Pinar Ch. 01: Richard's Story

I met Pinar a little over two years ago, on New Years Eve. Since my wife and kids were off visiting relatives, and I couldn't get time off for the trip, I was alone for the holidays. So, I accepted an invitation from my best friend, to join him and the group he was partying with. And Pinar was the date of one of the other guys in that group. She was also the hottest thing I'd seen in years, and I fell in lust with her at first sight. Petite, with a cute elfin face, tits perfect for her body, and one of those small tight asses that always haunted my fantasies. She was also about 20 years younger than me, and so far out of my league it was pathetic.

But, as hot as I thought she was, her date, the guy who brought her, didn't pay any attention to her at all. He was one of those spoiled rich kids, and I guess beautiful women were a dime a dozen to him. So, instead of spending time with her, he was constantly running off to talk to his other rich friends, leaving her all alone.

My friend, being a part of that crowd, did the same thing to me too, although it was different because we're both guys. As I found out, she was also like me, an outsider to most of the group and had only come at her date's invitation. So, it was sort of natural that us two outsiders would end up chatting. She was as smart and funny as she was beautiful, and it made me wish I was 20 years younger, and single. Even then though, I wouldn't have stood a chance with a girl like her, because she was straight out of my dreams.

And, she would have stayed out of my fantasies too, since I don't fantasize about the impossible, except for two things. One was that there were times I could almost believe she was flirting with me. The other was that when things started breaking up, she seemed genuinely disappointed that I was going home instead of continuing to party. She even went as far as to ask me to join a much smaller group, that didn't include her date, at some bar. But, while the chatting had been fun, I figured it was best to end the night before I got drunk enough to make a pass at her.

That's how she ended up in my dreams, because the events of that night could be twisted far enough to believe I might have had a chance with her. The reality was that she'd just been being nice to me, not flirting. And she'd asked me to stay because she wasn't ready to go home yet, and needed someone to talk to so she wouldn't get bored. But, in my fantasies, it was because she had a thing for older guys, and was as attracted to me as I was to her. As to why I had those fantasies in the first place, that's easy, and it isn't just because she's beautiful.

You see, I have the same problem most unhappy men have, and that's a bad sex life. You'd think that being married to a woman who, like Pinar, is also 20 years younger than me, would be heaven. And, that if there were any sex problems, it would be trying to keep up with her. The reverse is true, since after our son was born, my wife's desire for sex dropped to almost zero. So, with only making love maybe once every two weeks, my fantasies were the only sex I had on a regular basis.

The strange part about all this is that I didn't even know her name then, because she'd never told me and I'd never asked. Even my friend didn't know her name, because I asked, he only knew the name of the guy she came with. So, here I was, having all these dreams and daydreams about a no name girl I'd only talked to for a little over an hour. That's how sad my sex life was, and I knew it was sad. I also knew I couldn't do anything about it, because coming from a broken home myself, and having divorced before, I would never do that to my son.

And that's where things sat until my friend got his own girlfriend, a girl named Biray. Because, after my friend told her about my problems, she took an interest in trying to help me fix them. She couldn't, because she soon realized that my wife hadn't married me for love. She'd married me for the security having a husband who made good money gave her. So, the love she'd shown had only been to get her guarantee, our son, and the sex she gave me was just barely enough to keep me from leaving.

Before she gave up, because the only real answer was divorce, and I wouldn't do that, Biray and I talked about a lot of things. One of them was about what kind of women I was attracted to, in case she found one who would cheat without strings. That's how she learned about Pinar, because I said that if she'd been there she'd know what I liked. And it was her who found Pinar's name and Facebook page, in case I hadn't been imagining things that night. But, she said it was hopeless for two reasons, one of which was that even she thought Pinar was out of my league.

The other reason was that Pinar lived in a city two hours away, and unless I was in love with her, it would be a waste of time to contact her. After that, Pinar appeared in my fantasies less and less, until I had problems remembering what she looked like. And while I could have gone to her page to remind me, I knew Biray was right and just let her go from my mind.

