Proxyphilia Ch. 01

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oroslegos
oroslegos
11 Followers

They finished their breakfast, Jennifer walked across the hallway to her apartment, and Jack headed to work.

***

They saw each other pretty frequently the next few weeks. If he ever caught her going to work then he was 'Jack' and she was all business, but when she came over in the evening before he went to work or on the weekends she wore cute outfits for him and called him 'Mr. Spencer.'

He found they actually had a lot in common. He confessed to her that he watched a lot of anime and she revealed that she did, too. They also had similar interests in music, video games, and other distractions. She was easy to talk to and seemed to enjoy spending time with him. Jack knew that he needed to stop spending time with her, and he knew that the longer this went on the harder it would be, but he just couldn't help himself.

When she asked him to come over to her place, he knew that it would only make things worse.

"Ah, geez," Jennifer had said after he told some particularly stupid joke one evening, "You're fun."

"You're not so lame, yourself," he smirked, "Shit. I gotta run. I'm gonna be late to work."

"Time flies," she said, getting up from the couch. She pulled up her hood with the ears and stuck her hands into her hoodie pockets.

Jack stood up and went to the kitchen to grab the lunch he made earlier and his jacket. Jennifer joined him in the kitchen and went to stand by the door. They went out together and she crossed the hallway and opened the door of her apartment while he locked his.

"Hey, Mr. Spencer," she said, looking him up and down, "You should come over to my place next time."

"When?" he said without hesitating. He regretted it almost immediately. It was too eager. Too aggressive.

"Tomorrow night," she said, not missing a beat.

"OK," Jack said.

"See you then," Jennifer said, leaning into her apartment. She kept her eyes on him as she slowly closed the door. For a second, Jack wondered if she was checking him out.

He knew he shouldn't go see her. He knew that she was going to do something he didn't want, or he would do something she didn't want, and they would both come to regret it. He knew it could only lead to trouble but he was still looking forward to it. He spent the rest of the day thinking about her, most of it with a hard-on.

*** *** ***

Jack hurried home, almost jogging down dim alleys and dirty streets. He nearly ran into Moe, who had stepped up from his little cardboard tent suddenly as Jack approached. He quickly fished his wallet out of his pocket and ended up giving the bum a $20 in his rush. Whatever, he thought. He clapped the old guy's shoulder with a smile and hurried off while Moe shouted his thanks.

Jack rushed up the stairs and into his apartment before Jennifer came out of hers to head to work. He didn't want to see her this morning. He wanted to wait. He pulled off his jacket and boots, then headed to the bathroom to shower and shave. He dumped a can of soup into a bowl and microwaved it, ate quickly, and avoided coffee. After that, he went straight to his room. He plugged his phone into the charger and lay down. He wanted to fall asleep quickly, to see her quickly, but the anticipation was too much. He lay in bed staring at the ceiling for a while, his cock tenting the sheets.

He got up and grabbed his favorite DVD from the pile of anime in his room, took it into the living room, stuck it in the console, and skipped to his favorite scene. His cock was already painfully stiff and he stroked it with abandon. It didn't take long for him to climax and soil the coffee table with his cum. He quickly wiped it up and went back to bed. Even after that he still had trouble calming down. Eventually, he did fall asleep and dreamt dark, secret things.

***

Jack stood in the hallway, listening to his heart pounding in his chest. He was wearing a black, button-down shirt with its long sleeves rolled up casually, a pair of jeans, a black belt with a silver buckle, and a clean pair of boots. Black combat boots, not cowboy. It was the nicest stuff he had, things he didn't take to work. He only kept them for those rare occasions when he had to take care of some business in person and he didn't want to wear his rough-looking work clothes. He took a final breath and knocked on the door.

Jennifer opened the door with a smile. She was wearing a little dress. It was knee-length, white with a pink trim, and had a high waist with a little ribbon sash just under her bust. She was wearing makeup, but unlike the kind she wore to work which was dark and bold, this was subtle and natural. Her hair was pulled back with a hairband that had a little flower on it.

"Hi, Mr. Spencer," she said, stepping out of the doorway, "Come on in."

He couldn't take his eyes off her, and he couldn't help but smile, as he stepped into her apartment. He knew he shouldn't be smiling as she shut the door behind him and then spun around quickly, her dress twirling around her. He shouldn't be smiling as she skipped into the living room of her apartment and then spun again, putting her hands on her hips.

