Private Eye

I couldn't help what I said next. "Well he got some shots off too."

There was a moment of silence in the room. My face flushed. Then Danika laughed, a loud, awkward, honest laugh.

"You're good!" she chuckled. "I'll definitely call you for the next job."

Dany handed me back my camera. "I've got an hour or so of paperwork to do-"

I stammered, "Okay, I'll head home."

"Oh!" Dany looked surprised. She blew a stray hair (of her original wig) off her forehead. "Yeah, that makes sense. It's late."

"Oh, were you..." I trailed off. I could not read my employer's expression.

"Well, I was going to suggest we get Thai. There's a 24-hour place around the corner."

"Yeah, I've been there!"

"It's shitty but it's open," Dany paused. "But you're right. It's late. Go home and um..." she snorted once again, "get back to your studies."

I hesitated a moment too long. I honestly couldn't believe Danika was inviting me to stay up later with her and share a meal. Her flat affect and black eyes were unreadable, but the room had suddenly bloomed with heat.

"Goodbye, Dany."

I walked back to my car.

At home, Kimi was sleeping on the couch. I tried to shut the door quietly, but she awoke. She was wearing her same pink pajama shorts, but this time she had a big lumpy sweatshirt on with it. She looked adorable, peeking out from the oversized hood.

"Hey detective," she muttered sleepily. "How was the case?"

She must have seen something in my face, because she sat up and patted the couch next to her. "That bad, huh? Oh well, I'm sure other chances will come to be a PI."

I shook my head and plopped down next to her. I felt her weight settle against me. "It wasn't bad at all," I said. "In fact it was... really exciting!"

She looked into my eyes, her sleek black eyebrows crinkling. "Really? Did you actually take pictures of people... you know..." A slight blush crept over her neck and cheeks.

I licked my lips, unsure of what to tell her. I decided to tell a censored version of the night. A more legal version. "Actually Kimi... I did! A man was cheating on his wife in the houses she was trying to sell."

"What a bastard! But also, that's kind of kinky, having an affair in a brand new house where people will soon be living." She shivered a little, and put her legs over mine. I saw goosebumps popping up on her pale white shins. Absentmindedly, I rubbed her legs to get some warmth back in them.

"The guy caught us, too, and chased after us with a knife. My car wouldn't start at first, and we just barely got away."

Kimi stared at me with open amazement. This was possibly the most exciting story I'd ever told her.

"Holy shit, Matt. You're a real detective!"

I don't know what overcame her, but she reached up, grabbed my face, and kissed my cheek.

"I'm glad you're okay," she said. "Though I guess I don't need to worry with such a manly man around!"

I laughed, and she slid from my side and stumbled to her bedroom door. "Goodnight, Matt," she said, glancing at me for more than a moment.

"Goodnight, Kimi."

And as she shut the door, I repeated in my head over and over, 'She's a lesbian. She's a lesbian. She's a lesbian.' And these words seemed to wrap up the absurdity of the evening, as before I knew it I had fallen asleep in the warm hollow Kimi had left on the couch cushions.

The next day passed in a haze. I'd hardly slept, and in class my mind kept drifting to my adventure the night before. Everything felt so flat compared to the excitement I'd felt taking pictures of Anthony and Danika. And every time I thought of Dany, I saw her shirtless, teasing Anthony, sucking his cock, stroking it until cum poured out. All throughout the day my own cock swelled, and then I'd take deep breaths to calm down, only to think of Dany once more and feel an erection coming.

I was sitting in class trying to calm an erection when the girl beside me asked, "Have you finished your architecture photography project?"

I blanched. I'd totally forgot! Elisa, the girl beside me, read my face and ran a hand through her long blonde hair. "Oh no! I did mine on Hearst Castle, have you ever been?"

She started telling me all about the modern day castle, but my mind was racing. I was supposed to take pictures of the same building in four different lights, illuminating different aspects of its architecture. I glanced outside. It was mid-afternoon, and the sun was shining down, but you could see fog gathering on the horizon. If I started now, I could take a picture in the clear sunlight, then in the fog, then in the dusk, and finally at night. But where to go?

Suddenly, I knew just the place.

I tore out of class, and forced my car down to the Mission-style building where Dany had her shop. The white adobe walls, small deep-set windows, and narrow staircases would catch the light or cast various shadows as the weather changed.

Before taking pictures though, I texted Dany.

