Pond Life

We sat in our ravens nest surveying our domains with the pond and the sunlight glittering upon it, singing a soft harmony to the birds chattering and declaring our domains to be theirs and that was fine since we didn´t mind sharing, not with them.

Sharing with Them was more problematic, since They like ants wanted to fill the world and the constant moronic muttering of distant cars never ceased even here. So we hid from most of Them but not all and we even had some friends.

Yes we certainly had come a long way, but from what we were not sure since we did not remember.

For instance we did not remember sitting hidden in the bushes by the house and hugging the still warm furryfine corpse of our cat. He has the power to give and the power to take away. The jimmy had been bad said He though we didn´t understand how, but we never did, and the cat had to go.

We cursed our stupidity in coming to His place just because we were hungry, since food didn´t matter all that much and we hadn´t gotten anything to eat anyway. We must learn to put hunger somewhere else, like the pain.

A hare was coming close to our nest with that funny mix of nervous and cocky that hares carry around. The jimmy visited the hunger place and noted that it would be good if we ate and he reached for a stone and the raven spread his wings. We sang a silent song for the hare who didn´t yet know that it was dead because the raven never missed.

We climbed down from the tree, wary for signs of Them as always, but even more so because They did not understand about food. Sometimes we think about the cat and then we think, why didn´t we eat it? We were hungry after all and it loved us. It would have been happy to feed us, because cats understand about food.

The best food was at the school place, but the air was bad and They were everywhere and the rooms were too small. But the food was safe although at first some small Them tried to scare us. They could not since we were used to Him. We just looked at them with raveneyes and They would let us be.

We can remember how we stood at the window and watched the clouds and the birds and the real world. The snake always slept there and voices were around us, all those voices in the too-small room like the sound of cars.

We flew with the birds and the clouds and heard but did not hear. But if they asked about something we knew the answer.

"The capital of Greece is Athens."

We still do not know what a greece is or a capital but that waiting by the window was a small price to pay for the food. Sometimes we did not have to go to His place for a week.

Winter was the dangerous time, when we could not sleep in the little nest we had then. So then we had to enter His place, and the bitch would try to hide us, but often He found us. Yes, the bitch meant well but it was too weak, and many things happened then but we definitely do not remember those things.

We remember that They told us we had killed Him, which was a very silly thing to say. We knew He was still there and almost everywhere and we knew that He would punish us terribly for killing a piece of Him, but we were not sorry.

We knew he would have killed the bitch that time because it was purple in the face and He kept choking it. Then the snake woke up and hit Him with His bat and then the snake hit Him again and again and again and again and again and again and there was brain on the bat. We remember this very clearly.

Of course we could not eat the hare in the nest because the nest must not smell of blood. We ate it in the thicket by the water and fed the leftovers to the pond and it was grateful

Bellies full we lay in a heap in the sun and the pond glittered. It glittered sky and a single cloud swimming and sky becoming pond, pond becoming sky. An occasional ant offered itself for dessert and life was slow and warm and real.

The raven did not like water but the jimmy and the snake slid under the surface, lay on the bottom breathing the sky under water. Sometimes we had thought that in some ways the bitch had been the mother of the jimmy, but when we met the pond we knew who our real mother was.

The anders is our friend but he is always drunk. He is like the bitch, he means well but is weak. He lives in a summer-house shed not all that far from the pond. He makes the liquor himself and it is so smelly it hurts our noses to come near.

The anders lets us use his outdoor toilet to shit in if we dig a pit and empty it when the barrel is full. That is good because even though They are almost blind in the forest even They might notice too much human shit and become suspicious. Ravenshit and snakeshit is no problem of course and they would never use the anders´ smelly barrel.

We do not talk about Him with the anders but we think he hides from Him just like us. It is good that he makes his own liquor because He has not touched it. We have seen that He eats many of Them with His liquor. His money too, he eats even more people with His money. We have never touched it.

We would have died the first winter without the anders, since we were new in the world after the bad place and we had not yet a proper nest.

We were in the bad place for a long time after the brain on the bat. There They gave us many pills but the snake hid them where they could do no harm.

Some of Them meant well but did not know anything real. They told us many things but we did not have to answer questions afterward so we did not listen at all. But here the windows were very small and fewer birds, but we could often see the clouds.

One of Them, he was an ola, took his time to listen. He did not hurry and he did not tell me all those things They find important. The ola watched the clouds with me and waited. He had the patience of a hunter as almost none of Them have. The snake hissed but the raven after a long time said that the ola would not harm us. We told him about Him because it was the right thing to do. We had to warn him since most of Them do not know about him at all.

We did not tell him about the raven and the snake, he probably thought he was just talking to the jimmy. But perhaps he suspected something since he listened with extra care sometimes when the raven spoke, and maybe he tried to hear what the jimmy heard.

If it were not for the ola we would probably still be in the bad place. And the johan who was doctor in the bad place, but he did not give us pills. The ola came first but the johan could also listen and when he spoke we actually wanted to hear what he said.

