Questions of the Heart Ch. 02bywho_me2003©
Have you ever wondered, what it would feel like, to hold a total stranger, and want her with all of your soul? Can you live up to her expectations? Will you make her as happy, as your words have lead her to believe? Does the longing in your heart quit making it hard to breathe, or does it just continue, stronger than before? The big question still needs to be answered. Why would she ever consider allowing you any where close to her? Will she see, that you are there, because your heart won't allow you to be any where else? Is there reason to believe, that she feels the same way for you? Can an on-line friendship develop into a long lasting relationship? Does fate possibly work this way?
Is she as apprehensive as you are? Are those flutterings in her stomach from joy, or rejection? Has she spent time with you, because of pity, or just because she has some to spare? Has she finally realized, that she could do a hell of a lot better? How will you handle it, if she turns and walks away, disappointedly? Begging might help, but hopefully it will not come to that. If she sees you first, will she pretend not to? Does she know, that your being there, means you can't go back? Will this just deepen the pity she feels for you? You've heard her voice, and fantasize her turning to you in the morning, to say wake up, but was that ever in the cards? Would she expect a kiss, and if so, how passionate? Do the daily emails, and phone calls, make her think you are pathetic, or do they convey the hope, and desire, as they were meant to? Are you pushing too much, and risking pushing her out of your life? Is this how the miners felt, in Alaska, when their mail order brides would arrive? Sorry, had to throw that one in, for she will understand.
What is the proper approach, to meeting her? Should you ask her to meet your plane, or go straight to a hotel, and arrange a nice romantic dinner? Do you meet, for the first time, at a restaurant, the hotel lobby, or should you pick her up? Her children are her life. Should your first meeting also include them? Personally, I would hope so, because their lives could be effected. Okay, so the romantic dinner wouldn't work with that scenario. If you meet the children, what is the ratio of attention supposed to be? Where do you get the answers? Who makes the rules, and do they ever change?
Even though this is your first, in person, meeting/date how do you proceed? Are you allowed to touch her arm, when making a point? Is holding her hand, at the table, acceptable? Can you put your arm around her, while walking? Do you offer her wine with her meal, and let her see, that you have no clue, as to what wine goes with what food? Is getting lost, in her eyes a good thing, or will she think you are a simpleton? Will she want serious conversation, and if so can you meet the challenge? Does it finally sink in, that you have been serious, when telling her, that some times you just aren't able to verbally express yourself, as well as you would like to?
When dinner is over, what would be expected? A movie, a stroll around downtown, or God forbid, dancing? Do you make plans, or just play it by ear? Can you hold her tighter, without her thinking you're just trying to get into her pants? Would it really bother her, to know that the thought is in your mind?
Will the end of this date, be the end of your relationship with her, or have you already blown it, by showing up in the first place? Have the quiet moments, been because she has been trying to find a way to make her rejection a little less painful? Is it fair to hope, that you can see her again tomorrow, and every tomorrow, for the next 50 or 60 years? Has she even thought about spending the rest of your lives together? Does the possibility excite, and scare, her as much as it does you?
Will it be possible, to convince her, that you want her future life to be without the hurts, and worries of her past? Can she understand the love you feel for her, which started as friendship, will always remain, no matter what may occur between you? Does she believe, that you want her to be happy, even if it means only being friends? Is there a way, to let her know, that she has become one of your dearest friends, with out it sounding like a line?
Has your world just expanded, into the happily ever after of fairy tales, or will she bring it crashing down around your ears? The fairy tales never cover the essentials, of how to make happy be everlasting. Could you be all that she wants, for herself, and her children? Would they accept some one taking some of her time? Can you be an influence, in making them into the responsible adults, that they are to become?
Does any one have the answers, if so please share them?
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