Playboy & Hustler Suck!

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Author explains why he feels Playboy & Hustler, well, suck.
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ThomX
ThomX
251 Followers

I just recently ended my longtime subscription to Hustler magazine, and I couldn't be happier! I also considered ending my longtime subscription to Playboy magazine, but I very reluctantly went ahead and renewed because of their nude celebrity pictorials, which, as far as I'm concerned, is the only good thing about the magazine anymore. Playboy and Hustler have been the top men's magazines for years, and there's a reason for that. Or at least there used to be. But nowadays Playboy and Hustler have become so dumbed down and their celebrated editors--Hugh Hefner and Larry Flynt, respectfully--have become so egomaniacal that it's not even funny. It seems like Hefner and Flynt are focusing more on their image than on their magazines. Hef--as he likes to be called--portrays himself as the ultimate ladies man, even though the man's pushing 80, and Larry fashions himself not only as the ultimate defender of freedom of speech--as, of course, he's done so for years--but also as the great political sage of our time. And their flagship magazines have seriously suffered as a result. Playboy, which was widely regarded as one of the best magazines on the market even with the nudity, has become little more than a dumbed down pile of celebrity-ass-kissing bullshit, and Hustler, which was once regarded as one of the most if not the most controversial magazines on the market, has become little more than a pretentious, watered down, full-of-its-own-shit publication.

First, let's talk about Playboy. Before his death, adult film maverick--and noted big boob lover--Russ Meyer said of his onetime friend Hugh Hefner in an overseas magazine interview that he was a "pompous ass" who thinks his "shit don't stink" all because he's "recognized as some kind of hero." (This, of course, could explain why nothing at all was said of the legendary Meyer's passing in the pages of Playboy, which, of course, shows that "Hef" most likely has a vindictive streak in him.) Actually, to be fair, Hefner doesn't necessarily refer to himself as a "hero" but rather The Master. (The Master of what? Selling out?) Hugh would like everyone to think he's bedding down about a half-dozen women at once. However, a couple of his "girfriends" went on Howard Stern and all but admitted to being little more than arm candy for The Master to help with The Master's image of being, well, The Master. (One of his alleged girlfriends--who was, not surprisingly, a Playmate--admitted to Howard that the only time she saw Hef's penis was when it "accidentally" slipped out of those silly red pajamas that he's been wearing for the past 50 years!) And anyone who's ever watched that insipid "reality" show called The Girls Next Door about Hef's current three girlfriends--who, surprise of surprises, ended up buck naked in the pages of their, uh-hum, boyfriend's magazine like every other one of his, uh-hum, girlfriends--knows that he treats these women more as houseguests than as actual lovers.

Going back to his magazine, Hefner has long denied charges that his magazine fosters negative body images in women. Hef proved how much he cares about fostering positive body images in women when a woman wrote to the celebrated Playboy Advisor and asked whether or not a man could be happy with a "plus-sized" woman if she had a pretty face like herself. The response? "Most men aren't attracted to overweight women, so chances are they won't stick around long enough to see if they would be happy with you or not." I don't know about you, but I quite frankly don't need the likes of Hugh Hefner--who also likes to be called Da Man (as in "Hef's Da Man!")--to tell ME what type of woman I should find attractive. Again, I don't know about you, but I prefer my women NOT to have the body of a ten-year-old boy like the vast majority of the Playboy Playmates seem to have.

Now let's talk about Hustler. Larry Flynt's main deal for years is that he's the ultimate defender of free speech in this country. He proved how much he cares about the First Amendment when he did an interview for AVN.com wherein he severely chastised controversial porn director Rob Black-- who was under a federal inditement and whom Larry had defended in the pages of Hustler--for, among other things, "bringing a lot of heat to the porn industry" with the explicit films he makes and that he was doing things in his pornos that were, believe it or not, "degrading" towards women and implied how Black's fuck flicks were too weird and kinky. This coming from a guy who's boasted of having made his fame & fortune publishing a magazine that shows women with semen on their faces!

