tagHumor & SatirePornoville Ch. 04

Pornoville Ch. 04


(This is the fourth part of a story about Rich Martin, a workaholic with relationship issues who wakes up one day to find himself in a porn movie. I really think the reader's best chance to follow what is happening in this chapter is to check out the previous three chapters. Oh and special thanks to my best buddy Dimps for her keen editorial eye.)

"Oui, oui, OUI!" Yvette yodeled as I repeatedly rammed my big throbbing cock into her tight little imitation French pussy. My hips flexed and pumped turning my king sized waterbed into a churning sea, as Yvette dug her dime store press-on nails into my toned ass, as much to keep me from falling off her as to try to get my dick even deeper into her steamy little love box. I could feel the familiar tingle of my scrotum tightening, and shifted into overdrive.

"Oh...oui...fuck...are you...mmm fuck... going to cum?" Yvette asked, sensing my rapidly approaching orgasm. "Give it to me. Give me zee beeg sticky pearl necklace!" She begged.

I pulled my dick out of her pussy and started cumming almost immediately. I meant to cum on her tits and groaned as that first rope came flying up my cock. Unfortunately due to the rip tide on my waterbed, that first rope went shooting over her head and splattered across my headboard. The next rope ended up in her belly button. I slithered up her body and slid my prick up between her two silicone implants as the third rope lubricated her cleavage. The head of my fuck stick peeked out from between boobs and shot another white gooey rope into her neck and chin. Yvette mashed her tits against my prick and milked out the rest of my orgasm as my eyes rolled back into my head.

Eventually the waves of the waterbed subsided and I was able to collapse on to the bed next to Yvette. I looked over, just as she pulled a long strand of my cum from her tits to that amazingly talented pink tongue of hers, and I felt what little blood that had left my dick make an immediate U-turn. Yvette glanced down and smiled as her tiny hand tried unsuccessfully to wrap around my pole.

"Oh monsieur Dick," she cooed. "Your baguette, he ez still hard. Are you ready for more of zee special French cleaning?"

It was almost physically painful to listen to her talk. She sounded like Inspector Clouseau's long lost love child. Still, she fucked like a mink, which mattered a lot more to me in situations like these.

It was a tempting suggestion, but I needed to shave my mustache off. "Yvette, while that sounds like a marvelous idea, I've got to get ready to go to work."

I leaned over and gave her a peck on her cheek, "and my name is Rick."

"Oh monsieur Dick, you are sew funny." She giggled. She then rocked back and forth a couple of times to build up momentum, and made two complete revolutions as she rolled to the edge of the waterbed, where she was able to get up. Yvette struggled back into her made-in-Taiwan French maid costume, retrieved her feather duster from under my dresser and left the room humming a chorus of The Marseilles.

"Oh just like that, you dirty motherfucker!" Tiffany screamed as she bounced up and down on my prick. She had me straddled as I sat back in my naughahyde covered executive chair, and the steady slap, slap, slap sound of our two bodies crashing into each other filled the room. My arms were tightly wrapped around her slim waist, as I licked the trickling sweat from between her manmade breasts. I could feel my balls tighten as the results of our morning playtime headed towards its conclusion.

Tiffany and I had started fucking three hours ago. Against my desk, then on my desk, then up against the wall, stopping only because a shelf on the bookcase had collapsed. Finally, we had ended up in the chair.

Tiffany screamed as another orgasm ripped through her body, and her cunt muscles contracted around my throbbing pole. I was thrusting up to meet her hard and fast now, bellowing like a caveman.

Suddenly, Tiffany slithered out of my grasp and slid between my legs. "Feed me that hot cum baby," she moaned as she engulfed my cock with her plump red lips.

Her cheeks bulged as the first rope of my cum sprayed the roof of her mouth. Tiffany sucked greedily at the head of my exploding cock as she pumped my shaft with one hand and milked my heavy balls with the other.

Eventually, after what felt like a ten minute orgasm I slumped back in my chair, totally spent. Tiffany looked up at me, winked and then dribbled a mouthful of cum along the length of my cock which she then proceeded to nosily suck and lick back up.

After she was done, she rubbed the head of my still sticky rod against her lips. "So Dick, have you decided what you are going to do about Domino's offer?" she asked.