Fast forward to a month ago, or a little over two years since the night I met Pinar. I was walking through the Base Exchange (military mini mall), on my way out, when I saw a cute new cashier. And, when I glanced in her direction, she gave me a big smile that made me feel good inside. Of course, she was just being nice to a potential customer, but for a second I felt like I had that night with Pinar. She even looked a little like the Pinar I remembered, or what I could remember of her. Her body was just as nice, that's for sure, and maybe that was the only similarity.

Because this girl had a rounder face than Pinar, and her hair color and style wouldn't have fit the Pinar I knew. However, she was hot enough that she'd end up in my fantasies like Pinar had, if she smiled at me a few more times. And yes, I still needed those fantasies, because my sex life was worse than ever. Now it was just a once a month blow job, since that was a lot quicker for my wife than actually making love to me.

I don't shop in the exchange all that often, and when I do its usually on weekends with my wife. So, I didn't see that new cashier again until almost two weeks after I saw her the first time. I got that same big smile too when she caught my eye, except this time my mind saw it as something different. That's because I'd swear she wasn't giving that smile to anyone else, just me. I didn't have a reason to approach her though, since I was only there to pay the company Internet bill and they had their own cashier.

But, because it was close enough to lunch time, I decided to have some fast food for once, instead of going to the dining hall for healthier stuff. That's where she found me when she went on her own lunch break, eating a nacho salad. And while I didn't see her walk up, because I was looking at my phone, I definitely heard her when she said I obviously didn't remember her. It was then that I saw what I would have seen had I ever checked out through her, a name tag. One that explained why she looked a lot like Pinar, because that's what it said on that tag, Pinar.

She saw the shock of recognition on my face, and gave me that big smile again. Then she said she was glad that I remembered, because she definitely remembered me. I answered truthfully, that she was a hard person to forget. Although, I had to admit that I hadn't recognized her until just now, because she looked different. She said she understood, because her hair was different, and she'd put on a little weight since then. I wouldn't have noticed, because of her clothes, but she'd been so skinny you could count her ribs from a mile away.

She just hoped she hadn't put on too much, because she'd rather be skinny than fat. I quickly assured her that she looked even better now than she did back then, which earned me the biggest smile yet. Then, because lunch was over, we said our goodbyes, with a promise to get together again soon.

Soon didn't mean the next day though, because it would feel like I was chasing her, and I didn't chase things I knew I couldn't catch. I hadn't been lying when I said she looked even better than she had two years ago. And if she'd been out of my league then, you can imagine how impossible any romantic ideas would be now. So, I wasn't going to make a fool out of myself by trying to monopolize her lunch hours. Besides, I was sure she was getting plenty of better offers, and not just for lunch.

That didn't stop the old fantasies from coming back though, the ones where what happened that night meant more than it had. Or stop new ones from starting that said she wanted to make up for what hadn't happened. That's why I stayed away for another whole week, because I wanted to have those fantasies for a little longer before I let her crush them. And when I did go back, it wasn't with the intention of seeing her again either, for the same reason.

However, her reaction, when she took her break, had the completely opposite effect, meaning it added fuel to my fantasies instead of killing them. Because, as soon as she saw me sitting there, she put her tray on my table and took the seat across from me. And she asked why I didn't eat there more often, because she liked having someone to talk to during lunch. I told her I didn't believe that no one else wanted to eat lunch with her, and she laughed. She said that I was right; she had a lot of guys that asked if they could join her.

They were just after one thing though, and not really interested in getting to know her. She had to admit that she enjoyed the compliments, and didn't mind a little flirting. But, she wasn't just a nice body and a pretty face, and hated men who thought that's all she was. That's why she liked me, because I enjoyed talking to her as well as looking at her.

