Praising the Maury Show

Maury is often said to be trash TV and there is much that is worthy of criticism on the show. However, there are also good things about the program.

My favorite Maury episodes are the paternity test shows. These are some of his most dramatic programs. They are also shows in which Maury displays a compassion for his guests that many observers are apt to dismiss as fake but which I see as genuine and as lifting these shows above pure sensationalism.

Why is paternity so frequently in dispute? As Robert Wright, author of The Moral Animal has pointed out, monogamy is not a natural state for humans of either sex. That does not mean that monogamy cannot or should not be adopted as a discipline by members of both sexes.

It is also true that the fact that a human female has a boyfriend or husband does not make her unattractive to other males. Unfortunately for clarity of paternity, it may even enhance her attractiveness to some males.

Other factors work to obscure paternity. Women and men often have faulty memories. At the time a conception occurs, it is unlikely that either party will be taking notes or writing down the date and time.

In one type of Maury paternity program, the mother and the putative father are disputing. The mother is certain that so-and-so is the father of her child. The alleged father is equally certain that he is not the father. A photograph of the baby is shown next to the photograph of the man said by the mother to have sired it. The mother eagerly points out how similar the faces are. The man denying paternity points out how different they are, often concluding, "That kid doesn't look anything like me!"

Before reading the results of a DNA test that determined paternity, Maury typically asks the man, "If you are the father, are you going to get into the child's life?" The man usually responds, "Yes."

Then Maury reads the results. If he should say, "You ARE the father," the man reacts with a look of shock while the woman may say, "I told you" or jump up to do a victory dance.

Soon the look of shock is replaced by a very different expression as the child is brought to the now-proven father who smiles and says, "Here's your daddy."

If it should be, "You are NOT the father," the mother frequently runs backstage although she gains nothing in privacy as the camera invariably follows her. Maury often puts a comforting arm around the distraught mom and says, "If you want to keep looking for the father, we'll help you." If the disappointed mother is composed enough, Maury will often suggest that she apologize to the man she said was the father who has been found not to be the father.

However, sometimes the mama is sobbing and the man will comes over to gloat and razz her. Maury tells him, "You're out of this now." In at least one program, the man tried to rub it in to the crushed mother and Maury instructed security personnel, "Get him out of here!"

On another type of paternity test program, a mother will break the news to a husband or boyfriend that he might not be the biological of a father to whom he has been acting as a social father. She is often in tears as she makes her confession; he may be either outraged or crestfallen when he hears it and frequently falls into tears himself.

What are the men's responses to this sort of revelation? Sometimes the man says the relationship is over; sometimes he says that whether or not it continues depends on his being found by the DNA test to be the father; and sometimes he says it will continue regardless of the paternity test results.

These men also differ significantly in how they view the child whose paternity is in doubt. Some say they will not feel connected to the kid if the genetic link should be found to be absent. Others say, "I love that kid. I'll be the daddy no matter what."

When one of the latter hears, "You are NOT the father," he will often burst into tears. Maury puts a comforting arm around the distressed man and says, "I have a child in my home. I'm not the birthfather of that child but I don't love that child any less." While it's true that Maury is referring to a child he knowingly and willingly adopted which differentiates him from the men who thought they had sired a child but had not, it is relevant enough to offer some comfort and the realistic hope that the family will continue as a family.

The Maury show focuses on the lurid. The sexual morals of the men and women who appear on it are open to criticism. However, it provides a service by uniting children with biological fathers. It also provides a service by proving that men wrongly said to be biological fathers are not. Finally, a service is provided to men raising children they mistakenly believe to be their biological children by informing them of the truth.

Maury Povich has become astronomically wealthy because of human weaknesses -- which may be seen as including the weakness of those like myself who watch the show -- so perhaps it is to be expected that he appears understanding of, and compassionate toward, the flaws that characterize many members of our human species.