Pre-Arranged Love Ch. 13

Wow. If it hasn't been ages. Sorry for keeping you guys waiting for so long. Your comments have all been wonderful to read, so thank you to everyone who sent them, even if it was just please finish the story. I've had a rollercoaster of a year and Lits been great, you guys have been great. : ) Really, I mean that from the bottom of my heart. I know, cheesy.

Anyways, I'll be concluding this story in the next chapter or two, so, another round of thanks for sticking it out this long with me. Lol. I guess it should be considered a good thing the story's finishing soon. I only hope I'll be able to rewrite it one day.

Thanks for editing Jim.

Kit.

~*~

I hate feeling like this,

So tired of try'na fight this,

I'm asleep and all I dream of,

Is waking to you,

Tell me that you will listen,

Your touch is what I'm missing,




I don't wanna sleep,

I don't wanna dream,

Cause my dreams don't comfort me,

The way you make me feel,




Comatose -- by Skillet

~*~

I couldn't see Llewellyn's face in the darkness but I tried to imagine the expression there. His voice came out hard, "No."

Frustrated, I pulled away from him. "Tell me."

My mind whirled, you knew who he was. You were meeting with him. "That's why you left me alone." My eyes flashed as the pieces slipped together, bringing forth the whole picture, yet abstinently left me with more to puzzle. My eyes narrowed as another realization came to me, "That's why I slept so long, you drugged me." My thoughts fled back to the tea Llewellyn had handed me. "You planned all of this."

"Callie."

"I don't want to talk to you." Turning, I began walking back. I closed my eyes, how could I have been so thick. I should have seized the opportunity when I awoke and escaped. An irrepressible feeling rose, I ran. The branches tried to slap at me but I pushed them aside, hardly caring as they soiled my sleeves and drew thin cuts on my hands.

"Callie!"

I broke through the forest; it was a miracle I didn't stumble considering how dark it had become. I laughed, tears spilled out of my eyes. I really was insane. Insane to think that he might have really cared, that he would ever regard me as other than an object of desire. No, that was all I ever would be, but I never wanted to be Callie Stafford. I never wanted...

For the third time my name rang in my ear, "Callie!" Llewellyn spun me around.

I shook my head wildly and shook his hands away, "No."

I stepped away from him as I tried to stifle my sobs. I had been so wrong.

"What do you want me to do?" Llewellyn's voice whispered softly across the space between us.

Before I could reply, pain assaulted across my abdomen, I clutched an arm around my waist and gasped.

He was by my side instantly, "Are you hurt?"

I shook my head as I bent over, not trusting myself to speak.

Llewellyn whistled before he slid an arm around my waist, "Tell me where it hurts." I could hear his concern.

I bit back a groan.

Hoof beats in the distance grew closer. Llewellyn's hand slid across my belly, "Can you stand?"

I leaned on him as I staggered to my feet. He supported my weight and whistled softly. Obrion trotted closer, "I'm going to lift you now. Tell me if it becomes too painful". I closed my eyes and nodded.

Llewellyn grasped me firmly below my belly, hoisting me up so I could place my feet in the stirrup and swing my leg over. I swayed as pain lanced from my lower abdomen. The feel of Llewellyn's chest against my back a moment later was a comforting one, his hand splayed across my belly. "Lean against me Callie, I'm sorry, this is going to joust."

The ground sped away beneath me as Llewellyn spurred Obrion forward. Conscious thoughts faded.

~*~

I drifted through the blackness vaguely aware of Llewellyn's arms around me, my fingers clenched almost unconsciously at his shirt. Was that his voice I could hear bellowing... Pitched voices gradually faded to hush whispering. I wanted to protest as I felt another pair of hands...but let the pain bury itself; I didn't want to break the surface...

~*~

Waking slowly, it felt like a misty haze was lifting but still semi-conscious, my thoughts floated. It wasn't a dream...My consciousness flitted; it was time to wake up. Almost reluctantly I opened my eyes and stared unfazed at what I could see was a bedchamber. I didn't need to feel the familiarity to recognize that I was sleeping in what had once been my own chamber, the portraits on the wall spoke for themselves. I was in Staffordshire Manor.

"You're awake."

Nostalgia stole over me. I turned my head away from the source of the voice, but I knew he drew closer to the bed. The rich velvet of his voice echoed in my ear, why did I still hear him? I closed my eyes, denying him the repose of a reply; maybe he would take the hint and leave. The bed dipped.