-Are you in the office?-

I might be able to get a few shots from inside her office. A detective in an office park, squirreled away with her fedora and a portrait of Humphrey Bogart. I imagined for a humored moment taking Danika's portrait. How would I have her stand? Holding the revolver? In one of her wigs?

My imaginary Danika was wearing her trench coat. Then she took off her trench coat. Underneath was the little black tank top and jean shorts of last night. In my imagination she slipped out of her top and got down on her knees. She reached for my belt and, looking me in the eye, unzipped my pants.

My phone buzzed with a reply from Dany. -No. Computer died, trying to get it repaired. Why?-

-Nevermind.-

I spent the rest of the day patiently photographing the Mission-style architecture of the office park. My instincts had been correct. As the fog rolled in, the white building became ghostly, devoid of shadows. Archways melted into staircases, and it seemed like one big shapeless mass. Then as the streetlights turned on, the building turned yellow, like an old canvas. The shadows became blue in the fog, a shadow staircase climbing the wall.

When I parked back home, I thought again of last night's conversation with Kimi. More and more her behavior seemed strange. She had snuggled right up to me last night, practically sitting in my lap. I shook my head. Maybe it would be better to work outside of the apartment.

I walked through the dusk to Coffee & Pie. Inside were the night-time regulars, those ending a late day or starting an early evening. The girl was at the counter, her hair in a complex black braid that ended in two short pigtails. I smiled at her.

"Americano and a slice of pie?"

"Just the pie."

"Cherry's good today."

"Alright."

"That'll be $3.50."

"Here you go."

"Thank you."

I sat down and started uploading the pictures of the office park onto my laptop. On photoshop, I adjusted contrasts, cropped the photographs, and searched for the four best entries for my project. I noticed the coffee shop girl purposefully look at my screen as she dropped off the slice of cherry pie. Today she wore a light blue button down shirt with a sailboat pattern, and a black skirt. The shirt brought out the blue of her eyes, nestled in her freckled face beneath the large black glasses. I smiled at her, and she smiled at me.

"Where's that?" she asked.

"Oh, just a nearby office park. I actually work for someone over there."

"Taking pictures?"

I paused for a moment too long. "Yeah"

She gave me an odd look, then returned to the counter. I swore to myself. When would I ever not be awkward with this girl?

Just then my phone buzzed. It was a message from Danika.

-Did you delete last night's photos?-

I felt my heart drop. Was I supposed to? Dany hadn't mentioned anything when we got back to her office. But then again, I was carrying digital copies of, basically, amatuer illegal porn on my camera.

I replied. -No. But I can right away!-

I picked up my camera, ready to wipe the memory clean. Then Danika replied. -No, don't. My computer is totally dead. I need new copies. I'll check in with you later.-

I put my phone down and started to take a bite of pie. But my phone buzzed again. This time it was a message from Kimi. I put down the fork and read it.

-I need to talk with you right now. Please come home.-

Now what could that mean? Possible reasons for her message flooded my mind. Had I made some kind of mistake as a roommate? Was I crossing a boundary from friendship to creep? Was Rose moving back in? Or worst of all, had she realized I'd seen her masturbating the other day?

I realized I'd lost my appetite. I grabbed my computer and rushed out of Coffee & Pie.

The entire walk home, my heart pounded in my chest. I ran over the lawn and opened the door. Inside, the apartment was dark. Kimi was sitting on the couch. She wore a babydoll tee and white underpants. She sat on one leg, and the other long white leg dangled over the edge of the couch. Her hair was tied in an off-center top-knot. It was an odd outfit for a serious conversation.

"Kimi-" I started, but a deep voice interrupted me.

"Close the fucking door."

From out of my bedroom walked a familiar broad-shouldered figure. Anthony was dressed in slacks and a work shirt, stained dark beneath the armpits with sweat. In his hand he swung a metal baseball bat.

I closed the door.

"Wh- who are you?" I blustered, trying to pretend I didn't recognize the man.

"Cut the shit," he said, motioning with the bat for me to sit on the couch. "Go sit with your little girlfriend before I bash her head in."

I sat down next to Kimi. She took my hand.

"She's not my girlfriend," I muttered.

"Oh what, stuck in the friendzone?" Anthony teased. "Well guess what? I've got it worse. If you show my wife those pictures, I'm going to be stuck in a divorce. One in which I lose everything."

He swung the bat, knocking over a jar of change we keep by the door. It shattered, spraying coins in every direction.

"So you're going to give me your camera, and I'm going to bash it to pieces."

