Pillar Ch. 16

Ruth slowed down when she saw Alex sitting on a bench close to her office. How much had changed since the first time they met on a bench? She had been blind at the time. She stopped squarely in front of the younger woman and looked down at her, her eyes dull and flat. Alex met her eyes and her shoulders hunched a little, her face pulled into a pained expression. She didn't speak and Ruth got tired of waiting, calmly she asked,

"I guess you're waiting for me. What do you want to say?"

"I want to apologize."

"Oh?"

Ruth leaned forward and forced Alex to bend back.

"You think apologizing will make everything right?"

"I, no, please, could you back away a little?"

"No."

Alex swallowed and tried to arrange her thoughts. This wasn't going anything like she expected, Tom had been right. She wasn't herself, this Ruth scared her. She was so cold and lifeless, who knew what hid behind that veil?

"I just want to say that I'm sorry I hurt you by getting involved with Tom. I feel ashamed that I need the help of someone else's lover to get over my problems. But I need the help and there's nobody else. I mean I have my sponsor, but he can't do the things Tom does for me. He can't do the things you did for me. Please, Ruth, will you come to your senses and tell us what's wrong?"

"He's not my lover anymore, he's your lover now."

Alex's face twisted in confusion and she shook her head.

"That's not true Ruth. He just takes care of me now, that's all. There's nothing more to it than that. I thought you understood, we both did. You suggested it, why are you suddenly so angry? Please Ruth, just open up to us."

Ruth straightened up and stretched her back, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath. Alex relaxed a little, a hopeful smile appearing on her face. Maybe she had reached through.

Suddenly she was lying sideways on the bench, a sharp pain pulsing in her cheek and lancing through her ear into her brain. She couldn't see well through the tears in her eyes but she still made out Ruth's contorted face inches in front of hers. Her hiss resonated painfully inside her head

"You took what I wanted and now you want to make it look like you didn't replace me? Never. Come. Near me. Again. You thieving slut."

With that she turned on her heels and walked away at a brisk pace. Alex didn't even notice her leave, she was oblivious to the world around her, to the passersby casting glances at the crying woman collapsed on the bench. Those last two words cut deep inside of her and she felt ashamed that she was who she was. She was disgusted. She hated herself for pushing someone as wonderful as Ruth to such anger and pain.

She wanted to curl up and hide under the bench, but she still had enough clarity of mind to get a cab. She slurred Tom's address but got the message across. When she realized which place she had chosen to flee to, her guilt and shame doubled. Did she really take Ruth's place? Did she destroy another relationship just by being a hopeless addict, human filth?

She didn't notice the concerned look on the cabdriver's face when she paid him double what he was due and staggered off before he could even take out his change. Tears streamed over her face all the way to the doorstep of the apartment complex. She collapsed under the mailboxes, the world spinning around her.

She was pulled back to full consciousness when someone shook her shoulder, trying to get her to wake up. Her eyes fluttered open and she tried in vain to focus on the face in front of her. She started muttering

"I have to get to Tom... Tom."

"I'll call his place right away, just stay awake."

The sound of the intercom seemed far off, abruptly it was cut off when the other side of the line picked up. She didn't know where she was relative to the door anymore, everything was spinning too much.

"Tom? This is Rob here, there's a redheaded girl here on the floor. She's got a pretty bad bruise on her face. I heard her say that she wanted to get to Tom. Do you know anybody like that? You do? I'll wait here with her."

She was lifted off the floor and suddenly she knew where she was, she was safe in Tom's arms. The one place where she could find rest. She slipped away into unconsciousness and was dead to the world for hours.

When she opened her eyes again, she was on her side and her face felt cold. She touched her fingers to the cold compress on her face and remembered what happened. She closed her eyes again and curled up a little. Sometimes you get what you deserve.

"Try not to move too much."

She jerked in surprise and groaned when a new lance of pain drilled through her ear.

"What did I tell you? I had a doctor over, she said that you have a light concussion. You should have a headache and an impressive bruise tomorrow, no lasting damage though. Whoever punched you did a good number on you."

He put his hand on her shoulder and carefully rolled her on her back.

