tagHumor & SatirePolitics as UNusual

Politics as UNusual


Chet was in D.C. for a job interview at one of the better universities in the area. He had just graduated from a state university back home in New England and felt he could get in on the ground floor here. Since political science had been his major, and a passion in his life, what better place to be than D.C.? He had settled into his hotel room, watched some TV and decided he was just too giddy and excited to be here to NOT go for a walk. It was still fairly early so, what the hell? He didn't want to venture out TOO late and find himself a crime victim before he even had a chance to move here.

As Chet walked down the street he observed a woman walking in the opposite direction. As she got closer he recognized her. He stopped and when she approached he said, "You're her. You're..."

She cut him off, "Yes, Senator...."

He cut HER off. "Yeah, I know. I know exactly who you are. I'm from your state, but I didn't vote for you. I would NEVER vote for you. You're too damn liberal for me and I'M A LIBERAL! Or at least I thought I was. Now, hell, I may switch parties over you. And, holy hell, every time you speak, you sound like you're whining. Oh PUH-LEEZE, shut up already. You should never have beaten that other guy. He barely got his feet wet and you pulled him out of the pool."

She was in shock. She stared at him and said, "I'm sorry you feel that way."

"I'm sorry you're in office," was his immediate reply.

"Look, if you have issues with me, next time vote for my opponent, but let's face it, the people of M..." he cut her off again. "Yeah, the SHEEP you mean. You're in for life and you know it. The ONLY reason that guy beat the OTHER woman he ran against is because NO ONE likes HER."

"I don't have to listen to this. I'm leaving." And she turned to leave.

"I want to fuck you. Right now, real hard." He blurted out.

"You are saying you want to RAPE me?" She asked, astounded at this bold statement of his.

"No, hell no. If the woman isn't into it, it's no fun. I'm not some sick animal that should be put down. I just really want to fuck you. No power, I want to pleasure you and walk away knowing that I made you cum," came his answer.

"So you can brag to all your friends, right?"

"No, I'm not about to tell ANYONE. I'd be embarrassed."

"I'm married," she countered, "it's not like I can just go around fucking anyone who approaches me."

"I'm not just anyone," he sneered, I'm a tax payer from your own state and I pay your salary.

"I have an apartment nearby," she declared, "I use it when I have to work late."And she took him by the hand.

When they got to the apartment the immediately stripped down to their naked bodies. No teasing, no undies first, nothing. He stood in stunned silence for a moment. "Ok," he thought, "She's not so bad I guess." Then aloud he said, "Let's do this you whore."

His hands worked their way all over her, squeezing her breasts, tweaking her nipples. He licked her hips, her thighs and her belly. He massaged her legs "kind of vein-y" he thought. Then he turned her around, leaned her forward and started to finger her ass. She moaned and said, "Stick a finger up there you bastard!"

"Oh, that voice is HORRID," he thought but up went his finger. She gasped when the digit entered. Chet worked that finger in and out several times then worked it around so that his thumb could enter her vagina. He finger fucked her so hard and long that his fingers began to prune up. But that was enough. He stopped and stood behind her, keeping her bent over, he grabbed his rock hard erection and slid it into her sopping wet hole. Again she gasped. "Huh, only twice has she made any real noise. Things that make you go, Hmmmmm." His mind was on his business, but superficially. He began to slam into her. He watched her hair sway with every thrust, her tits doing the same. NOW she was beginning to make noise.

"I feel you may not be doing it as fast as you could." She whined. "Oh, I won't say I'm not enjoying this, but I really feel a faster pace might be very satisfying to both of us. Before you cum, please pull out so you can cum on my tits. I would like that."

"What the...." He was a bit taken aback by this long speech while he was pounding her, but, when in Rome...or D.C., so he began to accelerate his rhythm. The sound of his pelvis hitting her ass made such a WHAP WHAP WHAP sound that he feared someone would call the police about the noise. WHAP WHAP WHAP, he kept going harder and harder. Then he pulled out.

"What are you doing, you going to cum?" She asked without standing upright.

"No, I want to fuck you in the ass, just like you're doing to all of us, wench!" and he did. NOW she was making REAL noise. "Oh YEAH, OH YEAH, OH YEAH!" she repeated over and over with each push of his cock. "Wow you've really been doing your kegels haven't you?" he growled as he continued to slam into her ass.