"How do you feel."

He was waiting for a reply, I wouldn't give him one. Perhaps he knew none was forthcoming yet he didn't leave. Silence cloaked the air, I knew he was there.

The silence stretched on before he finally stood, "Ill come back later. You should get some more rest."

The door closed softly...he hadn't touched me...

I turned around, my hand drifted across the bed to feel the warmth he left behind. Curling closer, I drowned in the emptiness of true silence, seeming to fall back into dreams of flitting shadows.

~*~

It was almost dark when I woke again, light was fading and rain patted softly against the windows. Llewellyn...My roaming eyes caught the empty chair by the bed, had he sat there watched me sleep?

I shook the fanciful thoughts away and flung the covers off. The world tilted, I reached out for the bed pole, stilling away the dizziness before making my way to the door. The chamber was fairly large; it was almost preposterous to believe that I had once been its occupant... A crackling fire warmed the room. My gaze swept over the portraits and came to rest...It was a much younger me, a much younger and far different Llewellyn and a brother I could not remember. My eyes lingered on Llewellyn, his features were softer, a little chubby, but the bright blue eyes remained the same, the lips perhaps a little fuller. I turned my head away slowly and opened the door. Hesitation held me momentarily on the threshold before the door closed softly behind me. My eyelids fluttered, fatigue threatened my consciousness.

The corridors were silent, seemingly robbed of life and still with age. Sadness hung from the walls and clung to the air with a musky tang. Were there no servants? My fingers lightly drifted, the space felt empty, lonely, I shivered; longing for Llewellyn's manor passed through me. The briefest of fleeting smiles touched me lips and I continued my small exploration. The manor felt huge, yielding little but the ... once aesthetic taste of its previous occupants. Nothing but the steady patter of rain greeted my ears, I happened on no one.

My hand rested on the doorknob of again another intricately carved door...I paused before turning it slowly, it swung open with a rusty creak to reveal what was a study. The door stood ajar offering a cold welcome. I blinked at the emptiness, feeling as though I should have expected something...someone. Blurred images flashed through my mind; another time, my lips parted...

"But I don't like her!"

Callie whined. She stood in the family drawing room, her six year old face scrunched up with six year old anger. The Duke had assigned another one of those immaculately clad pointless governesses for her. She hated them. She had Alex.

Her lower lip trembled as she pouted. Her father sensed the growing waterway, but turned to Alex, his sixteen year old son, "If I have to dismiss Mary or if she resigns, be sure that you will both be punished."

Sethamir Stafford stood eye to eye with his son, leveling him with a hard gaze. He knew his son. Alex was capable, if Callie didn't like the way things were, it was always Alex that sorted it out for her. While he was proud of Alex and had cherished a certain amusement in the dismissing and resigning of the first few governesses, he was now fed up. There was never any evidence. The servants never gave him away but who could it be but Alex? He cared too much about his sister and there really wasn't anyone else who would go to such lengths, let alone execute everything with such ingenuity.

Alex stared at his father stoutly, there was an almost symmetrical resemblance between them, anyone would have been able to distinguish father and son, but there was something of the son that the father lacked. It wasn't just Alex's ability to maneuver well within the nobility, it was something engaging that the father did not have, there was a warmth about Alex, he was a man of all acceptances, a man who drew friendships of moral worth regardless of status. Respected amongst the nobility, he was loved amongst the servants and more than revered by his future subjects.

He spoke with confidence, bowing his head slightly as a mark of respect, "Very well father."

Callie's eyes widened, her head snapped up to stare at Alex.

"Callie, what are you doing here?"

The gasp parted from my lips and my breath hitched as I spun around. Unprepared for the sudden launch of dizziness that swept over me, I stumbled. Llewellyn steadied me and tugged me closer, "You're sick, you need to rest, why aren't you back in bed?" His hand spayed over my belly.

I looked up. "I—" The words died on my lips. Surprise caught me off guard, for the first time he seemed tired, truly weary. Dark circles ringed his eyes, was he not sleeping well? I blinked.

Llewellyn brushed a tender finger across my cheek before he broke his gaze, "I'll take you back to bed." He gently lifted me in his arms, almost as though I had suddenly become too fragile. I touched my cheek, feeling the tingling trail of his finger linger a moment.