"Stay still for a bit, I'm going to wrap a bandage around your head so the compress stays in place."

He bandaged her with deft hands and as he overlooked his handy work he asked her

"Who punched you?"

"It doesn't matter, I deserved it. It's part of the program to try and apologize. I tried but before I knew it she had punched me and left me behind."

He sighed and made himself comfortable on the edge of the bed, his eyes intently fixed on her uncovered one.

"Do I know this woman?"

She shook her head and after recovering from the brief bout of pain it caused her she said

"No. But I don't think it's going to be the last time I get hurt. She accused me of being a thieving slut, of taking away what she had and replacing her. I drove a wedge into her life because of my addiction. I feel so ashamed, Tom."

He let her lie slip, if she wanted to hide the truth he would let her. His hands were gentle as he carefully lifted her torso and settled in behind her in the bed.

"Do you remember the last time we sat like this? You didn't know what to do with yourself, so I told you a story. It had a man who lusted for you, a man who was willing to give as much as he took before leaving on his own path and lastly it had a man who cared for you and accepted you, even knowing about your past.

That's your future. Don't think about your days spent with the first man. You couldn't help yourself and the men who cheated with you didn't deserve to be with their women anyways. I'm sure you hurt that woman and you have the right to be ashamed and guilty about that. But if you hold yourself to the goal of not causing anything like that ever again, then I won't let your past ruin you now."

She buried her nails into the palms of his hands. His words were so kind and so painful. She couldn't tell him that it wasn't in the past, that it was now. She was still causing problems, no matter how much she was trying to heal. Her past wouldn't let go.

She cried herself to sleep in his arms, exhausted by her own guilt and the sheer intensity of her need for someone to lighten her burden. No matter how bad it made her feel, she couldn't let this man go.

***

It's dark in the bedroom, nothing can be seen. There isn't a sound to be heard. Suddenly a hand brushes her flank and disappears again. She turns toward the touch and feels a playful squeeze on her ass. She turns again, stretching out her hands, but the man remains elusive. She shivers when a finger trails her spine. She remains still, waiting for the next touch. A hand brushes the side of her breast, she's ready for it to disappear again but it slides around the soft flesh and cups it.

A warm body is pressed against her back, she can feel the solid muscles against her. The strength locked inside those hands is held back while he firmly kneads her breast. She moans but there's no sound, the hand hesitates, expecting a response and not getting it. He slides his fingertips along the bottom of her breast, following the gentle curve. Her skin tingles and she feel her nipple stiffen. She tries to be patient, to let him travel her skin and awaken it so his touch lights her on fire. But she can't wait, she needs it now. She tries to raise her hand so she can push his hand against her.

But her arm doesn't lift. She tries her other hand and that doesn't work either. The hand continues to tease her and finally circles her nipple. It stops again. Doesn't it feel that her nipples are stiff? That she wants him to squeeze it and pull on it? She wants the sharp mixture of pleasure and pain. She can almost feel the doubt in the body behind her. The hand rests on her breasts for a while and then decides to travel down, inch by inch.

She feels the itch between her legs, she wants it. She opens her legs to receive the touch but it comes so slowly. The hand seems to take forever to reach her aching pussy. She's so wet that he could slide in any number of fingers with ease. And still, when he reaches out two fingers, he goes slowly. He gives careful little strokes, as if he was trying to make her wet so he wouldn't hurt her. He doesn't go in. What is he doing? Can't he feel how wet she is?

She turns around and grabs his head, pulling it down so she can kiss him. He can't mistake a kiss, he has to feel how much she wants him. She has to convince him to take her, no matter what he felt from her body. She needs it, her body screams out in desire. She feels his lips on hers but for some reason he doesn't respond to her kiss. She knows he can't see her, but he should be able to feel her.

She sinks down on her knees, frantically trying to think of anything that might catch his attention. If she can open his pants and put his cock in her mouth, he won't be able to ignore her any longer. He has to feel her then, there's no other way. She unbuckles his belt and pulls down his shorts. She puts her hand in his boxers and feels his cock. It's flaccid.

She's worried now, afraid that nothing she can do will get his attention. What else is there? She shouts his name but she can't hear a thing.