"So, what d'ya think?"

He didn't dare tell her what he really thought about her, so he just shrugged and mentioned how their apartments had the same layout. She pouted a little, so he added, "But you look amazing."

Jennifer smiled. "Really?" she asked, biting her lip.

"You're so pretty," he said, and genuinely meant it.

She rushed over and hugged his chest. "Thank you," she said.

Jack looked down at her, startled but the unexpected display of affection, and put his arms around her. She was so small, he thought. He heard her sigh and wondered how much she really liked him. He had been enjoying their time hanging out, they might have even been friends, but he hadn't dared to think that she wanted anything more.

Of course, he wanted more. He had wanted more from the beginning, but he told himself she couldn't want the same things he did. No, he thought, the things he wanted couldn't happen. He had been fine with playing along with her games thus far, but he knew it needed to stop.

"Jennifer..." he started.

"Let's watch a movie!" she said, looking up at him excitedly. He let her go and she went straight to a shelf, wiping something from her eyes while her back was turned, and picked out a recent action flick. She put it in her console and plopped down on the couch.

"Um, can I have a soda?" she asked with an impish smile as if, for some reason, she needed permission.

"Sure?" Jack said. He wasn't sure why she even asked.

"They're in the fridge," she said, pointing into the kitchen.

Jack walked into the kitchen and opened the fridge. It was sparse, like his own. Like his life. He had made it that way on purpose and Jennifer was disrupting that. What was she after? He had been happy to spend time with her, it had given him plenty of mental material for his nights alone, but the way she acted and the way she dressed around him, there had to be some purpose behind it. His daughter's childhood friend moving next door and striking up a conversation - a relationship? It was all too perfect. What did she want from him?

He grabbed the soda and went back into the living room. Jennifer was sitting cross-legged with her feet up on the couch, her lower half covered by her dress except where her toes stuck out from its hem. Her hands were in her lap and she was smiling at him. She looked so precious, he thought.

He stepped toward her with the drink in hand but was quickly carried away by dark thoughts. Jennifer held out her hand but Jack pulled his back before she got the soda.

"Ask nicely," he said.

She looked pleasantly shocked, then smiled and started wringing her hands in her lap. "Mr. Spencer," she said, "May I please have a soda?" She looked so innocent and so cute.

"Yes, you may," he said, popping the tab before handing her the drink.

"Thank you," she said with a wide grin.

They sat on the couch and watched the movie, occasionally sneaking peeks at one another. Jack kept wondering what she was thinking; wondering why she was spending time with him. He was starting to worry. Was she out for revenge? Was she luring him into a trap? Did she think he had done something? That something had happened? Jennifer just smiled at him or giggled any time their eyes met. If she was dangerous, she was doing a good job of covering it up. She made him let his guard down. Made him think about things he had covered up for a long time. He felt like she liked him.

He leaned back against the couch. He couldn't stop himself. He put his arm up over the cushion and settled back to watch the movie. He didn't turn his head but tried to see what she was doing out of the corner of his eye. He couldn't help but look over when she started to scoot across the couch toward him and leaned against him.

"This OK?" she asked quietly.

He just smiled and put his arm around her. They stayed like that for a while. Jack, absent-mindedly, began stroking her arm with his hand. She turned towards him a little, moved her arm across him, rested her little hand on his chest, and he put his own hand on her side. The material of her dress was thin and he could practically feel her skin through it. He slid his hand down to her hip and left it there for a few moments before bringing it back up again. He let it drift up until he could feel her ribs under his palm and his fingers were resting just below her breast. She was breathing heavily.

He was, too. He hadn't touched a woman since his wife and that was almost 15 years ago. His self-imposed exile had left him with raging desires but he wasn't the kind of man to go ripping and tearing after what he wanted. He knew the value of anticipation and how desire could increase pleasure. He liked to take his time.

Jennifer hadn't done anything to stop him but hadn't done anything herself, either. He let his hand slid inwards, across her stomach, and then down to her waist but stopped there. He didn't want it like this. Well, he did, but he had to know she wanted it, too. He moved his had back up to her side, well above her hip, and left it there.