"You KNOW it, you scumbag!" She fired back, bucking wildly against him. Minutes went by. Chet was flabbergasted at how long he was lasting but didn't dwell on it because as he did, he became aware of just how close he was to spewing his seed. "I'm cumming, turn around and get on your knees!" He demanded. She did and he grabbed his member firmly and pumped for all he was worth. He had become so worked up that it exploded out like being fired from a cannon. The first spurt got her in the eye but the rest hit her tits like she had demanded.

She grinned and said, "Well done. Are you happy now? Did I meet your expectations?"

"Well, to be honest, I'm still never going to vote for you but it'll feel nice knowing that though you're going to fuck with me and everyone else in the country, I literally fucked you. I said I would tell no one and you can take me at my word. I'll know however and that's good enough for me." He got up and headed for the bathroom.

"Wait, are you going to clean up or take a leak?" She asked.

"Both, why?"

"Pee on me. Pee on my tits." She said as she scampered to the tub.

Chet had always had a bit of a bashful kidney and wasn't sure he'd be able to accomplish this. "I'm not sure I can and really, that's kind of gross." He said.

"You CAN and you WILL, DAMN YOU!" she was very persuasive as she knelt in the tub. He stood there, his erection wilting. "You do know this has to shrink a little before..."

She cut him off. "I know it, I'm no amateur you know."

As he got soft, the urge to piss became a bit much and he knew right there and then, his bashful kidney was not going to bashful this time. A sudden yellow stream poured forth from his dick and hit her straight onto her tits, already sticky with his cum. She began to laugh, almost maniacally as he let loose. He couldn't believe he had to piss so much and just kept going, directing his stream at her shoulders and belly, the same belly he had just recently licked. This was FUN!

She was laughing and laughing and he was tempted to aim for her mouth but gagged as the thought went through his mind. "Nah, this is sick enough."

When he was done, he shook off the last few drops and suggested she take a long hot shower. He'd wait in the other room after just washing up a bit. She agreed. Then he asked, "If I got to take a dump, you're not into THAT are you?"

She countered, "What the hell, I'm not sick. You're disgusting." She then entered the shower. He cleaned himself off with a wet towel and went to get dressed. When she joined him she looked fresh and clean and was beaming.

"I have never done this before and I hope never to do it again. Now, if you'd give me your address I'll send you a pen."

"What? A pen, for what?"

"It's what we do. When we meet a constituent we give them something like a pen as a souvenir. Don't you want a souvenir?"

"Sure, what the hell. But won't it be awkward explaining why I have a pen from a Senator I don't like?"

"I don't care. You earned a pen. TAKE THE DAMN PEN!"

She scared the hell out of him. "OK, OK, I'LL TAKE A PEN!"

She very calmly and softly said, "Good," and smiled. Then she walked to the kitchen and got some orange juice. "Want some juice? You must have worked up a thirst and you really should replace your fluids."

He dared not drink some juice.

When all was said and done, she took his address-"Don't you carry some around? Do you really have to mail me one?" he asked, and she fired back, "DO AS I SAY YOU FASCIST BASTARD! YOU WILL GET ONE IN THE MAIL AND YOU WILL LIKE IT!"

"And you're calling ME a fascist? Hoo boy." He gave her the address and they left the building together. As they walked out the door she said, for the sake of anyone who may be nearby, "So, do you think that when you come back to paint the walls, a yellowish tint might be in order?"

He just chuckled. Well, she DID have a sense of humor.

A week later he was home waiting to find out about the job. He was just sitting around since his shift at the local coffee house wasn't until later in the day. He heard the mailman come to the door. He greeted him and took the mail. As he went through all the bills, advertisements and usual crap, he came across a bubble wrap envelope. He turned it over and it was marked with the seal of the U.S. Senate and from HER office. "Well, she really DID mean to send me a damn pen." He thought and he opened the envelope.

Inside were three pens and a note:

"To Chet, because of your strong beliefs and convictions I have rethought my stand on a number of issues and would hate to lose your vote in the next election. Please accept these pens as my token of gratitude for the lesson in politics.

Your friend and Senator."

For a moment, Chet just stood bewildered. Then he turned to the second page which simply said, "LIKE HELL I WILL! ASSHOLE!"

He just laughed. Well, he always would know, whenever she fucked the people of the United States, he got one fuck in FOR the people.

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