***

As Ruth woke up from her nightmare she could hear herself murmur 'Tom, Tom, Tom'. She felt incredible relief at hearing her own voice again. His name was a balm to her fear, if he were here she wouldn't be alone and scared. She curled up into a tight ball, trying to drive away the fear by making herself smaller, warmer in her own embrace. Still she could feel the cold where the air touched her skin.

She hadn't heard from Tom since his last visit. Why didn't he get angry or call her a stupid little girl? He didn't stop her. Maybe he thought that she had realized that she couldn't handle it after all. That she had discovered that her choice was wrong. Did he really not know that those few months hadn't changed her? No, those few months had been an exploration of hidden parts of herself that had always been there. She understood that he wanted to bring her to the surface. He owned her now, she was his. She wanted to go back, but she didn't know how. She was afraid that she wouldn't be enough and that she would fail him too badly to keep on going.

She remembered his touch, his teasing. Her mind drifted back to a better day when he had his 'I'm going to do something to you and you don't know what' face on. She had immediately felt excited, her heart beating faster. She wanted to know what the surprise would be.

"Little girl, come drape yourself over my lap. Take off your panties first."

Her breathing sped up at the thought of him spanking her, the sweet burn lingering in her cheeks while her pussy was on fire. She made short work of her panties and lay herself down across his lap. She moaned when she felt his hand caress her ass, she couldn't help pushing it up against the palm of his hand.

"You have such a beautiful ass, little girl. I just love the way it curves. And the way it feels when I run my fingertips over it. The way it bounces when I spank it... It's a work of art. I know you think I've forgotten something."

Both his hands were kneading her cheeks now, it was distracting her from his words. He was so close to her pussy, if only he would slide one of his hands between her legs. She moaned at the thought.

"I know you think I've forgotten about this."

She moaned loudly when his fingertip slipped into her asshole, wiggling in tiny circles. She pushed her hips up, trying to get more of him inside but he lifted his hand. She couldn't get more.

"I know I play with it from time to time. But what you want is something more like this right?"

He drove his finger down into her hole, pumping it up and down at a lazy pace. Her eyes shut as the amazing sensation swept over her. She had to have more so she slipped her hand under her body and started playing with herself. Lying there on his lap, knowing that he was watching his finger disappear in her tight ass and that he was aware she was playing with herself at the same time, made her feel so exposed that the moment she touched her clit a small orgasm set off.

"Now, little girl, you're lucky that I'm not in the mood for correcting your behavior. It's so beautiful to see you writhing in orgasm on my lap. I wonder what it would look like if I slid my cock in this tight little hole."

He added a second finger and she panted at the thought of him actually taking her ass.

"Are you... are you going to fuck me in my ass?"

"Your ass? I think your mistaken about who this ass belongs to. Where do you want me to fuck you?"

"In your servant's ass, Sir."

"I bet you would love that."

She moaned louder when he put some lube between her cheeks and worked in a third finger. The stretched out feeling was incredible, she stayed still so she could just enjoy the feelings he was giving her.

"Should I take a picture right now? You tight little ass shiny with lube, stretched out on my fingers. Ready for my cock. I could show it to other people. I bet you'd love that, taking my fingers up your ass and showing the world that you love it."

She couldn't stay still any longer, his words stirred something up inside of her. She groaned and worked her other hand underneath her body. She plunged her fingers into her soaked pussy and came again when she felt his fingers touching hers inside of her. She felt so full, so hot. She loved the feeling of her body being stretched out.

"That's a second one and I barely even touched you. You must want this really badly."

"Yes, please, Sir, just put it in my ass now. Please fuck my ass, I want it so badly."

"Show me how much you want it, fuck yourself on my cock. Slide it in that tight hole of yours. Feel how it fills you up and stretches you out. Play with yourself while you drive it in and out of your little asshole. I want you to scream in pleasure while you violate yourself with my cock. You're going to give me your last virginity and if you do a good job, I might fuck your ass a second time after I shoot my load deep inside of you."

She almost fell onto the floor in her hurry to get up so she could open his pants. She wasn't thinking straight. She had wondered so many times what it would feel like. She had never allowed it and now it was all she could think about. This wonderful man knew all her buttons to push.

