Purple Glitter

"MOTHERFUCKER! Where the FUCK did that come from?"

She flipped on the light, and tossed her purse on the bed, dispersing a cloud of purple glitter into the air. She looked around the room. There was purple glitter everywhere—on the bed, on the floor, on the ceiling fan, even on the wooden crucifix hanging over the bed.

"HE FUCKED HER IN MY OWN MOTHERFUCKING BED?"

She grabbed her purse, and under it found a large, manila envelope with a smaller envelope attached to the front. She opened the small envelope, and began to read the letter that would change her life forever.

Dear Laura,

By the time you get this letter, I will be on a seven-day cruise to Bermuda. You were supposed to be here with me. I had arranged everything—the tickets, the hotel, your time off from work. It was all a big surprise. Joanie from next door did all the booking for us. I even packed some of your stuff for you. The stuff you wouldn't notice anyway.

And then I found out that you were having an affair.

It was the bartender at the Ramada that gave you away, you know. Joanie was getting suspicious of all these "meetings" Vince was having at the hotel, so she stopped in there one day to see how frequently the conference room was booked for the organizations he belongs to. She was awfully surprised to learn that there is no conference room at the Ramada Inn!

Joanie came to me for the first time at my cousin's wedding to ask my advice. She knew Vince was cheating on her. She just needed some evidence. Since she had seen credit card charges from the Ramada bar, I suggested that she talk to the bartender. He knew Vince quite well, and agreed to snap some pictures for her for a nice, little price the next time Vince was there for a drink with a woman. It didn't take long.

You can well imagine Joanie's surprise when it was YOUR face she saw in the photos from the bartender! She had known that Vince was cheating on her, but she never considered that he was sleeping with YOU. I, on the other hand, had no advance warning. I went from being happily married and about to go on a cruise to try to knock up my gorgeous wife, to being cheated on by the woman I thought loved me with my sleazy neighbor. I never even suspected anything was wrong!

Still, I wasn't sure until last night, when the bartender called Joanie again when she was at my office to meet with Paul Stone, her attorney from my firm. When I saw the pictures, I was still holding onto the hope that you had just had a couple of drinks with him. I guess I was just being stupid.

Did you even realize that your onyx necklace is missing? You know, the one I gave you as a wedding gift?

The housekeeper found the necklace buried in the sheets of room 207 in the hotel. She was wearing it in the bar after work, and the bartender recognized it from the pictures. He talked her into giving it up to him after he handed her a twenty dollar bill. She didn't even realize that it was covered in cum from the sheets. The results won't be back for a couple of weeks, but I think we all know whose cum that is on your necklace.

You have until I return next Friday to move out of my house. You should keep your car, and any of your own personal effects, but leave the rest. We'll sort it out later. Until then, I will be on the cruise. Joanie will be using your tickets. She used her travel agent connections to upgrade us to a two-bedroom suite, so we will each have our own space. I'm sure we'll have a lovely time. Hell, maybe we'll even meet replacements for you and for Vince. You never know, right?

In the large envelope you will find your copies of the photos (maybe you'll want to frame them for your new place!), a copy of the pre-nup you signed (just in case you lost yours), and what's left of the designer dress I bought for you to wear to our Captain's Table dinner on the ship. I'll be hanging onto the onyx necklace, for now anyway.

You almost caught me with the dress, you know. UPS delivered it the day of the wedding. I was trying to hide it in the closet while I was getting dressed, and you almost walked in on me, buck-naked and holding a purple-glitter dress. Maybe if you had, you'd be on the cruise with me now. Maybe even wearing the dress. I mean, I'm assuming that you would have taken a break from your affair with Vince if you knew you'd be missing out on a cruise and a designer dress, right?

Well, it's probably better that you didn't catch me hiding the dress after all. If you had, we could have brought a child into this world, right into the middle of our failing marriage. At least this way, you've only destroyed my life and Joanie's life, not our baby's as well.

I loved you, Laura. I don't know why you couldn't love me like I loved you. I wish it didn't have to be this way, but I can't live with the knowledge that you cheated on me. I can't even talk to you right now.

Be gone by Friday. I'll contact you at work to proceed with the divorce.

Danny

P. S. I left the vacuum cleaner out for you. Clean up the glitter before you go.