Prince of Slackers

"Oh come on," I said, looking at my Family. My father Lord Ark, leader of the Ancients glowered at me. Well, as close to glowering as a trans-dimensional entity older than the Big Bang can get and still be taken seriously. I saw anger in his face, though. This I found somewhat worrisome. Seated by his side, my mother, Lady Amer and my sister Ren looked at me disapprovingly. With the equivalent of a sigh, I awaited my punishment, since I knew it was coming...

"Slack, for your crimes against the Ancients, and for upsetting the Material World's balance, I hereby banish you from the Aether, be gone," said Lord Ark, speaking with the authority of a nigh-omnipotent being rather than the good humor and tolerance he typically showed me. All because I went down to the planet Earth and while playing with some friends, I accidentally caused an asteroid to hit that miserable ball of mud. Now the planet is a radioactive wasteland, those damn reptilians that Father liked so much are gone, and, well, it's a mess, really...

"Father, please, where am I supposed to go?" I demanded, and I looked at my fellow Ancients, beings of great power which existed outside of time and space in a dimension called the Aether. Lord Ark's word reigns supreme here, and none would contradict him in any way. Such is the way of things in the Aether, realm of the Ancients. We've been around long before the Material World was created, and we will be around long after the stars turn cold. That's all fine and dandy, but for me, eternity was about to get a lot shorter...

"Slack, prince of laziness, supreme sloth, away with you," Lord Ark shouted, and energy shot out of his eyes and enveloped me, binding me before carrying me away. As thousands of my fellow Ancients watched, I was thrown out of the Celestial Palace, out of the Aether, and into the chaotic ugliness that is the Material World. I've never cared for the Material World, with its laws of physics and limitations. I did enjoy playing there because it's fun to mess with something I considered to be beneath me. Small wonder I found myself banished there...

I landed on the planet Earth, but not the primeval jungle teeming with giant reptiles. Nope, eons had passed since I caused the asteroid incident, and the world in which I found myself was a new one. The giant reptiles were gone, and a new species had come to dominate the world. An anthropomorphic species that, while flesh and blood instead of energy-based, actually resembled my fellow Ancients and myself. I guess the Material World has a sense of humor about such things...

I crashed in a park in the City of Ottawa, Capital of Canada. I awoke in a physical body. I had never been in a flesh and blood body before. I had no idea about humanity or society and culture or technology. I would learn, though. Housed in the body of a tall, twenty-something, dark-skinned young African man, I began making my way into the world. I had a lot to learn about humanity, and about myself. I had lost the powers I possessed as an Ancient, and was bound to this body I now inhabited. I'd gone from eons-old Ancient, with god-like powers, to a flesh and blood creature of limited intellect, ability and lifespan. Father and the others have forsaken me, and not even my mother will speak to me. I didn't lose my willpower or my sense of humor, though...

"Dude, snap out of it," came a voice, snatching me out of my reverie. I blinked and started, somewhat, before turning to face my good buddy Anthony. He's a tall, skinny fellow with red hair and green eyes. We've been buds ever since orientation at Carleton University. After landing on the planet earth, I felt that getting an education was the best way to get to know humanity and acquire the knowledge necessary for my survival and success. Even as a mortal, I was centuries ahead of most of these flesh and blood bozos. I'm considered a genius among the humans, isn't that peachy keen?

"Oh, my bad," I replied, as I exchanged dap with Joshua. I was seated at a computer, and something had me mesmerized. Aisha Ali, the tall, curvy, brown-skinned angel with the Hijab and the doe-like eyes. The feisty Moroccan beauty has me hypnotized, for real. We met in civil engineering class last year, and I haven't been the same since. I typically find mortals, male and female, quite ugly. Aisha Ali is cut from a different cloth, and I find myself drawn to her like a moth to the flame, whatever that means. I want her, bad...

"It's not polite to stare," Aisha says to me as she grabs her bag and walks away, evidently creeped out by my gawking. I sigh with sadness, for Aisha is walking away from me, but her derriere is majestic and fun to look at, so I'm only half-sad, I guess. Joshua shakes his head and claps me on the shoulder. Time for us to head to the Minto building and learn about the Ethics of Engineering. I've managed to alienate my crush and my best friend thinks I'm a weirdo. Oh yeah, I'm doing fine as a human, for real...

"Engineering is easy as pie," I say to Joshua as we exit the campus library and head to the Minto building. At this hour, the Carleton University campus is quite busy. Thousands of young men and women of all hues head in all directions, clutching backpacks, coffee cups and cellphones. I feel at home on this campus, where it's okay to be weird or unique. Among the Africans, the Arabs, the Indians, the Chinese, the French Canadians, the First Nations people, the non-binary people, the LGBT people and the multiracial people, I am just another individual. I love it.

"Godfrey Slacker, engineering is only easy for you, you never study but you ace every test," Joshua says, and he looks at me, seemingly mystified. I smile and shrug. I chose the name Godfrey Slacker years ago, having fed the authorities a sob story about being an African immigrant left stranded in Canada and unable to return home. After a long and drawn out process with the Canadian immigration authorities, I was given a new identity, and thus my new life began.

"Josh, my dude, it is a gift," I replied, and my best friend sighs. I discretely check out one of our classmates, a young Asian woman named Wendy Yan. Wendy smiles at Josh and I, waving at us as she runs up the steps into the Minto building. Joshua shakes his head, and I smile to bug him as we head inside. Ethics of Engineering, taught by Professor Thomas Yasimoto, is a busy class. There are forty eight students, one instructor and one T.A. Joshua and I sit in the front row, and I pull out my laptop. Time for class to begin...

Yeah, I think I've adjusted pretty well to my new life as a mortal. I've got a citizenship card, a birth certificate, a health card, a social insurance number and an Ontario driver's licence. I pay my taxes. I work at Loblaw's to pay the bills and reside in a one-bedroom apartment on Bronson Avenue, within walking distance of the Carleton University campus. I don't have a girlfriend yet, but lots of women and a few men have expressed admiration for my physical form. I find that flattering but I only have eyes for Aisha Ali, the big-bottomed Moroccan beauty who has bewitched me...

I try not to think about my old existence in the Aether, or my Family. Even though my parents banished me, I miss them. I miss my younger sister Ren. She once trapped me inside a Nebula for a few centuries, and I threw her collection of pre-Big Bang artifacts inside a Black Hole as revenge. We had the same fights that all siblings have, you know? Alright, who am I kidding? I miss home, and the Material World sucks. I miss the Aether, and having god-like powers. I don't like having a human body. Do you know how undignified it is for a post-corporeal former immortal like myself to have to frigging fart? Sheesh!

Well, ladies and gentlemen, I have good news and bad news. You see, back in the Aether, I was immortal, and my fellow Ancients like myself, well, we had our fun while trying to kill boredom. Of course, no matter how powerful you are, or how benevolent, there's always someone out there who hates your guts. There is this being known as the Darkling. It is served by the Lords of Entropy. Basically, they're immortal and believe that the universe needs to be destroyed and returned to the pure state of chaos.

"What does any of that have to do with me?" I shall get to that toot sweet my friends. Time for a bit of a history lesson in Cosmic Affairs and Politics. Eons ago, we Ancients fought them and trapped them outside the Aether and outside of the Material World. They're dangerously close to getting free, and this will spell doom for both Ancients like I used to be and ordinary mortals like yourself, dear reader. What's a brother to do under those circumstances? Hmm, I'm sure I'll think of something. I am the Prince of Slackers, after all...