Pillar Ch. 17

"Thanks for taking my call, Ruth."

"It's ok, Philip, come in."

"Your parents have a nice place."

"What is it you want to talk about, Philip?"

"Straight to the point? I don't mind. Could we go sit somewhere?"

"Oh. Sure, we can go sit on the couch. Do you want something to drink?"

"Water's fine."

The couch looked undersized when he sat down in it and she felt tiny when her hand almost disappeared in his, glass included. He thanked her and put the water down.

"Did Tom send you?"

"Oh no, he wouldn't. I went over to his place and asked about you, I almost had to twist his arm before he told me anything. The boy can be stupid at times."

"He didn't want to tell you about me?"

"It took some prodding, yes."

"Why? He hasn't even called since I left."

"Don't misunderstand. He wants to, but he won't. He's still a novice when it comes to long-term relationships and he confuses real problems with your inner struggles to submit. He's too fixated on that part of your relationship. He's happy to take control of many things, but your decision to stay or leave is not one of them. And if you don't go back, he'll respect it even though it hurts. I tried to make him understand that he has to come talk to you, but he's stubborn. If it's not you, he won't listen."

Ruth didn't answer, she was wrapped up into a tiny ball, lost in thought. A huge hand on her back startled her.

"Why are you here, Ruth?"

A simple question. She looked up at the kind giant next to her and saw a calm steadiness in his eyes. This man had weathered his crises and all they had done was polish up his rocky surface. He was like a troll from folklore, a walking piece of rugged nature wrapped in the thin veneer of society. She felt calm in his presence and for the first time, she felt she could tell her story.

"Three weeks ago, I was busy packing up for the move to Tom's place when my mom called. She had seen Tom kissing Alex passionately, I wasn't alarmed until she told me it was during his working hours, in a place not far from his office. I started to get scared and my mom was furious."

She stopped talking and curled up in a tighter ball. Philip let her be for a while and then picked her up, putting her on his lap and almost completely hiding her behind his arms.

"Ruth, why were you scared? You can tell me, we've all been scared before."

"Have you ever been scared?"

She sounded fragile, anything would make her retreat back into her shell. He took a deep breath and prepared to trade his own story for hers.

"I've been scared many times, Ruth. I'm huge, I've always been bigger and stronger than anybody else I knew. Children would tease me so I would try to make them stop and without wanting to I would hurt them. A little push and they would go flying. I pushed a kid against a window sill once, he knocked his head and there was so much blood. I ran away and when they found me they said I did it on purpose. I told them no, it was an accident and after a lot of talking they believed me. But I could see in the eyes of the other kids that they were afraid.

I carried that with me, I almost never dated even though I attracted enough attention. I didn't want to break those fragile girls. Eventually I met Cristina, I'll never forget how she stood there looking up at me with her hands in her sides and her chest pushed up, trying to read me a lesson. But whatever she did, she was still tiny. I started laughing and she kicked me in the shin. I had to laugh even more and she kicked my other shin. I barely felt it but she hurt her foot and she was hopping on one leg. I folded over, my stomach hurt and she pulled on my shoulder. I toppled over and I fell. And there she stood, looking down on me and I think I fell in love with her when she said 'There, that's better.'

We started dating and I was amazed. This little woman was bigger than me, she overwhelmed me. It scared me to do some of the things we did together, but she never broke. All she did was ask for more. I felt alive.

We went on like that for a couple of years until we stumbled upon Domination and submission. It made sense to us. She loved controlling me and I loved being free of the risk of hurting someone. Over time I got more comfortable with myself and my size up to the point that there's a tiny girl in my lap and I haven't even worried over whether I forget you're there when I get up, making you fall onto the coffee table. You don't want to know how many times I've thought things like that.

That's my story and I'm proud to tell it, because I've overcome who I was together with Cristina. If you don't want to, you don't have to tell yours to me, but you have to tell it to Tom. You have to be honest with him, or else this will never work. Maybe if he had known what you're not telling him now, he would've made different choices."

She had relaxed during his story, sheltered in the warmth of his arms and listening to the dull hum in his chest. It was a safe place and she felt she wanted to tell her story.

