Psych

PUBLIC BETA

Note: You can change font size, font face, and turn on dark mode by clicking the "A" icon tab in the Story Info Box.

You can temporarily switch back to a Classic Literotica® experience during our ongoing public Beta testing. Please consider leaving feedback on issues you experience or suggest improvements.

Click here
Tall_poppy
Tall_poppy
166 Followers

"Definitely." Gail said quietly. "Mind telling me what's going on here?"

Chloe suddenly deflated. "It was so weird, G. I was talking about the possibility of maybe someday in the distant future MAYBE dating again and she got kind of...squirrelly... I mean, this is someone who heard the intense, gory details of my accident without batting an eyelid; who has helped me put together my life; who together with you and mom I credit with saving my life, and she can't handle the thought of a bit of girl on girl action?"

"Not possible," said Gail. "That can't be right. I know Eva sees people from all sexual orientations or I would never have referred you to her. She's the least judgmental person I have ever met. Something else must be going on."

"Well, why don't you tell me, then? Because from where I was sitting, she looked really uncomfortable. I want you to tell me about her. And I'm sick and tired of all your 'we're professionals' bullshit excuses. I want to know who I've been trusting my life to the past eight months."

"Chlo..." Gail began.

"NO! Tell me!"

"Chlo, the only thing I'm willing to tell you about her is what is on public record. Her husband was hijacked eight years ago. He was shot and left to die on the side of the road. She was pregnant with their first child -- she lost the baby through the trauma. She dedicated her life to helping people overcome traumatic bereavement, because she said she didn't receive the help she needed at the time. She wrote a book about it which tells a bit about what happened to her, but mainly deals with how to get over traumatic bereavement." Gail stopped to take a breath.

"Jesus..." muttered Chloe. "That's...that's..."

"Yes."

"But why does she still wear the ring? She didn't get married again, did she?"

"No. I don't think she's ever met anyone who could measure up to David. They met at university, fell head over heels in love, got married the year they finished varsity and were together until he was murdered."

Chloe felt thoroughly deflated. A bit of fire crept back into her eyes and she said: "That still doesn't explain why she had such a weird reaction to what I said," Chloe muttered, somewhat churlishly.

"Think about it, Chlo..." Gail said with an inscrutable expression on her face.

"I've thought about nothing else since it happened!"

Gail sighed. "Chlo, Paula died a year ago and you've given so much to putting your life back together that you're thinking about the future with the possibility -- even if it's a distant maybe -- of sharing your life with someone again."

"And?"

"And David died eight years ago."

"Yes?"

"Geez, Chlo! Do I have to spell it out? She still wears her wedding ring for Christ's sake!"

"Aaaah..." Chloe digested this for a while. "So, she hasn't been able to take that next step or hasn't wanted to and I'm thinking about it. So, you know this for a fact?" asked Chloe.

"No, I don't. I'm trying to analyse why she would have that reaction to what you said. I KNOW Eva is no homophobe, so it must be something else and that option is a logical one to me. Why are you making such a big deal of it anyway? I mean, I know she means a lot to you and you think she walks on water as a therapist, but that was a little extreme!" Gail said, looking her friend straight in the eye.

"Ah, well...I mean...I'm baring my soul to this woman once a week...I mean...so you know..." Chloe stuttered.

"Chlo?" Gail said as Chloe tried to look everywhere but at her. "Chlo, look at me!" Chloe eventually looked at her, blushing a deep red. "Jesus, Chlo! I know you said you had the hots for her, but what is this?"

Chloe looked up at her helplessly. "It kind of snuck up on me, G. One day I was perving her boobs and her bewildering ass and the next I would have pulled my own teeth out one by one just to hear her laugh and be the one making her laugh. Seriously, I am a cliché, aren't I? How many people do you know who fall for their therapists?"

"A few," Gail admitted, "But Chlo, I know you and you don't fall lightly. Is this a crush, do you think? Or what is it?"

Gail looked so worried about her that Chloe felt a little teary. "Honestly? I don't know. I never thought I would ever feel like this again. I was just trying to enjoy the fact that I felt hopelessly attracted to her when I realized that it felt like much more. And it fits into what you were telling me about her. I feel like I connect with her -- maybe it's because of what we've both been through, but it feels so very deep, G. I just know that if we had met under other circumstances that we would have hit it off..."

