Pre-Arranged Love Ch. 09

19/04/10

I know I promised to churn out chapters like crazy and I know I haven't. :( Writer's block, now cleared. :) Sorry.

I did take ages on a few of the scenes in this chapter, one particular one that I kept rewriting.

A thank you to my editor Jim and all my readers who've supported me thus far.

To an anonymous reader who sent me private feedback; That you check Lit. every morning to see whether I've posted the next chapter, thank you, I'm really touched. It's one of the most supportive comments I've received.

Last issue, this is headed out of NC/R.

Happy reading!

le kitty

~*~

NOTE:

"diner pour la dame" means "supper for the lady" in French.

"Merci Beaucoup" means "thank you very much"

***

My breath caught, my mind whirling off in another direction at the implications of his words. "What do you mean?"

"Has my little vixen forgotten already...you are mine until you remember."

I breathed in deeply, realizing my situation. "Until I remember."

"Yes...until you remember..." Llewellyn whispered seductively.

I closed my eyes; I really wasn't intent on waiting around to remember anything. Should I allow myself emotional feelings for Llewellyn; I would never be able to escape. A fragment of a memory...for all I knew, Llewellyn was making that up. I tried to ignore the doubts gnawing at the edge of my mind; I could live without the truth.

"Come for a walk with me," Llewellyn whispered before he slipped his hand over mine, tugging me away. My mind still in a haze of troubled thoughts, I allowed Llewellyn to guide me. "Where are we going?" I murmured softly, absently noting the increasing sound of trickling water.

"I want to show you something."

"Oh," I paused, "What about the horses?"

"The trail is uneven and narrow, it is better to leave them here." Seeing my wide eyes, Llewellyn murmured softly, "Fear not; they are trained not to stray."

We had re-entered another part of the woods. The ground was starting to get steep but I found myself easily able to keep pace even while holding my skirts in my hand. Llewellyn steadied me without condition, helping me up carefully when he thought he needed to. I was touched by his actions, but I pulled away. "Don't, I don't need your help."

Llewellyn's lips quirked, but instead of replying, he let go, backing away with a gracious bow. "Lady's first then."

Without further comment, I continued climbing, keeping to the winding trail. The sound of trickling water grew progressively louder until it started turning into a soft rush and I turned my head, straining to detect the source.

"Eyes on the path Callie." Llewellyn's voice drifted to me, chiding, urging me to be careful.

I cast my eyes back to my steps, careful of the uneven ground. A moment later Llewellyn told me to stop, all I heard was the steady rushing of water before Llewellyn's voice sounded next to my ear, "Now close your eyes." His voice whispered across my ear, causing me to shiver.

I did as he bade me and heard him shuffle around before a handkerchief was knotted across my head. I baulked at the immediate sense of darkness, about to pull away, but Llewellyn clasped my shoulders, "Shh...trust me."

I didn't pull away, but I couldn't bring myself to relax either. "Callie, we're going to move off the path." Finding my throat dry, I nodded.

"I won't let you fall, I promise." Llewellyn spoke softly, offering me a light kiss before he folded my hand in his, guiding me forward slowly. I could feel my muscles tense, it wasn't falling I was worried about, it was the overwhelming darkness, the overwhelming sense of helplessness; of being captured in the dark; already I could feel the irrational panic rising. I was afraid of the dark, it was foolish, but it was real. It was a fear I had always harbored, an irrational fear. I swallowed, trying to stay calm, but the fear was not to be kept at bay. I could feel my body start to shake with every step even as I tried to stifle the tremors.

Llewellyn stopped and I yanked my hand out of his. He caught my wrists before I could pull the handkerchief off. I tried to pull away, "No! I can't see!" I let out in a panic-stricken voice. The panic had risen to bubbling point.

"Callie—"

I barely registered the concern in Llewellyn's voice before I kicked out at him. His grip slackened and jerking my wrists away, I fumbled with the handkerchief before pulling it off my eyes. The sudden glare of the light made my eyes squint, but the relief that washed over me was indescribable.

Llewellyn captured my face in his palms, forcing me to look at him, "Callie, what's wrong? Why are you afraid?" His voice was hard, forceful, yet something else...

I blinked at him; the fear was seeping away and I was able to reply with some level of composure, "I'm sorry; I don't like being captured in the dark."

Llewellyn's gaze remained hard, but his eyes were concerned and they searched my face. "No...you weren't always like this...What happened?"

"What do you mean?"

