Pond Life

We talked to her about patience and waiting and being still. She tried but she was very bad at it and her body shook a lot today. She said it was because she had had no liquor and we began to understand what was difficult. She said that maybe she would see terrible things that were not there and then we must hug her. But she never did.

She was astounded that we had never touched money and had never bought anything in a store. But we had been in stores when the jimmy was little. This was when we did not want to go to His place and must keep warm. But we did not like the stores, only the warmth.

We slept again side by side in the nest, but the lena was still shaking and slept very badly. She hugged the jimmy the whole night, sometimes shaking, sometimes crying. But we slept since we have to sleep when we can. But the raven sang for her and at last she too could sleep and she slept for a long time the next morning.

The peter turned up like he had promised and we had to wait for the lena to wake up, since peter wanted her to be awake when we got our presents. They were mainly for her and he wanted to giggle just as much as usual when she saw them. He did but we waited long because we did not want to wake her up. Meanwhile the peter told us about his job and we did not understand at all.

The lena woke up and she could have coffee in the morning, which apparently she had missed almost as much as liquor. Apart from the coffee the peter had brought more food and clothes and knife and fork and what they called sanitary pads. Soon we would have to build a small nest to have things in, but that was all right since the anders had more boards and a small nest for things is easy to hide.

The lena said she must not go to the anders to shit because the liquor was there, and apparently she would want liquor even more if she came close. This day she at least shook less and apparently the coffee was a big help. She drank coffee all the time. We tasted it too, but did not like it so much. But we remembered that there had been a lot of coffee in the bad place.

We went to the anders to see if the patrik had been there and that the anders was okay. He was but the patrik had been there, but just asked questions. He had not been real suspicious. The anders had been drunk and tired and the patrik had left, but we stayed a while digging the next shit-pit extra deep because it doesn't hurt to be prepared. The barrel was pretty close to full and the jimmy filled it some more. We got a piece of wire and tied each end to a small piece of wood and we put this in the storage shed.

When we came back the lena had made food, it was pasta and meatballs and it was like eating at the school again. Or the bad house but there it always felt like they had put pills in the food. But not now and we told the lena she was a good cook and she shook her head and laughed. Apparently this food was not being a good cook at all, but it was.

We ate by the pond and we felt safe enough to explain about the pond. How it was my true mother in spite of the bitch being the mother now. And we told her about the sky underwater and how we never wanted to go too far from the pond. It was the navel of the forest and the navel is the window of the soul. And we told her that when she bathed in the pond when we first met the pond had accepted her, and she was glad.

The lena wondered how old the jimmy was because he looked so impossibly young. We had to think for a long time because we had never thought about it before. We were not finished with the school when we came to the bad place and we do not know how long we were there. But it felt like a very long time. And then two winters in the forest, so maybe twenty years old and maybe twenty-five.

The lena told us that she was much older, at least ten years. Then she asked if we thought she looked horrible now, old and worn by her rough life. We never thought she looked horrible, just grey and dead at first. But better now so we said no, and she was pleased.

The peter had brought books too. We never read books, but the lena liked to read and spent a lot of time by the pond, or in the nest if it was rain, and read the books. She had stopped shaking now after about a week. Sometimes she wanted liquor, but got coffee. The peter must bring much more coffee and he could almost look at the lena now.

Then, one afternoon after bathing in the pond, she kissed the jimmy. The kiss was other things than before for us. It was light but deep and playful but serious and we were happy but confused. The lena looked very pleased. That night she opened the zipper on the sleeping-bag so we could lie close to her and she wanted to do everything she did. That pleased us but we did not mate that night.

All was well in the nest that night but the night outside the nest was restless. A heavy rain began in the morning, which we did not mind. But something bad was in the air. We were worried that day, the raven watched and the snake was ready. By midday we wanted to go check on the anders, and the lena was happy with her book in the nest.

We crept close to the anders´ shed and heard bad sounds from there, and His voice was very loud. The anders screamed and we knew he was weak so after a while, of course, the anders told Him that she was hiding in the forest. We had fetched our wire and when He got out of the shed the snake quickly put a noose round His neck and the snake cut his throat. There was very much blood so now we were grateful for the rain.