Larry Flynt also once said during a TV interview that the main focus of Hustler would always be on the PORN and not the political. But anyone who's leafed through a current issue of Hustler knows that's a crock of horseshit. I'd say about 50-60% of the magazine is dedicated to Larry Flynt's supposed hatred of George W. Bush and/or the Republicans/conservatives, and that includes Hustler's once-celebrated cartoons. And Hustler is now donig things in its pages that Larry Flynt used to criticize his competitors like Playboy for doing; like, for instance, the pretentious political stuff and other frivolous bullshit like techno gadget & video game reviews, which, of course, one can see in practically every other so-called men's magazine on the market, such as Maxim and FHM (and, of course, fucking Playboy!).

Yet another thing Larry Flynt has said is (my paraphrasing) how he does what he damn well pleases in Hustler without ANYONE telling him what to do. However, what Flynt didn't say was that he has a team of lawyers on his payroll whose job it is to--that's right!--tell him what he can and can't print in HIS magazine, as admitted to me by Hustler's then-director of photography Kamila during a rather pleasant phone conversation we had about a letter I had written to Hustler about this very subject. So, I guess in Larry's mind, some censorship is not so un-American after all!

As for Hustler's pornographic content itself, the pictorials have become so watered down as of late that even the models look bored as they stare blankly at the camera and more-often-than-not don't even attempt to look like they're halfway enjoying themselves in the photo-sets. But, then again, this might have something to do with Larry's team of lawyers/censors since, after all, a picture of a woman actually looking like she's getting off on the huge schlong she's straddling might offend some of the Christian American White Folk!

But perhaps the biggest line of shit that Larry Flynt has tried to spoon-feed his readers--and inexplicable admirers--is how he goes after anyone and everyone in public office regardless of their political affiliation. There again, anyone who picks up a random copy of Hustler knows how that's a bunch of B.S. as Flynt saves most of his venom for Republicans/conservatives but says nary a word about Democrats/liberals and their all-too-numerous transgressions against the American public. As a matter of fact, Larry even admitted on right-wing media pundit Tucker Carlson's show on MSNBC to being a "lifelong Democrat" and that he even "donated" money to some prominent Democrats, including Hillary Clinton whom he sent a $1,000 "donation" to that Mrs. Clinton promptly sent back. Here's another example: Hillary's husband--and former Hustler "Hero of the Year"--ex-president Bill Clinton, while he was commander-in-chief, wanted computer chips to be installed in all new computers that would allow the FBI to hack into anyone's computer--without their knowledge, of course--and steal whatever information they wanted for the government to possibly use against them later on. Now if Bush had advocated doing this Larry Flynt would have nailed him on it in Hustler and elsewhere (and rightfully so). But, of course, nary a word was said about this was said by Flynt in Hustler or elsewhere. In fact, I saw Larry on TV once proudly boasting with a huge shit-eating grin on his face how he voted for Clinton BOTH times (so much for being fair & balanced, eh, Larry?). So I guess in Larry Flynt's mind it's all right for a politician to rape our (supposed) rights so long as it's a Democrat who's doing the raping, right, Larry?

I know there are some people out there who still regard both Hugh Hefner and Larry Flynt as some kind of heroes, which only adds credence to my belief that American society, just like Playboy and Hustler, has become dumbed down in general. I know my own hero-worship of The Master Hef and Free-Speecher Flynt has long since passed. I liken both Hugh and Larry to a couple of old guys past their prime who are trying to desperately to act hip and what not to try to fit in with the younger and "hipper" crowd. (And, if you think I'm being too harsh here, Kamila, Hustler's former photography director that I spoke to on the phone, also told me that Hustler was now trying to "appeal" to a--you guessed it!--younger audience.) However, I find nothing heroic or admirable about this. I just find it plain fucking pathetic. I mean, at least Bob Guccione--who was editor-in-chief of Penthouse magazine for years--had the good sense to get out of the porn business when he realized he was past HIS prime!