I suddenly gasped. I had my backpack on, and my laptop in my hands, but I'd left my camera at Coffee & Pie.

"I don't have it. I left it at the coffee shop."

"BULLSHIT!" Anthony screamed. He swung the metal bat down on our cheap coffee table, cracking the plywood in half.

My heart lurched. I clutched Kimi's hand tighter. I thought of my cellphone in my pocket. If I could reach in and call 911, they might overhear our situation. I started to maneuver my hand towards my pocket.

But Anthony saw me.

"Oh, great idea!" he cried out. He walked over, bruskly jammed his hand into my pocket, and grabbed my phone. He tossed it into the air and with a twhack! knocked it into pieces in mid-air. "Steeeeeee-rike!" he cried out.

"Listen Anthony," I said. "I'm telling you the truth. I left my camera at the coffee shop because I panicked when I got Kimi's message."

"That was him messaging you," Kimi muttered. "I'm so sorry I got you in this situation."

I shook my head. "No Kimi, it's my fault. I don't know how he found me but this is because of what I did last night."

Anthony laughed. He was enjoying being in a position of power, just as he had last night. "Quite the Batmobile you have there. I could hear you driving away for ten minutes. All I did today was drive around listening to cars. And when I heard yours, I followed it. What a piece of shit rust-bucket. No wonder you're taking dirty pictures of strangers, you fucking creep."

"Anthony, I swear, I don't have the camera," I said, my voice shaking.

Anthony crossed his arms, his bat hanging by his side. "I'm not leaving until I get what I want."

Kimi spoke up. "If you can't get the pictures, is there anything else you want? I have some money, or my computer."

Anthony grinned. He eyed Kimi, his gaze creeping from her bare legs to her breasts beneath the babydoll tee, to her pale neck. I saw a bulge swelling in his slacks.

"I'll get what I couldn't get from your whore friend last night. A good ass-fuck. Bend over and I'll let your detective friend go and get his camera."

Kimi and I looked at each other. Anthony's cock was fully erect, pressing against his zipper. I was reminded of its girth. I shook my head. "No way, Kimi. You can't let him do that to you."

Anthony coughed out a laugh. "I didn't say it had to be her. You've got a tight little sissy ass too."

I gulped.

Kimi took my hands and looked deep into my eyes. "Matt, go and get your camera. I can take it."

"No," I shook my head. "This is my fault. I'll survive. Anyways," I tried to grin bravely, "you're a lesbian, so it'd be as bad for you too."

Kimi looked at me oddly. "Matt I'm bi, not a lesbian."

"What?" I cried.

"Jesus!" Anthony shouted. "Just decide who's going to get ass-fucked already!"

My head was swimming. Kimi had just repainted our entire relationship for the last year. I'd assumed the whole time she was a lesbian, because of her relationship with my friend Rose. I'd felt so comfortable flirting with her, pulling naughty pranks, and teasing her all because I thought there was no chance she would ever be attracted to me. All those little kisses on the cheeks, legs sprawled over mine.

Was Kimi, in fact, in love with me?

I felt the metal bat tap me on the top of the head. "Who's it going to be, detective boy? Whose ass is mine?"

Suddenly the door burst open. On the other side, silhouetted in the twilight gloom, was a solitary figure in a trench coat and fedora.

"How about you decide, Anthony?" Danika Saint-Claire asked in her coldest, emotionless voice. "Right or left testacle? Because I'm an excellent shot, and I know exactly where they are." The shadow pulled a revolver from her pocket.

Anthony charged at Danika, the bat raised over his head. She dodged to the side and kicked Anthony is the ass as he passed. The man went sprawling onto the lawn, the bat rolling wildly into the street.

Danika levelled her gun. In a voice as cold and clear as ice, she said one word. "Run."

Anthony bear-crawled to the edge of the lawn then stood and sprinted down the street. He looked back for a moment, but it was just enough time to see Danika take the safety off her revolver. He kept running.

After watching the fleeing man for a while, Danika stepped inside. She turned on the light and saw the mess in our living room.

"You need a more discreet car," she said, "for our next job."

I still sat with my arms around Kimi, our hearts beating a similar terrified rhythm. Danika motioned towards the broken furniture and spilled coins. "I'll grab a broom. This isn't the first fight I've cleaned up after."

For the next hour or so we straightened up the apartment. Danika and I talked. It turns out Dany had been threatened by many a victim and client. But her steel resolve usually won out in the contest of wills. Kimi was mostly silent during this conversation, but I noticed her eyes on me throughout the evening.

