Pink Hibiscus

He could feel his temperature rising, and he made his face expressionless, which, she had once told him, made him look as cold as a glacier in a winter storm. No way would she ever again know the effect she had on him. Hell would freeze over, as they say.

"Excuse me, please!" he said, and walked by her, not sparing her a backward glance.

He hurried through the glass doors of the dining room, and passed by Bob Daniels to make his excuses. He could see the question in his friend's eyes, and chose to ignore it. No way in hell would he let anyone else in on his private pain. Outside, the afternoon sun was hot, but the breeze off the lake cooled his cheeks and calmed his spirit. He inhaled deeply and went to hail a cab. The long ride back to his suite in the hotel did little to settle the ache in his chest. Sam had shown him even more clearly today that not only did she not want to have anything to do with him, but she had, in fact, moved on. Not that he could fault her taste. Dirk Bentley was a good man, a fine executive, sharp, quick-witted, tough or tender when he needed to be. He wondered where they had met, and clenched his teeth.

He paid the cabbie and walked into the imposing glass-fronted building where he would be spending the next week. When he had first decided to take this trip himself, as opposed to sending one of his executives, he had told himself it was to keep his hand in, to make sure he still had the edge. Blackfriars was a small company intentionally. Aside from keeping personnel costs down, it allowed for a level of intimacy and loyalty that kept the company competitive in the market. So no one questioned his decision -- it hadn't been the first time. He gave whatever bonuses and commissions he earned to his staff, anyway.

But as he threw his jacket on the bed, and removed his tie and shoes, he admitted the truth at last. He had known that Samantha worked at Rockfort's, and he had decided that he would try to win her back on this trip. He had decided that the element of surprise would be to his advantage, not giving her a chance to refuse him, though he hadn't expected her to be one of the presenters today. He went to the small fridge and removed a beer, which he opened and drank thirstily. He went to sit in the lounger by the sliding glass doors, and looked out on a peaceful scenery. He also admitted that, despite the hurt of their first meeting after all this time, he wanted her with as much fervor as he ever did, and he was determined to at least find out why she had left him standing in an airport departure lounge, watching her walk out of his life.

He recalled suddenly, as he drained the bottle, that there was to be a reception this evening at Commodore's, the fancy executive's club, and his pulse quickened as he thought of seeing Sam again. She would no doubt be there, and all he had to do was get her away from Dirk Bentley for five minutes. Then he would be able to put his mind at ease, even if his heart was broken all over again. He put his head back and closed his eyes.

Sam stepped out of the shower and hurriedly dried herself. Her hair was still dripping down her back, and she shoved the towel into it, rubbing vigorously. Out of nowhere, a picture formed in her head...

...It was Friday evening, and she had just come out of the shower when the doorbell rang. Cursing silently, she had thrown on the ratty old bathrobe she wore around the house and hurried to the door. It was probably the pizza delivery guy with her all-meat toppings pizza and liter of Coke. Without looking through the peephole, she picked up the money from the hall table and threw the door open. She almost choked at the sight that met her eyes. Theo lounged there, a bouquet of pink hibiscus flowers in his hands. He had remembered that she had said they were a favorite flower of hers, reminding her of home.

She had stood there, mouth open, barely breathing, while he had taken in her old robe, wet hair, and heavy breathing.

"Did I interrupt your shower?" he had asked. Then, before she could respond, he had pushed his way in and closed the door. "Expecting a delivery?' he continued, relieving her of the money and hauling her into his arms, the flowers having been deposited on the hall table.

"What are you doing here?" she had asked, flustered and a little annoyed at his high-handed behavior.

"Bringing you flowers," he'd replied, "because I couldn't stay away another second. Tomorrow's too damn far away!" He had been referring to the arrangement they had made not to see each other during the work week.

"Theo," she began, about to protest, when he swooped and kissed her mouth, taking and eating and making it his. She had been a puddle of need in less than a heartbeat, and the lovemaking that began with him pressing her back against the door, splaying her legs so he could push himself between them, ended with them on the rug in front of the fireplace.