Leaning my head against his chest I breathed in the scent that was uniquely Llewellyn, musky, mingled with sweat, he smelled...almost sweet. I inhaled, the shaky feelings of the memory was beginning to disperse. "Why is there no one here?" My voice sounded soft even to my own ears.

"There are few servants on staff and they do not frequent this floor."

I closed my eyes, inhaling closer to his chest, "I see."

The memory of the event swam in my mind; despite myself I held it close. For a fleeting moment, resentment washed over me that Llewellyn had interrupted my recollection, I was sure that given a moment longer I would have the whole memory...and what precisely had Alex done?

We reached my chamber and Llewellyn set me down on the bed. I looked away, unsure of what to say and not totally unaffected by the strangeness that had rifted between us.

"Your bath's been prepared. I'll send up some supper."


I nodded. Llewellyn stood a moment before he turned and left.

I fell back on the bed and buried my face in the pillows.

~*~

Some time later and with growing infuriation, I was trying to order the maids out. The scent of jasmine clung to me, I had obligingly taken a bath but food was something I didn't want.

"Milady, you have to eat. At least take a bite and see if you have an appetite."

My jaw clenched, it was a pointless argument. Annoyance dripping from my glare, I rose from my position on the bed and was about to leave when one of the Staffordshire maids piqued, "Milady, please, at least think of your baby."

I froze.

Time stood still as the shock reeled through me, "What did you say..." I whispered.

My hand slipped to my belly...

God preserve me.

"Where's Llewellyn?" I made for the door, ignoring the protests of milady's behind me. "Llewellyn!" The name echoed off the empty hallways. I dashed down a staircase, his name echoed around me. The silence of my own voice did not last long. I had roused the household, gasps rose around me as servants scattered. "Llewellyn!" I called again, hearing the desperation that laced my voice. How could it be?

"Callie!"

I turned around. The servants scuttled to the side and bowed respectfully as he hurried towards me.

I rushed up to him, my eyes desperately searching for some truth as I clutched at his shirt. "It's not true!"

Llewellyn stared at me with surprise, I watched his eyes widen. Was it because he didn't know or was it because he wasn't prepared for...my head snapped around as poor coughing filled the air. They were trying not to laugh. A wave from Llewellyn caused them to disperse. I stumbled and leaned my head against his chest, "Oh god." I breathed.

"Come into my study."

I stared at him stoutly. He returned my gaze with just as much coolness and for the first time some semblance of the old Llewellyn returned, "Your indecency is making me hard. That it is being flaunted does not."

He was angry.

My nostrils flared and I pushed past him. I had forgotten to slip a cloak over my thin nightgown.

This wasn't the way I envisioned my life; falling in love with the man who regarded me as a contract and a pre-arranged marriage. A pre-arranged loveless marriage. I glared at Llewellyn as he followed me through the small room that served as a study. The door closed with a soft click and he turned to face me, mask over expression. I flicked my gaze away.

"Don't..." Llewellyn whispered.

I turned away from him, noticing the table stacked neatly with parchment. I could feel his gaze on my back. I wanted to turn around; I wanted to see his expression...or maybe his mirth...anything but the dragging silence... I took a breath, "I'm...I'm carrying your child." It was a question. My voice sounded shaky and I swallowed.

"Yes." Llewellyn confirmed.

I closed my eyes trying to remember to breath.

Llewellyn spoke, "It doesn't change anything."

I blinked slowly. I opened my mouth but the words seem to choke in my throat. Sweeping out of the room I turned to flee. He was right, it changed nothing.

Except the pain that wouldn't be kept at bay.

~*~


"Milady, you look beautiful."

I smiled ruefully at Annabel in the mirror. She had spent no less than two hours preparing me for supper. Staring at my own reflection, I had to admit Annabel had outdone herself. I was dressed in an ocean blue gown with short slightly puffed sleeves. Gold lace trimmings decorated the gown and the bodice revealed just a modest cleavage. A multi faceted sapphire hung snug in the hollow of my neck and the same pair of sapphire tear drops dangled enticingly from my ears. Annabel had pulled my hair tight, it piled neatly on my head, a few stray curls wisped about my ears but that was all. A final touch of rouge to the face and I looked more than presentable. A servant from the King's entourage had arrived earlier today bearing a message from a Lord...I frowned slightly, the name had slipped again. It was him I was dressing up to meet but butterflies fluttered for another man.