She saw the look I gave her, a mixture of shock and guilt, with embarrassment thrown in, and laughed again. Then, half seriously, she asked if I was going to say I didn't like looking at her. She liked looking at me too, and wasn't afraid to tell me she thought I was handsome. So, it was OK for me to look at her, and even tell her I thought she was pretty if I wanted to. But, she was more interested in what went on in my head, because she'd been impressed by the way my mind worked.

That's what she meant by not having anyone to talk to during lunch. The girls just wanted to talk about fashion, cooking, and their babies. And the guys just wanted to find out the quickest way to get her into bed with them. She wanted conversations with a little more intellectual content than that, and so far I was the only one who had given it to her. And she proved it by bouncing between several different subjects, for the next 30 minutes, until we both had to head back to work.

Except for Wednesday, when I had a meeting, we met every day that week for lunch. We talked about everything, from the rising threat of fanaticism being fueled by their president, to social media being anything but social. And by Friday, I looked forward to our discussions as much as I did seeing her hot body and beautiful face. Then on Friday, she threw me for a loop, by commenting on exactly that subject. On how, during the entire week, I hadn't told her even once that I thought she was pretty.

This time though, I didn't completely lose it like I had on Monday, and was able to give a decent response. I said we both already knew she was beautiful, so why would I need to remind her. She already had enough guys telling her things like that, just to try and get into her pants. She didn't need to think I was trying to do the same thing too, because I wasn't. But she threw me for a bigger loop when she said it would still be nice to know that I wanted to, before quickly changing the subject.

Obviously, I spent the weekend thinking what she said meant what it sounded like, that she wanted me to try. But, because of my kids, I knew I wouldn't really make the attempt, even if I was sure she wanted me to. As they used to write on maps, when they thought the world was flat, that way be dragons. In other words, no matter what happened, it could only end badly, with divorce and maybe worse. Still, I did indulge in one small thing, and that was to start calling her "Beautiful", instead of Pinar, when we'd meet for lunch.

Something else had changed between us, although I didn't know if it was because of Friday, or because I started calling her "Beautiful". That's because she actually asked a few questions about me personally, a thing that neither of us had done before. Like how many kids I had, what were their ages, and whether or not I wanted to have more. When I said I was too old to think about more kids though, I got a strange reaction from her. It was an almost angry response, telling me she didn't like me saying I was old. Old men weren't handsome and sexy like I was, so she never wanted me to say that again.

The way she said it wasn't flirtatious, so this time at least, I knew she was just being nice. That didn't stop me from fantasizing though, that she'd put her hand on mine when she said it, and that it meant more than it did. Anyway, since she'd opened the door, I felt free to ask her similar questions, like about her boyfriend because I knew she didn't have kids. She hesitated for a second, then said she didn't have one, and hadn't had one for a long time. And when I said that someone as beautiful as her must have guys beating down her door, she said she had plenty of offers.

But, as she'd told me before, none of them were interested in her, just her body. I told her I found that hard to believe too, because she was fun to talk to. Now she got a real sad look, and said that only worked for friends, not for boyfriends. Because sooner or later they'd want sex, and as soon as they learned they wouldn't get it, they were gone. Then she got even sadder, before saying that no one wanted a girlfriend they couldn't make love to, no one. And, before I could say a word, she got up, saying she had to go to the bathroom, then back to work, meaning our lunchtime chat was over.

When we met the next day, I asked if she was OK, and she said she was fine. But, she felt she owed me an explanation, so I'd know why we shouldn't talk about those things. When I told her she didn't need to, she insisted, saying I was the closest thing she'd had to a boyfriend in a long time. And, she wanted someone besides her family, who could at least understand what she was going through. Besides, she had another reason she liked having lunch with me, something to do with her problem.

Having me sit with her made guys think I was her boyfriend, and that kept them from trying to pick her up. She'd rather tell me, so I'd know why, than have to explain it to them when she chased them away. However, she couldn't come right out and tell me all the details, because they hurt too much to talk about. So, she was just going to tell me she had MRKH, and let me look it up on Google. Then, I'd know why what we had together was so important to her.

