Pictures Never Lie: A Love Story Pt. 05

Then you had to add in the fact that the two of them had wined and dined, spent a day on the ocean,visited an attorney and fucked like bunny rabbits, all while I was sitting alone at home watching baseball and wondering what the hell had happened.

Her rapid fall into that asshole's arms could only mean one of two things. She was either much more intellectually and emotionally limited than I had ever imagined. Or she had never come close to loving me like I had loved her. The evidence was all on the side of the latter conclusion.

The way I loved Janet, I could not; and unfortunately for my future prospects probably never will, develop an emotional attachment to another woman. My connection with her is so total and profound that it is almost as if we are a single entity. And that cannot be duplicated.

So there was no possible way I could abandon that bond in a lifetime, let alone form a romantic connection with a new woman within a short week. Nonetheless that was exactly what SHE had done and her ability to do it was just inconceivable to me.

There was no getting around the feeling that I just didn't matter enough to her. She appeared to be far too willing and able to swap Tom out and swap Jim in; like we were replaceable husband-modules. And there is no way I could stay married to somebody who didn't share my love in equal portions.

I was open to her explaining what had made her do that. But I am an intellectual. I have to wrap my mind around an explanation before I can accept it as valid. And I was certain that there was no short term way for her to justify her actions.

The only purpose of the day was to talk about NEXT steps. I wanted to get us away from everything normal and familiar in order to try to find a way to make things work between us.

I still wanted to be with her and only her. But I didn't know how to get there without totally sacrificing my OWN self-respect.

Basically, I was NOT going to invite her back under the old rules for our marriage. So we had to work together to find a resolution that I could live with viscerally and if we didn't I was ready to accept the consequences of our failure as final and irrevocable.

I had already told my lawyer to begin to negotiate with the guy who she had so hastily hired. I told him to finalize the decree. And it didn't make me feel any better when my lawyer told me that Janet's lawyer had been briefed well in advance that Murphy would be bringing somebody in for a quickie divorce and that the lawyer should, "grease the skids".

Hustling somebody out of a marriage wasn't exactly against the ABA code of ethics but that fact DID substantiate that Janet had given Murphy enough of an indication of his impending success that he could already brag about it to his college chum. I believe his exact words were, "I am going to be fucking my boss's hot wife as soon as we leave here."

My response to that discovery was to rent a beautiful little condominium on the other side of the same woods that Murphy was last seen disappearing into.

It was on a hilltop. It had a pretty stream and a view across open scenery toward the ocean, and I could walk the quarter mile to work every day.

It might seem a little cold to go into a discussion about saving a marriage while implementing your exit strategy. But I am most comfortable when I am out in front of a situation. And I actually thought that it might be easier to work this out, if the basic architecture of our alternate future was already in place.

The one thing that I knew for sure was that whatever progress we made today, I was not going back home with Janet tonight.

In the guy world, a man's boat is part of the eternal dick measuring contest. In that respect mine was both longer and thicker than Murphy's. At least that knowledge gave me some solace. I thought bitterly that only Janet could tell me how we compared on the other measure.

This had been our boat for a long time and we were used to the boarding and settling in routine. I pulled us out of the marina on the diesels and we headed offshore to the widest part of the Sound off of Rocky Point.

When we got a couple of miles offshore I dropped the anchor. It used up over 150 feet of line but we were steady on an expanse of water that was like a sheet of rippling glass in the summer sunlight.

Janet had remained silent as we went through our boating rituals. When the anchor was down and secure I said, "Do you want to talk out here, or down in the cabin?

She was sitting on the bench nearest the navigator's station with her gorgeous legs tucked gracefully up, like every woman can, and no man would even think about attempting. I thought to myself, "Women; the flexible sex!"

She said, "Wherever you are the most comfortable."

I said, "I like bright places to discuss dark things, so let's do it here."

She winced and said, "I have been dreading this moment for four days and I have been praying non-stop since the minute you left me. Can you tell me what you are thinking?"

Like I said, Janet is a smart girl. She had placed the ball squarely in my court and I would be the world's biggest pussy if I tossed it back to her.

I said, "I have thought about this every way I can and I have to tell you that your fucking that guy is not a problem for me."

"It would have been a huge problem if there had been a second time, or if you had given him your body the way you always do with me. But I am convinced, and I have Sarah's testimony to semi back it up that what happened was a quickie that took place in the heat of the moment."

"In fact because of the way you were manipulated I actually consider what happened to be close to a rape. So I am giving you a onetime free pass on this. I will not spend any more time thinking about it and I will not be blue-bugging your phone to check up on you."

"Needless to say if anything like this ever happens again, don't even think about talking to me about it, no matter what good reason you have."

The look of profound relief that spread over her face nearly brought a tear to my eye. But my heart was already hardened for the important part of the discussion.

I wanted to have her lay her cards down now and then I would decide which direction the discussion would go.

So I looked her in the eye as frankly as I could and said, "Now it's your turn."