She groaned as she recalled how Theo had made her cry out more than once that evening, how he had stayed the night, how she had taken everything he offered her, including his heart, how she had given him hers. That had been the night she finally admitted to herself that she loved him -- deeply, passionately, completely. There had been nothing he could have asked that she would not have given him.

But all that had changed when Doug showed up at her door. Every insecurity she had had, every hurt she had endured, every fear she had harbored, came rolling back over her with the force of a tidal wave, and she had shut down her heart. Nothing Theo did or said had made a difference. She had heard him say he loved her, and she had ignored the knife wound to her heart. She could not let his love matter. She had to protect herself.

She had never told him about her brief marriage to the man who had landed her in the hospital, and who had come back to threaten her life...again. She had just run. Theo had found her at the airport, and had asked her why she was leaving him...

...a sob broke from her aching throat now, and she dropped the towel. Oh God, she prayed, please make the pain go away. But the tears came, and the wounds opened up and she cried and cried, standing there in her bathroom, sinking to the cool tile floor in an agony of soul. How was she ever going to get through this evening? Not even Dirk could help her avoid Theo all evening, and she wasn't sure she really wanted that. She loved him! She wanted him! He was hers...and she couldn't have him!

She stood up, eventually, and washed her face. The dinner at Commodore's would have to begin without her. She was already late, and knew she would need to settle herself before she faced her greatest challenge. She would do this, not just because she had to, but, God help her, because she wanted to. She dressed carefully, deciding on a red halter dress with gold trim, and stiletto-heeled red pumps. As she brushed her now-dry hair, and added the plain gold jewelry to wrist, ears, and throat, she admitted that she wanted to look good for Theo, but that she also needed to know that he felt all the emotions she felt, that he wanted her as desperately as she did him...in fact, that he still loved her.

She made up her face carefully, remembering that Theo did not like a lot of makeup, but that when she applied subtle colors, and emphasized her lips, he couldn't keep his hands off her. Since that suited her style best anyway, it had never been a hardship to agree with him. She licked her lips, which she had colored a dusky coral, and passed a hand over her breasts in the dress. It was one of the few things she had kept from that time with Theo, and she knew he would recognize it. Now all she had to do was muster the courage to face him, and the question he had asked her all those years ago...

The reception was being held in the small banquet hall at Commodore's, and Theo stood at a window, overlooking the lake on which the imposing structure stood, admiring the workmanship of the wrought iron grilles on the lower part of the windows. He had come late deliberately, so he would not have to watch Sam come in on Dirk's arm. So he was all the more surprised when she arrived alone, ten minutes after he did. Dirk was with another woman, and Theo realized, without needing to be told, that Sam had been playing him all afternoon. Why?

He wondered about her deception as he watched her surreptitiously from under lowered lashes. He recognized the dress she wore. They had bought it together -- or rather, he had bought it for her when they had been window-shopping and she had said she liked it but it wasn't in her budget. He remembered talking her into trying it on, and when she had walked into the outer area of the dressing room and twirled around for him, his groin had kicked him, hard. It was reacting in the same way now. God, she was the most beautiful woman he had ever known, and it wasn't just about her pretty face or her succulent lips or her full breasts or her long legs. Everything about her called out to him...

He blinked when someone called his name. He looked down and a petite woman stood staring up at him, a smile on her face. He recognized her as the other young woman from the morning's presentation.

"Ah! Ms. Black!" he said, smiling at her. "We meet again!"

"Ellie, please! You seemed preoccupied," Ellie said, "and I make it my business to ensure that every guest is satisfied. How may I be of service?"

Theo looked at her properly for the first time, saw the twinkle in her eyes, and realized that she was teasing him. He laughed.

"You're doing a pretty good job right now, just stopping by to check on me," he said. "Care for a drink?"

She shook her head. "No, thanks! I'm good!" She showed him the glass of wine she held in her hand. "But seriously, you did seem preoccupied."

She paused, and Theo got the impression that she wasn't finished. She wasn't. Her next comment proved that.

"I don't mean to pry, but Sam's miserable, too!"

Theo's head snapped up, as though someone had whipped him.

"What?"