Oh god, I thought. Is it Wednesday again already? I made what I hoped was a non-comitial yet positive sounding grunt.

"It's time for you to run Cuntington Industries Dick," Tiffany said in a kind of sing song voice like a really bad actress would use to recite dialog.

"It's Rick," I said interrupting her. "My name is Rick."

Tiffany looked at me blankly for a moment. "God Dick, you're always joking." She said with a canned chuckle. "We're going to have all sorts of fun when we are running the company."

I smiled and nodded but didn't say anything.

"I know this is hard for you because of your mother," Tiffany said starting in with her singsong dialog again.

It almost physically hurt to listen to Tiffany when we weren't having sex. I swear to god, she is the only person I've ever known, who I got along with best while they referred to me as "motherfucker."

I ran my hand over my face, and noticed my mustache had grown back again. "Uh Tiffany," I said as I pulled the razor and shaving cream out of my desk. "I hate to be rude, but I need a personal hygiene break."

I put an X in the center box. The first O went in the lower left hand corner, which was quickly followed by another X in the upper left hand corner. Luckily, I made the key defensive move, and the next O went in the lower right hand corner. A lesser man would have missed the threat this move placed on the board, but I was no novice, and placed a X in the center lower square, which in turn lead to the automatic response of O to the upper center square, and that was quickly followed by two more moves, and I found myself looking at my 9,783rd consecutive cat's game.

I put my pen down. God, Tic-tac-toe sucks when you play by yourself. However, just then I remembered those painfully awkward three hours I had spent trying to teach Tiffany how to play that one time, and suddenly it didn't seem so bad.

Regardless, I'd filled up the last blank space of paper. I glanced at my ginormous digital watch it was only 2:30. I had to figure out what to do with the rest of the afternoon, but what to do? The lesbian lunch orgy was probably in full swing in the break room, but it would have been my third lesbian orgy for the week, and to be honest I was a little lesbianed out. I could go home. There was that girl, whatshername? She always seemed to be hanging around the pool, and she was double jointed which was kind of cool, but I was really in the mood for something different.

Mr. Hardcock's secretary, Juana Bendmiova, was getting royally fucked by Lance Hardwood when I walked into Hardcock's office. She lay splayed across the top of Hardcock's imitation mahogany desk, her long tan legs spread wide as Lance's thick curved cock pistoned in and out of her. Her white knuckle grip on the sides of the desk was the only thing keeping her from shooting across the room.

Mr. Hardcock was sitting in his chair on the other side of the room, with his cheap slacks around his ankles watching the show as he languidly pumped his fairly impressive fuck rod.

"Yes Dick?" He asked not looking away from the dirty rut taking place on his desk blotter.

"Don't get up, please." I said quickly as I walked across the room. "I just want to take a look at the Titswallow proposal."

I'd seen Hardcock a few times with the proposal. It was an almost 5 inch thick stack of papers, and while I didn't know what was on the papers, I did know reading even complete legal gobblygook would keep me busy for hours.

I pulled the stack of papers out of the top drawer of a cheap metal filing cabinet. It looked promising; as far as I could tell none of the pages were blank. The first page started with pure legal boiler plate, part of the first part, whereas, therefore, and so on and so forth. However within about five lines the words became a series of blurry jumbles that by the middle of the page had morphed into tiny pictures of attractive people fucking like weasels. I glanced down at the bottom of the page and saw the pictures were now completely animated. Well it had been a good idea on paper. I dropped the pages back into the file cabinet.

"Is everything ok, Dick?" Mr. Hardcock asked looking away from his bank of TV monitors. Apparently, in the movie Hardcock was supposed to be this insatiable voyeur, which would explain why he had Lance in his office fucking his secretary as he also watched the lesbian lunchroom orgy on a closed circuit TV.

"Yeah," I sighed, "everything is just fine."

I glanced over at the TV screen, pausing to notice the bright green cables running behind it to what had to be some sort of gigantic prehistoric VCR that was the size of a small Japanese car. The lesbian lunchroom orgy was moving towards its inevitable conclusion. Tiffany and three of the secretaries were on a table, twisted into a sweaty naked human Möbius strip. The floor was littered with other secretaries who had each paired off to taste the joys of hot sticky Sapphic love. There were even a couple girls who hadn't joined in the sex on the floor, but still sat near the wall, rubbing their ripe bodies as they watched the action in front of them. I felt my cock begin to twitch as I watched the grainy images on the screen.