"Can you call Tom and tell him to come here? The back door is open, so we don't have to leave from here."

"Sure."

***

Tom entered the living room only fifteen minutes later. He saw Philip sitting on the couch by himself and asked

"Where's Ruth?"

A head popped up between the two giant arms and he could see on her face that she had been crying. Ignoring Philip, he kneeled in front of the couch and pressed his forehead against hers, wrapping one hand in her hair. Feeling her again was invigorating and painful at the same time. She folded her arms around him and he pulled her from Philip's lap into his arms, squashing her against his chest.

"I've missed you, Ruth."

She made a choked little sound and he kissed her before she could say anything. He buried her face into his shoulder when the kiss ended and held her. They desperately clung together until the volatile need to feel each other dwindled and they were capable of talking again. He carried her over to the couch and settled her in his lap, stroking her hair he said in his softest voice

"Philip said you have a story to tell."

Her hands clawed into his shirt but she nodded her head, determined to get everything off her chest.

"I was with someone else before, we lived together while I did my MBA. It seemed like a good plan to save money but it was a mistake. As time went by he started to behave differently. He seemed distracted and when we had sex it was always urgent. I didn't mind, I went with it but after half a year of living together he no longer wanted to have sex like normal couples do. He wanted me to cut my hair short and I refused him. He became aggressive."

She could feel Tom's arms tense around her but he kept his mouth shut.

"He never really hurt me, but he was so angry. I did what he told me. I changed my hair, I changed my clothes to shorts and t-shirts with sneakers. He even gave me a baseball cap. People thought I was a boy. He never looked me in the face when we had sex.

I don't know why I stayed so long. I understand now that he was a bisexual. But he didn't want to be with me, he wanted to be with a man and he couldn't accept that. I'm pretty sure he never told anybody. I always wore normal clothes when we went to visit his parents. One day I came home and he was gone. He'd left a note saying he was leaving with a friend he met a couple of months before. I didn't have the money to pay for both my MBA and the rent, so I had to borrow from Jenny. She knows everything.

I finished my MBA and after I got a job, I buried myself in the work. I didn't want to take the risk of going through that again. When my mom told me she saw you kissing Alex when you were supposed to be at work, I panicked. I didn't want to live through another year filled with secrets. And I started thinking that you make me do a lot of the things he made me do. And there I was again, sitting in my parent's living room, alone.

I love Alex to bits, but I hate that she owns a part of you. I felt good taking her under my wing but now I'm not so sure anymore."

"Philip, could you leave us, please?"

He made his way silently out of the room and settled down in the garden, in case he was needed. They could see him sitting outside, enjoying the breeze.

"He's wonderful isn't he? I learnt so much from him and Cristina. In two years of my life they taught me more than I had learnt in all the years before."

He trailed off into silence, gently rocking her as he tried to sort out his thoughts.

"I'm glad you told me, it helps me understand why you left and why you didn't come back. You won't believe how fast I had the door open when Philip rang the doorbell. I thought it was you. He saw something was up and now he's here and so am I.

I'm sorry about your mother. Alex had just had a really bad session and she needed something to keep her together. So I kissed her like she mattered to me and she does. I love her Ruth, but not in the way I love you. I know I never will.

She could never be my life. She's brazen and hurt, wanting to heal. You are shy but when the person you really want to be bubbles up, then you're the most amazing woman I know. I want to be the one who lets you be her.

I hate what that guy did to you. He abused your nature so you suited his own self-denial. I tried to make it clear that that is not what I'm trying to do, but if you're still not comfortable with the whole arrangement then we can stop it. We can be a normal couple. No more assignments and tests and training. Just normal stuff. I don't know what that will mean for me, but I'm willing to try it."

She shifted in his lap and pulled his head down to kiss him. They kissed for a long time, only stopping for breath. None of the kisses were passionate or wild. No, they all spoke eloquently of the connection they shared. They told him that she had hated their time spent apart. They told him she had waited for him to come to her and he told her the same.