We could talk about Him and how He still was alive and how He walked the corridors of the bad place too. But He only hurt us sometimes and the pain did not matter. In this place He relied mostly on the pills, not knowing of the snake.

The johan told us that he would try to get us out of the bad place, but we had to promise not to kill any more aspects of Him. We promised and we had not planned to go to war against Him anyway. Who were we to challenge Him in His own world. Just let us out of this bad place and we will hide and disturb no one and He will not even smell us.

The peter did smell us though, or whatever he did. He even felt the raven when he came running one day. He was running with ease and joy and we saw him from the nest and he had no taint of Him. We were scared anyway when he stopped and looked right at the nest and right at us.

Then he sat down to wait and he had the hunter´s patience too. He just sat there looking at the pond and the butterflies and the birds and the clouds and not at us, but he knew.

It was talk to him or kill him, so eventually we climbed down while the raven took a closer look. The peter made a small bow as the raven flew by and then he looked at the jimmy.

"I´m sorry to intrude," he said, "but you interest me. I will not do anything to harm you and I will not say anything to anyone that you don´t wish. I hardly ever speak to anyone anyway. My name is Peter."

We saw that we had been a little wrong because his was not the patience of a hunter, but that of an observer. The peter´s face was alive with him taking in everything. Eyes ears nose busy busy and we wondered how could he live with Them where everything was screaming.

"Your house up there is very cleverly hidden."

"Thank you, but you saw it right away." The jimmy´s voice was rusty and we wondered when did we last speak with the anders? Had it been one month, or maybe two?

"Not really saw...but it doesn´t matter. You know, it´s fantastic to meet someone who is even less a part of this world than I am."

We were proud of the nest which was built mainly in an oak, because oaks are good for building. But oaks are very bad for hiding. Fir trees hide good and in the winter too, and our oak was tightly hugged by four firs which is very rare. We think the pond put them there for us. We had tied the branches from the fir tree very cleverly to hide the nest good. They rarely look up anyway except for the peter.

The anders had had a lot of old boards he didn´t want since he never built anything anymore, because all he did was drink. He gave us the boards and a hammer and nails and a saw and string. It was much work for the jimmy who had the hands and it was good for him to work and feel needed. The snake did whatever had to be done and the raven flew first but the jimmy had his hands.

The peter came back many times and he often brought gifts, which was a very strange thing for us at first. No one had given us anything before and the snake was suspicious. But yes how we wanted his presents, because the peter saw everything and he saw what we needed when we did not know ourselves.

We had told him about our first winter surviving in the anders´ smelly shed. He knew that we wanted to stay in the nest but could not because the jimmy could not sleep all winter like the hedgehog. The peter brought a sleeping-bag which is like a blanket but warmer and everywhere.

We had not known that such a thing existed and it was a wondrous thing, although too warm now in the summer nights. He also brought other clever things like a spirit stove with which we could make warm food in the nest with a small tame fire. And he brought a rag rug and several camping mattresses to put on the walls for insulation and boots and warm clothes and not so warm clothes and a big bag of rice.

Every time when we were astonished he giggled in a way that made the jimmys face want to smile, but we did not know how. He said giving us presents was his favorite thing in the world but after the rice the raven said he must not give us any more presents, because we would get lazy. So he didn´t until the woman came.

She reminded us of the bitch the first time we saw her with the same grey face and dead eyes and bruises and defeated mouth. All typical marks of Him.

The new summer was sniffing at the forest and wondering if it dared to come yet and the nights were still chilly. We still used the sleeping-bag and we were every time grateful we did not have to go to the smellshed to survive.

She and the anders smelt of the shed and the liquor when they came walking. They sat themselves down by the pond waiting, since the anders knew better than to call for me.

The raven took a closer look and tasted her spirit, and there were those marks of His but no taint except for the liquor. But why had the anders brought her? We decided to talk with them and sat down beside them and the anders spoke.

"He is looking for her. She used to live with this guy Patrik. She left and He does not allow His women to leave. If He finds her she is dead."

"My name is Lena." she said.

She looked sort of dead already and she sounded dead too, like a slug that has been run over by one of Their cars.

"She cannot stay with me." the anders said. "Patrik will come there and look for her, he knows about me, but he does not know about you. Women´s shelter and police and shit doesn´t help. He will get her."

Yes of course he would, since it was His world. Sooner or later He would find her no doubt about that.

"I do not know what to do," the Lena said. "Can you please hide me for a while? Please. I will do anything you want...it must be lonesome out here in the forest."

She said the part about anything you want like there was a particular something that we would want, but we did not know what that thing was. We thought that perhaps it is like with the sleeping-bag. But no we were never lonesome like she thought. And never alone like Them, or maybe They too are not as alone as They think. But very few know not even the peter who sees so much.

Yes we wanted to hide her from Him. But no it was risky since He might find us all. But yes because it was perhaps even more risky to let her go, since if He caught her she might tell Him about us. But no she would disturb the peace and the pond. But yes it was the right thing to do. Like that time with the brain and the bat.

"Yes. You may stay."

"Thank you."

"But you must do some things I tell you, like you said." We have learned to talk to Them like it was only the jimmy speaking, since they must not know.