I stood and made my way to the window. My hands shifted across my belly...his child...Two days. I hadn't spoken to Llewellyn since then. He hadn't been seen either.

Turning around, my smile was plastered into place. Annabel returned my smile far more genuinely and proceeded to open the door of my chamber. Sweeping across the room nostalgia stole over me again. Llewellyn's exquisite instructions on a lady's gait came back. I remembered the low husk of his voice, the way his breath wisped over my skin... the languid tingling of his sensual whispers... I remembered the way his touch stirred every forbidden passion, stoked the heat in forbidden places... I tried to remember how to breathe. No...

The servants bowed as I passed, I caught the surprised look of a few before courtesy made them drop their gaze. Annabel followed my descent down the stairs. I swept my hand lightly over the banister, lost in a whirlpool of thoughts.

"Callie."

I closed my eyes, I knew that voice. Every layer, its perfect texture, I had heard it far too many times, recalled exactly...what it did to me. I brought my gaze up.

"I trust you've been well."

Llewellyn stood at the bottom of the staircase, handsomely clad in formal boots, breeches, a delicately designed white linen shirt and a purple vest with black fur trimmings. He looked nothing short of delectable. I felt weak at the knees, how could I be like this. Casting my gaze aside, I bobbed a slow curtsey, knowing his gaze was roaming over me with nothing more than conventional interest. How could that hurt so much... I've never been better Llewellyn... "I'm quite well, thank you my lord." I could feel the strain in my voice, the catch of formality that was never there before. Would he hear it, how could he not...

Llewellyn offered me his arm and I took it wordlessly. Why are you like this? I raised my chin even as the waves crashed overhead and the pain pushed its way through, almost...almost triumphant.

Servants bowed as we passed. The doors to the dining hall swung ajar and the man sitting at the head of the table looked up.

And fear spiraled through me.

Instinctual.

Too sharp...

Too painfully raw.

Shadows flashed. Blurred images took focus.

I gasped and staggered away from Llewellyn. Grayish brown eyes...no...No! My wild gaze locked with his and fear almost held me frozen in place but somehow I managed to stumble back. But his eyes followed me, eyes that loomed from the depths of my forgotten past.

No!

I turned around and ran. It couldn't be. It couldn't be!

Callie ran through another room, her feet sounding too loud on the floor, her heart hammering too loud in her chest. She was scared...more frightened than she could ever imagine. Uncle...uncle Devon...she couldn't think it. It couldn't be true. But the image of her father falling to the ground pressed against her mind. She flinched, holding back her defying scream. Alex telling her to run...he wasn't dead, he couldn't be dead. Callie tried to breath, she tried to hold back the sobs, her mother...oh god...she could see the protrusion of the sword...red...it was red...no! Callie screamed as she fell.

Pain lanced through my head and I screamed. Darkness clamped it's vice like grip on my conscious and I felt myself fall. I struggled against the blackness clouding my mind as cold tentacles pulled me under. "No!" Don't hurt them!

~*~

I could feel myself falling over and again. It was a dream, I knew it was a dream but I couldn't wake up. Then I gasped as the dream abruptly ended and my eyes threw open. I shot up. Blood pounded in my ears and my sheets lay in a tangled mess around my legs. The room was dark. Somehow the silence made my ragged breathing sound more deafening than possible. I kicked the sheets away; I had to get out of here. Uncle Devon...I swallowed, trying not to remember the dream, the images that flashed through my head, more vivid than any memory. I tugged a simple gown over my night gown and threw on a traveling cloak. The truth laid itself bare...he was here to finish what he had started...he was here to kill me. The fear rose in my throat. I tried to think, to map out a logical course of action. Llewellyn...no...Not Llewellyn, he wouldn't listen to me, he wouldn't believe me. Bunching the pillows under the sheets, I crossed to the window. Love made people blind...it had made me blind, stupidly, stupidly blind. Gently prying it open, I blinked away the tears. A slight wind buffeted my hair as I gazed down at the length I was going to scale...

Callie stuck her head out the window...it looked a dizzying height to her, but the alternative was another four hours with her governess. And another four hours was something she could not bear. With renewed determination, she hooked one leg over the window. Of course...Alex would have managed it far more smoothly...as if on cue, the door opened and Alex slipped in. She froze. Alex stared at her before a tight smile slipped over his features.