All the words had been said. Feelings aren't communicated through hollow phrases, they can only be felt. Only by allowing yourself to be vulnerable and open can you show your true feelings. No matter what doubts are still eating at you, if you show that there is a wellspring of deep emotion waiting for them, a good partner will make an effort to ease them. Tom pulled her in closer to show he accepted her gift.

When they let each other go just one more thing needed to be said.

"Will you take me home, Sir?"

As much as words can be hollow, they can be filled with immense, unexpected relief. That one word told him he had been accepted, it blew up inside of him and blasted away his fears.

He picked her up and carried her out the back. His voice was hoarse and barely audible when he asked Philip

"Can you drive us home?"

He rolled his eyes but got up without a complaint and slapped Tom hard on the shoulder, shocking him forward. His laughter filled the garden with joy.

"You owe me dinner, boy."

"Anything you want, I'll make it."

"I'll keep you to that. Let's get you two lovebirds back to your nest. I'm glad you two got started on solving your problems, expect Cristina over tomorrow evening."

He laughed again as he heard their chorus of weak groans.

"You'd better be ready to have your ears glowing red. If she hears about the mess you two made, she'll want the both of you over her knee. And don't think she won't, Tom knows better!"

It was hard not to smile as this massive block of mirth sauntered in front of them. They looked at each other and knew they would be fine.

***

Tom had a little trouble getting out of the car, with Ruth clinging on to him, but he didn't mind. He hadn't known how much he missed having her close to him, the intimacy of simply touching each other. They hadn't spoken on the ride home and they didn't say a word as they made their way through his apartment. He stopped in front of his bed and cleared his throat before speaking, his voice was soft.

"Do you want to talk?"

She shook her head and he put her down on the bed. He undressed her, taking his time trailing her skin with his fingertips as he removed each piece. Every touch was precious and unexpected, an unforeseen treat. They were both in a state of wonder and relief. They seemed to have forgotten how it felt to be with each other, what they could do to each other with the slightest contact.

But she wanted more, she pulled on his clothes, urging him to take them off. He undressed, not in a hurry, showing every part of his powerful body to her. She kneeled on top of the bed and ran her hands over his skin, following the lines of his defined muscles. She was so lost in reacquainting herself that she was startled when she felt the heat of his cock against her arm. She wrapped her little hand around it and slowly ran it up and down, more feeling than stroking it.

She looked up at him and her eyes told him all he needed to know. She wanted him to take her back to the way things were. His eyes didn't leave hers as he gently pushed her back onto the bed. She stretched out her arms above her head and crossed her wrists, offering herself to him. He took the offer and locked her wrist with one hand, with the other he spread her legs wide.

He pushed his cock where it belonged and kissed her. It wasn't a normal kiss, nor was it passionate. He explored with none of his usual urgency, this was about acceptance.

He pushed himself up a little and started fucking her with long thrusts, his hips grinding into hers with every stroke. He didn't change his pace, only varying the force he used to push down on her. They flowed against each other, matching each other's rhythm and trying to feel as much as possible. Tom laid down on top of her, covering her body completely with his and whispered into her ear

"Do you remember the first time?"

She nodded against his shoulder.

"Do you still trust me like you did then?"

"Yes."

He pushed down on her harder, feeling her flattened breasts against his chest and her skin on his. It still wasn't enough, he wanted her to wrap herself around him. He released her and she locked her arms and legs around him. Tom righted himself so she was in his lap and together they writhed against each other. She was pulsing her pussy around his cock to give him pleasure while she ground her clit against him.

Ruth was the first to climax and she came in near silence, a soft moan escaped her mouth as he kissed her. It seemed to wash over her in gentle waves, embracing her in a warm hand before releasing her to drift in a sun warmed pond. There was just the one man who would know when she needed to feel something like this and how he could give it to her.

She disentangled from his embrace and he let her go, feeling that she needed to do something. She laid him on his back and took his cock into her mouth. She took it all the way down and stayed there until she needed to breathe. She did everything she could to tighten her throat around the head of his cock, keeping it up for as long as she could. She slid her lips up his shaft and circled the head until she had enough breath to take him again.