They sat like that for a little while longer. The movie kept going in the background but it was the last thing on Jack's mind. He wondered what she was thinking, what she wanted, and what he should do next. The whole thing was weird. He was so much older than her and she acted so differently around him at night than she did when she was headed to work in the mornings. He didn't know what to make of it.

Then, Jennifer sat up. She looked at him, misty-eyed, and said, "Wait here." She got off the couch and went into her room, shutting the door quickly.

This was it, Jack thought. She was going to spring the trap. Or, maybe she really did like him and want him - but that would be even worse. He was nervous.

A moment later, the door to her room opened, and she stepped out slowly. Jack had half expected her to come out wearing lingerie. Instead, she was wearing pajamas. They had a button-up top with long sleeves and a little collar and a pair of pants with a drawstring waist. They were fuzzy and pink with little white clouds on them.

Jennifer crossed the distance and held out her hand to Jack.

"Bedtime," she said.

Jack took her hand and let her lead him into her bedroom. He felt excited and confused and unsure. Time seemed to slow as they approached her bedroom. Once they reached the threshold, he was surprised. The dark thoughts he kept buried in his heart were pleased. His rational mind knew this was going too far.

Her bedroom was all white and pink. It was adorned with My Little Pony posters and toys, cat pillows and Pokemon blankets, and she had a shelf of movies, TV shows, books, anime, and manga. The room was dimly lit by a BB-8 lamp on a nightstand next to the small bed, which was covered with a Frozen bedspread. Jack wasn't sure what to make of it. He couldn't believe this was how she normally lived. And it was impossible to tell her how he actually felt about it.

"Jennifer...?" he said, unable to come up with the sentence he wanted.

"Shhh - call me something nice..." she said. She stepped forward until her little body touched his. She hugged his waist and he knew she must feel his erection pressing against her stomach. "...like princess," she continued, "and I'll call you Daddy."

"No," he said. He couldn't. This he could not do. He wanted it and considered it but he knew it was impossible. He pulled her arms away and stepped back. She looked sad and confused.

"It's OK," Jennifer said, but Jack took another few steps back, holding out his hands as if to defend himself from her.

"Jack, it's OK," she said, "It's OK."

"No," he said, "I can't. It's not right. It's not right." Jack retreated through the living room and Jennifer followed him.

"No, Jack, wait," she said, "Just wait. It's OK. I know what you are. Listen, I've known for a long time. Claire knows, too. That's why she started studying psychology - to understand you. Her mom doesn't understand. She said some horrible stuff about you. But I know you're not like that. I've been watching you, Jack. I'm a cop and I've kept my eye on you and I know you haven't hurt anyone. I know you wouldn't ever hurt anyone."

Jack stood in the little entryway of her apartment, eyes full of tears, jaw clenched. He was torn. He wanted to stay. He wanted to listen to her. But, he told himself it didn't matter. It couldn't matter. Nothing she said could change it. He didn't leave, though. He told himself it wouldn't matter but he would listen, anyway.

Jennifer took a few steps towards him, trying to see his eyes but he turned his face away from her.

"I know you would never hurt Claire. And I know you would never hurt me. Jack, I saw how you looked at me when I was a kid. I knew it was different, then, but I didn't understand it. I do now, OK? I understand," she said. Another step closer.

"Do you remember the day I kissed you?" she asked with a little chuckle. "That was the last day I saw you. We were all running around your yard, playing. I think it was a birthday party. I remember falling and skinning my knee. I wanted to go home, I think I was a little scared of you at that moment, because you weren't like other grownups. You were always watching me, I dunno, maybe it creeped me out. But I remember you picked me up and carried me into the house, dabbed my knee with a rag, and put a pink bandaid on it. Then you took me back out and got me some ice cream cake. You were so nice, the nicest person I ever met, and you weren't boring like my parents. You actually listened and you knew about kid stuff. You were fun to talk to. I remember I hugged you and gave you a kiss on the cheek and you smiled so big. I think later that night I told my parents I wanted to play with you, again. I think that might have been what started it," she said. Tears started forming in her own eyes, now.