Llewellyn closed his eyes and shook his head, "Callie, that's the problem, I don't know." He opened his eyes, his blue eyes solemn with a trace of anger, "You weren't like this before."

My breath caught, "Before?"

Llewellyn dropped his hands, turning to walk away. "Come, we're almost there."

I stood for a moment, shocked in contemplation. My eyes dropped to Llewellyn's hands, they were balled into fists. In a state of confusion, I tried to make sense of the word; before?

I winced as pain suddenly laced through my head. My hand shot to my temple; a headache. Almost like a backlash, I lost my train of digging thoughts. Noticing Llewellyn a little way ahead, I began to follow him, rubbing my temple, hoping the throbbing would go away.

A while later, Llewellyn stopped, waiting for me to catch up to him. He stood; a grand depiction of masculine grace and held his hand out to me. I placed my hand in his tentatively. Llewellyn curled his fingers over my hand and pulled me closer.

He tilted my chin with his thumb and forefinger, "I am sorry if I was too harsh. My anger was unnecessary. We are here now; this is what I want to show you...will you close your eyes for me?"

A soft hesitation on my part and my eyes slithered shut. My headache was just about gone and I was very much curious. I felt rather than heard Llewellyn's soft chuckle before his lips touched mine, a soft kiss, fleeting in its passion.

He took my other hand, drawing me forward. Once again, my ears picked up the steady rushing of water. I breathed deeply, almost as if I might be able to smell it. A few more steps forward and Llewellyn let go of me to stand behind me.

Anticipation knotted in my stomach and the hairs on the back of my neck stood up. It felt like an eternity when Llewellyn finally spoke, "Open your eyes."

I inhaled deeply, feeling my eyelashes flutter. My eyes opened and I drank in the sight before me. A small gasp parted from my lips, it was a small clearing, framed by bushes; its beauty was profound. Light dazzled without abandon into the little clearing, sending sparkles into the air as it hit the rushing stream water. I stepped forward, turning around, savoring the lushness of the clearing, the twittering of birds in the distance. It was perfect. Joyously, I turned to Llewellyn. "Thank you, this is the most beautiful place I've been in my entire life."

Llewellyn returned my smile, "Such joy does become you..." His voice was warm like the sun and a blush crept up my cheeks.

Without waiting to see if I would reply, Llewellyn strolled to the stream, "You have given me an even greater gift with your joy Callie," I heard his soft whisper before he picked up a pebble, casually flicking it into the stream before he turned back to me. "Tell me...do you really not remember anything of this place?"

My heart thudded in my chest, a sinking feeling welled in me. "Llewellyn...I already told you. I can't remember anything; I don't know what you're talking about. Please, if you have no intention of telling me, cease to bring this subject up again. You plant doubts in my mind, you spring unwelcome thoughts in my head. Please, no more." I closed my eyes as I whispered, my mind churning in its turbulence. The truth...I very much wanted it, but not in his given circumstances, I could not afford to pay his price any longer than I had to.

The thunder of a pebble hitting the stream made me start. Llewellyn strode towards me and I could see that my words had stirred him.

"Is that so?" There was a coolness in his words. He tilted my chin, "Do you not want your freedom? Unless you remember, you are not leaving me." Llewellyn's lips quirked, almost in amusement, but I did not miss the dark edge in his voice as he leaned down to whisper in my ear, "Did you think to escape me?"

I tried to stop my quick intake of breath. It was a futile effort; I had already blown my own disguise. I stepped back but Llewellyn stepped with me. "No..." I whispered, my word contradicting my action.

"You cannot deny me." Llewellyn replied, his voice hard.

I tried to turn my face away but Llewellyn kept my chin firmly upturned. Feeling my hopeless situation, there were no inhibitions when I replied, coolness radiating from my voice, "So you have cornered me." I met his gaze evenly, almost challenging.

"Yes, I have cornered you." Llewellyn repeated my statement but there was no amusement in his voice, only a challenge to my own.

Defiance leapt in me and I glared at him, "I'm not afraid of you!"

This time the corners of his lips turned up and he chuckled darkly, "I do enjoy victory..."

In a single movement Llewellyn grabbed me, turning me so swiftly that before I had time to gasp I was more than halfway bent backwards, supported only by Llewellyn's strong arm around my waist. His thigh snagged between me possessively.