She didn't want to finish him anytime soon, she wanted this to last. He needed to know that she wanted this, that it was her choice to do this. He laid back and closed his eyes, enjoying her blowjob. There was no point in looking down at her, she was completely focused on giving him the best possible sensation. He stroked her hair while she held herself down, letting her know that he appreciated her efforts. When he finally came, he shot what might be the biggest load of his life straight into her stomach.

Afterwards, they lay together in bed, both of them still enjoying the ripples of pleasure left behind.

"I'm glad you're back, Ruth."

"It's where I'm supposed to be. Here where you can always reach me."

"Are you still uncertain about what I think about you?"

"I... Yes. It's who I am, girls grow up feeling like they're less than they're supposed to be."

"That might be, but that doesn't matter anymore. You only have to worry about what I think about you. If you disagree about something with me, then we can see who of us is right. But that's enough talk for now, I'll make it clear to you later. For now, there's more important things to do."

"Like what?"

"Well, nothing of course."

He tickled her and she giggled before going for a counteroffensive. He didn't respond to her advance so she grabbed a pillow and wacked him over the head with it. He seemed surprised at the power behind the hit. He took her in an arm lock and tickled her some more as payback.

They laughed. One bout of sex had reaffirmed how they felt about each other and it reduced the weight of the past few weeks tremendously. Their fears hadn't been laid to rest, but they could feel that they were close again.

***

"Tom, are you going to explain to me now why we're at a flower shop?"

"Go inside and strike up a conversation with the owner."

"That's why we're here?"

"Yes. Don't complain, just do it."

"Fine."

The moment she stepped a foot inside the shop, the overwhelming scent of freshly cut flowers swept over her. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, enjoying the jumbled fragrance. She had a look around and appreciated the different colors and shapes she saw. She was distracted by a female voice, a sweet sound.

"Hello, Miss, can I help you?"

She turned around and her jaw dropped. Before her was the envy of every woman who considered herself plain. She was a textbook blonde beauty, her dress left little to the imagination.Ruth felt she could drown in the cleavage the woman was showing. Her figure was an amazing combination of soft and tight. Her blonde locks hid some of her generous chest, but nobody was fooled. This woman had everything that boys dreamed of.

The beauty looked at Ruth with kind, violet eyes.

"Oh, yes. I'm sorry for spacing out, you're very beautiful. Could you tell me about some of these flowers?"

"Of course, Miss. And thank you for the compliment, no need to charm the seller though."

The smile she flashed at Ruth was dazzling, her beautiful face lit up. Ruth listened to her talking, simply nodding and not saying very much. Eventually she bought a bouquet of white flowers. She headed back for the car and plopped down in her seat.

"I see you bought flowers."

Ruth gave him a helpless look and he nodded his head to tell her he understood.

"What did you think of her?"

"She was amazing. She was such a woman, it's as if she seduced me just by being."

"I liked her a lot as well when we met. She's one of Nicky's friends. She broke off a long term relationship similar to ours about a year ago. She's been trying to find a replacement and although she can get a lot of attention, it's hard for her to find anybody worth her time. I met her while I was searching for the woman who turned out to be Alex. She was very excited to meet me, since she trusts Nicky's judgment. She was very open with me about what she wanted and of course I liked her, you've met her, how could I not? She's a natural."

He locked eyes with Ruth, trying hard to put as much emphasis on his next words as he possibly could.

"And yet I didn't choose her. She's a wonderful woman and frankly, she excites me. But still I didn't choose her. She wanted what you are getting from me and I didn't want to give her that much. She doesn't have what you have. She's kind and probably very passionate and obedient, but you have this freshness to you that I just can't account for in any other woman I've met. You surprise me by being yourself and that's what I love about you. You seem so innocent, I always expect you to back off but you never do.

I want you to go back inside. This time tell her that you heard about Sir Tom from Nick and Nicky and that you want her to tell you about me. She might want to give Nicky a call, but I arranged that while you were talking to her the first time. She's very serious about what we do, once she trusts that it's appropriate, she will give you her full opinion about me and hold nothing back. It's important for submissives to know about their dominants after all, some of the people out there are animals. It's like an instinctive care that grows over the years."