"I remember they wouldn't let me go see Claire for a while, and, when I did, you were gone. I remember finding out later you got a divorce and moved away. Me and Claire used to talk about it. She doesn't think you're a bad person, Jack. I don't, either. I remember seeing stuff on the news sometimes and Claire's mom said that's probably how you ended up but I knew that wasn't true. Claire knew it, too. She's so smart, Jack, and she's learning about why people do the things they do. She's learning about why they want the things they want. She told me about it when I was in the academy."

"And... I, uh, saw you when I was a beat cop," she confessed, "a year ago. I'm sorry, I guess... I kind of stalked you. I followed you and found your apartment. I broke in, Jack. I just felt like I had to keep tabs on you, I dunno, maybe I felt responsible for you and when I saw you I just had to know. I mean, I had to find out where you went after you left and what you had been doing. I know about your hentai and everything. But I know you wouldn't hurt anybody, Jack, I'm sure of it." She sniffed and wiped her eyes. "I'm sorry - but I wanted it out in the open."

"I don't know. Maybe I am fucked up. I mean, I had this fucking idea. Cause I know people can't choose what they want. They can't just decide what they like. You just have to try stuff maybe you like it and maybe you don't. I mean, I like some pretty weird shit, Jack. Lots of people do. I've seen some crazy fetish stuff, you know, and that's fine. People do what makes them happy and as long as no one is getting hurt, what's the big deal? And I know that you didn't hurt me. You could have, but you didn't. And I hurt you, I think. I think I ruined your life. But I was a kid, then, and I'm not a kid anymore."

"Me and you, Jack," Jennifer said, "We can do anything we want and no one can stop us and no one can tell us it's wrong. It's not illegal, you know? I only little and I can be pretty and I can be innocent for you, Jack. And you can be my big, strong Daddy."

"No!" Jack shouted. He had heard too much already. "It's not right," he said, "I'm... I'm sick... I'm a monster... You shouldn't have come to me, you should have stayed away, stayed safe." He whirled and yanked the door open.

"Jack, wait!" Jennifer shouted, and rushed to the door, but he shoved her back, hard enough to make her fall to the floor.

"I'm not right," he said through teary eyes and slipped through the door, slamming it behind him.

He rushed across the hall to his own room, where he shut and locked the door. She might have been in here, but she didn't know all his secrets. Jack ran into his room and flipped the mattress off his bed. He reached into a hole in the fabric of the box spring and felt around until he found the small duffel bag inside. In it, he found the revolver. He had purchased it years ago. Before he found this apartment and made his little life here. He was so sure he would use it someday that he never got rid of it.

Jack fell to his knees, checked the chamber of the revolver to be sure it was still loaded and stuck the barrel of the gun in his mouth. It was over. He was a sad man, a sick man, who lived a short, sick life. At least it was over. No more exile. No more hiding. No more loneliness.

He cried. He never wanted to be this way. He didn't ask for it. It was like Jennifer said - people don't choose what they like. That's how he always felt about it - it was just something that he liked. But that didn't mean he had to ruin other people's lives over it. He would never do that. He wasn't an animal. He was a human being. He knew the difference between right and wrong. He knew that he could want something and not have it. He could desire something and not act on that desire. He had never hurt anyone. He would never hurt anyone.

He knew that, but it seemed that no one else did. Throughout his life, everywhere he turned, anywhere he had looked, he had been condemned. No one knew him. No one even took the time to find out. He put his finger on the trigger.

It occurred to him, then, that Jennifer knew it. She knew he wouldn't hurt anyone. She knew he wouldn't hurt her, even when she was a kid and even when he had the chance. She knew he didn't have a choice. It was just what he liked. And she was right. People did like all kinds of strange things. There were things that people did that turned his stomach, but they enjoyed them and they didn't hurt anyone. They all consented. He wondered what Jennifer really liked. There was so much kidsy stuff in her room, but was it all just for show? He knew there were plenty of adults that liked that stuff. There were even men that liked My Little Pony. He didn't judge them. She didn't judge him. And she wasn't a kid anymore.

*** *** ***

Jennifer lay in her bed, crying. Fuck, she thought. She had never really thought about how much she wanted it, she was so preoccupied with whether or not it would work. She knew there were other things she wanted and maybe there would be other things he wanted, but this was finally going to make her happy and it was definitely going to make him happy. She didn't know what she did wrong, she couldn't think of anything else to say, and now he was gone.

oroslegos
oroslegos
11 Followers