"Of course," she said and tried to smile, but again the smile looked run over.

"First you have to wash. Your whole body, in the pond. It´s cold and I´m sorry but you hurt my nose. I will wash your clothes, I have extra clothes for you until yours are dry."

She said nothing. She just took off her clothes and went into the pond with no complaints, in spite of the cold. That made us both pleased and sad. Pleased because she did not complain about little things, but sad how used she was to obey the orders of a man.

She scrubbed herself with sand while we did the same for her clothes and afterwards she was shivering. We had no towel or anything and the jimmy´s clothes were small on her. We thought about that we had never thought about that the jimmy was small for a fully grown human.

We also thought about the lena´s body and how it seemed soft in spite of being thin and the jimmy found her breasts strangely fascinating. But her shivering was not good and we showed her the nest and how to get up there. She climbed without a problem in spite of her bruises which were everywhere.

The lena lay in the sleeping-bag, shivering less and less. We were thinking what we should talk about, and if we had to talk. We thought we did because They talk all the time, and we did not know about what. Perhaps capitals, whatever they were, since we remembered they were important in the school.

"Paris is the capital of France." we said.

"Yes." She said yes and so far so good, but she looked at us in a way that made us understand that They usually did not talk about capitals. We did not know what to do and were silent.

The peter could talk about real things, like how the world was. And he listened about Him or about the forest and the pond. He was also confused about Them and the world They had built. And he was lonely, much more lonely than me.

With the anders we talked about things he wanted me to do because he was too drunk or hung over. And he talked about running horses, and why the horses were interesting to him we had yet not understood.

The lena started talking, which was good. She talked about her time with the patrik. Bad bad times. We remembered some things we had forgotten, because they were the same. He is the same no matter the name. She was angry not crushed which was good but we started to worry a little about food.

We wondered what she ate because most of Them don't understand about food. Probably she would not eat most of what we ate. But now she was crying a lot and we really did not know how to handle that. Then she hugged us, well just the jimmy really, and first there was the little panic because we could not move. But the panic slowed down because we did not need to move anyway.

She was warm and soft and rather nice to touch. She smelled better too, but there still was that smell of liquor.

"If you shall stay here with me you must not drink the liquor again because then He will find you."

"I will try. It is not easy you know."

Again we did not know, and how could it be difficult to not drink something? That was hard to understand, surely the liquor did not try to force itself down her throat. But we said nothing because we did not understand and probably it was difficult if she said so.

The nearness and the softness was making the jimmy nervous now. We asked if she was hungry and she was, so we made a soup from young tender nettles and the last of the rice. She ate it all and we hoped that the peter would come by soon because we needed things. We did not quite know what, but more rice at least. We could maybe also get some food from the anders, if he had been in shape to fill his supplies lately. Also maybe not, because the anders did not care all that much for food, only liquor.

The lena spoke more after dinner of other men and drinking and doing things we did not quite understand. It sounded a bit like how many in the bad place sounded, and sometimes she wanted to sit by herself and sometimes she wanted to hug. Our head was hurting with all the words, more words than there was room for in our head. But we did not want to tell her to be quiet, because we thought she needed the talk. Different beings need different things.

When it was time to sleep the lena got the sleeping-bag and we took a blanket, and that was all right. Then after we lay down the lena touched the jimmy between his legs and his little snake stirred. At first we were confused but then we understood that she was trying to mate with the jimmy, in spite of that she did not want to mate. That was very strange, since ravens would never mate unless both wanted to.

The jimmy took away her hands and she cried which made us worried, but she said thank you so we guessed it was all right. Then we slept and we dreamed about the bitch, but she had not met Him yet and had her name changed. The mother looked upon little jimmy and her eyes were not dead but filled with something we never remembered there before.

In the morning he said farewell to the bitch in his memory. It was His name for her, and now she would be the mother. She could perhaps not help that she was weak, and we wondered if she still was alive. We were happy for the brain on the bat and wondered why she never came to the bad place to see us. But maybe it was forbidden. The softness of the lena had woken these dreams and memories and we now were glad she was with us.

Next morning the lena had very many questions about the forest and our life here. She asked about food and what we did for fun, which was hard to answer, and about toilets and keeping clean.

We also spoke of the peter and how he gave us presents and that we hoped he would come soon. She did too, and then he came, with that magic sense of his to know when he is needed. He had sandwiches which he gave to the lena. They spoke for a long time, but we noticed that the peter could not look at her so good. He told me later that he had a problem with women because they were too bright to look directly at.

The peter left but promised to be back tomorrow with many things, because she was used to another kind of life than me. She would not survive eating only the forest and perhaps he was right. When we boiled good big white snails that we found for dinner she could not eat them and moaned a lot about liquor for a while. But she had no liquor and she got by on the peter´s sandwiches that day.

We showed the lena the paths and hiding-places in our forest and we met an elk. We never kill anything that big because it would only go bad and the body would be too large to hide. We think it knew because it just looked at us calmly and did not move. The lena was delighted so we stayed with it for a long time.