I did look it up, and when you boiled down the doctor speak, it basically said her pussy was too small to fuck. I don't mean just tight here either, I mean too small for any man to fuck. That would definitely make it harder to find a long term boyfriend, that's for sure. But, it wouldn't make it impossible, and I told her that. She asked how I could say that, when she couldn't fit anything bigger than a finger in there. How would a guy ever be happy with a woman, if he couldn't even make love to her, let alone have kids?

I told her that there were more ways to make love than just the normal way. She said that she knew people did other things too, she'd read all about them. They were always in addition to normal sex though, not in place of it. So, even if she knew how to do them, they wouldn't be enough to keep a man happy. And that's when I stuck my foot in my mouth, by saying they'd definitely keep me happy.

Her head snapped up when I said it, then after a second she looked down at her hands again, before telling me I was just saying that to make her feel better. If my wife ever stopped making love to me, even if she gave me those other things, I'd divorce her in a heartbeat, and I knew it. I'd already stepped in it, by saying what I did, and she needed to know there was hope of her finding love. So I told her the truth, that my wife had stopped making love to me years ago, except to trick me into giving her our daughter.

And, I lived on only one of the things she'd read about, and only once a month at that. Yet, I hadn't divorced my wife, and I was sure there were others like me out there. She said that I didn't divorce my wife because of my kids, not because I was happy with my sex life. She'd seen it in my face, that I wasn't happy at all, and that proved her point. I admitted that I wasn't happy, but it was because I wasn't getting it often enough. If I got the one my wife gave me a couple of times a week, instead of once a month, I'd be happy. And if I got both the things I was thinking of, I'd be in heaven.

Pinar sat there for a minute, then in a small voice asked if it would make me happy if she did those things for me. My immediate reaction was to tell her to stop right there, because I wasn't the right person to make that offer to. I was married and could never give her all the love she deserved, and I was too old for her. She raised her head, looked me in the eyes, and told me I was wrong, because I was the only person she could offer it to. My being married didn't matter because she could never have kids, so she didn't need me to leave my wife.

As for my age, she'd already told me not to say I was old, because I wasn't. Her telling me I was handsome and sexy wasn't just her being nice, it was how she felt about me. But, my age also made me perfect because I'd have the patience and understanding to teach her these things. Most important though was that I was the only person who cared about her enough to even try. And, I was the only person she cared enough about to want to make them happy this way.

Then, she did lean forward and put her hand on mine, before she continued. She said she wanted me to teach her how to make me happy in bed. Or, if I didn't feel that way about her, she wanted me to teach her how to make someone else happy in bed. She needed something to offer a man, before she could find one, and right now she had nothing. So, if I cared about her at all, she was begging me to help her learn these things. She knew she'd won, when I asked what about her, how was she going to be happy in bed.

She said that just because nothing bigger than a finger would fit inside her, it didn't mean she was dead down there. The finger that did fit, felt pretty good sometimes, both inside and out. And the rest of her body liked the same things other women's bodies liked, so I could do some of those. But, what she was really hoping for, was that I'd do something else she'd read about. I mean, if I was going to teach her how to use her mouth on me, wouldn't it be fair for me to use mine on her too? I assured her that she'd get plenty of that, then we started making plans for our first training session.

I go to the gym after work, 3 days a week, Monday, Wednesday and Friday, getting home around 10 PM on Monday and Wednesday. On Friday though, I got to stay out later, until 1, to spend some time with my friends. Being Wednesday, and knowing my exercise schedule, Pinar wanted to start that night. But, I convinced her to wait until Friday night, for two reasons. One was that no matter how much she swore this was what she wanted, I needed her to think this through. Right now she was responding to the things I'd just told her, and might be making a hasty decision about wanting it to be me.