Pirates

Forward: Sorry folks, no sex in this story. It does however cover a threat to the fabric of our American culture. It is not long, (934 words) so if you take three minutes to read it, you may come away with something that will help preserve our way of life.

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I feel the need to discuss with you this day a crime that permeates our society. I am talking about piracy. I do not mean the scalawags cruising the seas attacking ships, relieving men of their wallets and young maidens of their virginity. I am talking about a violation of law that most do not even realize is a crime. Untold numbers are harmed and few even know or care.

When you rent a movie you see a warning before the show begins stating that piracy is not a victimless crime and telling of the severe penalties if caught performing such a heinous act. Most ignore it and make a copy of the film to add to their library or give to a friend. You have no idea of the harm you cause when doing this. So what you ask?

I will tell you so what and give examples of the results of this wanton disregard of the law of the land. After reading these examples, perhaps the next time you feel the need to make a copy of the latest CD or movie, you might have second thoughts.

Let me start with a young lady that has produced several platinum songs and CDs. One day she met with a salesman, looking into purchasing a Lamborghini. She selected a 2017 model, red in color, trimmed in 24 karat gold, and capable of cruising hours at a time at 235 miles per hour. The seats were made of mink, the steering wheel lined with platinum, and the windshields were bullet resistant. She wanted the headlights to be ultra-bright, hoping to draw attention from all the little people she was approaching so they might have time to have camera and cell phone ready to photograph her as she sailed by.

Then the salesman returned with news that because of pirating, her latest CD had not returned the money she had hoped for. She was force to forgo the ultra-bright lights and had to settle for standard lighting. Needless to say, she was devastated. She was put on suicide watch for a week. Family and friends did not know for sure if she would survive such a horrid event. When the Lamborghini arrived, she placed it in her eight car garage, and there it sits to this day next to the Royals Royce, the Ferrari, and other cars. She refuses to be seen in it. Maybe someday she might allow her fifth or sixth husband to drive it.

Then there is the case of the international movie star. He had just completed his twelfth blockbuster film. To celebrate, he decided to purchase a yacht. If only he knew the tragedy in store for him. He took his private jet to Bremen, Germany and Lurssen Yacht Manufacturing. He designed a 83 meter super Yacht. It was to have eighteen state rooms, not counting crew quarters. There would be a helicopter landing pad, two swimming pools and a Jacuzzi. This Jacuzzi was to have thirty-eight jet streams, providing maximum comfort and relaxation to any fortunate enough to sit in it. But hell and damnation, when his financial situation was examined, it was determined that piracy had lowered the expected money he was to make on his latest film. Due to monetary restraints, his Jacuzzi would only have thirty-six jet streams. He immediately went on a drinking spree, wanting to drown his sorrows. Drinking led to cocaine and wild sex parties. He ended up in a Betty Ford Center. He spent many hours on the golf course next door. He was dismayed to discover the Nineteenth Hole Club did not serve alcohol, being part of the center. Will the horror never end?

And finally, I will tell of my own trauma with the vulgarity of piracy. I will not disclose to you the medium I work in to make it more difficult to track down my true identity. Just be satisfied to know that in all likelihood you know of my works. I was successful and had many products on the market. I decided to have a mansion built so I might live in the lap of luxury. The design was for a 43,890 square foot castle with only the latest advances in construction. This footage did not include the garage, the attached fitness center, or the indoor Olympic sized heated pool. All furniture was built in Europe and shipped here to the States. My driveway has heating pads underneath it so on wintry days, I could drive down its quarter mile length without fear of sliding.

Everything was going great until my manager contacted me with the most evil news. I had been pirated. It would be necessary for me to reduce the floor plan from the aforementioned 43,890 square feet to only 43,800 square feet. I lost a linen closet where I would store my satin sheets and mink blankets. You cannot even begin to imagine the pain I endured.

So, the next time you have the urge to copy a film, CD, or other copyrighted material, pretend you are the artist and the one that suffers piracy. Imagine you believe you will soon receive $2,000,000 in royalties and when the check arrives you only get $1,999,994. Then you can relate to the pain these artists suffer.