Gail looked at her wistfully. "That's sometimes the hardest thing about doing this work, Chlo. I meet so many amazing people who I really like and connect with, but they need a therapist, not another friend. I think it's something all therapists struggle with. All the ones I know, anyhow!"

"So are you saying we can't even be friends?" Chloe asked with a slight catch in her voice.

"I'm saying this is a conversation you need to be having with Eva, not me!" Gail said firmly. "General rule of thumb is no, we can't be friends with clients. If I happen to meet someone years down the line in a social setting and hit it off may be that would be OK, but you can't mix therapy and friendship. Doesn't work, Chlo."

****

The next time Eva saw Chloe she seemed a little different and a bit sad.

"So..." she said, "something happen I should know about?"

"I was chatting to Gail and happened to mention that I thought if you and I had met under different circumstances that we could have been friends." Chloe said in a subdued voice.

Eva looked at her searchingly. "That makes you sad?"

"She also said that therapists can't be friends with their clients..." To Chloe's horror she felt her lip wobble and tears spring to her eyes.

"Oh Chloe..." Eva's voice trailed off. "Look, it's not totally unheard of, but some time usually passes in-between. Why does that upset you so much?"

With disarming honesty, Chloe looked at Eva from under lowered lashes and blurted: "Because I just like you so much!"

This time there was no doubt in Chloe's mind that Eva blushed -- and deeply. Then she looked down and inspected her nails trying to compose herself. "There!" Chloe said, "What the hell is that about! Is the thought of me liking you or your being seen in public with me so abhorrent to you?"

"No, Chloe, it's not." Eva said quietly. "Look, I know therapists are supposed to have all the answers, but we don't. I don't. I think you are an amazing person and no, I would have no problem being seen in public with you. This is the one part of being a therapist I struggle with -- that's why I reacted the way I did." It was a white lie but it seemed to work.

Chloe was deeply embarrassed at putting Eva on the spot so badly and said so. They spoke about it some more, then the session came to an end. For the first time, Chloe stood up first and put herself between the door and Eva. "I can't go unless I know you forgive me," she said impishly.

Eva laughed. "I forgive you." With that, Chloe impulsively wrapped her arms around Eva's torso and pulled her into a tight hug.

"Thank you," she said, her voice breaking slightly, "for everything. I don't know what I would have done without you. I don't know where I would be without you."

Almost of their own volition, Eva's arms came up and loosely clasped around Chloe. She took a moment to smell Chloe's unique smell -- it was a mixture of a perfume she couldn't identify but which blended perfectly with her skin and a heady, outdoorsy smell like the sea, sand and suntan oil all rolled together. She tried to speak but no sound came out, so she cleared her throat and tried again. "It's a pleasure, Chlo."

Chloe pulled back to look at her, delighted. "Do you know that's the first time you've called me that?"

Eva found herself blushing again. Goddamit!! What this woman did to her. "Er, no, I didn't realize. I guess it's because it's always how Gail refers to you?" She suddenly realized that they still had their arms around each other and she dropped hers from Chloe's back like she'd been burned, unable to stop herself. A cloud passed over Chloe's face when she saw that Eva looked a little stricken.

"Eva? Are you OK? You don't look so hot. Do you want to sit down?"

"No...umm...I'm fine. I just need to, you know, pack up. You were my last patient of the day."

That comment brought Chloe down to earth, but she didn't relinquish her hold on Eva quite yet. She couldn't. It was like her hands were glued around Eva's waist. Something was going on and she realised that she absolutely had to know what.

"Eva...?"

"Chloe, I...I think you should let me go now." She said, so softly Chloe barely heard her.

"But Eva," she said equally softly, "then I wouldn't be touching you anymore." A smile unfurled on her face and was a thing of such sweetness, Eva actually felt her heart stop beating in her chest. Just as suddenly as it happened, it restarted with a thump so loud Eva was sure Chloe could hear it. Now she actually did feel faint.

"Chloe, I don't actually feel so good. I think I need to sit down..."

Chloe couldn't help herself. She swung Eva around, pushing her back against the door, pulling herself into her body again and just rested her head on Eva's shoulder. "I'll hold you up" she murmured into Eva's neck. As she did this, she became aware of two things: the first was that Eva's heart was thumping in her chest, and the second was that her breathing was labored.