When she bared his hard cock, she locked her mouth over it and drove it down her throat. She was in a haze, a sexual frenzy. She didn't care about gagging, all she cared about was getting it wet so it could go inside of her ass. She pulled off his cock and turned around. She flipped up her skirt with one hand and with the other she tried to put the tip against her asshole. But it wouldn't work, she tried and tried, getting more impatient with every attempt.

"Climb on, little girl."

Relieved to have a solution she climbed onto his lap and finally got his cock into position. She felt it push against her hole, she had her eyes closed and her heart was beating fast. That one moment before she sunk down seemed to last ages and then finally she pushed the head inside. Her eyes opened wide as she carelessly sunk down until she had taken half of his length. The pulsing heat inside of her was unlike anything that had been up there before. She sank further down until she was sitting in his lap, his entire length buried up her virgin ass.

He grabbed her shirt with two hands and violently tore the fabric, exposing her naked chest.

"Smile for the camera, little girl."

She noticed the lens of the camera in front of her and an image of her state flashed through her mind. A wild look in her eyes, one that told everything about what she wanted right now. Her clothes torn, so anybody could see her stiff nipples and flushed chest. Her pussy was glistening with juices under her skirt and worst of all, there was a cock lodged in her bowels.

It was too much for her to handle, the mere thought of being exposed like this drove her over the edge of another orgasm. She was shaking and spasming in his lap and he enjoyed the effect on his cock but he wanted more.

He twisted her nipples and pulled on them.

"Come on Ruth, fuck your little ass raw. I want to feel it slide over my cock. You've come three times already with something in your ass. Just imagine someone seeing the movie of the show you're about to give. Come on, Ruth. Fuck that ass!"

Her thoughts were a blur by that stage, she pushed herself up again and again, faster and faster. He guided her fucking by pulling her nipples up and down and up and down. She could hear her ass slapping against his thighs over her own moans. He was enjoying this as much as her. She might be on top, but there was not even a sliver of control left to her. All she could manage was fuck, fuck, fuck.

The feeling was amazing. She felt full and she felt some of the sweet burn she got from a spanking. It hurt but it was also amazing, the pleasure was different. Her clit was pulsing like mad, if she could just spare a hand so she could touch it once. One little touch would set her off. But she couldn't, Tom had taken her wrists in his hands, keeping them locked in his form grip.

Suddenly he lifted her off his lap and flipped her on her stomach, draped over the chair. He put her hands in her crotch and she started coming at the first touch to her clit. She had been primed. Another orgasm crested on top of the first one when he slammed his cock back into her ass and started fucking her like a madman. The chair slid across the floor due to the force of every thrust. Her arms went limp as she was helplessly caught up in ecstasy. She barely noticed his roar when he shot her ass full of come.

Back in the reality of her lonely room, Ruth climaxed in silence. It was just one of the many memories she had gathered in the months since their agreement. Her body was relaxed and flooded with pleasure, but she couldn't shake off the feeling of wrongness. She felt like she had sinned, like she had stolen something.

She wanted permission. The whole idea of being permitted to do something made her dependent on the one granting her the pleasure. Now she was lying in bed and nobody knew that she had just come, nobody shared in her pleasure, nobody cared. She wanted to be cared for again, she wanted to belong. She wanted to go back home and home wasn't here, not anymore. Her parental home was just a house filled with fond memories now. Her home was with Tom. It was where he could see her, watch over her.

"I'm yours, Sir."

It was a small part of the rules, 'The first and the last words out of your mouth every day.' She hadn't followed it so far and he hadn't pressed it. But now the words were heavy, burdened with desire and loneliness. And they were true. She wanted to go back, but he wouldn't take her. Or else he would've come for her. She curled back into a ball, but she couldn't shut out the words.

If she couldn't do it for him, she would do it for herself. She would prove to herself that she could follow every single rule that he had put down. Even if he wasn't there to see it, he could still guide her. For the first time in days, she could feel a calm settle inside of her. It wasn't the same as being held in the palm of his hand, but she felt that somehow things would go back to something similar to the way they were. He hadn't taught her to give up. Endure and enjoy any reward you can get out of what you've done.