let's see, she's going to need a cellphone. How technically savvy is she?"

"Eh. Besides having an ass that won't quit and marvelous rack one of Pi's gifts is an intuitive grasp of how things work. Without it doing what she does would be a pain right?" Aphex kept his distance as comfortable as the bed would be to knead his claws on. That would be dangerously close to a tiny bit gay. "So, an automobile with the license would be a good idea."

"Then get her a touch screen phone too, it's classy and easy to use." Eddie scratched at the back of his scalp. "A purse with all the woman goodies. I'd probably throw in a few condoms too."

"She can't catch anything." Aphex's ears flicked forward and whiskers twitched as he listened to the rats in the walls. "Not even a case of the babies."

"Oh, gotcha. Well then. Spare change is always a good idea. Mm. If I think of anything else I'll let you know. Oh! Her own desktop and laptop. Everyone these days has usually more than one computer." The bed groaned as Eddie shifted and focused his gaze at the cat. "Now... would you mind scramming? I've got to get ready to go to class."

"What?" Aphex flicked his tail.

"Well I know you're not a cat so it'd be... weird." Sniffing Eddie gestured to the closed door with his chin. "I guess I should open that for you though."

"No need Eddie." Off the back the imp leapt and sailed down to the floor. Four little paws pattered across it quickly. The black cat's fur rippled like projected celluloid shriveling as it burned and through the solid door Aphex slipped. The wood around the passage undulated as well until the entire effect faded.

"Fuck me." Eddie squeezed at the bridge of his nose. His life was only going to keep getting stranger he bet. Slipping out of bed he wandered off to get cleaned up. That didn't take long and after gathering up his books and a bagel the nerd was out the door into the rain. He didn't bother with an umbrella. Unlike his hot cousin the American didn't have something respectable to drive, just a Clio. It still got the job done.

When Eddie made it to school however it was only to find that Mr. Atherton was out today 'under the weather' as the note on classroom door explained. The geek's shoulders slumped and wet head of hair hung. He could have slept in, or played some video games, or something. With a sigh Eddie scratched at the back of his head.

"Now why are you looking at a door," Woodrow wrapped an arm over Eddie's shoulder and turned him, urging him to look down the hall. The only thing in sight was a girl in rather tight jeans. "When there's an ass like that swinging by? I swear, Vance, you are blind sometimes."

Eddie gave his friend an elbowing but had to admit the blonde had a nice behind. It was just the right sort of plump. As he blew out a breath he moved from Woodrow's arm and leaned against the door. Thumbs hung on his jean pockets' lips. "Eh. I just think about other things now and again, which is why I'm passing Atherton's class."

"So am I." His friend waved off the statement. "Hell I could probably sleep through it and do fine. Quincy and Jeff headed to the cafeteria but I figured I'd wait around for you."

"Thanks, Woody." It always made Eddie grin inside when Woodrow winced at the nickname. Really it fit the rather tall and gangly nerd though. Along with Quincy Roosevelt and Jefferson Hales Woodrow Munn made up the trio of friends Eddie had on campus. For obvious reasons both he and Abby referred to them as 'The Presidents.' Today Woody had a NERV emblazoned hoodie on over a t-shirt Eddie could only assume was something else anime related. The otaku's backpack really was nothing more than a canvas for patches and buttons that occasionally transported books.

"Thanks Woody." The tall man mocked his mate's tone. He adjusted featherweight glasses. "Stupid Yank. So, catch some brunch with us then?"

"I don't see why not. I mean I've got time to wait before Yew's class." After a shrug Eddie started meandering down the hall for one of the doors out.

First and foremost Woodrow craned his neck to check out that nice rump once more, and then he followed. He adjusted hi s backpack and then glasses again. One hand ran over his short dyed blonde do. "How's the project going? I still think you bit off more than you could chew. I just did some reading, wrote a paper. Standard stuff."

"It... it's taken a few strange turns?" Eddie caught his squeak before it was fully vocalized. "All for the best. I think in the end it will just be a bunch of hogwash." Or something like that. He couldn't really stand Pi up in front of the class like she was show and tell. Well he could he bet if he told her she had to do it, but it didn't seem like a good idea.

"Hogwash? Ah, colonists." With a laugh Woodrow took a few faster steps to open the door first with one hand. The other took small umbrella from the side of backpack. Once outside it was snapped open. He didn't want his hair mussed. "Hogwash. Well I can't wait to see what you produce, Vance. You are pretty much the smartest damn person I know. Though you should still shave."

"Hey!" Eddie rubbed at the side of his jaw. He wondered if it had tickled Pi but she didn't even seem to notice it the other day. "You should do something about that haircut."

"What? It looks good on me. Your... whatever it is on the other hand?" With a whistle Woodrow just let things be implied. He took a cut to the right and headed across the quad. His nose wrinkled at nothing in particular. It was habitual every time they walked across the lawn. Today the bronze statues of the school's five founders were obscured by steady rain and what parts could be seen glistened.