She pulled back to look at Eva's face, worried that she genuinely was feeling ill, to be met by her intense blue eyes. As she became lost in her gaze yet again, she also became aware that Eva's pupils were widely dilated. 'Oh my God,' she thought.

"Oh my God," she said.

The look that crept into Eva's eyes right then was pure panic, as she realized that Chloe could see deep inside her and knew her for who she was; knew her secret. "Chloe," she said, fear making her voice hoarse, "Chloe, you have to let me go!"

Chloe felt something slot into place deep in her belly. She leaned forward so that her forehead was in contact with the side of Eva's face, her mouth next to Eva's ear and she whispered: "Evie, it's OK...just breathe...we'll get through this together...just listen to the sound of my voice..." as she consciously echoed Eva's words to her from her the months before.

Eva made a sound that was something between a sigh and a groan. After a while, her breathing slowed and she felt a languorous, heavy feeling stealing over her limbs. She felt like she could barely keep her eyes open. Chloe pulled back slightly to look at her. "OK?" she asked.

Eva just shook her head. "So far from OK, it's not even funny," she said.

Once again, Chloe leaned forward, but this time she raised her lips to Eva's and tenderly kissed her. For a few indescribable moments, it seemed as if Eva kissed her back. Suddenly, she reached her threshold and almost roughly she pushed Chloe from her. "I can't do this," she said huskily, "I can't, Chloe. You're my patient; I'm your therapist. This is absolutely out of the question. Yes, I think you can probably tell that I am very attracted to you, but I am not about to throw almost a years' worth of hard work away just because I'm attracted to you. You deserve better..."

Chloe looked at her like she was mad. "Did you hear me complaining?" she asked succinctly.

"No, but you don't understand. There is a power imbalance here -- I'm the therapist, you're the patient. I know so much about you, while you know nothing about me. This is WRONG!"

And right then, Chloe realized something about the woman she had her arms around; something that caused a deep feeling of compassion to well up, nearly choking her.

"Eva," Chloe said softly, bringing her mouth to Eva's ear again, "shall I tell you what I know about you? You're very, very good at what you do. You've become so good at what you do you've forgotten why you started doing it in the first place. Do you know why you started doing this work, Eva?"

"To help people get over traumatic bereavement!" Eva nearly yelled at her.

"No."

"What do you mean, no?" Eva said, glaring at Chloe and breathing heavily.

Chloe looked at her in a very measured way. "Eva, you started doing this work to heal yourself. It's time to finish the healing."

There were so many things Eva wanted to say. She wanted to scream at Chloe; she wanted to ask her how she knew; she wanted to put her in her place. Most of all, she wanted to run and keep on running. She had not felt so vulnerable in many, many years. She tried to hold it together; she tried to pull herself out of the warm, loving embrace of her patient to escape the feelings which were battering her shaky defenses; she tried to calm her gradually more hysterical thoughts. Chloe wouldn't let her go. She held on to her and kept murmuring that it would be OK, that she could let it go, that Chloe would be there to catch her. And then Eva couldn't hold it back anymore. She gave up; she gave in. She folded her arms around the remarkable woman in front of her, placed her head on Chloe's shoulder and sobbed.

***

Eva took a leave of absence. She took great care to be responsible with her clients by seeing those who she was involved in a process with and explaining the bare minimum of what she needed to explain to get the time she needed. Those who needed further support she made provision for, but she refused to take on anyone new. She referred everyone on her waiting list to colleagues.

She could not face Chloe. After their last session and what happened, she felt utterly naked and humiliated. She sent her an e-mail apologizing for her behavior and asking that Chloe give her space and leave her alone to sort out her feelings. She refused to answer any of Chloe's subsequent e-mails back to her. Then she closed herself in her house and answered no-one.

Chloe was devastated. In one day she had lost her therapist -- the woman she confided absolutely everything in -- as well as the woman she was pretty sure she was in love with. She cried all over Gail and berated herself for pushing Eva when she hadn't known what she was dealing with. It had just felt so right that she hadn't questioned the feeling. She wanted to go to Eva, beg her forgiveness and speak to her, but Gail wouldn't allow her to contact her on Eva's strict instructions.

Given the circumstances, it was strange that Gail was the one person Eva chose to confide in. Eva's sense of shame went so deep that she felt she had to make amends to the person who had brought Chloe into her life -- that was the initial reason she contacted her. On a far deeper level, it was clear that Gail was Eva's connection to Chloe. She was deeply ashamed at having perverted her professional ethics, but Gail was surprisingly blasé about her professional indiscretion.

