Product Safety

Dear Sirs;

After living for years with a member of the itty bitty titty committee, and listening to her complaints when my eyes would get distracted, I was fascinated to see your product. I have read all of the testimonials, and still I find it almost unbelievable, however since you offer a money back guarantee, I am willing to take a chance. I am enclosing a self-addressed, stamped envelope, and a money order for $29.95. Please send me one dose of your "DD Delight". I hope this works.

Thank you

Frank Thickbottom

p.s. My wife says that as long as we are addressing people's perceived shortcomings, she would like to order one dose of your "Ten Inch Thunder". We are enclosing an additional $29.95, but you can ship them both in the same envelope.

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Dear Mr.Thickbottom

Thank you for your patronage. I assure you, our products do work as advertised. As a bonus for purchasing multiple products we are enclosing a free sample of our new "Follicle Fallout" hair removal cream. Please be sure that you want to permanently remove the hair from the area where you apply this cream, as with all of our products, the effects are irreversible.

Sincerely;

Theodore Pharmac PhD.

Pharmod corp

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Dear sirs;

I received my order today, and my wife is delighted with the hair removal cream. She says that you should be charging big bucks for that cream and not giving it away as a bonus gift if it is truly permanent. She also recommends that you advertise it better as we were unaware of its existence at the time of our order. The problem we are having is that the pills were shipped in plain plastic bags and not labeled. Which pill is for which person?

Frank Thickbottom

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Dear Mr. Thickbottom;

I am delighted that your wife is happy with our "Follicle Fallout". It is a new product and will not be used as a promotional giveaway any longer. It will also be included in our advertising from this point forward. You may also reassure her that like all of our products, "Follicle Fallout" is permanent and irreversible. Your pill is the round pink pill with a red dot on it. Your wife's pill is a purple caplet with a raised area on one end. I hope that this clears up any confusion.

Sincerely;

Theodore Pharmac PhD.

Pharmod corp

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Dear Mr. Pharmac;

This is disastrous. I have grown breasts. Huge, pendulous, sensitive breasts. I don't even want to talk about what my wife grew. While playing with the new titties is a LOT of fun, I cannot go to work on the construction site with these bodacious ta-tas. They stick out and get in the way, they swing from side to side and throw my balance off, and every time they brush up against something I get a jolt that runs all the way to my cohones. More concerning are the looks I keep getting from my wife. She is now packing twice what I am and I think that she wants to use what she grew. I am afraid to turn my back on her. You need to rectify this situation immediately.

Frank Thickbottom

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Dear Mr. Thickbottom;

You ordered "DD Delight" which is a pink pill with a red dot on it. Looks like a breast with a nipple. This is a pill which will grow a set of DD breasts on the person who takes it. Your wife ordered "Ten Inch Thunder" which is a purple caplet with a raised area on one end. Looks like a penis. This pill grows a ten inch penis on the recipient. I cannot imagine how you got them confused. I even wrote to you and explained which pill is which. Our products effects are IRREVERSABLE. I recommend that you learn how to live with your changes. Perhaps your wife can help you with a proper sports bra to control some of the protruding and swaying issues. As for the sensitivity, I am sure it is not that bad, you are just not used to it yet. For help with your wife, I recommend that you talk to her. Perhaps if you would help her out with some advice on masturbation techniques, she will be more likely to control her urges herself and you will not have to live in fear.

Sincerely;

Theodore Pharmac PhD.

Pharmod corp

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Dear Mr. Pharmac

I would like to order one dose of "Rectal Relaxer" and a large bottle of "Super Slick"

Thank you

Frank Sorebottom