The anders came out and helped us to carry Him to the extra-deep shit-pit and we threw Him in. We put on a layer of earth and then we emptied the barrel in the pit. Then we put on the rest of the earth and all the while the anders apologized, but it was okay.

The anders said he could take care of His car, which was good because we could not drive a car at all. The anders knew an old quarry with deep water in, where he could hide the car good, and it was far away. If the police took him he would say that he killed Him himself and we believed him because it is easier to lie to the police than to Him.

After the anders had left with the car we ran to the pond and dived into it, clothes and all. We had to get clean all over and wash away all the blood. Body and clothes were clean easy but a clean soul took a long long time. His brain on the bat and His blood all over us made us sick, except the snake who did not care. Also, we had broken our promise to the johan, but we had no choice.

The pond whispered comfort and our tears were part of the pond now. The pond could swallow them easily and we knew that the snake only did what had to be done as always. His blood would always be there like His brain but it was okay. We went back to the lena and this time it was we who were shivering and in need of hugs. The lena hugged us and kissed the jimmys ear softly and that was good.

The jimmy lay like an egg and the lena was the bird mother keeping us warm with her body and her sweet whispering. In time the egg hatched and we turned around and the jimmy embraced her back. There were more kisses and the jimmy was crying because we had to tell her that the patrik was gone. Then she would go back to her life and leave us and we had not cried since the cat.

The lena was stroking the jimmys body and the little snake woke up and was not so little now. The lena smelled very good and took the jimmys hand and put it between her legs. We could tell that this time she really did want to mate and the snake knew how. It was hot and soft and hard and fantastic and the lena was pleased too and we forgot to cry.

Afterwards we almost felt like the lena was a part of us too and we were four. But not really because we knew that she would go soon. She could not live here in the winter. But perhaps perhaps she could be a friend and come visit us like the peter. If only she could keep away from the liquor when she went back.

We told her later when she was drinking coffee again and the rain had stopped. We told her because we had to tell her, but we did not say that we had killed Him, because that was not her burden. We just said that the anders had told us that the patrik was gone and no one knew what had happened yet, but probably He was dead.

As we told her we could see the last of the grey seep out of her. It now had to be obvious to all that she was a strong and beautiful woman. For a while we almost felt like the peter, and she was too bright to look at.

Then the lena wanted to mate again right away, and we thought that maybe the little snake was too sleepy, but it turned out he was not. This time we were standing and we stood behind her and she held on to a birch. Then we lay together in the grass although it was still wet and she stroked us and we stroked her. She told us what we already knew, that she could not live in the forest in the winter. Our heart was hurting but we had to let her go because we did not want the lena to die.

Then she told us things we wanted to hear, and hoped would be true for a long time and not just now when she said them. Things about us and future and that she loved us and we were so kind and pure and she had never had good sex before. But she needed somewhere to live that was warm. She wanted to be our girlfriend and she said that not always do girlfriend and boyfriend live together all the time. And she would come to the forest often and maybe we could come to her. But we could not leave the pond even for that.

She also said that she did not want liquor anymore, at least not here in the forest. Perhaps it would be harder in the city but she would fight and she would get help ad she would come to us if it was too hard in the city. All she said was good but we felt sad because we did not know if she would be back.

She also said things we did not understand like the flat she had lived in with the patrik was in her name, whatever that meant. She could not live there but she could easily trade it for something small and cheap and she would get a job. Thanks to me she knew that she could make it with very little money and she was strong and beautiful and friends with her future. We knew our happiness lay in her hands but also that we would survive whatever came, because the raven and the snake and the pond would not let go.

And that is the end of the story we had to tell, except almost a year has passed since then. Things are like the lena said they would be and we see each other often. That is very good.

The police never found out what happened to the patrik and we think they never made that much of an effort. The anders still is drunk all the time.

The peter found a woman too, one he could look at. They even got married at our pond last winter. The peter wanted us to say a few words and that was very strange, but for the peter we will do whatever we can. The ola was there, which was a big and nice surprise.

And the pond is still the pond.