"Yeah, yeah." Eddie didn't have a comeback. He shifted his own book bag that was considerably less adorned than Woodrow's. There weren't many folks moving across the quad that wasn't and pretty much everyone that besides the pair were running. Yet Eddie felt as if someone was watching him. He subtly turned his head to the left, then to the right, scanning. Besides the statues that all faced inwards no one was looking their way. He shivered.

"Chilled?" Umbrella tilted lightly as Woodrow tried to help a brother out.

"I'm fine" Unease shrugged off Eddie just smirked at his friend. The idea that the statues could be leering at him would have been ludicrous just a few days ago. Then he had to go and have hot dripping sex with a demon. Now anything was possible. His brain twanged as something mathematic flitted through his imagination. If Heaven and Hell were real, that opened the possibility for anything being real. How would math explain that?

Eddie blinked hard when Woodrow's closed umbrella and tapped his chest. "Eh?"

"Almost ran into the door there, Vance." The lanky gent tsk'ed. "Are you sure you are alright?"

"Fine, fine." Trying to be reassuring Eddie clearly detected worry in his associate's look.

"If you say so. Well after you." Woodrow motioned for Eddie to go first before following.

The cafeteria was bustling today, a sea of quiet conversations mixed and churned against one another. It was a bevy of contemporary fashion disasters and the modern sickness known as isolated in a crowd. Sure there were people gathered at a few of the large tables talking to one another, laughing, sharing stories but on the outskirts at smaller tables or the bar they had set along two walls was a plethora of folks plugged into Mp3 players and their laptops. To such sorry souls the real world didn't exist. Or perhaps they were just ahead of the curve? It was the sort of philosophical question Eddie couldn't answer and nor would he bring it up around Woodrow. Foureyes had a habit of waxing on and on about anything vaguely sociological.

Across the beachhead of off-turquoise tables, plastic stools and people filling them Eddie spotted the other two presidents. Quincy and Jeff had commandeered one of the half-sized tables next to the sea-green wall and were animatedly talking about something. Well Quincy was animated; as usual Jefferson was downright grim. Eddie had rarely seen the black man really smile and when he did it was just a flicker soon to be gone. Once he'd asked Quincy about it, since of the four friends those two spent the most time together. Quincy mentioned that Jeff's dad was a bit of an asshole, always pushing his son to make something of himself, to not bring the family any shame. Thus while Quince was dressed in a tweed jacket, some Dr. Who shirt or another, jeans and sneakers Jeff had a nice pair of slate gray slacks and a clay colored blouse on -- all topped off by regularly shined shoes.

When Jeff spotted the other two there was that ghost of a grin before he waved. In spite of his taciturn nature their engineering buddy was a pretty stand up gent and a good friend. Quincy turned too and shot a smile his friends' way before holding up a finger to Woody, then pointing it to the side. Usually that was a sign of you need to check this woman out. So on reflex Woodrow looked over as he grinned and Eddie, even with his better nature, followed suit.

"Wow." Woodrow was a bit breathless and Eddie echoed his sentiment with a sigh. Moving through the line was a lovely curved woman who was at the moment bending over to check out the quality of something behind sneeze guard. She had on a dark suit-skirt that clung erotically to her backside and its perfect shape pressed against it. The fabric had even ridden up just a bit to tease with a virginal slice of white skirt and the top of dark stockings. Eddie was pretty sure they weren't the only four watching.

His lips pulled to the side. Wait a second...

"I could nibble on that all night." It was a rather declarative statement Woodrow made before he started walking along to the table. His backpack was slid from shoulder. "I mean come on. That lady should get some sort of award for having the most perfect ass, ever."

Quince's dark eyes widened and he nodded for emphasis before pulling his overloaded plate aside. "Oh yeah. A statue or something."

"Eh." Jeff offered a so-so motion before leaning back in his chair. "I've seen better."

"Like whose?" Woodrow's tone was incredibly dubious. "Seriously? That my friend is perfection. Don't you agree, Eddie? I bet you could get behind it. Eddie?"

The mathematician had almost made it to the table when the woman that was enthralling them all with her bum straightened. True to form it was Pi. Eddie just had never seen her with real clothes on before. It was quite nice in all truth; it added a sensual feeling to her. Perhaps it was just the naughty librarian outfit. He stared before realizing the presidents were looking at him. "Uh, yeah. She's actually a pretty nice girl."

Jeff popped a brow before folding his arms. "Have you been holding out on us, Edward?"

"Yeah, I mean how can you know hot and sexy poured into a skirt over there if we've never met her?" Quincy scratched at his chin then covered a cough. After another he rummaged in his pack for an inhaler. The poor man was always trying to bulk up and overcome his rather sickly nature. Eddie had been over to his parents' house once and the rest of the family was firmly in the jock category.

"She's an old family friend, Quince." Eddie gave the tweed wearing physics nerd a pat on the back to help out. "She started staying with us over the weekend."

"Whoa!" In a rather movie like gesture Woody removed his glasses. "Oh my God! That is living with you?"

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byZackOShea© 2 comments/ 6165 views/ 3 favorites

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