Pink Hibiscus

This time, when Sam stepped toward him, Theo stepped away. Her lack of faith in him hurt him deeply, even if he now understood the reasons for it. She had met his family, she had stayed in his house with him for a week once, when she had been very ill, and he had looked after her. He had never done anything in their lovemaking that made her even a little bit uncomfortable. Now her distaste for sex toys made sense to him, and her anger and discomfort when he swatted her fanny in jest. He understood now why she hadn't liked to be tied up, even with silk scarves, and why, when she let him tie her, she insisted that her arms or legs be free. It made sense to him now that she had wanted him to let her tie him up, and why when he did, she relaxed so completely that those had been some of the best times he had spent with her. How could she think, after all they had been through together, that he would ever treat her like her ex-husband had?

"Theo, I'm sorry I hurt you today. I'm sorry I hurt you back then. I had to get away. I had to be free, to live the way I wanted, to be my own person, without some man telling me who I could talk to, what I should like in bed, and hurting me if I didn't comply. It all came rushing back when he showed up. I didn't think. I just knew I had to get away!"

Her eyes begged him to understand, her voice pleaded with him to forgive her, her heart wished he would take her back, and help her forget and move on. But she didn't say a word. She knew she couldn't bear it if Theo rejected her the way she had him. She preferred to keep things as they were. Now he knew the whole story, at least he would understand.

"Why didn't you just tell me, Sam? Didn't our love mean anything to you? Didn't my feelings mean anything to you?"

Tears sprang to her eyes and ran unchecked down her cheeks, and Sam let them fall. She hadn't known she could feel any more pain, but the confusion and anger and pain in Theo's voice broke her.

"Oh God, I'm so sorry, Theo! Please...please, forgive me!" She rushed away before he could reply, and hurried inside to the lady's room. Sitting in one of the stalls, she sobbed as though her heart would burst, not hearing that someone had entered the room, and not caring when she realized she had company. But when her stall door opened, she looked up.

"Sam, Theo's looking for you! Come on, he's ready to take you home!"

Ellie's voice penetrated her agony of pain. She shook her head.

"Tell him thanks, but it's okay. I'll find my way home!"

Ellie shook her head. "Tell him yourself!" She walked away, and Sam got up and went to wash her face. Theo stood just inside the door, watching her.

"Please, Theo...please, go away!" she begged him in a low voice. "I'll be fine!"

She turned to the sink and bent to wash her face, aware that he had not moved. She ripped a paper towel from the machine and wiped her face hurriedly.

"This is the women's restroom, Theo. Someone could come in!"

"The sign says "Out of Order!" he informed her. "They've been redirected to the other one. And I'm not leaving till you're ready to come with me." He crossed his arms over his chest, and stared at her, his features expressionless.

"I look a fright!" she said nervously, wishing she had more than a lightly colored lip gloss to re-apply.

"You look like you could use some sleep," he said, hiding the emotion that slid across his face. "I'll take you home, where you can get it."

"I'll just need to say goodnight to..."

"All taken care of," he interrupted her. "Dan and Dirk know you're not feeling well still, and that I'm taking you home. Where's your car?"

"I took a cab," she said, and he nodded, ushering her out of the bathroom, back through the room where her colleagues were still laughing and chatting, stopping to say something else to Dan, who nodded and pulled out his cell phone, before escorting her out the front doors into the cool night air.

Dan had offered the company limousine to take her home, and Theo watched as it slid silently up to the steps. He led her down them and into its comfortable warmth, getting in behind her without touching her. She gave the driver her address, and the partition window slid silently up, screening them from his gaze. Theo had no doubt that if he wished to, he could not only see what was happening in the rear seat, but he could also hear, as well. And even though he was still hurt by her continued and puzzling rejection of him, he loved her, she was his, and he would take care of her as long as she would let him.

The ride was tense, with Theo wanting to pull her close and kiss her breathless, but sensing that she wanted distance. So he propped an arm against the window on one side, and let the other lie loosely on his leg. He did not speak, and only glanced at her from time to time, to make sure she was okay. He knew she was aware of his searching looks, and he knew when she finally relaxed completely. She settled her back against the seat, and he felt her touch on his hand before he saw her fingers over his. He looked at her.

"Thank you!" she said simply, and raised his hand to her lips. "I think I always knew, in my deepest heart, that you were a different man, a better man, than Doug." She kissed his hand again, and let her tongue scorch each knuckle, before letting him go and retreating.

He didn't follow her. He forced his hand to be still, and turned a neutral face to her.

"Thank you for that!" he said. "And you're welcome!"

Then he looked out the window, not willing to let her see how her touch and her words had affected him. He decided that he would make her fight for him, although he knew he was already and always would be hers. If she won him on her own terms, maybe she would trust him. And he wanted her trust, needed it. Without it, he could never make love to her again.

The car went quietly through the streets, arriving too soon at her door. She lived on a quiet tree-lined street, in a cottage set back from the road. Theo sent the driver back to the reception and followed her to her front door. He watched her slide the key in, turn it, and open the door. He watched her turn to face him, uncertainty written on her face. He did not speak, but waited, impatiently, in an agony of equal uncertainty and anxiety, had she but known it.

"Would you like to come in for a drink?" she asked, after what seemed like an eternity to his tightly-wound nerves.

He let out the breath he had been holding and nodded curtly, unable, for the moment, to speak. She turned and walked in, and he followed her, closing the door behind him.

"Please lock it, Theo!" she said, and his heart shook at the fear he heard in her voice.

He did as she asked, and when he turned back, she had slipped off her shoes and was swinging them from the tips of her fingers.

"Go through to the kitchen. I'll be right with you!" she said, and turned away toward the back of the house.