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"Eric! Bro! Din'choo see m' wav'in t' ya?"
"Uhm! Keisha! I..."
"Oh Eric!" Tears were dripping from her eyes. "Ah though' ah's neva'h gon' see m' honey 'gain."
Eric didn't know what to say, so he kissed her. He suddenly felt a million eyes on them as he stood there kissing this black girl wrapped around him.
"Uhm, what now?" he asked.
"Ah' lives jus' down the'h wit' m' two girlfriends." She pointed to some boarded up storefront down the street with tenements above it. "Tain't thah' fancy place we got's to at the end, but ah gots m' own room!"
"Good enough for me," he said as he carried her away.
- END -
- COMMENTS
Anonymousover 13 years agoYou've got some hot stories overall, but I'm curious and a bit disturbed by the language you have the black girl using.
"Ah though' ah's neva'h gon' see m' honey 'gain."
Really? This isn't the antebellum south dude. We can talk in complete sentences, even the ones from the hood. And from a writer's standpoint, good dialogue is hard enough to write, especially one you're not familiar with. No need to add the phonetic exaggerations.
Keep doing your thing, just please nix the racist caricatures.
-D
apup76almost 15 years agoI really enjoyed reading this story. It kept me wondering what was next all the way to the end. There is the OH GROSS !! factor but a man has to do what a man has to do.
FantasiaRealmsover 16 years agoIt was like Saw (I II & III) only w/ out the dark gore and omnipresent maniac...she was just in the background, but just as powerful & ingenious...as was this very creative, very original very amazing run of spacioal relation-based super hot and depraved story. I gave it a 100 and would have given it more, because it was a true 'page turner' and in fact, even the style chosen of third person with POV of both main characters throughout...not to mention the the brilliant way in which you added voyeurism to the completly intriguing mix, I loved this:)
Anonymousover 19 years agoThis was awesome and amazingly creative. You had me going all the way through. The puzzles were simply ingenious. Well done indeed!