At one point, Kimi and I had dragged a few garbage bags out behind the house to the bins. Away from Danika, we stared at each other silently. Kimi walked towards me, and I wrapped her in my arms.

"Oh, Matt..." she sighed into my chest.

I kissed the top of her head. "That was scary as fuck."

Kimi looked up at me. She took a deep breath. "It really made me think about who is important in my life. Who would comfort me if I got hurt. Who would miss me if I... you know..."

I nodded, still holding her tight. I knew she could feel my heart beating within my chest. It was a cold evening, and my arms had broken out in goosebumps. We were surrounded by the smell of garbage and cat piss. But even still, I did not want to go back inside. I wanted this embrace to continue into the night.

"Matt," Kimi said shyly. "I think... I think I've figured something out."

"Yes?"

"I kind of realized tonight, facing the possibility of torture, of death, that there's someone I need to be honest with about my feelings. Someone I've been... unfair to for the last year."

"Yes?" I gulped. My heart ached to hear Kimi's next words. She smiled and stroked my back, then buried her face into my chest.

"I need to go see Rose."

I froze in place, trying to not let Kimi feel my disappointment.

"Can I take your car?"

Twenty minutes later, Kimi had bumped and coughed the car down the block, and I sat in the living room with Danika. I lay in a daze on the couch, and Dany sat in a chair pulled from the kitchenette.

"Tough break, kid," she said, opening a can of beer. "It's been a long night."

I turned to her. "Why did you come here? How did you find me?"

She laughed. "I asked around about an annoying, rusty pickup truck. You're pretty easy to find, as we saw tonight. Even that lunkhead Anthony found you."

I nodded. That truck had brought me nothing but trouble. But then again, I remembered fondly sitting in the back of the truck with the frogs singing, next to Danika.

"But why did you come here?"

She took a deep drink of beer. "The photos. My computer died and I lost all the evidence of last night's affair. I need to borrow your camera and upload the pictures again."

"The camera!" I cried. "I totally forgot. I don't have it here, it's at the coffee shop!"

I sat up. "How'd you get here? Can you drive us?"

She shook her head. "I took a taxi."

I was confused. "How were you going to get home?"

Dany took another long drink of beer. And then another. She didn't answer for a while. "I, uh... hadn't thought that far ahead."

I took a long look at Dany. She still wore her trench coat, buttoned up. I thought I could spy a bit of black tank top beneath the collar.

"Dany, will you wait here while I get the camera?"

Dany shook her head. "I should get going back. It's a beautiful night for a walk, foggy and cold, just as I like it."

She stood up and, holding the trench coat tight against her frame, walked to the door. She tipped the fedora. "Here's looking at you, kid."

And then Danika Saint-Claire walked out into the foggy night.

I stared after her for a long time. My heart was a nest of confusion. Thoughts of Kimi and Dany raced through my head. Was I some kind of idiot, or a heartbreaker? Had I been flirting with Kimi and Dany this whole time? Were these beautiful women actually interested in me? Or was I just projecting my excitement, my desire?

I wished, in that moment, that I was a better detective.

I got a thick sweater and ran out the door. I charged down the foggy street back to Coffee & Pie. In the window I could see stools placed on top of tables. 'Damn, I thought, 'it's closed.' However, a light glowed from some back room.

I came to the glass door and knocked. No answer. I tried the door, and to my surprise it was still unlocked. I opened the door slowly, trying to not let the bell above it jingle. I crept inside.

At the back was the table I'd sat at. But there was nothing there. Of course, they would have put the camera in the lost and found.

I heard some movement from behind the counter. There was a door marked 'Employees Only,' slightly open. Soft light leaked from behind the door.

I don't know why I didn't call out.

I walked behind the counter, behind the glass cases empty of their pies, by the espresso machine and the milk steamer, past bags of coffee beans. I opened the door.

Behind the door was a combination of an employee's lounge and storage. The walls were lined with shelves loaded with bags and boxes of beans, machines, and cooking supplies. In the center of the room was a wooden table with some folding chairs. And in the back was a couch, a lumpy twin to the one in the main room.

The girl with black braids sat on the couch. She had my camera in one hand. She had pulled up her black skirt and pulled down her underpants, and her other hand was busy fingering her pussy. Her work shirt was unbuttoned and I could see her large nipples risen against her undershirt.