My head tipped back, all Llewellyn had to do was let go and I would fall. "Afraid, my love?" Llewellyn murmured. I could feel the light caress of his breath on my skin...What a delectable sight I must have made, sprawled backwards on Llewellyn's arm with my head tipped, my hair tousled in loose abandon, an offering of no resistance.

"No...do what you will, I'm not afraid." I whispered, despite my calm acceptance, I could feel my heart hammering in my chest.

"Is that really an invitation?" His voice was silky as it wisped over my senses.

I stiffened. Llewellyn brought me back up with quick ease and I stumbled slightly against his chest. A smile touched Llewellyn's lips as he steadied me, "Do what I will, hm? Do not regret your words Callie."

A cold stone settled into the pit of my stomach. "For now, there is one more thing." Llewellyn guided me to the large rock that sat at the edge of the stream. It was quite big, big enough that I could probably climb and sit atop it leisurely. I arched a stiff eyebrow, "It's a rock."

Llewellyn bent down, pulling me down with him. "Perhaps, but I want you to see this." Llewellyn brought my hand up to trace the faded scratches in the side of the rock. A closer look revealed that they weren't mere scratches. They were childish drawings of a girl and two boys. I brought my other hand up to trace the faded scratch drawing, cocking my head. A twinge of recognition sparked within me, a shimmer of a thought, yet before I could catch it, it had fled. I closed my eyes, shaking my head as I tried desperately to draw the elusive threads together. Without warning, pain scalded my head and I gasped, my eyes thrown open. "Who are they?" I whispered fearfully, not sure if I really wanted to know the answer.

Llewellyn didn't turn his eyes away when he replied, "The two boys in this picture are me...and Alexandir. The girl who drew this, the girl who stands in the drawing, it's you." Llewellyn whispered.

Shock had me frozen in place, but only for a moment. "No..." I stood up, stumbling away. Llewellyn stood up slowly, almost as if he didn't want to frighten me. Yet suddenly afraid, I turned to flee. My skirts clutched in my hands, I ran back the way we came. Fear coursed through me, giving me strength. My thoughts ran incoherently, there was no way, this wasn't possible! It wasn't true! Images flashed before my eyes, through my head; a girl, two boys, the clearing. No! I was going insane. Just insane.

I wasn't for the ready sharp burst of pain in my head and screaming, I fell to the ground, clutching my head. Before I could get up Llewellyn was kneeling beside me, "Callie!" He gripped my shoulders, but I tried to push him away. "No!" Before I could say anything else, more pain assaulted my head and I groaned.

"Callie!" Llewellyn gripped my shoulders, "Callie, look at me!"

"Don't, go away! I can't, it hurts!" I gasped. Images, colors, they were flashing before my eyes, each bringing on a wave of pure pain. I squeezed them shut but the colors still flashed and I could hear faraway voices drumming in my ear, the pain beating against my skull excruciating. I wanted to smash my head against a wall.

"Breath Callie, just breath." I barely registered the desperate concern laced through his voice.

It was at this point that I realized I was shaking. I drew some wracking breaths into my body. Soon the images and the blurring colors began to cease, along with it the pain in my head. Breathing a sigh of relief, I fell against Llewellyn's chest, feeling close to tears. It was not an experience I wanted to feel again, ever.

Llewellyn's arms came around me. "I'm sorry", he whispered. Slowly, everything seeped away, my senses returned to normal and the pain became a distant ache in my head. "Why?" I whispered.

"Because I told you...and you remembered, but it was your unconscious mind that did. You paid a harsh price, I'm sorry Callie. I should not have told you. I'm so sorry. I thought the clearing would immediately trigger your conscious memory," Llewellyn whispered, his voiced laced with sorrow.

"Is this why you refuse to tell me anything?"

"Yes." Llewellyn's voice was so soft, whispered into my hair, "You're past will reveal itself on its own accord. I should not have pushed things."

I buried my head in Llewellyn's chest, taking comfort in his warm embrace. It might have been easy to deny Llewellyn's claims before, but not anymore. Not after this. Not when haunting images of two boys and a very young girl were imprinted, branded...in my head. That girl, it was me, much younger, but the brown hair, brown eyes, facial features, it was undeniably me. But why? How? Questions hung in the air, lingering in my mind, yet I was afraid to seek them out.

I lifted my head to stare Llewellyn in the eye, "Who is Alexandir?" The name felt rusted, spoken out loud and an uneasy feeling gripped me, unshakable.

Llewellyn hesitated and I could feel the strain in his body. "Please...just tell me. Or would you willingly let me search blinded until I go crazy?"