"I knew you didn't remember me this morning, Theo. I'm Sam's friend. I know enough to know how hard this is, for both of you." She looked him straight in the eye. "I love Sam. She's my best friend. I will do anything I can to see her happy. So if you need me..."

She left the sentence hanging, and Theo watched her walk away from him without waiting for his response. As if on cue, Sam appeared in his line of vision, and she looked directly at him for the first time since she saw him in the doorway that morning. He stared helplessly at her, and watched her walk over to him. He swallowed, and fought to keep his heartbeat steady. She came and stood in front of him, and smiled shyly, and he lost the war.

"Hi!" she said, and stopped.

"Hi!" he answered, and smiled at her in turn.

"Sorry about this morning!" she continued. "You caught me off guard."

Theo frowned. "And you need to be on guard with me because...?"

He watched her shoulders rise and fall as she heaved a mighty sigh.

"It's a long story, Theo."

He raised an eyebrow, and she added,

"But I guess you deserve to hear it." She stepped away from him, and he felt himself panicking, until she added, "Come with me. I can't stay in here another second."

Theo followed her meekly out the side door to the wide patio overlooking the gardens. They found a couple of seats close to the balustrade and sat down. Sam turned her eyes to the lake and the scene around them, and Theo waited, impatiently. Really, if he were totally honest, all he wanted to do at that moment was to suck one of those nipples he could see standing at attention under her dress. Oh yes, he still had it, apparently. That was a sure sign that she was aroused. And he hadn't said anything much. He dragged in a ragged breath. He would be cool. He would be professional. He would not lose control.

"Theo..." Sam's voice was his undoing. If he had ever thought that he could hold out against her, this one moment proved him wrong.

"Baby, I can't stand to be so close to you, and not be touching you." He stood up abruptly and walked to the low wall surrounding the patio. Then he turned to face her, his hands in his pockets. "And since you were the one to leave, I won't be the one to touch you first."

He knew his words were childish, and his voice hard, but he needed to steel himself against her. He watched her face, saw the flicker of pain in her eyes, and saw the resolution. She stood up too, and Theo swallowed. Shit! He couldn't manage to stay upright if she really did touch him. He watched her come to him, and saw the hand she placed on his jaw. Felt the burning of her touch there. Knew she had him, body, mind, and soul.

He grabbed her, and pulled her close, wanting her with a terrifying passion.

"Don't play games with me, Sam!" he warned her, his voice a snarl. "I won't let you hurt me again." Inwardly, he groaned at those last words. She looked up at him, and he knew the look in her eyes meant only one thing.

"Sam!" he whispered hoarsely, and kissed her. He felt himself losing control, and pulled away from the kiss, from her. Her scent was all around him -- that same jasmine she liked to wear that drove him crazy.

"Sam, stop!" he begged her when she put her arms behind his head and pulled him down. "There's too much hurt here for us to just kiss and make up!"

Her heard the low sound she made, and he shook with the effort to step away from her. This was not why he had come out here. He wanted answers, and he would have them. He prayed for restraint, for control, for patience, as he waited for her to collect herself and begin. She pulled the gauzy wrap around her shoulders, and he saw her hands trembling as she held it closed in front of her. The heat between them burned steadily, threatening to choke them. He said, wanting to douse the flame,

"Maybe we should sit down again." He touched her elbow, and led her back to the seat they had left before.

"I was married very briefly in my early twenties," Sam said. "Doug seemed like everything I thought I wanted in a man. He was handsome, charming, ambitious, funny, and adventurous."

She stopped, and Theo could see she was struggling with some deep emotion. "I thought he loved me. He was an expert lover," she added, and looked at Theo as she did.

He felt a wave of jealousy sweep over him, not unlike the feeling he had struggled with all afternoon, watching her with Dirk. He fought it, and waited for her to continue.

"He was also a very jealous man," she said, swallowing hard, "but I didn't discover that until one day after we had been married a few months. I was having a lunch meeting with some colleagues, and Dirk was one of them. I've known Dirk since we were babies."

She stopped again, and looked at Theo with an apology in her gaze. "I'm sorry I misled you earlier, Theo!"