"Eva, trust me, if this was anyone other than Chloe, I might feel differently, but I know how single-minded she can be. Single-minded and pig-headed. I also know she likes you and has for a long time." Gail looked at her, searching her face. "You know you're going to have to speak to her sometime, right? She's hurting, Evie. I know that all of this happened for a reason and I can't help thinking that despite everything, I can't be sorry she found you out...you needed what she gave you, you know..."

Eva felt panic rising up in her. "What did she tell you? I mean, what did she say actually happened?"

Gail was confused. "Well, she said that she had given you a hug and just sensed your deep sadness, really connected with you in the moment and pushed you to let it go, which you did. Why? What are you talking about?"

Eva closed her eyes and leaned back in her chair, ashen-faced. "Gail...I really fucked things up."

Gail looked at her in shock. She had never heard Eva swear before. Chloe, well, she swore like a sailor, but she'd never heard that from Eva. "Well, yeah, but I think we've established that it was due to circumstances beyond your control and that this may ultimately be what you need. Wait, what are neither of you telling me?"

Eva sighed, opened her eyes and started talking. "I think Chloe has been protecting me. Ummm...look, I need to tell you something really, really difficult for me that I've never told another human being. Something that Chloe guessed and that's what shook me up so badly I had no defense against her."

"OK...?"

"When Chloe hugged me that day, I had a...uh...response to her..." Eva trailed off.

"A response?" stuttered Gail. "A...uh...response? What kind of response?"

"You're going to make me say it?"

"Jesus, Evie, I think I need to hear you say it to believe it!" Gail said, her eyes wide and disbelieving.

"Isn't this humiliating enough?" asked Eva softly, unable to meet her friends' incredulous stare. She sighed deeply. "All right, I give up. A few weeks ago I realized that the way Chloe affects me is because I have been attracted to her since the first time I laid eyes on her. I had pushed any such thoughts down so far and so long ago that I couldn't even admit it to myself, and when I did I had to re-evaluate everything knew about myself. I had been working with it in my own therapy and trying to come to terms with it and actually I was still maintaining the therapeutic relationship and trying to be responsible when she hugged me. Even then I kept it together, but she looked me in the eyes and I'm guessing she saw something there, because she...umm...kissed me."

"SHE DID WHAT??"

"She kissed me. And I tried to push her away after that, but she wouldn't be pushed. And then...well then she somehow looked into my soul and ripped out a secret I didn't even know I had and I just kind of completely unraveled." The last was said with closed eyes and a washed-out expression on her face. She was too scared and too tired to open her eyes, but felt the sofa shift underneath her as Gail sat next to her and took her hand.

"Oh honey, she's very, very perceptive..." Gail said. "She seems to understand things about people without them ever having to say anything."

Eva smiled at her wanly. "Seems like she sure got my number!" They sat in companionable silence for a while until Eva looked over at Gail from under her lashes. "Gail?"

"Yes, hun?"

"Gail, I've committed probably the worst indiscretion a therapist can make and you're sitting here saying nothing."

Gail sighed. "Evie, listen to me. You didn't sleep with her and you didn't take advantage of her. Chloe, despite what's happened to her, is not really someone other people can take advantage of. She understood exactly what she was doing, and believe me, she wanted it to happen so badly. I've had to listen to her prattling on about you for months!"

Eva looked shocked. "Why did you never say anything?"

Gail smirked. "Well, I just thought she should speak to you about it, but in retrospect perhaps I should have. I think I could have done it without groping you..."

Eva laughed.

Gail looked at her again, suddenly very serious. "I have just one question for you. Did you enjoy it?"

Eva turned nearly purple. "Jesus, Gail!"

"See, this is what I know. Chloe has fallen for you. She is my best friend in the world and I will do anything for her. Right now, the situation is killing her. She's done so well, but she's still very vulnerable, even though in some ways she's the toughest woman I know. Is there the remotest chance that you feel the same way?"

"OK. Honestly? It was the most intensely erotic experience I have had since Dave and I made love the first time. And I happen to think that Chloe is remarkable, luminous and the only word I keep coming back to it 'fetching.' Happy?"

Tall_poppy
Tall_poppy
166 Followers