"Well Dick, seeing as you're here, why don't you join Miss Bendmiova and young Hardwood?" Mr. Hardcock asked. "We'd love to get your input."

I looked over at the desk. Juana was sprawled over the top like a living fuck doll. She looked over at me and licked her lips with her long slutty tongue. My cock was no longer twitching; it was surging down the leg of my tight polyester pants almost halfway to my knee.

I didn't say a word; I just walked over as I unbuttoned my pants.

Juana smiled. "I'm ready for your dictation, Dick," she panted.

"My name is Rick." I said pulling my bulging prick out of my pants.

"I don't care who you are," Juana gasped, "just fuck my mouth."

I fed my dripping rod into Juana's waiting mouth, watching as her cheeks bulged around the head of cock. The motion of the expert fucking Lance was giving her pulled her mouth up and down the shaft of my cock. I took off my jacket and shirt as I looked down watching her fake boobs jiggle as Lance rammed her over and over again, took in the taunt muscles of her stomach, and noticed that her panties were still dangling off one ankle.

Juana could only take about six inches of my cock, but the way her tongue wrapped around it I really didn't care. She finally came up for air, but really only to lash my heavy oversized balls with that amazing tongue. She licked sucked and nibbled until my entire crotch was covered in a mix of spit and precum.

I was ready for something more. I raised an eyebrow at Lance. He smiled and pulled out of Miss Bendmiova. We did a little reshuffling around the desk. Lance laid down on it and was quickly mounted by Juana. Her hot wet slit engulfed his cock as she began to slowly work that big dick all the way back into her pussy. I moved behind Juana, and she spread her butt cheeks for me, knowing what was coming.

The head of my cock pressed against the ridiculously small opening that was her asshole. There was that brief moment where it felt like there was no way that hole would ever be able to take me in, but it was quickly followed by her muscles relaxing and slowly opening for my cock. Her asshole spread further and further open for the head of my cock and then as my throbbing cock slowly penetrated her, the muscles slid back, seeming as if to pull the shaft in behind it, and soon I was balls deep in that tight little ass.

"Fuck me," she gasped, already beginning to work her body up and down mine and Lance's cocks. "Both of you fuck me now, please."

Lance and I proceeded to start fucking Juana silly. The only problem on our end was due to the height of the desk we weren't at the best angle for the job and had to settle for short, sharp strokes. It didn't matter, Juana gave us the fucking of a lifetime, working her body up and down our shafts, rolling her hips and using muscle control that was almost inhuman.

Juana wasn't much for dirty talk. Actually, she never said any actual words, but she gasped and mewled almost non-stop and it was the perfect counter point to Lance's and mine sharp grunts and occasionally groaned obscenities. All the while in the background we could hear the dull slapping of Hadcock's fist on his rock hard prick as he watched the action on his desk.

We fucked on that desk for what seemed like forever, until our bodies were all covered in a thin film of well earned sweat. Juana was just coming down off her latest orgasm when Lance moaned, "I'm going to fucking blow."

I slid off of Juana and she dropped to her knees on the floor as Hardcock got out of his chair and walked over. The three of us men formed a semi-circle around Juana jerking our throbbing cocks. Juana trailed her fake fingernails up our thighs and licked her pouty lips.

"Please," she moaned "give it to me, please."

Lance was the first to give her what she was begging for. A big rope of thick, hot, white cum arched from his dick and splattered across her cheek. Hardcock's orgasm started right behind Lance's and his cum streaked over her left eye and into her hair

"Oh fuck me," I grunted as I shot a huge slimy rope right into her mouth. I closed my eyes as I felt rope after rope travel the length of my hard shaft.

Finally, after what seemed like 10 minutes my orgasm subsided and I opened my eyes to see Juana kneeling at our feet. Her breasts, neck, face, hell even her hair had been doused in big puddles of cum which she contentedly rubbed into her skin except to occasionally pull a long strand of it and feed it into her mouth.

Later as I finished dressing Mr. Hardcock suddenly out of the blue said, "well that was a very productive meeting Dick. We'll have to do this more often."