By the way, though I did end my subscription to Hustler, I did renew to Hustler's sister publication Barely Legal. Why? Because its pages are free of Larry Flynt's endless pretentious politicizing, and the only "bush" you see in the magazine is the good kind! Lastly, I'd like to suggest that if you want a really good stroke mag without all the pretentious editorializing and dumbed down bullshit, pick up a copy of High Society. This magazine prints photos that Larry Flynt--nor especially his lawyers/censors--have the balls to print, including explicit D.P. and anal shots. (Interestingly enough, Hustler is now doing in its pictorials what High Society was doing in the nineties in its pics. And Larry Flynt stills wants readers to believe that Hustler is the "hardest" adult publication on the market? Get over yourself, Larry!) And the few articles that they do feature in the magazine are usually a more informative and more interesting--and, of course, less biased--read than what you normally find in either Hustler or Playboy. So pick up a copy of High Society and start jerking off today!

ThomX
ThomX
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AnonymousAnonymousabout 17 years ago
Speaking of a vindictive streak...

AnonymousAnonymousabout 18 years ago
Gee I guess it has been too long since

I opened a Playboy. The last time I looked at one, Hef had 6 or 7 blonde girlfriends that he kept happy with the big V pill(s). He had the image in America of the "Good Life", that gradually ran down as he became too old to portray the man, every American boy wanted to be the demand for being the great grandfather every boy wanted to be never did really make it. I suspect that his continual backing of politically correct causes gives him a more favorable media in lieu of that of a dirty old man.

I dropped my subscription, when I noticed taht each year 10 of the 12 playmates were at least C cups and Ds "if we were lucky". The other 2 were Bs with at least one very nicely rounded rear. This happened every year, I decided that if I wanted "D Cup" Magazine, I could buy it and miss the politics. Hustler's girls nearly always had a harder more strident photography that I was not looking for.

Larry Flynn's life on the political left has received more publicity than his gambling habits (super star treatment given to those who often drop a million without noticing).

I wish them both well, hope they grow up someday, but I am not holding my breath.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 18 years ago
What poorly thought-out drivel

You don't like Playboy anymore? Good for you. No one really cares. Everyone has the right to his opinion. I gave up my subscription to Playboy about 6 years ago for other reasons.

But if you're going to go on a rant about how terrible the magazine is, you should at least: give real reasons, and 2: have some facts.

You say Playboy sucks? Ok. But all you do in the first paragraph is talk about your dislike of Hugh Hefner, who actually has very little to do with the magazine anymore, outside of final say of the centerfold. In the entire first paragraph, you don't even mention the content of the magazine, only your problems with Hefner. So he's an old out of touch guy who claims to have multiple girlfriends? And this makes the magazine suck how? Maybe you'll tell us in the next paragraph.

But in the next paragraph, where you have the chance to make your case, you give only one reason: a letter to the Playboy advisor from 2004, which you apparently didn't actually READ, since you totally misquoted it and took it out of context. The two lines you attempted to re-create were the same two that a reader used in a response letter in the July 2004 issue. (the actual quote was “Most men aren’t attracted to overweight women, so odds are they’ll never know if they could be happy with you as a size 16.”, not the paraphrasing you used.) If you put something in quotation marks, that's SUPPOSED to mean you're repeating an exact quote. That's Day 2 of journalism class. You can use this tip in your future writings.

So, you use one taken-out-of-context, misquoted statement from 2004 as a reason why Playboy sucks. Like I said, everyone has a right to their opinion, no matter how poorly thought out. But I'm still laughing from your statement 'but I prefer my women NOT to have the body of a ten-year-old boy like the vast majority of the Playboy Playmates seem to have.' Oh dear lord, please tell me that was a joke. Do you know many 10 year old boys with surgically enhanced 38DD breasts? If you do, I don't want to know where you find them. But tell me, does Anna-Nicole Smith have the body of a ten year old boy? Does Pamela Anderson or Jenny Mccarthy? What an asinine argument you make.

So, there must be more, right? More reasons why Playboy sucks other than an idiotic claim about 10 year old boys' bodies? Nope, that's it. You think you proved your case, so now it's time to deal with Hustler. And the fact that you ever thought Hustler was a good magazine (and subscribed to it) says more about you than I could possibly write in a couple of paragraphs.

Now, the slow-witted among you will totally miss the point of my response and call it a defense of Playboy, even though I clearly stated I don't subscribe to Playboy anymore. It is NOT a defense of Playboy; it is a response to someone's inability to clearly and validly back up their claims. In an essay whose sole purpose was to prove a point, you failed to do so miserably. Try again, but this time, try having something to say.

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