Llewellyn's hesitation seemed to draw on forever before he replied; his voice barely an audible whisper, "Alexandir was your brother..."

My chest exploded with pain and it was only sheer shock that held off the throbbing pain in my skull. I buried my head in Llewellyn's chest again, and this time tears spilled out of my eyes.

Llewellyn ran his hands along my back, soothing away my fears.

I couldn't remember my past, but there was one explicit and certain truth; it was tied with this man, this man who had flagrantly taken my virtue yet possessed more than the fine art of seduction...

~*~

It was much later when we began riding back to the manor. He had insisted I ride with him. I could feel his arm around my waist and soon I released my stiff posture and dropped my head against his chest. My thoughts began to blur and I didn't realize I had fallen asleep until I felt Llewellyn's gentle shakes, "Callie, we're back. Wake up."

"Oh..." I blinked, it was dusk. We had been gone for more than a few hours.

Llewellyn dismounted and helped me down. A pageboy ran up, bowing before leading the horses away. "It seems we've missed dinner." I murmured.

"Yes."

"I still have to meet Monsieur Moreau in the library, but I feel so exhausted."

We were walking towards the manor, "Go and get some rest Callie. I will make your excuses and have supper sent up for you."

For once I didn't feel like arguing with him. His idea sounded like a huge relief. I nodded, "Thank you."

~*~

A little while later, I was lavishing in the hot bath prepared for me by the maids. Dismissing the maids, the moment the door closed with a soft click, I tipped back my head and let out a long sigh. The fragrance of the scattered petals in the tub permeated the air, beautifully relaxing. I stared at the intricate ceiling and my thoughts escaped through the cracks, threading away until they arrived at the afternoon I had just spent. I closed my eyes. Alexandir...had he really been my brother? This time an image flashed though my head; a boy, barely a man. I took in his features, they were soft, a slight masculine edge to them. He had a strong jaw line, yet also slightly tapered, broad chests; the physique of a leader. A confident laugh danced on his lips. I took in his brown hair and hazel eyes, soft, they were a mirror reflection of my own...I caught all this before a dull lash of pain whipped through my head and the image dissolved, back into the blackness of my mind. I sighed; at least the pain was becoming bearable.

So I had a brother...even with my lack of memory, the pain in my chest was answer enough...he was dead. Dead, but why? What was my past? Why was it so steeped in...darkness? Answers...I needed answers...

I drifted once again into the blackness so I did not hear the soft click of the door nor the soft footsteps that approached me. It wasn't until I was moaning that I came to and realized Llewellyn was pleasuring me most exquisitely, his hands running tantalizing circles around my nipples and sex. I shot across the tub, blushing furiously as I tried to cover myself. I could feel the hardness of my nipples.

I stared up at Llewellyn with a glare, his sleeves were rolled up and he arched an eyebrow in amusement, "Still seeking to deny me?"

Llewellyn's voice was warm in its richness and I shivered, decidedly noting that the water was cooling off. "I'm getting out." I replied, a little snappish.

Llewellyn tilted his head, acknowledging, but didn't budge. Realizing his intent, "What? You're not going to afford me even a moment of privacy?"

"No. I suggest you get out of the water now, it is running cold."

I stared at the towel at the other end of the washroom and bit my lip. "Please, won't you leave?"

I heard Llewellyn sigh before he strolled across the chamber and picked up the towel before returning. He sat on the edge of the tub and tilted my chin, "Leave...and deny myself the pleasure of gazing upon your beautiful frame? I think not."

"Come now, the water is cooling off. Your supper is prepared." Llewellyn held the towel out and hesitantly I stood up, allowing him to wrap it around me. I wasn't ready for him to grip me around the waist and sweep me out of the tub, "Hey!" Water splattered on the floor but Llewellyn paid no heed.

In that fashion, he proceeded to carry me into my adjoining chamber, ringing the bell on his way out, an indication that the bath was ready to be cleared. I sighed, a heavy and audible sigh. "You can put me down now. I do happen to know how to walk."

At that moment Llewellyn did drop me onto the bed and I bounced unceremoniously, the towel flapping open. I spied the mischievous smirk adorning his face, "You bastard!"

Llewellyn laughed and leaned down. I didn't have time to re-cover myself as he trapped me between his arms, bending down and inhaled, I bristled. "A rose with thorns..." he whispered. A devious smile curled his lips and he swept back, dropping a nightgown into my lap.