Theo smiled crookedly, aware of the irony of his own jealous reactions to the same man who had been the unwitting cause of whatever catastrophe she was about to share with him.

"Anyway, Doug made a scene, and when I got home from work, he...he hit me!"

Theo felt his temperature rise, and had to fight not to take her back into his arms. He sat in shocked silence, and let her go on.

"I couldn't go to work the next day, because my face was so swollen. Fortunately, it was the weekend after that, so I had a couple of extra days to work on it. He said he was sorry, that he didn't know what had come over him, that he trusted me. He cried...and I believed him."

Sam's voice wavered, and Theo wished he knew how to make the pain she was obviously feeling go away. He knew he couldn't, though, and it hurt him.

"The next time he hit me, it was because my boss came to the house to deliver some paperwork that I would need for a business trip the next day. I had to ask my boss to send someone else, because I ended up in the emergency room."

She took a shaky breath. "In between those two times, he began to want me to play sub to his dom in our lovemaking. He'd tie me up, arms and legs, use a paddle to hit me on my bottom, use clothes pins on my nipples, use incredibly big dildos on me for anal sex, even when I told him it hurt. He'd tell me to relax, that the pleasure would flood my system if I'd only relax. He'd call me slut, and whore, and slap my face, not enough to make it swell, but enough that it hurt."

A sob escaped her lips, and she shuddered. Theo wondered what sort of monster would make a woman so afraid of him in the name of love-making.

"He used to pee on me, and he wanted me to do it to him. I couldn't." She stood up, as though sitting down any longer was impossible. "One night he came home very late. He had been drinking with his buddies. I had never seen him drunk before, but he was that night. I was asleep, and he dragged me out of bed, grabbed my hair and slapped me. He said I was a lying whore who took my male colleagues to bed when he wasn't around. He said I had made him a cuckold, and he wouldn't let me get away with it."

It was clear that the memory of her ordeal was still traumatic for her, and Theo stood up too, and went to her.

"Baby, don't! I don't have to hear any more of this!" He tried to hug her, but she stepped away from him.

"No, Theo! You deserve to know the whole truth. So you'll understand why..." She paused, took a deep breath, and continued. "He tied me to the bed, arms and legs, and beat me with the paddle till I was sobbing in pain. Then he fucked me in the butt with a metal dildo. When I begged him to stop, he hit me with the paddle in my ribs, and then he wrapped a scarf round my neck and began to strangle me. I couldn't call for help, I couldn't cry. I begged God to let me die! I think I must have passed out. When I woke up, I wasn't tied up anymore, and he was asleep in the corner, on the floor. I grabbed a robe, my pocketbook, and my keys and snuck out. I went down the hall to my neighbor's apartment, and she called the police and the ambulance."

Theo went to her again, and wrapped his arms around her, feeling the shuddering sobs that wracked her body. His heart hurt him for her, and a blazing anger made him shake. She sobbed uncontrollably for a long time, and Theo held her all the while, smoothing her hair, whispering comforting nothings in her ear, holding her gently. When the storm of her weeping was spent, she pushed away from him, but he did not let her go.

"I was in the hospital for a week," she said finally, and I filed for divorce while I was in there. My parents came to get me, and I lived with them until the divorce was final. I never saw him again, until about a month before I...left you."

When Sam pushed away from him this time, Theo let her go. He was trembling now, as he waited to hear how someone he had not even known existed till tonight had so completely wrecked his life.

"He started calling me, telling me he still loved me, and promising not to hurt me again. When I told him to leave me alone or I'd call the police, he got mean and threatened to finish what he had started that night. I got scared, and then the evening we had planned to meet and go away together for the weekend, he showed up at my door. I don't know why I looked through the peephole first that day, because I was expecting it to be you. I screamed, and he banged on the door. I called 911 while he was still banging, and then I threw everything I could into a suitcase. I called and left a message on your cell telling you I had to go out of town unexpectedly, and I prayed he wouldn't break the door down. The cops came and took him away, and then I ran."

"Why did you run from me, Sam?" Theo asked, the hurt sounding clearly in his voice. "Did you think I was like him? That I would hurt you? Did I ever make you worry I'd try to kill you?"