I didn't point out the fact we had done the exact same thing in this very office just three days before. I glanced down at my gi-normous digital watch. It was 4:15. I could call it a day.

"Right again boss," I said cheerily.

I pulled my jack-o'-lantern colored muscle car into the driveway. The street in front of our split level tract house was packed with vehicles. There was an express delivery truck, a van with the logo "Ramrod Plumbing" on the side, two pickup trucks that probably belonged to building contractors, and a car with the delivery sign for "Bah Fongool Pizza". In short it was an average Wednesday night at the Cuntington house.

I was greeted with low orgasmic moans and grunts as I came through the front door. As I walked down the hallway I glanced into the dining room. It looked like a naked rugby scrum. At least eight nude men were either on the long table that ran the length of the room, or standing around it all thrusting, rubbing and or grabbing towards something in the center of the table. Although I couldn't see her, I knew that something was Anastasia Cuntington, my erstwhile mother, and a woman who I remember being described on the DVD box as having "a zest for life."

"Hey Stacy, I'm home." I called out as I took off my coat and walked towards the kitchen.

I got to the kitchen and started my least favorite chore of the day, figuring out what I was going to eat for dinner. I opened the refrigerator and took in the usual slim pickings.

There were several baskets of strawberries and plenty of whipped cream. There were also maybe a couple of dozen fresh oysters, a six pack of beer was tucked into the back corner of the frige and there had to be at least a half dozen bottles of what I liked to think of as the finest sparkling wine from Arkansas you could get for a dollar ninety-nine.

Needless to say, none of this stuff had my mouth watering. I was almost tempted just to skip dinner, but I hadn't eaten all day and I needed something in my stomach. I just wished there was something even half way filling available. Just then I heard another loud moan from the dinning room, and suddenly I remembered a particular car I had seen parked out front.

The gang bang was running hot and heavy in the dinning room so nobody paid any attention when I walked into the room. I found what I was looking for under a pile of hastily discarded clothes, a medium pizza box containing the Bah Fagool Big Pepperoni Special. Well actually it was a cheese pizza, but judging by the sounds from the table the little delivery guy was giving the big pepperoni to Anastasia hard and fast.

I took the pizza to the kitchen and grabbed a beer to go with it and headed for the living room. I picked up the huge clunky remote control, which felt like it had to weigh at least five pounds and turned on the TV.

I immediately hit the mute button to drown out the sex sounds. The TV was turned to the porn channel. Well actually that wasn't true, because seeing as all of the 18 channels the TV got only played porn, it was impossible for just one to be "the" porn channel. What was on each channel changed every time I turned the TV on, but the basic selection of channels always stayed pretty much the same. There were 5 lesbian channels, two for gang bangs, three three-way channels, four for orgies, two for what could be described as either special or disturbing, and a remaining four that showed just plain old vanilla sex. I flip around until I found a guy and a redhead fucking on the kitchen table, left it on for dinner entertainment, and helped myself to a slice of pizza. I had found that if I didn't pay too much attention to what was happening on the screen it was almost like watching sports.

I took a swig of my watered down beer as the stud on the screen started ramming the redhead in earnest. All I could think was that I would kill for an episode of Sports Center, or even an instructional video on hanging dry wall. I turned off the TV and sighed.

That was it, the official moment when I admitted to myself that I was bored out of my mind. On the one hand I felt like an idiot for being bored. Every day from the time I woke up to the time I went to bed I had the most intense sex I'd ever had in my life. The sex was never dull, in fact if anything it seemed to get better and better as time rolled on.

Not only that, but I was now the proud owner of a monster cock capable of shooting rivers of cum, almost at will. I was in the best shape I'd ever been in life. My body was covered in long ropey muscles and I hadn't done so much as single sit-up or push-up since I'd gotten here. I also had a deep golden tan, even though the only time I ever spent outside was the occasional afternoon rut with the double jointed blonde chick who hung out by the pool.

Then there were some things that were just odd. Like how I could now tell a woman's bra size just by looking at her. Tiffany? A 34DD. Domino? 38D. Anastasia? 36EE. The woman didn't even have to be wearing a bra for me to know her size. Of course on the down side I had pretty much lost the ability to do long division in my head. Now it's not like I did a lot of long division in my head before I got to this place, but I did use that particular skill more often then I had found myself with a burning desire to know a woman's bra size.

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